Twenty
Unease stirred in the pit of my stomach when the carriage pulled up in front of Bradford Manor. Two weeks had passed since I had offered my heart to Adrian at the Solstice Ball, and he had shut me down. I had been prepared to fly with him, but he had clipped my wings.
No matter. I took a steadying breath. I had returned in Zalie to help reinforce the wards, not to rekindle something that might have been nothing to begin with.
I had thought back to the night of the ball countless times over the past two weeks.
The way Adrian had acted had left me confused and heartbroken.
Had I imagined the stolen glances and longing stares?
I hadn’t imagined the kiss, which had been both passionate and tender, overwhelming and sweet.
Would Adrian have kissed me like that if he didn’t have feelings for me?
I’m not here to find out. I reminded myself with a slight shake of my head.
“Are you ready?” my father asked from his seat across from me and Sebastian.
“Yes.” I peered at the manor from the carriage window.
“We got here later than I expected, so we will spend the night and visit the border in the morning,” the king said.
My heart gave a little jolt at his words. I had figured that we would have to wait until the morning to reinforce the wards, but a nervous feeling invaded my senses when I thought about spending the night at the manor with Adrian in such close proximity.
“Are you all right?” Sebastian asked me, briefly pressing my hand. I had told him about what had happened at the ball. How I had been ready to fall, only to find that Adrian hadn’t been ready to catch me.
“Don’t give up on him yet,” my brother had said to me back then.
“He’s the one who gave up on me,” I had told him before giving in to tears.
“Yes, I’m all right,” I assured him now, refusing to let my feelings rise to the surface.
When it was time, I would let my magic rise and spill into the air around me, never my turbulent emotions.
I had practiced without ceasing over the past two weeks, and my powers had grown stronger.
If they were strong enough to reinforce the wards remained to be seen.
Still, when my father had told me that he and Sebastian were traveling back to Zalie, I had asked to tag along, despite Lady May’s insistence that I wasn’t ready.
My legs were weak as I climbed out of the carriage and traipsed over to the front door of the manor.
Heat blasted my cheeks as my mind flashed back to the night of the ball yet again.
How would Adrian react when he saw me? Would I see cold indifference in his silver gaze?
Or irritation that I was back even after he had made it clear that he didn’t want me?
When the door opened, Killian stood on the other side, greeting us with a warm smile.
Thea joined him a moment later, pulling me into a tight embrace.
As she let go, the study door opened, and Adrian and Tom stepped out.
The lord’s gaze immediately fastened on me, but it didn’t hold the coldness I had been prepared to find.
Vulnerability and longing filled it instead.
My breath caught as all my clashing emotions came rushing back as if it were only yesterday when we had kissed.
My mind conjured the dreams I’d been having about him, where he looked like himself but also different.
At times, he kissed me in those dreams, but the kiss felt different from the one I remembered.
Unless I had been forgetting how his lips felt on mine.
Stop thinking about that. I shook my head to clear my thoughts.
“Emelin,” Adrian said before even greeting my father. When he approached me, his hand lifted as if he wanted to reach for me.
“Lord Gray,” I replied in a cold tone. What I had seen in his gaze had surprised me, but not enough to forget where we stood.
Adrian’s eyes shuttered as he lowered his hand.
“Your Highness,” he said low as he bowed.
After I had given a curt nod, he turned to my father and bowed before him.
“Sebastian has grown powerful enough to fortify the wards,” the king said to him. “Seeing how our travel here took longer than expected because some of the roads were snowed in, we will spend the night at the manor and visit the border first thing in the morning.”
“Of course, Your Majesty. As you wish,” the lord replied, inclining his head.
“I will help Killian prepare the guest rooms,” Thea announced before turning to me. “Emelin, you can stay in your old bedroom. We haven’t changed anything in it since you left.”
My gaze darted to Adrian at her words. I didn’t leave, I wanted to say. I was left behind.
“Please, Your Majesty, relax after your long journey. I will let everyone know when the rooms are ready,” she said, looking back at my father.
“Thank you,” he replied. “Join me for a drink, Lord Gray. I want to hear how everyone in the region has been coping with the wintry weather.”
“Of course, Your Majesty.”
As the king, Adrian, and Tom strolled in the direction of the parlor, I lingered in the foyer.
“Are you coming?” Sebastian asked me as he turned to follow after the other men.
“No, I want to freshen up after the ride,” I told him, not ready to be in the same room as Adrian.
The lord cast a glance at me over his shoulder as if he knew what I was thinking before he disappeared into the parlor with Tom and my father.
Sebastian nodded at me before he, too, walked off.
While Thea and Killian headed upstairs with our bags, I went to the half bath, where I splashed some water on my face in front of the bathroom mirror.
“You can do this,” I said to my reflection. “It’s only one night.”
In only a few hours, I would discover if I was powerful enough to strengthen the wards and help protect my kingdom.
Only a few hours…with Adrian in the same house.
So close, yet out of my reach. With a rough exhale, I turned the water off and headed to the one place that could still bring me peace during these tumultuous times.
The library was warm and bathed in the soft glow of the fireplace when I walked in.
As my gaze swept over the familiar room, images of Adrian and me floated up in my mind.
Of us sitting on the sofa together, reading in comfortable silence.
Of me painting by the window while Adrian told me about his day, his back propped against the bookshelf.
The memories evoked a feeling of regret.
It was both regret about how naive I had been back then, hoping for something more, and regret about what could have been if the lord hadn’t pushed me away.
But he had pushed me away. Reminiscing about our times together was pointless.
I shook my head to disperse the phantom images of us and headed for the bookshelf to find something to read to take my mind off the painful tightness in my chest. As my gaze glided over the romance titles, I rolled my eyes, not in the mood to read any of them since I didn’t believe in the happily-ever-after at the moment.
“I was hoping to find you in here,” Adrian’s voice drifted from behind me. “It appears some things never change.”
I glanced over my shoulder at him standing in the entrance to the library. He looked confident and poised, and I had to fight the urge to shake him to rattle the stoic facade.
“So it would seem,” I said quickly before facing the bookshelf again.
“How have you been?” I heard him come closer.
“Well. I have been training with Lady May, growing stronger in my magic.”
“Is that why you came back? Are you going to help reinforce the wards tomorrow?” He stopped before the bookshelf.
“Yes. Why else would I return here?” I turned to face him.
“I was hoping you had another reason for coming back.” He met my gaze. “That maybe you wanted to see me.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “See you? Why would I want to see you?”
“Emelin,” he rasped, his features contorting as if he were in pain.
“You told me that nothing would ever change the way you look at me, but then you pushed me away.” The words spilled. I’d had this conversation with him many times in my head during the past two weeks.
“A decision I have regretted every single day since then,” he said vehemently, stepping closer to me.
“What?” I whispered as I took a step back, utterly shocked by his admission.
“I was a fool.” He shook his head as if in disappointment in himself.
His words rendered me speechless as my gaze searched his face.
He let me take it all in, not trying to hide anything, and my heart skipped over itself at what I gleaned from his features.
He laid it all bare: his hopes and his fears, the regret he had mentioned about pushing me away, and above all else, the deep longing I had glimpsed earlier.
His willingness to be this open with me, this vulnerable, brought tears to my eyes.
The walls around my heart trembled, but his confession wasn’t enough to bring them down.
“Why did you push me away?” I had to know.
Shadows crept into Adrian’s eyes. “Emelin, I…”
“Emelin,” Thea interrupted as she walked into the library. “Your room is ready.”
Adrian’s intense gaze was on me as he waited to see what I would do. Stay, his eyes pleaded.
Air lodged in my throat. Hadn’t my eyes begged him to stay on the terrace with me on the night of the ball?
Yet, he had walked away, leaving me confused and alone, only to come back later to shatter my heart, scattering the pieces on the cold stone floor.
As childish as it sounded, I wanted to do the same to him, to return the pain he had inflicted.
“Good night,” I told him, feeling a burst of satisfaction when he flinched.
His face fell and his eyes dimmed as I turned and left the library.