Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“Will you forgive me, Emily?”
Emily looked at Julia Birks sitting across from her in the yellow sitting room.
Her arrival had been an unwelcome jolt that morning.
Emily had stared at the calling card as if it were a forgery, her mind flashing back to the hollow seat at their wedding where Julia should have been.
The woman had been conspicuously absent during the most pivotal moments of their union, neither sending letters nor well-wishes while Emily struggled to navigate the labyrinth of her new life.
To see her now, sitting in the sun-drenched morning room with an expression of concern, felt like an intrusion upon a peace she had fought too hard to win.
“Forgive you for which part, Lady Birks?” Emily asked, standing by the window.
The sunlight felt too bright, too cheerful for the storm that had been brewing in her chest. She looked at Julia and felt a sudden, sharp clarity. It wasn't just the fact that she spread the rumors about her; it was the fundamental lack of respect.
"All of it," Julia said finally. "I am here for all of it."
"I have been telling myself I was fine," Emily said. "That it was resolved, and everything had worked itself out, and there was no need to carry any of it anymore." She looked at her. "Then you walked in, and I understood that I had simply been storing it somewhere I was not looking."
"The way you spoke to me," Emily said. "In the conservatory.
In front of my parents." She paused. "There was no need for it.
There was no need for any of it to happen the way it happened.
If you had questions about Frederick, my circumstances, or whether I was a suitable match for Theodore, you could have asked me.
Directly. Privately." She looked at her steadily.
"You did not have to make it a spectacle. "
"No," Julia said quietly. "I did not. I know... I know how I acted, Emily. I look back at those first few weeks, and I am ashamed. I told myself I was doing it for Theodore, that I was protecting him, but it was out of line. The way I spoke to you... It was unkind.”
“It was more than unkind,” Emily said, finally turning to face her.
“It was cruel. I didn't realize quite how much it had settled into my bones until I saw you walk through that door today. I keep thinking about those early days, and there was simply no need for any of it. You could have treated me like a human being instead of a problem to be managed.”
Julia winced, a genuine flicker of pain crossing her face. “I see it so clearly, it makes me sick.” She paused, her eyes searching Emily’s. “The list... the list was a terrible, desperate idea.”
Surprisingly, the tension in Emily’s shoulders suddenly broke. A soft, unexpected smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She walked across the room, and she sat down on the settee by Julia’s side.
"The list was not a terrible idea," she said. "If not for the list, I would never have found a reason to go to Faithcourt. I would never have met Theodore properly. I would never have had the last several months." She paused. "I would not have fallen in love with him."
She looked at Julia. "I am grateful for the list. I am simply not grateful for the way everything around it was handled.
You used Euphemia. You took a poor, naive girl and tried to corner Theodore into a scandal using her as bait.
It wasn't fair to her, Lady Birks. You took advantage of her innocence to play a game where she was the only one who stood to lose everything.”
A fresh wave of heat rose in Emily’s throat as she spoke.
She realized in that moment that her anger wasn't just for herself anymore; it was for the collateral damage Julia had left in her wake.
She thought of Euphemia's wide, frightened eyes and realized that the girl had been a pawn in a game she didn't even know she was playing.
“You need to apologize to her, too,” Emily added firmly. “Not just to me.”
Julia let out a weary, self-deprecating laugh. “At this rate, I suppose I must apologize to the whole of London. I approached this entire season with the wrong heart, Emily. I was so focused on the result that I didn't care who I stepped on to get there.”
She sighed and shook her head. “But I am willing. I will apologize,” she continued.
"Theodore is happy. He is married, he is in love, he has a family, and that is all I ever wanted for him, even if the path I chose to get there was wrong in almost every way.
" She folded her hands in her lap. "I have no other agenda.
No other list. No other plan. I will retreat quietly and let him be happy, and I will not interfere in another Season for as long as I live. "
"You do not need to retreat entirely," Emily said. “A lot of young ladies would need your help in the coming season. Euphemia included.”
Julia smiled as her shoulders began to drop. They sat like that for a moment, and Emily wondered if this was what it felt like when something that had been pulled tight for a very long time finally released.
The door to the morning room opened then, and Theodore stepped inside. He paused on the threshold, his gaze darting immediately to Emily. He had clearly been hovering nearby, like he had planned to intervene the moment he heard a raised voice.
He came in, crossed to her, and sat beside Emily. "Is everything all right in here?" he asked, searching her face. "I was not sure if you were comfortable hosting visitors so soon."
He reached out, his hand settling firmly on Emily’s waist, wordlessly offering his strength for her to lean on if she needed it. Emily felt the warmth of his palm through her silk dress and leaned into him, a small, reassuring smile gracing her lips.
"It is fine, Theo," she told him. "Lady Birks and I have settled our differences."
Julia let out a small, hesitant breath. "Well, almost settled. I suspect she has not quite accepted my apology yet, even if she is being gracious."
Emily shook her head, her smile widening. "I have accepted it, Lady Birks. I mean what I say. I would love for us to have a healthy, good relationship. We are family, after all, and there has been enough distance between us."
Theodore’s expression softened, his thumb brushing against Emily’s side in a rhythmic, private gesture.
"I would like that too," Julia beamed. “Thank you, Your Grace.”
"There is someone..." Emily continued. "...who has been asking about you." She stood. "Theodore mentioned you and Frederick have had questions ever since. Apparently, you feature in a story about a shipping merchant."
Julia looked at Theodore.
"Do not ask," Theodore said.
Emily rose to her feet. She walked across the plush carpet to the silk bellpull near the fireplace and gave it a firm tug.
When Peggy appeared, she said, "Would you bring Frederick down, please? Tell him there is someone he has been wanting to meet."
Emily walked back to the settee as Peggy curtsied and left, but instead of sitting beside Theodore, she let him pull her directly into the crook of his arm.
He adjusted his position instantly to accommodate her, his hand splaying possessively across her ribs while she rested her head against his shoulder.
“Since we are speaking of healthy relationships and fresh starts,” Julia began, her eyes brightening.
“Then we must consider your formal debut as the Duchess of Carrowell. A ball, Emily. A grand, unmistakable statement to the Ton that the house of Merrick is not only open, but flourishing. You will need guidance, of course. The guest list alone is a battlefield, and the floral arrangements for the rotunda require a very specific touch.”
"Absolutely not," Theodore said and shook his head.
Julia looked at him. “Your Grace —”
"You will not," he said, with a hint of pleasantness.
"…use the offer of assistance as a means of inserting yourself into my wife's affairs and rearranging them to your satisfaction.
Emily has managed this household, this estate, and this marriage with more competence than most duchesses twice her age, and she does not require reorganizing. "
"Theodore," Emily said.
"I am simply being clear," he said sweetly.
"You are being territorial," she said.
"I am being clear," he repeated and shrugged. "Also territorial. Both things are true."
Emily felt a flush of warmth at his defense, her heart fluttering at the sheer softness in his tone. She tilted her head back to look at him, her lips curving into a soft, playful smile.
“While I appreciate the vote of confidence, Theo,” she said gently, then turned to Julia.
"I would not mind some advice, Lady Birks," she said.
"Genuinely. I have been learning as I go, and there are gaps in my knowledge that I am aware of and would rather fill properly than stumble into publicly. I do like the idea of hosting a ball.”
“Then it is settled,” Julia declared, her eyes shining with the first flicker of genuine joy Emily had seen in them all morning.
“I shall place every resource, every contact, and every ounce of my experience at your disposal. We shall host a ball that will be spoken of for years, Emily. I promise you that.”
Theodore started to speak, letting out a witty retort about Julia’s intensity, but he was interrupted by the sound of small, quick footsteps in the hallway.
The door pushed open, and Frederick stepped inside, led by Peggy.
He looked small but sturdy, his dark hair neatly brushed, though his eyes still held a lingering touch of shyness as he surveyed the room.
"You must be Frederick," Emily said to him with an endearing smile.
"Yes," Frederick said.
"I am Lady Julia Birks," she said. "I am Theodore's godmother. I have known him since he was considerably smaller than he is now, which is difficult to imagine, I know, but I assure you it is true."
Watching them, Emily leaned back into Theodore’s chest, feeling the beating of his heart against her shoulder. A profound sense of peace settled over her, a realization that the jagged edges of their lives had finally smoothed into something whole.
Nothing could be more perfect than this. They were a family. She thought of the nights they had begun to spend together... the whispered conversations in the dark, and the way he held her as if she were his entire world. It was a physical and emotional intimacy that surprised her every single day.
She had walked into this marriage expecting a cold, sterile arrangement, a sacrifice for her family's name.
Instead, she had found a love that was fierce, protective, and overwhelmingly beautiful.
As she watched Julia and Frederick begin to talk about the wooden horse in his hand, Emily felt a swell of joy.
She had been searching for a way to give Frederick a home, only to realize that, with Theodore by her side, she had finally found one for herself.