Chapter 2 #2
“Lawyer or not, Richard is just plain slime of the earth. And, Caty?” Jesse waited until he knew he had her attention.
“I don’t really believe you love him either.
I haven’t seen you seriously happy since you agreed to marry this creep.
I think you just want to be in love because you think it’s supposed to happen now.
But love doesn’t happen on schedule. It sneaks up when you least expect it.
You can’t plug it into that little day planner of yours.
You can’t make it happen. You need to ask yourself some pretty serious questions about how you honest to God feel before that wedding next week. ”
“Okay, enough. Thanks for your honesty. I know you don’t understand my relationship with Richard.
I just ?’’ She paused and took a deep breath.
How could he understand? She wasn’t sure she understood why she’d agreed to marry Richard.
Or why she was still considering it. “So will you guys be finished up in time to get home by the end of the week?” He would know she was changing the subject, but she couldn’t bear anymore right now.
“Sure.” His deep sigh was clearly audible on her end. “You know we will, Cate. We won’t let you down. So, I guess that means you’re still going through with this?”
Still going through with it? That was the question she’d been asking herself for the last couple of hours.
After listening to Richard tell her how it was all her fault, how he forgave her, how he loved her, and how they needed to put this incident behind them, she had risen from his sofa without comment and crossed the office, dazedly stepping over the broken glass and the spilled basket that had been her carefully packed lunch.
Lemonade had squished into her sandals as she’d opened the door.
“Don’t forget the dinner tonight,” he’d said as he strode toward her.
“Remember there will be some very important people there, Caitlyn. Try to be ready when I come to pick you up. I don’t want to keep them waiting.
Oh, and why don’t you put your hair up tonight?
You look more polished that way.” He’d kissed her on the forehead and ushered her out the door, closing it behind her as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
Was she still going through with it? She’d been too numb to think, too shocked to fully accept what had happened. Even now she avoided the decision, rattling off the first thing that came to mind in response to her brother’s question.
“I finished my last prewedding detail today. I wandered into this little antiques shop in LoDo and found the perfect ‘something old’ to wear. I can’t wait to show it to you.
It’s this beautiful old necklace. It looks like an emerald, although I know it can’t be because I only paid ten dollars for it.
” Cate forced some lightness into her voice.
“Oh my gosh, it’s almost five thirty. I’ve got to get off the phone and start getting ready for tonight. ”
The senior partner of Richard’s firm was giving a dinner in honor of their upcoming wedding. If she were late, there would be such a scene.
“All right. But at least promise me you’ll think about what I said, okay? It’s not too late to change your mind. You don’t have to go through with this. I’m not hanging up until you promise.”
As if I’ll be able to think of anything else.
“Don’t worry about me, Jesse. And yes, before you get all upset, I promise to think about it. I love you. Give my love to Dad and the guys.”
“Love you, too, baby sister. You remember to think about what you really want. Just because Mom and Granny were both married at your age doesn’t mean you have to get married right now.
” Allowing no time for her to protest, he quickly continued.
“We should be on our way home in a couple of days. We’re just tying up loose ends here.
But when I get home, we’re going to continue this conversation, whether you want to or not.
” He hung up before she could argue the point.
She put down her tissues, deciding she didn’t have time to spend on tears, and shuffled off to the shower, deep in thought.
Why couldn’t she decide what to do?
On a daily basis Cate negotiated contracts, met with clients of her father’s company, and compiled sensitive background information for negotiations or hostage rescue.
She even handled the business side of Coryell Enterprises whenever government agencies contracted them for civilian covert operations.
How could she possibly be so weak willed and indecisive now?
“Because that’s business and this is personal.”
Cate stood wrapped in a towel in front of her bedroom mirror, examining her reflection. She’d spent thirty minutes in the shower, trying to decide what was wrong with her. If she hadn’t used all the hot water, she’d probably still be there.
“I’m not that bad. Maybe not model or movie star material, but not totally ugly. I’m smart. I’m good at my work. I’m not mean and I don’t smell bad.” Cate smiled ruefully at her image. “But I might be crazy, because I’m talking to myself again. Maybe this is what a nervous breakdown feels like.”
It was then the thought hit, stopping her in her tracks. Do I really, honestly love Richard enough to have a nervous breakdown over him? No.
Such a simple word. No. And yet for the first time, it allowed her to see her situation quite clearly.
No. She didn’t love Richard that much. In fact, right now, she didn’t even like him.
Maybe that was why it had always been so easy to tell him she wouldn’t sleep with him before they got married.
Jesse was right. Richard was slime. But she couldn’t lay all the blame at his doorstep.
She had chosen to ignore all the things that bothered her about him because she should be in love by now.
And Richard should have been the perfect one.
He was tall, strong, blond, intelligent, and very handsome.
He opened doors for her, held her hand, took her to the places she wanted to go.
He had been attentive and affectionate. More important, he instantly took command of every situation and people flocked around him.
He had power over any circumstances, always smooth and in control.
Not only was he everything she should want in a man, he was everything she wanted to be herself. And he had loved her.
No. He had used her. He had never loved her.
He loved being with her and meeting all the important people she took for granted because, thanks to her father’s company, they had always been part of her life.
All the powerful, famous people who could make things happen for an ambitious lawyer with political aspirations.
And everyone around her had seen it all along; watched as she let him make a fool out of her—no, as she’d made a fool out of herself.
Cate sat down on the end of the bed, her legs literally giving out under her.
Richard might have used her, but she had used him, too.
She had wanted to be in love, and when Richard came along she convinced herself that she was.
She hadn’t loved him any more than he had loved her.
What had she been thinking for the past year?
“You know, for an almost genius, Cate Coryell, you’re pretty stupid.” Just because you could make it through school a few years ahead of everyone else certainly didn’t mean you had learned anything about life.
She wouldn’t need to straighten her hair or put on makeup or get dressed. She wasn’t going out to dinner with Richard tonight.
And she wasn’t going to marry him.
She stood up and headed for the kitchen.
There was a bottle of some kind of alcohol she had never opened in the cupboard over the refrigerator.
Her brother Cody had given it to her on her twenty-first birthday, warning her to be careful with it, but, since she didn’t drink, it had languished with the cobwebs for the past three years.
Now she deserved a celebration. She was declaring her freedom.
“‘An dram buidheach,’ ” she quoted out loud, reading the back of the bottle. “‘The drink that satisfies.’ Exactly what I need. A little satisfaction. ‘Product of Scotland.’ ”
She had wanted to visit Scotland since her college Medieval History classes. Such a tragic, turbulent past, and yet so romantic. She had loved those classes, soaking up the history of the times, immersing herself in the lore.
Cate shook her head in disgust, remembering that she had even recommended Scotland for their honeymoon, but Richard was set on Belize, where the senior partner in his law firm liked to vacation.
Well, that isn’t a problem anymore.
After struggling to open the dusty bottle, she poured some of the amber liquid into one of her pretty wineglasses and headed back to the bedroom, taking the bottle with her.
“It’s time to straighten out a few things in here.”
She took a quick sip of the Drambuie and gasped for air, coughing. Cody had been right. She’d need to be careful with this stuff.
First she went to her closet and, climbing on an overturned wooden storage box, brought down an old dress box, tied with an emerald green ribbon.
Gently she laid the cardboard box on the bed and untied the ribbon, lifting out an antique ivory lace dress.
Her grandmother had worn this when she married her grandfather.
Her mother had worn it when she married.
To think, she’d almost given up the opportunity to wear it herself.
Never again. Never again would she sacrifice her dreams. Never again would she accept anything less than the real thing.
And if she ended up being one of those women for whom there was no true love?
Well, so be it. Being without a man would be better than being with the wrong one for the wrong reasons.