Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Hood
Ipulled out of Fumi’s apartment complex and let out a long breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding. That shit wasn’t easy. Seeing Fumi climb out of another nigga’s car... with an overnight bag... that shit hurt.
The old me would’ve crashed the fuck out and lost my fucking mind in the process. I would’ve demanded answers. We would’ve been arguing. I probably would’ve said some shit I couldn’t take back. I’m cool on Fumi. I’mma let her breathe.
Today... I drove away. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I glanced in the rearview mirror one last time. Fumi was probably standing in her living room.
Watching.
A small smile nibbled at the corner of my mouth. “I know she’s watching me, huh?” I feel it. I turned onto the main road. My phone rang. It’s Cash.
“What up?”
“Where you at?”
“Leaving Fumi’s.”
“Damn, pussy whipped ass nigga...”
“I ain’t even got none.”
“How that go?”
I laughed. “Better than I expected.”
“Oh yeah?”
“She ain’t cuss me out.”
Cash started laughing. “Nigga... the bar’s low as hell.”
“It is, but shit... I’ll take it.”
“Nigga, you still chasing?”
“I ain’t stopped since I hit the pavement.”
“So, what’s next?”
I thought about it for a second. “Nothing.”
“Nigga, what do you mean, nothing?”
“I mean... I’mma let her miss me. I’ve applied enough pressure.”
Silence.
Then Cash laughed so hard that I had to pull the phone away from my ear. “You, leaving Fumi alone? Nigga, shut the fuck up.”
“I’m serious. I’ve been in her face since I got home, pressing. I showed up at her apartment. Her folks’ house. I got the date. We had a conversation. Now... It’s time for a nigga to fall back.”
Cash got quiet. “Damn... You are learning.”
“I got to. ‘Cause if I keep pressing... I’mma push her right into that nigga’s arms she thinks she likes.”
That sentence damn near choked me up when I said it out loud. Cash didn’t say anything for a second. Then... “You love Fumi’s ass for real.”
I smiled. “Always have.”
“Then quit chasing her ass. You’ve applied enough pressure. Give her something to miss, something she ain’t had in seven years.”
“What’s that?”
“Room to choose you.”
I frowned. “Damn... When the fuck did yo ass get smart? When my Nuri got tired of checking for my ass.”
We both laughed.
“Aiight... I’m headed to see my PO.”
“Bet. And Hood...”
“Yeah?”
“You did good today.”
I ended the call and sat in silence. Maybe Cash was right.
Maybe loving Fumi wasn’t about popping up on her ass every day.
Maybe... trusting the seeds I’d planted and everything I’d shown her this week was enough to make her think.
I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. For the first time since coming home...
I wasn’t making another plan to see Fumi. I was deciding to let her come to terms with the nigga I’d become.
Ipulled into the probation office about ten minutes early. Old habits. When somebody else controls your freedom... you don’t show up late. I shut off the engine, straightened my shirt, and headed inside.
The waiting room was quiet. A few people sat scattered throughout the lobby, avoiding eye contact. I checked in with the receptionist, then sat down.
Five minutes later... “Tyrin Holmes?”
I looked up. A woman in her early forties smiled at me. “I’m Ms. Rosalind. We spoke before your release.”
I nodded. “How are you doing?”
“I’m blessed.” She led me back to her office. “Take a seat.”
Her office wasn’t what I expected. A few family pictures—a plant in the corner. No bars, no gray walls. Just... normal shit. She opened my file.
“So... how’s your first week been?”
I smiled. “Interesting.”
She laughed. “I’ve heard that before. Are you staying with your sister?”
“Yeah.”
“Are there any issues?”
“Nah.”
“Are you working? Have you started looking for work?”
“Not yet.”
She looked up from the paperwork. “So, what are your plans?”
“I’m figuring that part out. I know what I don’t wanna do.”
“And what’s that?”
“Go back to the Feds.”
She nodded. “Good answer.” She flipped another page. “Let’s review your conditions.” I leaned back in my chair. “No curfew.”
I looked up. “Really?”
“You’ve maintained good behavior while incarcerated and are considered low risk.”
“I appreciate that.”
“You’ll report to me every Tuesday at ten. If anything changes, you’ll call. Understood. There will be a few random drug screenings. No firearms, and no leaving the state without permission. Finally, no contact with known felons unless approved.”
I nodded after each condition.
“Any questions?”
“Just one.”
She folded her hands. “Shoot.”
“If I decide to start a business or finance a home, does that affect anything?”
A smile spread across her face. “It affects me.”
“How?”
“It means you’re thinking about your future.” She reached into a drawer and handed me a business resource packet. “I keep these for times like this.”
I looked down at it. “Yo, you’re expecting me to succeed?”
“I expect you to decide. Success is up to you.”
I smiled. “I like that.”
She closed my file. “I read your release plan, and your mother wrote a heartfelt letter advocating for your release.”
“My sister, too.” I nodded.
“You have a strong support system.”
“I do.”
“Don’t waste it.”
“I won’t.”
She stood, signaling the meeting was over. “Tyrin.”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve been doing this for a long time. I can usually tell who’s just saying the right things... and who’s tired.” She looked me straight in the eyes. “I think you’re tired.”
I smiled. “Shit, I’m tired of prison. I’m tired of disappointing my people and of living the same story.”
She extended her hand. “Then don’t.”
I shook it. “I won’t.”
As I walked toward the parking lot, the sun hit my face. I had to thank God for no curfew and no ankle monitor. I can handle weekly check-ins and random drug tests. This is real freedom. Now it’s on me not to waste it.
The ride back to my momma’s house felt different. For the first time since I came home... I wasn’t trying to figure out how I was going to get in front of Fumi. Shit, I wasn’t plotting. I didn’t have to. I ain’t calling. I ain’t spinning the block. I’m just driving.
I pulled into the driveway and noticed Joog’s truck parked beside my Porsche. I grabbed my keys and headed inside. The smell of fried chicken hit me before I reached the kitchen.
“Umm, there he goes.”
Tieranee looked up from the table. “What took you so long?”
“I was handling some business.”
My momma glanced at me over her glasses. “I hope you’re leaving that girl alone?”
I laughed. “Yeah, I am.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You lying, Hood.”
“I ain’t, Ma. I’m listening this time.”
She studied my face for a second, then smiled. “I’ll be damned.”
Joog laughed. “The impossible finally happened, huh?”
“I know, right?”
Tieranee shook her head. “So... how’d it go?”
I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
“It went.”
“What does that mean?” Joog asked.
“It means... I saw Fumi. We talked, and I left.”
My momma nodded slowly. “Good.”
“I wanted to stay.”
“I know.”
“I wanted to ask her about the overnight bag. I wanted to know if she crossed that line with that nigga...”
I stopped myself because I could feel myself getting pissed off again.
My momma smiled. “But you didn’t.”
“I did, but she doesn’t owe me any explanation. That’s her business. I overstepped, but I wanted to know.”
The kitchen got quiet.
Joog looked over at me. “Damn, Hood, you really are changing. I’m proud of you, though.”
“Thanks, I made it. I spent six years believing prison was the hardest thing I’d ever do.” I laughed to myself. “Shit, it wasn’t.”
“What was?”
“Loving one woman... And waiting for her to believe I finally have my shit together.”
Nobody said anything. There wasn’t shit to say. My momma walked over and kissed me on the forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”
I looked down at the floor. “Ma, I ain’t done nothing yet.”
“You did.” She smiled. “You finally stopped trying to control the outcome.”
I leaned against the counter. “I don’t know if she’s ever coming back.”
My momma shrugged. “Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. But if she does... I want it to be because she chose you, not because you wore her ass down.”
I smiled. “Funny...”
“What?”
“I was just thinking the same thing.”
She patted my cheek. “Good. Now, keep your hardheaded ass away from that girl’s apartment and start working on yourself.”
Everybody at the table burst out laughing. I threw my hands up.
“Aye... I said I was trying.”
Joog pointed at me. “Aye, he said he was trying. He ain’t say he was gonna succeed.”
Even I couldn’t help but laugh. For the first time in a long time... Home didn’t feel like the place I’d been waiting to leave. It felt exactly where I needed to be.
I lay across the couch with my hands folded behind my head while everybody else laughed and carried on around me. Tieranee and Joog were arguing over a movie. My momma was in the kitchen fussing because someone kept opening the refrigerator.
Joog ignored Tieranee and kept playing with my niece; they were playing a game on the floor. Normally... I’d be right in the middle of it.
Tonight... my mind was somewhere else, across town, thinking about Fumi. I could still see her climbing out of Cohen’s Corvette, an overnight bag on her shoulder, smiling. That image kept replaying in my head no matter how hard I tried to shake it. I couldn’t.
“Damn.”
Joog looked over at me. “You say something?”
“Nah, I’m good, just thinking out loud.”
I wasn’t good, though not really. I thought our date last night had changed something. I knew it wouldn’t change everything, but just enough to crack the door open.
Fumi laughed, talked cash shit. She almost forgot she was supposed to be mad at me. At least I thought so. Then hours later, she spent the night with another nigga. Fumi didn’t give a fuck about hurting my feelings; she might think I don’t have any, but a nigga does.
Yeah, that’ll humble a nigga, Fast.
I rubbed my beard. Maybe I read too much into the date. Maybe Fumi was just being nice. Shit, maybe... I wasn’t as close as I thought. That thought sat heavy on my chest.
“Hood.” My momma called from the kitchen. “Are you listening?”
“Huh?”
“I said, come taste this macaroni.”
I laughed. “I’m coming.” I pushed myself off the couch and walked into the kitchen.
She handed me a spoon. I took one bite. “Ma, it needs a little more slap ya momma, butter, and cheese.”
She smiled. “I knew you weren’t listening.”
“I wasn’t.”
She leaned against the counter. “What’s really on your mind?”
I looked down at the spoon. “Nothing.”
“Hood.”
I sighed. “Ma, I saw Fumi today, again with that same nigga from the club. I can’t shake it.”
“I figured.” My momma nodded. “And?”
“I thought...” I stopped myself.
“You thought what?”
“I thought we made some progress; she could see that I changed.
She smiled softly. You did.”
I frowned. “Ma, it doesn’t feel like it.”
“It ain’t supposed to.” She took the spoon from my hand. “You know what progress looks like?”
“What?”
“Sometimes it looks slow, and sometimes it’s uncomfortable. And sometimes... it looks like you’re losing.”
I leaned back against the counter. “So, watching another nigga make her smile...”
“That’s progress?”
“Yeah, you didn’t lose your damn mind, but that’s part of the consequences.” Her words landed. “You spent years making decisions that pushed Fumi away. You don’t get to be upset because someone else showed up while you were gone.”
I closed my eyes. “I know. I hate knowing it.”
“I know you do.” She rubbed my shoulder. “But what did you say to me?”
I looked over at her. “I said that if I wanted another chance, I had to earn it.”
She nodded. “Exactly. Earning it means respecting that another man has the opportunity you gave away.”
I laughed without humor. “Damn, momma.”
“I know,” she smiled. “But let me ask you something.”
“I’m listening.”
“When you dropped off the car... Did you ask Fumi for anything?”
“A date.”
“When you saw that overnight bag... did you make a scene?”
“Almost.”
“When she called asking for help... Did you help her?”
“Yeah.”
“Without expecting something in return?”
“Yeah, I had to handle the car issue because Adrienne did that.”
She pointed at me. “That’s progress. Sometimes it ain’t about whether Fumi moved, because you stepped in and handled your business. Sometimes... It’s about whether you did.”
I stood there, thinking about that for a long moment. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was measuring the wrong thing. I kept looking for signs that Fumi was changing... When the real change... needed to start with me.