Chapter 11 #3
He rose to toss another square of peat on the fire, dusted his hands, and remained on his feet.
“You are right when you say it’s too big.
The house was built for show, to prove to all of London that the Penroses were a formidable banking family, or something.
I am not a formidable banking family. I am just…
me. Why heat all those rooms? Why keep staff running up and down six different staircases for one man? ”
“You’ve been pondering this.” And honestly, Hope did not like to think of him rattling around that vast edifice without even a cat for company.
He scrubbed a hand over his face and resumed his seat.
“Ned says the holidays require courage of us, and in the manner of the proverbial blind hog, he’s come close to the mark.
Celebrating the holidays, or a child’s first tooth, or some grandmama’s eightieth natal day requires courage.
I enjoyed Christmas with you and Holly very much. Perhaps too much.”
“What are you going on about?”
He smiled wanly. “I should have rehearsed a pretty speech, but Stephen claims rehearsed speeches show a lack of confidence. I have recently had the benefit of many expert opinions, you see. May I speak plainly, Hope?”
“We have always been honest with each other.” Hope braced herself for an admission that the whole Yuletide encounter had been a lovely mistake, an understandable wrong turn for two people coping with many challenges.
Whatever the words were, Joshua would know them and deliver them with gently implacable finesse.
All the gingerbread in the world would be no comfort whatsoever in the face of his rejection.
“It’s just a house,” he said slowly. “A big house full of nice things, but until I shared it with you, it was not a home. Until we rejoiced together to find a lot of stinky old coal hiding in the conservatory, until you smiled at me over the kitchen table, until… well. I will keep the memories with me always, but the house itself can be put to a better use if you don’t want it. ”
“Heifer has taken to sleeping on your sofa,” Hope said, apropos of absolutely nothing. “I think he’s guarding it for you.”
“And Holly?”
“She wanted me to tell you that her cousins are gone, and it’s safe to come home now.
I told her… When you did not return to the house, I told Holly it was because you didn’t want to intrude on our other company.
Then Alma and Orson decamped, and the house is too quiet, and you sent that blasted note.
Holly’s cousins have shown her a new way to polish the bannisters that is beyond anything. ”
“Hope—”
“Joshua—” She had never seen him look so solemn. “You first.”
“I miss you,” he said simply. “I miss hearing your footsteps up in the parlor while I’m oiling my boots in the kitchen.
I miss seeing you tending a skillet full of bacon and looking utterly expert at it.
I miss your quick hugs and your slow smiles.
I miss you in a way I wish was impossible, but there it is every waking hour. All missing and no you.”
Not a rehearsed speech, but certainly not a rejection either. “I miss your innuendos and bungled lyrics,” Hope said. “I miss your patience with Holly and how you are never too busy to indulge me in a hug. I miss the sight of you across the breakfast table, and the…”
“Hope?”
“The pleasure of you in the dark.” An understatement. “But you look so bankerish now and so, so… unlike my Joshua. I want to shake you and kiss you and… Perhaps I should leave.”
Joshua put a hand on her arm. “When Jane refers to His Grace as bankerish, she is not paying him a compliment. If I appear on my dignity, that’s because I am unsure of myself.”
“I don’t like feeling unsure. I’ve had enough of that to last me a lifetime. I know who and what I want, Joshua Penrose of the Banking Penroses.”
He offered her his hand, and Hope took it.
“I know as well, madam, but one doesn’t dare presume.
I want to court you, Hope, and ask Holly’s permission to pay you my addresses.
I’ll ask your brother as well, if you like, but you seem quite able to speak for yourself.
I want us to share a roof, of course, but Grandpapa’s house is mostly going to waste. ”
“Not according to Gabriel and his friends. They have made the conservatory over into a sort of dormitory, though everything is all put away and tidied up in the morning.”
“More about those scamps later.” Joshua did not adopt a kneeling posture, but he enclosed Hope’s hand in both of his. “Please, may I court you, Hope Burdette? You have no need of my money or my house or my anything, but I love you, and nothing and no one will ever change that.”
Hope rose and arranged herself in his lap.
“I love you, too, and I would like to be courted—briefly—if that’s how you want to proceed.
Alma and Orson wrote to me, you know. They weren’t aware of Edwin’s passing, until an old mutual acquaintance mentioned it.
Orson had been writing to Peters, whom he knew to be Edwin’s solicitor, and you can guess the rest. Years of silence between family members just so Peters could swindle me out of a fortune. ”
“He has already booked passage for Paris.” Joshua spoke against her temple. “Plodgely owns the entire shop, and Peters is having to sell his lovely home to pay what he owes to several of his clients.”
“That report makes my New Year very happy. I would like a cozy house, Joshua. Nothing fancy.”
His lips gently grazed her brow. “The fancy house can be made over as a clerks’ academy. I’ve put the question to Ned, who is a great one for taking on projects and a former ne’er-do-well himself. Reformed, of course. Our house will be comfortable and have only comfortable art.”
“No samplers.”
“No samplers, unless Holly chooses to grace us with a few, and you must promise me never to put anise biscuits on our holiday menu and never to volunteer me to play a shepherd in any Christmas pageants.”
The experts weighing in again, no doubt. “Your friend Ned enjoys a unique perspective. We’ll have the boys to tea when they’ve worked on their manners a bit.”
“Or worked on them a lot, and we can visit Orson and Alma as often as you like.” He kissed her forehead and sighed, tickling her ear.
“Our cozy house will have a big garden,” Hope said. No conservatory, though. A garden was much better than a conservatory.
“A big enough garden that Heifer will think himself king of the jungle.”
Hope snuggled closer. “Then, yes. I will marry you, and we will sing all the wrong words at Yuletide, and stuff ourselves with warm gingerbread, and have such a cozy house where nobody who comes to call on us is ever cold.”
“And mistletoe,” Joshua said, an audible gleam illuminating his words. “Buckets and bales of mistletoe.”
Hope took hold of Joshua around the neck and set about explaining to him that mistletoe at the holidays—at any time of year—was completely unnecessary when two determined parties were intent on a particular variety of celebration.
They named Holly’s little sister Ivy and Ivy’s twin brother Nicholas, and the cozy house was sometimes a noisy cozy house, but it was above all a happy, loving home for all who dwelled under its roof.