2. Asher
Chapter 2
Asher
I t’s hot in here, but thankfully not too crowded, and the thick walls drown out most of the music so all that can be heard is a distant drumming and the chatter and laughter of those in the room. There’s a pool table set to one side, where a group of guys dressed in sparkling Christmas jumpers are deep in a very serious looking exchange. A gaming station is set up on the other side of the room and three people I recognise from uni are challenging each other to a race. I take in our surroundings, grateful to be away from the heaving crowd and follow Dalton to where the rest of his friends are sitting on sofas in a circle around a low table laden with bottles and cups.
“Hey, Dalton, you found us!” Ivy says, jumping up from her seat, her boobs nearly tumbling out of the tight Mrs Claus dress she’s wearing. She swings her arms around Dalton’s neck and kisses his cheek and a pang of jealousy gnaws at my stomach at the way she’s touching him and the speed at which he drops my pinky finger in order to wrap his arms around her waist. “And just in time, we’re about to play a game, come join us. You too, Asher.” Ivy looks at me with a crinkle in her nose and my gut twists and aches a little more - she doesn’t want me here, of that I am certain.
Dalton sits down and I go to sit next to him but Ivy slides into the empty seat, pushing herself against Dalton so that I am forced to sit in an old armchair opposite them. Dalton gives me a small smile before turning to chat with Riley on his other side and Ivy slides her hand over his knee, her eyes locked on me and her lips twisted up into a villainous smirk .
“Who’s ready to play?” She shouts to the group and everyone stops what they’re doing.
“What are we playing?” Dalton looks at the table, takes an unopened beer and then turns back to her.
“A good old fashioned game of truth or dare,” Ivy responds, then flashes him a smile that takes over her whole face but that looks far from genuine.
Dalton and a few of the other guys groan. “Seriously, Ivy, we’re twenty-one not sixteen. Can’t you think of something a little less cliché?” My legs bounce restlessly and I press my hands firmly to my knees to try to stop them moving. I hate being the centre of attention, I don’t like sharing any parts of myself and I am far from brave enough to do any of the sorts of dares they’re likely to come up with.
“What, are you afraid, Dalton? Scared of a little truth or a harmless dare?” She snorts at her own question and Dalton’s jaw ticks with how hard he’s clenching it, but a moment later he relaxes, spreading his legs wider as he settles further into the sofa.
“Whatever, let’s do this.”
“Great! Do you want to go first Asher?” Her eyes narrow in on me and I shake my head.
“I’ll sit this one out, you go ahead.” Ivy’s eyes narrow further and her brows furrow tightly until she looks both angry and constipated at the same time.
“Oh, come on. What is it with you guys being such chickens, it’s just a stupid game,” Kiki pipes up from Ivy’s other side and Connell makes a sound in agreement. I can feel my cheeks start to burn as all eyes land on me, waiting for me to either bail or agree to play along.
The smile Dalton was wearing drops when he cottons on to my hesitation. “Leave him alone, Keeks. Asher doesn’t need to play if he doesn’t want to.” Dalton standing up for me should feel good - it should make me feel like he cares - but instead it makes me feel so fucking embarrassed. I’m older than him for fucks sake - by a few weeks sure - but still, I don’t need him to protect me and he’s just making it worse, making it seem like I’m not capable of standing up for myself. Things are made even worse when some of the guys start joking about him being my knight in shining armour and he just raises a middle finger at the idiots.
“It’s fine,” I say, trying to get everyone to drop it and move on. “I’ll play but I don’t want to go first.”
Ivy and Kiki share an amused look before Kiki turns to Rossi and starts with him, asking him to pick between truth or dare. He picks dare and is challenged to strip down to his boxers, pour a beer over his naked chest and stand in the cold for sixty seconds. It’s childish and ridiculous but Rossi, who is now two sheets to the wind, complies, laughing as he strips himself and runs up the stairs. When he doesn’t return after five minutes, the game moves on with a few new people joining in.
Someone I don’t recognise but who seems to know Kiki, brings over a tray of shooters and places it down on the table in front of us. Everyone except me does a few before we continue on with the game. At some point, after a few rounds of truths, I start to relax into the chair because no one seems to be paying me any attention. That is until it’s Ivy’s turn and her eyes drift to me and then over to Dalton.
“Truth or dare, Dalt?”
He laughs and rolls his eyes, still thoroughly amused at the game. He’s joked around the entire time, laughing at his mates and even daring one to prank call someone like we really are still sixteen. He picks dare because of course he does, in all the years I've known him, he's never shied away from a challenge.
“Okay then,” Ivy starts. “I dare you to kiss someone.” Her eyes dart around like she's actually considering her options, but I knew what she was aiming for the minute the words were out of her mouth. Next to her, Roamy is practically puckering up her lips in the hopes she'll be picked. Everyone knows she has a huge crush on Dalton, but Ivy’s eyes settle on me like I knew they would.
Ivy hates me, she has since year five when I beat her in the science fair when her bicarb volcano was no match for my solar-powered fan. Her dislike for me only grew as she failed to beat me academically for the rest of our school years. Her and her little gang also dislike the friendship I have with Dalton. I've heard the comments they make when they don’t think we’re listening - how it’s strange that I’m always around him, that I’m so different from him, that we can’t really have anything in common and so on. I’ve learned not to pay them any mind.
When Ivy says my name, daring Dalton to kiss me, I'm not surprised. She wants to use this as an opportunity to embarrass me or to out what she thinks she knows about me - that I’m in love with my best friend.
Everyone already knows I’m gay - that’s not a secret - but the way I feel about Dalton is the only secret I’ve ever kept from him, and I keep it locked up tightly. At least I believed I did, but with the way Ivy is smirking at me, it feels like she’s looking right into me, grabbing on and clutching tight to those feelings I keep guarded.
My pulse speeds up because I don’t want to kiss Dalton. I mean fuck, I really want to kiss Dalton, I have for a very long time. I don’t want to kiss him here, not now and not in front of all these people I don’t even like and definitely not because of a game .
Dalton scoffs at her and then looks at me, hesitation written all over his brow. “This is so unoriginal, think of something better. I’m not kissing Asher, that would be like kissing my brother.”
The air leaves my lungs in a painful exhale and my shoulders slump at his words and the resounding sounds of pitying ‘ oooh ’ and someone saying, ‘Ouch, that's harsh ’ from somewhere behind me.
Rossi has returned by now and he knocks Dalton on the shoulder, saying, “Don’t blame you bro, I’d pass on this one too.” And while Rossi’s words were said to hurt, I don’t let them touch me because they don’t matter. It’s Dalton’s words that I can’t shake off.
“Think of something better.” Better.
I try to tell myself this is what I wanted - that I didn’t want him to kiss me - but my eyes burn with held back tears and I cough to try and relieve some of the tension in my throat. I didn’t want to kiss him here, but I didn’t expect that response from him either. I’ve seen Dalt kiss a guy during spin the bottle when we were eighteen and he didn’t flinch, so I know it’s not because I’m a guy, it’s because I’m… me.
“So, you’re willing to forfeit the game because you won’t kiss Asher?” Ivy glares at me with one eyebrow raised and I get this feeling she’s secretly preening inside. I bet she’d shout you lose if it wouldn’t make her look bad. Dalton looks at me, but I can’t meet his eyes, so instead I duck my head and study my fingernails.
“I’ll take the forfeit.” Dalton’s voice is quiet and drowned out by the shouts of the guys at the pool table cheering.
“Fine, instead of a forfeit, I’ll change your dare, you can kiss….” Ivy stalls her sentence, dragging it out dramatically before delivering her final blow. “Roamy.”
My stomach tightens and I feel sick when Dalton says, “Okay,” and I lift my head and see Roamy stand, a little unsteady on her heeled feet as she walks over to Dalton and deposits herself on his lap.
He chose her over me.
With a blasting of clarity - like ice water being dumped over my head - I realise what an idiot I've been harbouring these feelings for Dalton as if he'd ever see me as more than his friend.
Like a brother.
I always knew being in love with my straight best friend was destined to go unrequited, but this is a slap of that reality bringing me to my senses. Standing abruptly, muttering about finding the toilet, I turn away before I can see their lips meet. And I know they have because Ivy shrieks and claps her hands like an obnoxious toddler as Rossi cheers.
Darting up the stairs, I pass a couple making out on the top step, and charge down the hallway, pushing past people talking and dancing as blood pounds in my ears and my chest aches from the breath trapped in my lungs. I turn down another hallway and keep going until I find an unoccupied bathroom where I lock myself inside and sink to the floor with my back to the door. Burying my head in my hands, grateful for the solitude in this crowded house, I let the tears fall. It was so stupid to fall in love with my best friend, but even more pathetic is that I didn’t hide it away well enough.