Chapter 45
Ellie
“Ineed to tell you guys something.”
Abby and Jack are sitting across from me at the diner, currently locked in a heated discussion about why Aaron can not, in fact, miss his anniversary dinner with Abby to go to a Rangers game with Jack.
“Jack, Abby–I need to tell you guys something,” I repeat loudly. They stop mid-sentence, looking at me in surprise.
“Geez Louise Ellie, do you need to tell the whole diner or just us? I think they could hear you on the other side of the county,” Abby says.
“Sorry,” I say in a softer tone. “But I do. Need to tell you something.”
“We’re all ears,” Jack says, brows creasing. “Everything okay?”
“I think so.” My eyes are locked on the spot where I’m twisting my napkin nervously in my hands.
Without making eye contact, I manage to quickly breathe out, “Griffin and I have been seeing each other again. All summer, actually. And I asked him to keep it just between us, because I was worried that everyone is still mad at me for how I left things and would tell him to run for the hills. But I wanted to tell you.” I look up, my heart stuttering at their bewildered faces.
“So, um, this is me telling you,” I finish lamely.
They look at each other, then back to me. “I fucking knew something was going on,” Abby yells, looking back at Jack. “How did we miss this?”
“You rat bastards,” Jack says, but I can only see joy on his face. There’s no hint of anger or accusation in either of their voices, and I might cry with relief. “Why didn’t you say anything? Everyone wants this. You two belong together. It’s about damn time.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” I say. “I was just scared. I don’t even know if I know what I was scared of.”
“I feel like you’re scared a lot these days, Ellie Bellie.” For the first time in this conversation, concern flashes across Abby’s face. “Is something going on? Have you considered talking to someone about it?”
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “I think life is just more overwhelming as we grow up. It’s not a big deal, I’ll figure it out.” I pause for a moment. “But there is another thing I need to tell you. Something I haven’t told Griffin yet.”
“Okay,” Jack says slowly, a leery look on his face. “What is it?”
“I got an internship in Boston.” Silence.
“I leave in a few weeks.” More silence. This time, Jack and Abby stare at each other for a lot longer, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat as whatever silent conversation they have going on seems to bring anger to the surface that wasn’t there a few minutes ago.
“What do you mean you haven’t told him?” I’ve known Abby long enough to know that she’s trying, and failing, to stay cool. “You know that’s bad. Like, really bad.”
“I know,” I whisper, feeling about two feet tall. “I know it is.”
“What exactly are you planning to do about it?” I recoil at the sharpness in Jack’s voice–I don’t think he’s ever talked to me like that. “I swear to God, Ellie, you can’t do this to him again. You can’t just leave.”
“I don’t want to,” I plead. “I don’t want to just leave, I don’t want to hurt him again. But I don’t know what to do, things are exactly the same as last time. He doesn’t want to go, and I can’t stay.”
“Like hell it is,” Jack bites out. “Like hell things are the same. They’re not the same Ellie, because this time you know better. You know exactly what this will do to him. You know what it will do to you.”
My face flushes, a vortex of conflicting emotions beginning to rise up. I know it’s completely unfair that just last night I was all but begging him not to leave me–knowing full well that I’m leaving him. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“You know what, that’s the problem,” he says, standing abruptly.
“I don’t believe you. I think you do know, and I think you’re going to do it anyway.
It’s not enough to just say that you don’t want to do it.
You need to actually not do it.” His hands clench at his side, the tick in his jaw betraying the anger he’s trying to keep at bay.
“I don’t know if I could forgive you if you do this again.
I can forgive the girl who was eighteen and scared.
But I won’t feel sorry for the girl who’s twenty and selfish.
Selfish and cruel.” He turns to leave, but stops to look over his shoulder at me.
“Do not do this, Ellie Turner.” He walks away, letting the door slam behind him on his way out.
Abby stares at me from across the booth, arms folded in front of her.
“Abby,” I begin before she raises her hand to cut me off.
“Dammit Ellie, you’re making me take a man’s side.
He’s right. I’m afraid you’ve made a downright mess again, my love.
” Her tone is soft, but her eyes are stern.
“You need to fess up, and you need to own it. Griffin is going to be hurt, and probably pretty angry. You need to let him be.” We both slide out of the booth and head for the door.
“I know you, Ellie,” she says. “Don’t get defensive.
Don’t be impulsive.” She opens the door for me, following behind as we walk to the car.
“Jack is right. If you leave him without warning again, it’s going to destroy him. And there won’t be any coming back.”
I grab her arm and turn her to face me, silently begging for any reassurance or help she can offer me. “I don’t know what to do, Abby.”
“Just be honest,” she implores. “And don’t make another unilateral decision.
For as scared as you are, he’s probably equally terrified of history repeating itself.
So don’t let it.” She gets in the car without another word, and we drive home in tense silence.
We both know what’s going to happen, and at this moment, even though I’m her best friend in the world, we both hate me for it.