Chapter 11
“ I hae news, sir, and I believe it may concern ye both,” the servant began.
Tara furrowed her brow and Gordon glanced towards her. The servant’s voice was calm. He was a wiry man with a dark beard that was shaved close to his skin. His hands were clasped together. Although his words were devoid of emotion, Tara sensed that something was wrong. It was a feeling that swam deep within her stomach, as though serpents were writhing. Gordon gestured with his hand for the servant to continue.
“We received a messenger sent from the Knox Clan,” he announced.
Tara’s heart jumped at this, and for a moment believed the message might be about her.
“Something happened, and they wish tae alert all the Highlands of a dangerous individual.” This changed Tara’s belief, for she could not think of a world in which she would be deemed dangerous.
“It seems as though an attempt hae been made tae abduct Laird Knox’s son. They believe a man called Ken Gilmour is responsible, and they want tae make sure every clan knows tae watch out for him. They hae offered a reward for his capture.”
Tara barely processed the last part of the message. Her knees had turned to water as soon as she heard that there had been an attempt to abduct Allan. She fell back, and only just managed to catch a chair before she fell to the floor. Her face went white and her lips trembled. She picked at her nails and thoughts flooded her mind.
Ken was back? It had been so long, they all thought he had disappeared into the ether. Were they never going to escape the horrors of their family?
Gordon dismissed the servant and turned to Tara. He knelt down and took her hand. “Lass, ye are shaken, but ye heard the message. It was just an attempt. They dinnae succeed.”
She was filled with emotion as she responded. “Surely ye cannae think that means everything is well? My nephew is a wee bairn. If anything should happen tae him…” she trailed away, unable to finish the thought. She brought her hand to her mouth and her eyes filled with tears. She shook her head, and then closed her eyes, as if to shut away the horrors.
“Who is this Ken Gilmour? I know of the old Laird, Gorram. Is he another brother?” Gordon asked.
Tara sniffed and shook her head. She inhaled deeply to gather her emotions and blinked away the wet sorrow that blurred her vision. “He is my cousin, my uncle’s son. He was always a terrible bully. He must hae learned that from his Da. We all tried tae stay as far away from him as possible. When Caroline was told she was tae marry our uncle, Nessa and I assumed that one of us would be told tae marry Ken. He spent his time in taverns, getting drunk and brawling. I cannae imagine what it would be like tae be married tae him.”
“Ye dinnae hae tae think about that. What happened tae him? Was he nae arrested along with yer uncle?”
Tara shook her head. “In the chaos, he managed tae escape. Ryan sent out search parties for him, but he was never found. We thought he had run far away, never tae return. We were wrong. All this time he must hae been plotting his revenge, and now he seeks tae take it. He wants tae take Allan. Oh, it would destroy Caroline and Ryan. How could anyone be sae evil tae target a child?”
“There are some men whose hearts were as black as night from the day they were born, and it dinnae seem as though yer uncle tried tae change it. But take heart from the fact that he dinnae succeed.”
“Then he will only try again. If he is anything like his father, then naething will keep him from his revenge. He will find a way tae get tae Allan, and then our family will be ripped apart. The clan was taken from him. There is naething he will nae dae tae retaliate.”
Tara’s voice wavered with emotion, and she felt as though she was on the verge of collapsing. Gordon held her hands and was the opposite to her, calm and resolute.
“Laird Knox strikes me as a man with a strategic mind. I’m sure he will nae take any risks, and he will ensure that the clan is secure. He knows how tae defend his land, and I dare say if Ken risks another attempt, then he will be the one who pays for it.”
Tara wished that she could be as confident as he was. Filled with a sudden urgency, she pushed herself up from the chair and walked towards the door.
“I need tae leave.”
Gordon rose slowly. He closed the distance between them, placing a hand on her back. “Tara, there is naething ye can dae.”
“I can be with them!” she cried out. “I can speak with them. I can watch over Allan. I just… I cannae be this far away from them, nae at a time like this.”
As she said this, her heart broke because she could feel herself being torn between two worlds, two places, two loves. There was the love she had for her family, and the love she had for Gordon. Right now, she believed her family needed her more.
“And what about Keith? Ye said ye wanted tae watch over him, tae make sure he recovers well,” Gordon reminded her.
Tara clamped her eyes shut and pressed the heels of her palms against her face. Tension tightened around her skull and throbbed in the depths of her mind. There were too many things to do, too many people to care for.
“Keith is gaeing tae be fine. He is stable for now and as long as he keeps eating his strength will return tae him. He hae ye tae watch over him.”
“I am nae healer.”
“But ye are his father, and he can draw strength from ye. Besides, I can always return when this is over. It might be a few days, a week, but I need tae see my family. I need tae make sure that Allan is safe.”
“And what if he’s never safe. What if the time is never right for ye tae return?”
Although Tara was lost in the mire of her own emotions, she wasn’t so far gone that she did not see the fear in his eyes. Perhaps it was unfair of her to demand that he open his heart to her, only for her to now turn away. It must have seemed like a cruel revenge to get back at him for running, but she wasn’t being heartless. Everything she did was driven by love, it just happened that she loved so many things.
“I’m worried that if ye leave, ye will never come back,” he added, squeezing her hand.
Tara pulled it away. The gesture was too much. His touch was too much. She averted her gaze and spun away from him.
“Dinnae dae this tae me, Gordon. Dinnae make me feel guilty of daeing what’s right for my family. Ye hae done many cruel things in the name of ye family, and I hae forgiven ye for all of them. The least ye can dae is grant me the same courtesy.”
“I would, if I thought ye could make a difference. Yer nephew is in a safe clan, protected by guards, by his parents, by yer sister, who ye claim is a fine warrior in her own right. What more could ye dae for him?”
“I dinnae know, I just know that I want ye tae be there for him. And I believe it’s selfish of ye tae try to talk me out of it.”
Tara cast an accusatory stare towards him. Gordon raised his head and looked down his nose at her, although now he seemed a lot less imposing than he had done when they first met.
“Aye, I’m being selfish. It is nae a crime, nae when ye hae told me I deserve tae be selfish again. I hae suffered a great deal, and then ye came along. Is this temptation of love just another way for the gods tae torture me? Am I never tae hae anything that lasts more than a fleeting moment? Ye kissed me, Tara. Ye danced with me. Ye come in here and tell me that ye want tae be with me, and now I am just supposed tae stand by and let ye leave? That gaes against everything I hae ever been taught. I hae always fought for what I believe in, and for the people I love.”
“But in this instance ye are nae fighting for me, ye are fighting against me. Please, Gordon, ye must understand how I feel. Think of what ye would dae if someone made an attempt tae kidnap Keith.”
“I would scorch the ground in search of him, but I am the only one he hae left. I am nae saying ye should nae dae anything, all I’m trying tae say is that ye dinnae need tae rush off like this. At least ye are safe here. Hae ye even thought about what might happen on the way tae yer clan? What if yer cousin is hiding in the forest and recognizes ye?”
Tara shook her head. “It’s still worth the risk. What if they need me? I cannae be away from them at a time like this. I’m sorry Gordon, I just cannae. I hae a duty taewards them. They are my blood.”
“Aye, but what about the fact the ye are needed here as well, and nae just by Keith.”
H came towards her again. She had her back turned to him because it was too painful to look at him. The pull of him was too severe to simply walk away. But even though she wasn’t looking at him, she could still feel his presence radiating behind her. The sheer force of him made the air hotter, made her skin tingle. A single touch was enough to make her whimper.
He reached up and pulled a few strands of hair away from her face, caressing her cheek. Then, he rested his hand on her shoulder and tugged her around. Her head tilted to look at him over her shoulder. His voice dropped to a whisper and she easily discerned his meaning.
He needed her, and she needed him as well, but her family was in peril and that was not something she could easily ignore.
Gordon placed his hand upon her chin and tilted her head towards him. He kissed her again, this time more tenderly than before. It lasted a few moments before Tara’s emotion overwhelmed her, and she began to sob. Her lips trembled and thin lines of tears trickled down her cheeks, adding a salty taste to the kiss. Gordon broke away and gazed at her with a despondent look.
“I am sorry, Gordon, but ye must understand the position I’m in. This is my family we are talking about.”
“Aye, lass, I know,” he said reluctantly. “I’m just worried about ye, that’s all.”
“If ye were that worried, ye could come with me.”
For a moment, hope sparked in her mind, but then she remembered that he had his own duties.
“I cannae leave Keith,” he replied.
She nodded, and her smile was downturned. Her heart was bleeding, and she wished there was another way, but her decision was made.
“For what it’s worth, I admire yer conviction. Once ye hae made a decision ye stick tae it,” Gordon observed.
“I never used tae be this way, but as a healer, I hae learned tae be decisive. When a life hangs in the balance, there is nae time tae hesitate.”
“I’m sure yer sisters will be glad tae hae ye by their side.”
Tara nodded. “It’s nae just that I want tae help, it’s also tae alleviate their fears. They might think that I hae been abducted by Ken as well. If I can return tae them, at least they will hae that small victory.”
“Och, I’m certain they will be overjoyed with yer return, just as much as I was overjoyed at having ye here. I will miss ye, Tara”
She almost wished he hadn’t said that. She almost wished that he was still cold, still aloof, still distant. It would have made this so much easier, but he wasn’t. They had shared intimacy and they had shared a kiss. She knew how much he wanted her, and she wanted him just as much, if not more.
Her heart had been opened and all the love she had flowed towards this hard, stoic man, and now she was leaving him just after she had admonished him for walking away. It made her feel utterly rotten inside, but it didn’t seem that there was any other way. Her family needed her, and they had to come first. Without them, she was nothing.
“This is nae farewell, Gordon, and I promise I will take all the precautions necessary,” she said, although he did not seem reassured.
He exhaled deeply and kissed her again, almost as though it were the last time. It was a painful kiss and one that left a scar on her heart. This was a man she had vowed to heal, and yet after opening up all the painful memories that tortured him, she was leaving him alone to brood in his keep.
She was supposed to be a healer, but in this instance she knew she was being cruel. The only respite, if she could call it that, was that she was being just as cruel to herself as she was to him. They were both suffering, and it was all because of Ken Gilmour. Why was it that men like him could cause pain to ripple out far and wide, touching so many people?
Gordon’s shoulders slumped. He looked defeated. She couldn’t imagine this had happened many times in his life, but she was grateful to him for not making it harder than it needed to be. She was indeed firm in her convictions, and it wouldn’t have done any good for him to argue with her when her mind was made up.
Her family needed her, but once this situation was resolved she would return to Gordon, and they could hopefully pick up where they left off, if he could forgive her for this. She offered a wan smile as she left the study, but her heart was in turmoil. He was so sensitive to pain already, would he bring himself to love again when he knew that it could be so fragile?
There was another person to whom Tara owed an explanation; Keith. She entered his room and found him sitting up in bed, looking towards the window. His eyes were alert, and he smiled as she entered.
“Tara! I was wondering when ye were gaeing tae join me. I like being awake again, but it is boring sitting here all the time. When can I walk again? I thought ye might like tae join me. I can show ye all around the clan. I know every part of it,” he said proudly.
“That would be lovely, but I’m afraid it is gaeing tae hae tae wait. I’m sorry tae hae tae tell ye like this, but I hae to leave for now.” She broke the news gently, but it still left him crestfallen.
“Why?” he asked.
“It is a family matter. Yer Da can tell ye about it. But I need tae return tae them. This dinnae mean I am gaeing forever, but I cannae say when I will return.”
“But… but what about my recovery?”
Tara offered a supportive smile. “Ye are gaeing tae be fine. In truth, I was only gaeing tae stay longer as a precaution anyway. Dae as I instructed, and yer strength will return tae ye in time, just dinnae push yerself tae hard. Ye and yer Da can use the time tae talk as well. I think he really needs it. And when I come back, I expect tae see ye on yer feet properly, and ye can take me anywhere ye want.”
“Och, well, in that case I’ll be waiting. I’ll miss ye, Tara,” he said, so innocently that it broke her heart.
“I’ll miss ye as well.”
She took his hand and squeezed it tightly, feeling a strong pull towards him, one that went beyond the usual bond that existed between a healer and their patient. Tara felt guilty for leaving them both.
A part of her wondered if Gordon had a point. After all, Allan had Ryan, Caroline, and Nessa watching over him. Gordon and Keith only had each other. From a numerical sense, it seemed more logical to remain here and simply send a letter home, informing her sisters that she was safe. But the bond she shared with her sisters was not one that was easily surpassed.
The thought of her family being placed in danger brought back memories of the trauma they had endured two years previously, and if Ken really was prowling near the clan then the family needed to stay together because that was when they were at their strongest. She just had to hope that things at the Abernathy Keep would be the same as when she left, and that Gordon’s heart would not be entirely closed off again.
She closed her eyes as she left Keith’s room, wishing that things could be different, but also knowing that wishing for things never really changed anything.