Eight
“I must be missing something.” I cracked open one eye and peeked at Gray.
He looked up from the book he was reading. “Whatever it is, only you can find it.”
I opened both eyes and rolled them. “You are my mentor. Isn’t there anything more you can do to help me?”
Gray closed his book, placing his thumb in between the pages not to lose his place.
“I explained to you how our abilities work and shared best practices that helped me and others to unlock them. Once you are able to bring your magic forth, I will help you shape it with intent, but until then, I’m afraid there is nothing else I can do. ”
I opened my mouth to counter, but lacking a valid argument, I closed it and focused on the bundle in my arms. Quilliam was doing much better a week after we had found him.
Gray had bought a cage for him in Arwyn, and we had made a designated spot for it in the library since I spent most of my time there.
Though I was his primary caretaker, it had taken the hedgehog all that time to get used to me.
He had finally started showing signs of affection.
“It’s past your bedtime, little one,” I crooned, tickling his soft pink belly. As if he could understand me, Quilliam buried deeper in the blanket he was wrapped in and dozed off.
“He’s recovering well,” Gray said with a small smile. “We should be able to release him back into the wild soon.”
I frowned at his words. “Wouldn’t he end up nearly frozen to death again?”
Emeraldians believed that all animals belonged in nature instead of being domesticated. My little pet companion couldn’t stay with me forever, but I worried about returning him to the wild, given the worsening weather.
“We will keep an eye on him for the first few weeks,” Gray said.
“We’ll make sure he has food and shelter until he finds a new home.
He’s from these gardens, so he won’t be going far, but the longer he stays with us, the more difficult it will be for him to acclimate back.
Hopefully he’ll find a nest and hibernate until the weather improves. ”
My stomach twisted at his words. The weather might never improve—
No. It will improve. It has to.
“Are you all right?” Gray asked in a gentle tone.
I lifted my eyes from the sleeping hedgehog and met his empathetic gaze.
“I…” I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell someone the truth, burdened by being the only one in the know.
My parents and my brother knew, of course, but they weren’t here.
There was no one at Bradford Manor who understood the gravity of my situation.
No one understood why my training was so important to me, and why seeing an animal in pain had affected me on a deeper level.
But there could be. And it could be the young lord sitting before me.
The one whom I had only started to get to know, but who, at times, affected me on a deeper level as well.
A certain understanding existed between us, as if we had known each other longer than we had.
The strange dreams I kept having about him also contributed to that feeling.
“I need to tell you something.” But before I could, the patio door opened, and Thea stepped out.
“Good morning!” she said as Gray and I stared at each other. The lord was waiting for me to continue, but I couldn’t. Even though I wanted to reveal the truth to him, I couldn’t do it in front of Thea. “Um, Gray?” Her voice came again.
He tore his gaze away from me and turned to her. “Good morning.”
When I faced Thea, she looked concerned. “We received word from one of the farmers. His crops are dying. He asked for your aid in keeping them alive.”
The churning sensation in my stomach that had settled there earlier intensified. My hold on the bundle in my arms tightened.
“Who is it?” Gray asked, rising to his feet.
“Bellamy Jones.”
“Ask Killian to prepare the carriage.”
With a nod, Thea turned back toward the house.
The lord stepped after her but halted. He looked at me as if contemplating something.
“You should accompany me,” he finally said.
I stared at him with apprehension. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I felt uneasy about going to see the dying crops as I wasn’t sure that my heart could handle it.
“You asked for my help. This is an opportunity for me to demonstrate how our magic works.”
“I’ve seen you use your magic before when you healed plants and Quilliam.”
“This will be on a much larger scale.”
Seconds ticked by as I fought an internal battle. I knew I was being childish, but I felt rooted in place.
The lord’s gaze softened as it flicked over my features. Understanding shone in his eyes as he stepped closer to me and offered his hand. “They are your people, Emelin. This will be good for you.”
A few minutes ago, I had asked for his help, and now he was offering it to me. I needed to set aside my reservations and go with him to visit the farmer. With a soft sigh, I conceded and took his hand. He helped me up, and as soon as I was on my feet, he let go, briefly flexing his fingers.
“I need to take Quilliam to the library. I can also return your book,” I offered.
“Thank you.” Gray handed me the book he had been reading. “Meet me in the foyer after you’re done.”
We walked inside the house and went our separate ways as I headed to the library while he set toward his study.
Once I had reached my destination, I deposited Gray’s book on the coffee table and put Quilliam still wrapped in the blanket, in his cage.
As I left the library and headed toward the foyer, a thought occurred to me that Tom would probably be coming with us.
I grimaced and sighed internally, mentally preparing myself for an uncomfortable carriage ride.
When I reached the foyer, Gray was waiting for me, alone. Garbed in his black cloak, he had my cream-colored cloak in his hands.
“We will be in an open field. You should dress warmly,” he explained, holding up the garment.
“Is no one else coming with us?” I moved my unbound hair out of the way as he draped the cloak over my shoulders.
While I fastened the decorative clasps on the front, Gray said, “No. Thea has things to do on the estate, and I asked Tom to stay behind. I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“Thank you for that.” I gave a wry smile.
“Shall we?” He gestured toward the front door. “Killian is waiting by the carriage.”
After we had boarded the coach, Gray looked at me expectantly from his seat across from me. He clearly wanted to continue our conversation from earlier, but I suddenly felt unsure about sharing the truth with him.
“I hope the rain holds off until we’re done helping the farmer,” I attempted small talk.
He glanced out the window at the gray sky outside before refocusing on me. “I hope so, too. We wouldn’t want to be caught in a downpour in the middle of the field.”
Quiet invaded the space between us as the carriage began moving, the only sound coming from the wheels rolling over the ground.
“You were going to tell me something before we got interrupted,” Gray prompted after a few minutes.
I swallowed, unsure of how to respond. We were on our way to help a farmer with his crops, which were dying because of the weather.
The weather that was far worse than what my father and I had led Gray to believe.
How would the lord react upon learning the truth?
I hoped for understanding and compassion, but what if he offered outrage and loathing?
Worse yet, he could tell others the truth about the state of the kingdom, undermining my father and starting a panic.
I couldn’t tell him. It was important to keep the information contained.
“I changed my mind,” I said simply.
Gray blinked, clearly puzzled by my answer. “All right. Well, if you change your mind again, you can confide in me.”
I hardly knew the lord, but for some reason, his words rang true.
“In your high-profile position…how do you know who to trust?” I asked him. I had never sought that kind of guidance from my father because until now, I’d never had anything to hide.
He chuckled. “I’m afraid I’m not the best person to answer that question, considering my circle of trust includes only three individuals.”
“Tom, Thea, and Killian,” I surmised, and he nodded.
Not being included on the list didn’t offend me, but it did remind me that the lord and I were new acquaintances.
I shouldn’t rush to place my trust in him.
With that decision made, I relaxed into the seat, the tension that had gathered in my limbs leaving my body.
“I know you’re new to the role, but do you enjoy being a lord?
” I asked Gray, eager to learn more about him.
“I do,” he replied. “Though the position does not come without its challenges.”
“You’re very proficient at it from what I have observed.” I paid him a compliment.
“Thank you.” He gave a small smile. “Honestly, people just want to know that you care. You coming with me today will show them that you do. And the fact that you have finally decided to train is a testament to it as well.”
I tried not to wince at the word “finally” as I looked out the carriage window.
“I know I should have begun my training long ago,” I admitted, lost in thought. “The truth is—” I swallowed before I forged on, “—when I wasn’t able to unlock my magic at eighteen, it was easier to lose myself in something else.” Someone else. “Instead of rising to the challenge.”
“But now your engagement is off,” Gray said carefully, reading between the lines.
My mind flashed back to the moment in the past that would forever be seared in my mind, and I took a breath to fend off sudden tears. I could feel Gray’s gaze on me, but I refused to meet it, my eyes glued to the scenery outside.
“The past is in the past, you have said so yourself,” he continued. “You’re rising to the challenge now.”
I was rising to the challenge. I just hoped it wasn’t too late.