Five #2
The ashamed part of me reared her head again because I didn’t want Thea’s pity. I opened my mouth to tell her that, but the genuine concern on her face made me pause. “It is difficult,” I said instead. “Especially when your personal life is in the public eye.”
“Well, I hope that being away from the capital will help.” She smiled at me.
“Me too.” I smiled back, feeling like it was already helping, making it easier to breathe.
We had just finished our drinks when Killian returned to collect us for the ride home.
It started raining again as we traveled back to Bradford Manor.
My anxiety rose the closer we got to the estate.
Soon I would have to face Gray again. Even though I had only met him yesterday, his disappointment in me this morning had stung.
“You’re brooding. Why are you brooding?” Thea asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. “And don’t tell me you’re not. I know the brooding look well. Tom wears it all the time.”
I chuckled at her comment before my smile fell again.
“What does your magic feel like to you?” I asked, studying her features.
“What?” She scrunched up her face.
“Gray asked me that this morning.”
“Oh, well, to me it feels like there is a spark inside me,” she said quickly and excitedly, and I was instantly jealous that she so readily knew the answer. “I can always feel my magic humming just below the surface of my skin, and it burns brighter when I feed it into the world around me.”
I could tell she wanted to talk more about it, but I couldn’t feign interest as my shoulders slumped, and my chest became tight with disappointment in myself.
What is wrong with me? I wondered silently, worrying the skirt of my dress.
“Hey,” Thea said softly as she reached out and squeezed my hand. “You will get there.”
I hoped she was right.
Gray and Tom were not at the manor when we returned.
After I had hung up my newly purchased dresses in the wardrobe and recounted the events of the day in my journal, I still had time before dinner, so I headed to the library.
The cozy room was toasty when I walked in, heated by the flames dancing in the fireplace.
The rain outside had intensified, and its hushed whisper filled the quiet space, joining the sound of the crackling fire.
After settling into the oversized sofa, I closed my eyes and tried to coax out my magic.
What does my magic feel like? I repeated in my head over and over.
Silence reigned around me as I waited for an answer.
It never came. Several unsuccessful attempts later, I blew out a breath of frustration and opened my eyes.
My gaze landed on the easel by the window, and I decided to put it to use.
At least that skill I was confident in. I hoped that applying it now would help me to feel less like a failure and bring a certain sense of peace.
Rising from the sofa, I walked to the cabinet closest to the easel and rummaged through it until I found canvases of different shapes and sizes, as well as paints and brushes that looked like they were often put to use.
Did Gray paint? I doubted that Thea could sit still long enough for the task, and I couldn’t imagine Tom creating something beautiful.
Selecting a medium-sized rectangular canvas, I set it on the easel and chose my colors, drawn to muted, pastel hues on this rainy afternoon.
I mixed the colors and let my inner creativity take over.
It guided my brushstrokes as an idea took shape in my head.
I worked for a while until the setting sun bathed the library in shades of orange and red.
When the painting was finished, I took a moment to study it.
I had painted a water well in the middle of a meadow.
It looked very realistic, as if I had seen it before.
I racked my brain for a memory of it, but when the search rendered no results, another thought occurred to me.
I latched on to it, feeling as if I was onto something big.
I set the brush down and closed my eyes, exhaling as I looked within.
What does my magic feel like? The answer was right in front of me; I could feel it.
All I had to do was reach for it, but before I could, heavy footsteps approaching the library interrupted my concentration.
Opening my eyes, I peered from behind the canvas as Gray walked in.
“Your Highness?” he asked, his brows raised.
“Emelin,” I corrected him with a small smile.
“Emelin.” He came to stand opposite me on the other side of the easel. “Do you paint?”
“I do. I hope you don’t mind my presumption in using your supplies.”
“Not at all. May I?” he asked with a curious look on his face.
I inclined my head and stepped away from the canvas. Gray came around the easel to stand beside me, and even though I was confident in my artistic abilities, I felt a bit nervous as he studied the painting.
“You’re a talented artist,” he said after a few seconds.
He sounded impressed, making me blush. “Thank you. Do you paint?”
“I do, though I haven’t in a while.” His face took on a wistful expression.
“I suppose your new title doesn’t leave you much time to engage in things you enjoy.”
“It doesn’t, but I’m happy to spend my time serving the people of Zalie.”
My heart swelled in my chest at his words. “Thea told me you made sure to travel through and address the cold snap with the locals.”
“I did. I also helped with their crops as much as I could.”
“Hopefully soon I will be able to do the same.”
Gray frowned. “Your Highness—” He caught himself with a small shake of his head before I could correct him again. “Emelin.” He turned to meet my gaze. “About this morning… Thea told me you were upset.”
“I was. But if I’m being truthful, I’m more upset with myself for not attempting to harness my magic sooner.” My cheeks heated at my admission. I wanted to take responsibility, but it was not an enjoyable experience owning up to my mistakes.
A brief look of approval flashed on the lord’s face before he schooled his features.
“Still, I could have handled it better. I’ve never trained anyone to use their magic before.
I know you had your reasons for staying to train here instead of with Lady May, but, frankly, I think you’ve made a mistake. ”
My eyes burned as tears threatened. “No,” I said as calmly as I could. “I made a mistake when I neglected my powers. This is my attempt to rectify that. I know this is going to sound strange, but I have this feeling that I need to stay in Zalie.”
“You have a feeling? Were feelings not what got you in this predicament in the first place?” I would have lashed out, but his tone was empathic when he asked the question.
“Adrian—” I used his first name, trying to establish a level of familiarity between us.
“Gray,” he interjected firmly. “Everyone calls me Gray.”
“Gray.” I swallowed. “I could say you have no choice but to follow your king’s orders.” The lord visibly tensed, his silver eyes blazing. “But I am not going to say that,” I added quickly. “Instead, I’m going to ask you to give me a chance. Please.”
His eyes instantly cooled as his taut features relaxed at my humble request. He held my gaze as I waited for him to make a decision.
I wasn’t sure what I would do if he refused to train me.
I could order him to do it, but then he would resent me, and my entire stay would be a miserable experience.
No, I wanted for us to have a partnership.
Only then could my training be successful.
“I take it you will not be swayed?” Gray finally broke the silence between us.
“No. I will not waver in my decision. Learning my magic is of great importance to me.”
“It wasn’t before.”
“It is now.”
“What changed?”
Taken aback by his question, I stared at him for a moment until I found the right words. “You said it yourself that I should have started helping with agriculture long before now. I want to do my part. It’s my duty.”
Something flickered across Gray’s face, but it was too fast for me to decipher. “Duty is something I do not take lightly,” he said in a strained voice.
“Then help me to fulfill mine.”
After another beat of hesitation, he conceded with a heavy sigh. “I will try. Though I can’t help much until you awaken your powers.”
“Thank you.” I dared a small smile.
One side of Gray’s mouth turned up in response before he assumed a serious expression. “Figure out what your magic feels like.” With those parting words, he turned and strolled out of the library.
A sigh of relief left me as soon as he walked out. We had put the incident from this morning behind us and reached a mutual understanding. My smile grew as a spark of hope flared in my chest.
I am not a lost cause, I thought, feeling optimistic about harnessing my powers.