Chapter 15
HAYES
“Hey, you guys remember my teammate, Otis?” Phoenix stands next to me, cutting up strips of paper and handing them to Vaughan who writes everyone’s name on them before passing them off to me.
“Yeah. The funny one. He’s got one brown eye and one green eye, right?” Vaughan writes Cat’s name on a piece and pushes it towards me. I stare at it and get lost in a short daydream.
“That one, yeah. Well he was asking about New Year’s and I told him he was welcome to come hang with us. Is that cool?”
“Of course it is,” I tell him. “The more the merrier at the McCallan Ranch.”
I fold the small sheets of paper and pop them into a box decorated with Christmas wrapping paper.
I see Cat’s and palm it before sticking my hand in the box.
I pretend to drop it in, but really I tuck it safely under my sleeve.
There’s no way in hell I’d let anyone else pick her name.
She’s mine. Plus, I already got her gift.
“Awesome. Thanks. He’ll be happy to hear. Plus, he was asking about Viv’s cute single friend, Cat.” I freeze, my jaw clenching so hard it pops.
I see red and my nostrils flare. We need to put an end to this secret bullshit. I’m tired of always hearing one of the girls talking about a cute single guy they want to set her up with. If I have to hear about one more Steve or Tom who’s interested I’m going to punch a fucking hole in the wall.
“Oh really?” Vaughan ads, handing over the last name. “He gets a definite thumbs up. And as the ‘older brother’ my approval is the most important.”
“Why do you get a say?” My hackles are up and I grow more irritated hearing my brother talk about her.
“Because I have to look out for her. She’s my little sister-in-law and along with Dre, it’s our job to protect the girls from doucheholes. Otis falls into the thumbs up category.”
My vision burns and I have to bite my tongue to stop from blurting out that she’s off the market.
We’ve had a secret relationship for almost six months and I’m fucking tired of hiding.
I was okay at first because Vaughan and Cami just got married and we didn’t want to steal their thunder.
Then it was the baby announcements, so we waited until that settled.
But right after everyone had absorbed that, Nix and the Wranglers made the playoffs and won the World Series which was followed by his very public proposal to Viv.
After a few weeks, I breathed a sigh of relief that it was finally time only for things to blow up between Bishop and Nix and now here we are, half a goddamn year hiding my love for a woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. All because she’s been too afraid.
I rip the box from the counter and stomp off outside where the others sit around the fire pit, sipping on hot cider and hot chocolate and laughing.
We’ve decided on a secret Santa so we’re all gathered to draw names.
I’m so fucking sick of anything to do with secrets I almost rather just walk out and say screw it to the whole damn holiday.
I step into the circle and hand the box off to Cami then take my seat next to Cat, moving it slightly away from her. She eyes me with a furrowed brow but I don’t acknowledge it or her.
“Let’s start with Viv. Remember y’all. There is a strict limit on gifts, so no going over.” Cami points her finger at each person, but they only laugh knowing there’s no way that rule will stick. “If you pull your significant other’s name, you must draw again.”
She passes the box to Viv who reaches in with wide eyes and smiles until she unfolds the paper.
She frowns, folds it back up and throws it back in the box.
She dives back in, her fingers fishing in hopes of not drawing Nix again.
When her smile returns, she gives the box to the next person.
When it gets to me, I seriously contemplate just dropping Cat’s name in the box and picking a different name.
But the jealous part of me doesn’t want anyone to buy even a piece of candy for her. She’s mine.
I stick my hand in and manipulate the paper from my cuff.
When it’s tucked into my hand, I pull it out and pretend to read the name for the first time.
When I hold it out for Cat, I can’t even look at her.
I’m hurt and frustrated. I can sense her hesitation, waiting for me to look at her, but I refuse to break. I need a moment.
Names get drawn and we all break off in conversations, drinks and food plentiful so I drink my fare share and then some.
Many times Cat has tried speaking to me but I just ignore her.
I keep telling myself to lighten up because in reality, I can’t fault her because she’s gorgeous and men want her.
But I can fault her for keeping our relationship a secret which allows other men to think they have a chance with her.
If they knew she had a boyfriend this wouldn’t even be a problem.
I’m tossing back the dredges of another beer when I feel my arm being squeezed. My equilibrium is slightly off, so I stumble as I’m pulled away. It’s dark out now and I feel woozy, so it takes me a moment to decipher who it is that’s lugging me away.
“Cat?” My speech is slurred and I trip over…I don’t really know.
“Oh. So you do know who I am? I thought maybe you forgot because you’ve been ignoring me like I’m some stranger off the street. What the fuck, Hayes?”
She pushes me and I hit the wall behind me.
My head spins and everything seems to be moving in slow motion.
By the time my brain processes it all, I can see that we are standing in the mudroom off the side of the house.
A small nightlight shines from where it’s plugged into the wall, but the dim light doesn’t make my girl any less beautiful.
“What the fuck to you too, darlin’.”
Her face scrunches up with confusion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m talking about the fact that you’ve been ignoring me and being a straight up jerk all night.”
“Well at least I don’t have other girls wanting to hang out with me for New Year’s Eve.”
“What are you saying? Maybe you should stop drinking.” She reaches out for my bottle but I snatch it away.
“I’m saying that Phoenix said his teammate wants to hook up with you for New Year’s Eve and I can’t say one motherfucking thing about it because you’re still too embarrassed to tell people about us.”
“Hayes.” She steps towards me and lays her hand on my chest. I flinch and turn my head away because I can’t stand how beautiful she is. “We’ve already talked about this. Multiple times. I thought we agreed to wait until things had blown over with Nix and Bish.”
“No, you talked about it and I just went along because I’ll do anything to keep you.
But Cat…I’m dying. Watching everyone getting to hug and kiss one another while I can only watch from afar is killing me.
I want to hold your hand and pull you into my lap as we snuggle by the fire. But you won’t let me.”
She touches my face, nudging me to look at her. “What do you want from me, Hayes? I’ve already told you my reasons for waiting and we’re literally days away from Bishop and Nix making amends. I can tell.”
“So what’s the big deal if we tell them about us now or in a few days? It seems like you’re holding back for some other reason. Do you have another guy in the wings?”
“No. Of course not. That’s silly,” she scoffs.
“Then what! Fuck. This is bullshit. And I’m not gonna wait around for you to decide when to have pity on me. I’m not some dumb kid, Cat. I’m a man who’s madly in love with a woman and I want everyone to know. Can’t you understand that?”
I turn to walk away but she wraps herself around me.
“I do understand because I’m madly in love with you.
And I want to share that fact with all of our friends and family.
I’ll rent a hot air balloon and fly a banner over the ranch telling everyone how crazy, obsessed in love with you I am.
But can it just wait until Bishop can be there, too? That’s all I ask.”
“And all I ask is that you make me a priority over everyone else.” I shrug her off of me and she falls silent.
It’s sad but I’m getting used to this from her. And I don’t know why I continue to allow myself to be treated like this. Whatever her hang up is needs to be figured out, but she’ll have to do it without me.
“I need to go.”
“I’ll leave, too. Give me a few minutes and I’ll be right behind you.” She reaches for the door leading back out to the side of the house but I stop her.
“Leave if you want, but I’m going home and I don’t want you there.” She drops her hand and takes a small step back. “I think maybe it’s best if we take a break until you figure out what you really want.”
“I do know. It’s you. I want you.”
“Well when you’re finally ready to let others know, you’ll know where to find me.” I push past her and out the door.
I don’t bother saying goodbye to anyone or even look back. I dig my keys from my pocket, jump inside my truck and haul ass away from Cat and the mess she’s made.