Chapter Seven
Elizabeth Bennet was feeling strained. Unburdening herself to the strange lady found on Oakham Mount had been a wonderful relief, and had even brought her hope, but the moment she returned to the house and Mr Darcy continued to refuse to meet her gaze, all of her anxiety and agony came rushing back.
Colonel Fitzwilliam obviously knew what happened.
The way he watched the two of them so closely made it apparent that Mr Darcy must have unburdened himself to his cousin and dearest friend.
The colonel had also made the long overdue introduction to Miss Darcy, which pained Elizabeth that the event had not been the significant moment between her and Mr Darcy that she had hoped for in Derbyshire.
Miss Jane must be wrong. I am certain that he must have received the letter. But I do not know what else I might have done. My family was leaving. I could hardly stay behind.
She walked towards Lucas Lodge, the sky grey, the temperature crisp and cold, the breeze brisk and exhilarating.
She pulled her pelisse about her tightly as she quickened her pace.
She was on her way to welcome her Cousin Collins, and his wife, her dearest friend Charlotte.
Etiquette might dictate that she give the visitors time to settle in and rest after their journey, but Elizabeth and Charlotte were as close as sisters, and she knew that her friend would not wish to waste any of her time with family and friends.
It was half past one, and she would be at Lucas Lodge in perhaps ten minutes.
She knew that she would be in time, for her Cousin Collins was punctual to a fault.
In fact, Elizabeth would not be surprised to find Charlotte Collins and her husband sitting by the side of the lane waiting for two o’clock before she even reached her destination.
Elizabeth turned her thoughts back to Mr Darcy.
The day that her family left Derbyshire was one of not only great alarm, but of great sorrow.
The employees that were killed in the fire at her uncle’s warehouse had worked for him for years, and were well loved by all of the family.
Thankfully, her uncle’s business was not irreparably harmed, as the warehouse had just been emptied in anticipation of an upcoming shipment.
It had not been a bankrupting experience, leasing a temporary space, and building a newer and better warehouse, but losing beloved friends was a terrible blow to the Gardiner family, who had rushed home directly to give support to the men’s families.
Elizabeth’s only thought then was what Miss Jane had said, that Mr Darcy must surely understand.
She had been so certain of it. She was disappointed, of course, to send their regrets, but it had to be done, and she had been so sure of his understanding at the time, and that, having seen her receptiveness to his new overtures, he would come for her.
Then they arrived in London, and a few days later, the carriage was sent for Jane and the children.
Jane had been relieved indeed for a brief respite, for Longbourn had become a difficult place to live since Lydia had been sent home from Brighton in disgrace.
She was firmly back in, and there were rows daily.
The two ladies stayed with their aunt and uncle for two more days, and when they returned home, Mr Bingley had just opened Netherfield and was on tenterhooks waiting for Jane, filled with remorse and hope.
The only reason he had not rushed for London was the information that she was coming home the following day.
Of course, gentle Jane received Mr Bingley with so much relief that he had returned, and understanding of his uncertainty of her feelings, that the two were married as soon as the banns could be read.
Mr Darcy did not arrive with Mr Bingley, nor for the wedding.
Elizabeth had never found a convenient time to confess to Jane all that had transpired between her and Darcy.
First, Elizabeth could not tell Jane what had happened between them because there was little space or privacy in their uncle’s house.
Then, when they returned to Meryton, there had been too much anxiety for Jane for Elizabeth to burden her with her own worries.
Following that, there was the excitement of the engagement, and Elizabeth could not imagine shadowing her sister’s wedding with such burdens.
Then Jane was married, off on her wedding trip, and in London, and when she returned, she was busy changing wallpapers and chair cushions in haste, paying workers a fortune to finish quickly, in order to freshen Netherfield for her first small house party.
By this point, Elizabeth was mortified to confess to her sister what she had held to herself for so long.
Jane would never be cross with her, but Elizabeth had no wish to worry her either, and in addition, Elizabeth had no desire to rend her own wounded heart afresh with the tale.
Instead, she pined, and no one noticed. No one except Miss Jane.
Since the end of the summer, Elizabeth had languished, grown drawn and pale in her face, and even lost weight.
She looked exhausted all the time–but her sister–so caught up in her new happiness, never noticed.
And if her most beloved sister did not notice something was wrong, it was hardly likely that anyone–save Charlotte–would notice either.
Charlotte Collins–not being quite so newly married–nor so blissfully distracted as Jane Bingley–did indeed notice how pale and tired Elizabeth looked the very moment Charlotte stepped down from the hired carriage.
Elizabeth saw her friend eye her suspiciously immediately upon her arrival, but stood back and allowed Charlotte to greet her family before her friend came and embraced her.
“We shall not have a moment to ourselves for a while, but we will have a chat before I leave Meryton, won’t we, Eliza?
” her friend murmured in her ear as they exchanged affectionate greetings and Elizabeth was warmly welcomed inside by her friend’s family.
If it were anyone else, Elizabeth coming at such a time would be unpardonably rude, but everyone knew how much Charlotte and Elizabeth missed one another.
Elizabeth smiled and nodded as they went inside, and when they were all comfortable in the drawing room, she accepted a cup of tea from Lady Lucas, and enjoyed a quarter hour of conversation with her friends.
Mr Collins had not changed, she observed, sipping her tea.
He still spoke of Lady Catherine excessively, but he also spoke endlessly of his wife, what a wonderful homemaker she was, how excessively content he found himself, and how blessed he felt to be in such circumstances.
Charlotte bore him well, calming his panegyrics with light touches to his arm, or gentle looks, and it was obvious that her approval meant a great deal to him.
Elizabeth considered her friend’s match as she listened to the Lucases express their joy at being together again.
Even seeing now her cousin’s valiant efforts to please his wife in all things did not make her believe she ever could have lived with him as her husband, but it was quite clear that Charlotte was well pleased with her situation, and Elizabeth was happy for her that she did not find her husband too onerous to bear.
When her cup was empty, she thanked her neighbours for their tolerance of her impatience to see dear Charlotte, pressed a bottle of rosewater Jane had made in her still room into Lady Lucas’s hand, and returned to Netherfield.
Twice later that day, Elizabeth wept. Twice she attempted to speak to Mr Darcy, and he cut her cruelly each time.
After returning from Lucas Lodge, Elizabeth was eager to change into a comfortable gown and visit the library.
It made little sense to put on a morning gown and visit the library when she would have to change again in only a few hours.
Many other ladies might have remained in their rooms to rest in a dressing gown until it was time to dress for dinner, but today a shipment of books had arrived that Mr Darcy helped her brother find at auction.
The crates had been opened while she was gone, and she was eager to see the contents.
She was surprised to find the library empty when she entered.
Only Charles would be so completely disinterested in a large shipment of books.
She shook her head. It looked like she would be the only one making an inventory and catalogue of the books, and organising them on the shelves, but she looked forward to the endeavour.
She felt rather guilty living with Jane and being a burden to her sister’s husband, though the two of them swore they were both delighted to have her with them.
Charles assured her that she did not cost him a tenth as much as Miss Bingley, or even Mrs Hurst, who was technically another man’s wife and should cost him nothing.
Elizabeth decided that until her sister’s children came, she would serve as Netherfield’s librarian, for it appeared that one would be sorely needed.
Elizabeth examined one book, then another in delight, then whirled at a noise behind her. “Mr Darcy!”
Darcy’s face was like stone, and he stopped short in the doorway, unwilling to enter further. “Forgive me, I did not mean to disturb you.”
“You do not disturb me at all, Mr Darcy,” Elizabeth attempted to assure him. “I am certain you must be interested to see the order of books. They are nothing to the library of Pemberley of course–but still–one does not get to explore such a collection every day.”
“Please.” His tone was sharper than she had ever heard it as he raised his hands in front of him. “I had thought to be alone.”
Elizabeth gasped and drew back as if struck.
“Then allow me to leave you to it. You found the books for Charles. You should be the first to look them over. I would hate to intrude where I am not welcome. Please have a servant inform me when you deem it convenient for me to enter my sister’s library. ”
She saw him close his eyes as if in pain as she fled past him, but he did not correct her, nor call her back.
Later that night, after Elizabeth had suffered, unhearing, barely participating, through dinner, she finally decided that she must find a way to make peace with Mr Darcy, or they would only both keep suffering. They could not continue on as they were.
An hour and a half after the men had returned from the dining room, when the card games had quieted, everyone was paired into groups, relishing the evening with those they enjoyed conversing with best.
Elizabeth finally mustered her courage and approached Mr Darcy, who was alone reading in the corner.
Bingley and Jane were laughing and playing a party game with Colonel Fitzwilliam, Georgiana, Miss Jane, and Miss Annesley.
Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst spoke of plans for Miss Bingley’s wedding, and Mr Hurst, his brother, and Captain Arundel were playing cards.
“Mr Darcy, it grieves me that you and I are quite obviously not at peace with one another, and I fear that perhaps there has been a misunderstanding. I wondered if you are going to be taking any walks soon so that we might discuss it privately. If I have wronged you, then I wish to apologise mos-”
“Wronged me?” he snapped, his voice a low growl. “No, Miss Bennet. You have not wronged me, and there have been no misunderstandings. You merely…chose the wiser course. I assure you that I comprehend your message perfectly.”
Elizabeth’s breath caught. “You know nothing of my choices.”
“Nor do I wish to.” He rose from his chair and stalked purposefully from the room.
Elizabeth realised that their encounter had been seen by half the room.
Jane and Bingley both appeared confused, Colonel Fitzwilliam and Georgiana worried, and Miss Jane sympathetic.
Giving thanks that Miss Bingley was now so wrapped up in herself that she hardly noticed anyone else anymore, Elizabeth fled to her room.