Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Isabella
7 YEARS AGO - SAME FAITHFUL DAY
I’m not fine. Miles away from fine, actually. What was I thinking, feeling all so overconfident about speaking with his mother? The same woman who, until today, has never shown much interest in me, and now I must figure out how to be and stay on her good side.
“So,” she begins as soon as she sits on the downy sofa facing the outside window, while I sit on the couch set in front of the television. Every time I come here, I succumb to the comfort of this couch. Despite angling my body away from her, it only adds to my stress, as she maintains a stern posture and a smile that seems both fatal and kind.
“Isn’t there something on the fire?” I interject before she goes any further. The smell of whatever she was cooking intensified the second I passed through that door, and it was heavenly.
“Oh, right! Thanks, dear.” She rushes up to go to the kitchen, leaving me alone.
Alone.
I turn on my phone with one name in mind. I need an out, and fast.
Me
Can you call me in five minutes? I need you to sound as if you need me urgently.
James
Why? Is something wrong?
Me
Please.
Right then, Mrs. McGreen pops out from the kitchen, this time without her apron on. Her heels rapidly thud as if in a rush, and my thumb unconsciously presses the button on the side of my phone, dimming it. Five minutes… that’s all I have to endure, hoping my friend actually calls me and does his job.
“So, how have you been? I haven’t been seeing you around lately,” she starts over again.
“I’ve been doing well. Thanks for asking. I’ve been a little busy working out with Travis’ friends and gaining some pretty muscles, so…” I rumble, flexing my arm. “If I keep it up for about a month, I might gain some abs,” I continue, caressing my stomach.
Someone pleaseee, shut me up.
From the moment she began talking, I lost all composure.
As I display parts of my body that no one should show their potential future mother-in-law, she stares at me. What else am I supposed to do with myself? I’m sitting here with my thighs glued together and with my back straight as a pole. I don’t know what she’s going to bring up, and I’m not sure I want to know.
“That’s great! Good luck with that, but I was aiming more towards you and my son.” She slightly lifts her head and eyebrows at me, a smile still illuminating her face.
I chuckle, nerves striking all over my body. “How are things going with Travis?” she continues.
There we go. The Travis talk. It was indeed strange to me she hadn’t pulled me aside to talk about her son the day I first met her, but now I can see she only needed me alone, without the slight backup of her partner, Travis, or her little one, Simon. Oh, how I adore Simon. He’s like a little brother to me, a brother I had wished for in one of my childhood dreams. He just happens to have a different mother and father, but he’s still my brother.
“We’re good, I believe,” I answer.
I truly do.
“That’s wonderful to hear. Have you two already said…” She hesitates to finish her sentence.
Aaahhh!!! I’m screaming in my head right now. I need to get out of this conversation so badly. And immediately. I fiddle with my phone, hoping it buzzes in the next few seconds, but nothing happens. The world is against me at this point. James is against me.
I lift my eyebrows at her, waiting for her to finish. “Those words.” She does just that.
“What words?”
“You know,”
I chortle as I turn my head from left to right, clearly lost. We’re so not in sync, and it doesn’t help that my mind is elsewhere.
“The four-letter words. The one that never fails to make a woman’s heart race for the other person. ‘I love you’, ” she blurts out.
“Ohhh…” Oh my God. “No, yes, no, yes,” I rumble.
“Is it a yes or no?”
“Yes! Yes, we have. And multiple times.” My heart stops beating. Well, not really, but it might as well have. “Not that you asked, but yes.”
I’d dated two guys so far in my short lifetime, and I’d never met their parents, duh. I would’ve never met Travis’ until way later, but he wanted me to so badly that I couldn’t say no. It’s impossible to say no to this boy, and it’s annoying because now I have to paint a pleasant picture of myself to his mother. That wasn’t on my calendar until in five to six years when I was old enough to act perfectly.
“Who said it first?” she continues to press the subject.
“Him.”
“Do you love him?”
The question comes right after the other, without pause. It’s as if she’s had them planned in her head prior to my arrival.
“Yes.” I stop at that.
“Why?”
Taken aback, I place my phone on the couch. Despite her unwavering gaze, she appears less tense than she was previously. “Excuse me?” I say.
“Why do you love him?”
“Um… Mrs. McGreen. I’m sorry, but what are all these questions for?”
“I see what you two have, and I know how much you mean to each other,” she says.
But…
I can smell the ‘but’ coming from here and it doesn’t smell good. The little confidence I have in me slowly vanishes as I stare at her, waiting for her to continue. I find myself waiting a lot lately. There’s more she’s holding in, and as much as I want to leave this place, I somehow still want to hear them.
“But I don’t think you’re right for each other.” She drops the bombshell.
I don’t think I heard that right, so I lean forward a little. “What?”
“Don’t get me wrong, you’re a lovely girl. You’re obviously pretty, charismatic, charming, and Travis’ happiness.”
“Right…” I strain.
I’m close to laughing out of disbelief at her face right now, but I control myself. There’s no way she’s saying all these good things about me right after what she just said. No way.
“I just don’t think you’re the one for him, in terms of…” She looks up at the ceiling as if searching for her words. “Long term. Yes, that’s the word. I don’t think you two have a solid future together.”
I listen, still stunned and basically out of my seat.
“Right now, what you have is cute and fun, but it can’t be love. Not at your age, at least. I want what’s best for Travis and for you, but this isn’t going to work, and you know it. Love to you both… is the time you spend with each other and doodling some romantic fantasy of what you believe is what you want, but that’s not real.”
Oh, hell no. This lady did not just dictate how I’m supposed to feel or what love means to me. So far, I was slowly trying to understand her standpoint because he’s her son. She has the right to think about him and what his future holds, but for her to paint a picture of my relationship with him, right in front of me… no.
“I don’t think I understand what you’re trying to say, Mrs. McGreen.”
She clears her throat and shifts back in her seat. Her right hand wraps around the back of the sofa, and her leg is on top of the under. Immediately, her expensive heels catch my eye again, and for a slight second, I envy her. I wash off such a feeling and look back up at her. I won’t envy this woman, or any other woman, for that matter. It’s an emotion I try to scrub away from me, and though sometimes I fall victim, I don’t for long. Because I know what I have is enough and if I were to crave what somebody else has, I’ll just have to work for it, not sit back and stare with yearning eyes.
Just then, my phone vibrates. It’s finally James.
“Do you have a plan?” she asks, shifting my attention from his caller ID to her. “Do you plan on staying home forever? Not going to school and just working out with boys?”
Oh, God. Not this again. I literally just escaped that conversation with my mother, and now I’m headed back there with somebody else’s mother. Why?
There’s a limit to my patience, and right about now, it’s running short. I understand from others’ point of view when they see me, a young girl straight out of high school, still home with no such thing as a purpose. But they should also understand that I, too, don’t want to live like this. It’s not my fault I’m lost in this world, and nor is it my fault the world demands a lot from me.
“I’m not judging you or anything, but I think you should start thinking about your future. I mean, look at you.” She stares up and down at me, and I do the same. “You’re with a guy who’s in college, clear of what he wants to do with his life, and then there’s you. How does that make you feel?”
I shut my eyes, breathing in and out as slowly as I can. The phone continues to buzz, and I leave it hanging. This is heading in a completely different direction than I had thought of, and it’s burning me to the core. Mrs. McGreen keeps her posture like a headmaster, all full of herself and standing in some power bath. She believes she has me washed down with. News flash… she hasn’t.
I sigh, pretty disappointed by the audacity of this woman. “I’m glad Travis has a door open for him and that he’s headed to a brilliant future, but Mrs. McGreen… Libby, I don’t think it’s right for you to compare my situation with his.” I keep my voice steady and quiet as I speak. If I must do this, I’ll do it respectfully.
There’s a fine line between defending myself and insulting her, and right now, I’m trying not to walk over that line. I respect her and thank her for the son she’s raised, but I’m not up for this level of condescending demeanor. Not today. I’m too tired for this, and quite frankly, I’m getting annoyed.
“It’s okay for me to be a little behind, and it’s even better for me to take my time and not rush into a hasty decision, so please tell me. What exactly are you implying here? Because it feels like you’re building to something, and I want to understand where this is going.”
The atmosphere is already suffocating and imprisoning, but then, the moment her lips begin to part, I feel a sudden chill all over my body.
“I’ll be straight with you, okay?” she says, and I nod. “Do you think you’re of any assistance to Travis whatsoever? Meaning, right now, if he was to say that he wanted to stop moving forward and sit back like you are, would you be able to bring him back on his feet?”
I smile. Not because an obvious answer follows her questions, but because I’m stunned she just asked a teenager a question most people in their twenties can’t even answer with certainty.
“What kind of question is that?” I chuckle. “I’m sorry but, this is quite weird.”
“I’m serious, Isabella. This is not a joke. I want what’s best for my son, and that includes questioning you.” She puts down her leg on the floor and directs her chest towards me. This is getting heavy.
“And I want the best for him, too.” I raise my voice a bit.
I seriously have to keep myself together. I can’t be losing my shit at her. Especially with Travis miles away, without a clue of what’s going on.
“I know, but I want the best for him,” she emphasizes.
That’s where it all becomes clear to me. I discreetly but visibly unlock my phone, and as the screen shines bright on my face, I listen to her. If Travis isn’t here to listen to this dumb-ass conversation, then I must record it. It’s a principle that I have.
I’m sure it won’t happen, but what if she was to tell him her version of the situation in case things were to escalate? Which it won’t, but I better be safe than sorry, I guess? The second something feels off with a moment or with someone. I always record it. It’s always one word against the other and has been like that for so long that this habit of mine has become natural to me.
I never get to use the recordings, though, which is a good thing, but then again, better safe than sorry.
“You mean work-wise?” I turn the screen off.
“I mean, I want the best woman by his side. I want him to have firm support around him in any type of situation. Someone who can bring him forward and lead a comfortable life.”
I’m close to calling her on this bullshit, but I keep it together. I must keep it together. This is giving, extreme, theatrical, basically fitting the Karen profile description. All I hear is I want this , I want that , and nothing about what he wants. But it’s a good thing we’re having this conversation. It means she’s thought of me by Travis’ side for a long time, and though she might be thinking I don’t fit the puzzle in that image, at least she’s thinking about it.
“And you don’t think I’m that person,” I interrupt her speech, and the smile I’ve been faking for a while quickly scatters.
Hers, on the other end, perfectly sits on her face.
Fuck this. “You want someone as eloquent and sophisticated as you. Well-mannered, educated, put together, and that’s not me, right?”
“That’s not what I said,”
“But that’s what you’re implying,” I interject. “You don’t think I’m good for your son, I know.”
“You are a kind girl, and I can tell he loves you for who you are, but—” she says. I roll my eyes to the back of my head, already annoyed by all the buts she’s been throwing around.
“But you don’t think I’m good for him,” I repeat, ignoring her words.
I know Travis loves me for me. He literally just texted me that he does a few minutes ago. I don’t need her telling me that only for her to turn around and imply I don’t deserve him. That’s one thing we’re not going to do in this living room.
“Isabella.”
“You don’t think I’m good enough.”
“Again. Not what I said.”
“You don’t have to say it, Mrs. McGreen. It’s pretty obvious, really. Have you never wondered why Travis spends more time at my house than I do here? You wanted to know why you haven’t been seeing me around, correct?”
She shakes her head, her pesky smile still illuminating her face.
“I tried to brush it off a few times, but I never felt safe in this house whenever I came over. I mean, it’s not as if you were unwelcoming or a bad person towards me. You always smiled, offered snacks, laughed at my jokes, excited about stupid things I say, but I still didn’t feel your presence.” I put the phone aside again, neglecting it, and lean forward. My hands link on my lap, and everything I’ve been keeping together rises to the tip of my tongue.
She sits in silence, looking at me, and I try not to shed a tear. It’s fucked up how sensitive I am in confrontations. I’m always confident in my head, but when things finally happen, I limp.
“What? I love you around here. That’s not the issue.” She expresses herself with her hands, roaming around the air.
I tilt my head to the side, analyzing her facial expression. It’s like watching an angel, but the moment her lips part, devilish words sprint out of them. What do they call that again? Oh, yes, an angel in disguise.
“So, what do you want me to do? Because the most important person in Travis’ life is you, and I love Travis with everything in me. So, what am I supposed to do?” I give up.
I’m not going to justify myself about a thought she’s already implanted in her head. I’m not going to convince someone that I’m worth the wait or effort. Seriously, I’m only nineteen in a casual and normal relationship with an awesome boy. I don’t have to be thinking about marriage, kids, grandkids, or death together. Baby steps exist, and this woman is skipping them to run a marathon.
“I’m not to blame that he chose me. That he cares for me or loves me. And even more, it’s not right for you to judge me when all I’m doing is living my life according to the way it has been planned out for me. You might be a renowned surgeon in the city, respected by your peers, and have a supportive partner, but that’s what was planned for you. I’m not you, Mrs. McGreen.”
“You’re misunderstanding my words, Isabella. It’s not that I think you’re not enough or that you should be like me. Of course not. You are enough.”
“Damn sure I am. I’m more than enough. And not only for your son but in life. My life.”
“And I agree, sweetie. It’s just that, right now, he’s the only one trying. Just like me and his late father, may he rest in peace, were, I want the same for him. A stable, peaceful, and loving life.”
Fuck a marathon. She’s competing for the Olympics.
“You do realize we’re still young, right?”
“Yes, and I know I’m way ahead of myself right now,” she says. That—we agree on. “But, the way I see things going between you two, I prefer he doesn’t waste his time before it’s too late to have that life.”
A life she wants him to have. Her true colors are being shown today, and they’re incredibly ugly to look at. I was aware Travis came from a wealthy family from London before moving here, but I didn’t know they were conservative about financial status that much. Now I know.
“I just want the best for him,” she repeats, this time with ease and a noteworthy eye contact.
“And I get that. I understand where you’re coming from, but this is…” I sigh. “Sorry, but this is crazy. You’re thinking too far, way too far, and it’s unhealthy. Not for me, but for Travis. He’s out there, worried about you because he didn’t hear from you for a day. One day, Mrs. McGreen. One. He sent me here to check up on you, and I gladly did so. Now, I have to… what?” I genuinely can’t comprehend what’s happening.
It’s impossible for all that was said to go through one ear and out the other. It’s stuck. I can’t pretend this never happened, not with how strong she’s stepping on the issue.
“I’m not saying you should break up or any of that. Of course not. I just want you to know where I stand in this relationship, and you have the right to know that before you get your hopes up.”
My eyes are wide open at her words. I put both my hands on my nose, covering my mouth as I look down. I’m done.
“I can’t listen to this any longer,” I say as I get up.
“Isabella, we’re not done here.” She does the same, her legs close together, and a frown on her face.
“You can’t be seriously thinking I’ll sit there and let you treat me like filth. I love your son, and if that isn’t enough for you, then so be it. But he’s enough for me. He’s my everything.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. He’s all you’ve got, and that’s a pressure I don’t want Travis to have on his shoulders. He doesn’t need a relationship where he’s the rock keeping you from flying away.”
“I’m trying to walk hand in hand with him! I’m trying!” I yell, my emotions taking over.
“Trying isn’t enough!” she screams out, and the place becomes dead silent.
The tears and pain I’ve been holding together for them not to show suddenly get loose. I lose control, and a tear drops on my cheek, rolling down to die on my lips. Pain doesn’t even cover what I’m feeling. It’s deep and personal, almost as if I’m being stabbed in the heart. If my mother was to say those words to me, it wouldn’t be any different.
It hurts, but at least it’s clear where I’m not supposed to be.