Chapter 26 Natalie Remembered
NATALIE REMEMBERED
Natalie remembered almost everything leading to her arrival at Maple Hall.
Everything, that is, except for why she climbed into the trunk.
She’d not been following Lord Hawthorne.
She’d acted most inappropriately with Garrett, she admitted to herself, but she was not such a hoyden as to stow away in his trunk. Good heavens! She hoped not, anyhow.
Her headaches had subsided to a dull annoying pinch now and then. The bouts of nausea were gone, and she could think more clearly.
And her new maid, Sissy, whom Natalie would never relinquish willingly, had proven quite capable at creating the latest styles in “her ladyship’s” hair.
Sissy insisted the designs were fresh from Paris.
A cousin of hers worked as lady’s maid to a very modern French lady, and she’d shared many of her secrets with Sissy.
Unfortunately, Natalie was still restricted to bed rest and forced to remain in nothing more colorful or inspiring than the housekeeper’s borrowed nightclothes.
Her mother had brought day clothing for her to wear, but in the rush, Tinsdale had failed to pack any of her nightgowns.
Nonetheless, she was grateful to Sissy for keeping her hair stylish and presentable. It lifted her spirits considerably.
As could a certain handsome gentleman visitor.
When he chose to grace her with his presence, that was.
She had been certain, upon reflecting on his treatment of her during the first few days following her injury, that he loved her.
He’d been tender and sweet, treating her as though she were the most important person in the world.
His voice had whispered soothing reassurances into her ear, and his hands had been gentle as they caressed her hair and face.
And when she’d begun to show signs of mending, he’d ordered her not to overtax herself. He’d been quite protective, in fact.
But his demeanor had changed. As she recovered, his visits grew farther and farther apart.
Which disturbed her, to say the least. Especially in light of the fact that she loved him.
Yes, she’d remembered that. Fat lot of good it did her. The rest of the world only cared about saving her reputation.
Every person within her midst had voiced their opinion that the earl absolutely must marry her. She’d been carried away overnight, without her parents’ permission or knowledge, without a chaperone to the earl’s home. They must marry.
Darlington demanded it, most persistently.
Mrs. Hampden expected it, while clucking her tongue.
Sissy encouraged it, with a romantic sigh.
And even her mother would have it, quite matter-of-factly, at that! Everyone whose opinion could be heard was in accord upon the matter. Everybody, that is, except the prospective groom.
And of course, nobody thought to ask Natalie for her opinion. If anyone had bothered, they would have gotten an earful.
Because under no circumstances, ever again, would she allow herself to be forced into a marriage with a reluctant groom. Especially when she loved the idiot!
A knock on the door interrupted her frustrated musings.
Upon being given permission to enter, Garrett himself pushed it open. It was as though her aching heart had summoned him.
Despite looking tired, he’d dressed in form-fitting breeches, waistcoat, jacket, and an expertly tied cravat. Marcus would have dressed him for this occasion. Oh, her father must be forcing him to propose to her now. He’d given in, the poor man. Ah, well, she’d put him out of his misery.
He looked fidgety, nervous. His hair was mussed, and his eyes more sunken than usual. None of this detracted from his looks, however. She still felt drawn to him. A physical pull exerted itself whenever he was near.
He, the addlepated male, seemed oblivious to her yearning.
“Sit down,” she invited. “I imagine you’ve been talking with Papa.”
Garrett nodded. “I have.” And then he sat on the side of her bed, well, his bed really. “You and I must talk.”
Not the most romantic choice of words with which to begin his proposal…
“You remember our last afternoon together at Raven’s Park—in the meadow?” At her blush, he rushed onward. “No, not that part—later, when we talked—when I told you why I could never marry and have a family.”
Natalie tilted her head, confused. “Yes.”
Appearing even more agitated, Garrett left the bed and strode to the window where the curtain had been pulled halfway open. “Well, it still stands.”
It took a moment for Natalie to absorb his blunt words. They were not at all what she expected. She could not see his face. It was in shadow. Not fair!
“Look at me,” she demanded. “What are you saying?”
Shoving his hands into his pockets, Garrett did not turn away from the window.
“Your father and I have come to an agreement. Only as a last resort will you and I marry. There are other ways to ward off this scandal, and every one of them must be explored first. I do not wish to marry you.” He refused to look at her.
And then he did.
Behind his harsh words and feigned calm, sadness shadowed his eyes. His lips were tight and thin. He held himself rigidly.
“So”—Natalie needed to be certain she understood exactly what he was saying—“as the very last, the absolute last antidote to repair my reputation, you will then marry me—under duress, so to speak. Because…?” Natalie twirled her hands in the air as though summoning his reasoning. “This is all because of your father?”
“And the mud you would be dragged through as my wife. I won’t have it.”
Natalie took a deep breath. A part of her wanted to weep and beg, but she would not give in to it. Another part was trying to remind her of something. There was something…
“Perhaps it would be I who would be dragging you through the mud,” she suggested calmly.
“It would not.”
Ah, so he would not be moved. He had been badgered by both her oldest brother and her father and refused to yield his position. Admirable, really, in any other situation.
“Only in the direst of circumstances?” she confirmed.
He nodded.
“You give me your word? You will not hide from me if my reputation cannot be repaired? You will not change your mind if the ton cannot forgive me this time?”
“You have my word.”
This was the Garrett who had refused to allow her to compromise herself with him. The one who had halted her passion when she’d abandoned all sense of propriety. She loved him all the more for it, and yet she would strangle him for his stubbornness. Again, he would not look directly at her.
“And this is open-ended? Is there a timeline attached to your promise?”
He did not answer right away. And then finally, “No. Well, within reason, I suppose.”
“A year? Two?” She paused, goading him. “Ten?”
His demeanor remained stoic and impersonal. “Two seems reasonable enough, if that is acceptable to you?”
She memorized his features. He must become a memory to her, then? Was she to live her life with heartbreak? Lost to her one true love? Surely there must be some way…
And then she could not help herself. “Please don’t do this, Garrett. I do not mind about the children.”
Ah, so she would allow this pathetic part of herself to have a voice.
“I…would find other ways to have a meaningful life. I…care so much for you. You must know that?” Oh, what an utter fool she was!
She might as well declare her undying love for him.
And then he could pat her on the head and tell her to be a good girl and go find another beau…
Her confidence in his affections flagged. Perhaps he saw her as a child.
In a rush of motion, Garrett covered the steps between the two of them and pulled her into his arms. For a full minute, he didn’t say a word. His breathing sounded harsh, and he held her tightly, so tight that it almost hurt.
Finally, his embrace slackened, and he pulled back to look at her.
“You are so very precious to me,” he rasped.
“But you are also so…damn na?ve!” Releasing her shoulders, he grasped her hands in his.
“You have your entire life ahead of you. A life as a wife, a life as a mother, and then a grandmother.” Raising her hands to his lips, he implored her with the intensity of his gaze.
“Allow me to do this for you. I could not live with myself if I ensnared you in my world. I won’t do it. ”
She searched his eyes. So black. When she’d first known him, she’d seen them as dangerous, practically evil.
She knew better now. Warm, dark, and sensual, they aroused all the emotions she’d lacked in her engagement.
She sat back. There was time. She had all the time in the world.
She would think of something. She would find a way to convince him of his right to happiness, and she would lay claim to it for both of them.
She just wished she knew how.
“You will kiss me?”
Garrett groaned, but then dropped her hands and placed his hands on the sides of her face.
Although he held her tenderly, his mouth demanded everything.
His lips urged hers apart and swept beyond all inhibitions.
Natalie took hold of his wrists for balance.
Despite her weak condition, she found the strength to push into him and demand this connection with equal urgency.
He tasted, oh, he tasted of Garrett. Hot, spicy, familiar. Garrett’s hands gripped her tighter.
The other times he’d kissed her, he’d kept a part of himself under tight rein. This kiss was different. It conveyed desperation, imparting both love and agony. He kissed her as though it would be their last. It could not. It would not! She would fight for him, for them, if only she knew how.
She whimpered when he drew away and pulled a mask of distance back over his features. “I will not bother you alone again.” He meant this to be their goodbye.