April 20, 1812 #2
But now, her affront was self-directed. In those long hours of quiet contemplation, while waiting days for him to wake, her anger subsided, and she recognized the truthfulness of his claims. That…and his letter.
Yes, his letter. She had not read it since that first day, before she had found him thrown from his horse.
It was still tucked in her reticule tossed into her trunk.
But had she not been so concerned for his immediate safety, she would have it memorized.
She could not tear it from her thoughts throughout the hours since she received it.
While sitting with his sister, who Lizzy’s own heart broke because of the manipulations of a cad, while sitting with his cousin, whose character was unquestionable, and his love and support for Darcy was evident, and finally while sitting alone with the man himself.
It was then she felt the foolishness of her initial opinions, watching his chest rise and fall while he slept, uncertain if he would ever awaken.
And when he had? He called for me…his love. His words were so much like my dreams…
She was brought back to the present by the sound of magpies and turned to find Mr. Darcy staring off into the distance. “Are you ready to return inside?”
“If you please, I would prefer to sit here with you. I believe I have found peace in this place.”
“At the parsonage?”
“No. In this garden. In nature.” Then, he glanced up at her. “Forgive me for sounding maudlin.”
“Not at all. I am glad to hear it. You have all manner of responsibilities which demand your attention. I believe,” she said, biting her lip, “that for a man of leisure, your time for leisure is little. For you to find solace is…a comfort for those who…care for your well-being.”
He turned to her. “And what would make you say that?”
She looked out across the garden before answering. “I had the most remarkable conversations with your sister while you were ill.”
“Georgiana? What did she say?”
A soft smile graced her lips. “Had I been as good a judge of character as I imagined…nothing which I should not have already deduced.” He looked at her curiously. “It is only that I…I believe, and have for some time…I owe you an apology.”
He lowered his head, his dark hair falling forward before he brushed his hands through it. “Miss Elizabeth. It is I who should apologize. You have neither done nor said anything which was not deserved.”
“I am afraid that you are more of a gentleman than I have given you credit. I believe you know of what I am speaking, but you deserve to have me say it. I should never have given credence to Mr. Wickham’s words. It was done out of spite, and because he…he…”
“He did not insult you.” His tone was without malice, but instead held a sadness which permeated her soul. She raised her eyes and turned to him. “For quite some time, I have known you overheard my words at the assembly. But I was at first too proud, then too ashamed to seek your forgiveness.”
“I––”
“No, El––Miss Elizabeth. Please allow me to speak.” He waited before looking back at her.
“I have lived two lives––one of pride and another of anonymity. In both, I have been who I always was. But in the latter, I was forced to humble myself, to recognize both my insignificance and consequence at the same time. My responsibility for others is great, but I learned I am responsible for both my own actions and inactions.” A look of reflection crossed his features.
“I have been deceiving myself and refuse to do so any longer. Therefore, although your apology is appreciated, it is unnecessary.”
She took a breath and looked straight ahead.
“You are mistaken, sir, if you believe my apology was to the man who insulted me at the Meryton assembly. Of him, I have little regard. My apology was for the man who over the last several days I have grown to know and understand better through the words of those who love him—his sister and cousins.”
The chorus of magpies had ceased. Only the sound of the wind broke the hush.
“Thank you for your consideration. It has been many years…since…someone has been so…solicitous of my person.” He was drumming a tattoo on his leg, the calming rhythm lulling her before he spoke. “Might I ask…if you read my letter?”
She nodded but remained silent.
“Forgive the harshness of my words. They were written in spite and should have been destroyed.”
“But they did not anger me, sir. In truth, I only felt shame.”
Incredulous, he turned to her. “Shame? But why? You did nothing to be ashamed.”
“Yet, how else was I to feel after having been fooled by Wickham?” she asked.
“You are not the only one. My father and I can also be counted amongst that circle.”
“Yes, but it is not easy to accept when one has been so thoroughly deceived. Especially by someone who does not deserve our good opinion.”
“And did it change your opinion of me?”
She weighed her response. “It has made me think quite differently.”
She heard him take a breath, the sound of a smile in his voice. “That is all I could hope for.”
He was gone. He had been packed and moved within a quarter of an hour.
Lady Catherine had swooped in demanding his relocation to Rosings.
Darcy had vocalized his objections but also expressed his concern for how taxing his presence must be on the servants and Charlotte.
Therefore, in the end, he gave in, whether it was because of exhaustion, or a need to leave the parsonage, Elizabeth knew not.
“So, against the direct instructions of the doctor, and even the apparent desires of the man himself, Lady Catherine removed Mr. Darcy. Really, Charlotte. Does it not get tiresome with all the interference in your life? I know that he is his own man, but Mr. Darcy seemed only attempting to keep the peace yet was too weak to fight. I would not be surprised if he had his man pack his things and was on his way to Pemberley tomorrow.”
“Lizzy,” Charlotte hissed, attempting to quiet her guest. She glanced at the maid removing the trays after their light supper, then responded with a raised voice.
“I understand you have not had the good fortune to be surrounded by the condescension of such a noble person in your lifetime, with my father’s knighthood being the closest thing you have experienced to those in elevated circles.
However, you must realize Lady Catherine does everything for the betterment of those who she has the ability to assist. I am only grateful my household could aid Mr. Darcy, and I am certain my husband will feel Lady Catherine’s gratitude most acutely when he returns from London from Her Ladyship’s errand. ”
Charlotte glanced up at the girl waiting at the door. “That will be all, Elise.”
“Yes, ma’am.” And with a curtsey, she closed the door behind her.
“Forgive me, Charlotte. I was not thinking, speaking so in front of the servants.”
Charlotte rolled her eyes and picked up her sewing. “It will inevitably be repeated to Lady Catherine.”
“Yes, but surely you championing her cause will also be conveyed?”
“I am certain it will. Elise is a dutiful servant to Rosings, but she and I have formed a unique bond. She will only use the conversation to elevate me in our patroness’s estimation.”
“And to, unfortunately, lower me?”
“Most likely.” Charlotte grinned. “I am uncertain if you could descend any lower. She is still smarting from Mr. Darcy’s declaration when he awoke.
” Her voice trailed off as she raised her eyes from her sewing to look at Elizabeth, whose focus on her own needle became more intense. “Is there anything you care to impart?”
“I am not at liberty to speak on his words or reasons for them. He had been unconscious for several days. Most likely, the sound of my voice was familiar to him, and he was…muddled. Nothing more.”
Charlotte clucked her tongue as she reached for a new bit of thread. “Possibly. But you have been very quiet since our guest was removed to Rosings…”
The question in her voice made Elizabeth’s cheeks warm. Although she willed it to stop, the gentle laugh from Charlotte indicated she had failed. “Lizzy. You have nothing to fear. Your secret is safe with me.”
“Charlotte Collins! I have no secret!”
“Lower your voice, Lizzy. Elise is loyal to me, but she knows what information will pay her well at the big house.”
They both waited to assure there was no sound outside in the corridor before Elizabeth said, “It is true, I grant you, Mr. Darcy and I have…reconciled our differences. But there is no secret between us.”
“None?”
“No, not at all. I will say that I do have a better understanding of his character, but that is all.”
“Hmm…” Charlotte worried her lip as Lizzy attempted to maintain her equilibrium. I must stop this silliness before she believes me to be like Lydia. “Truly, Charlotte I––”
The women were interrupted by the sound of a carriage and soon after, Lady Catherine charged into the room. “Mrs. Collins. I am departing for London at once. You and Miss Bennet will follow in my carriage. Your maids will pack your trunks, but you must make haste.”
“Lady Catherine! Of course, but what is––”
“There is no time for questions, girl! That parson of mine, your husband, has made quite a cake of things in London and cannot follow the simplest of directions. Girl,” Lady Catherine called to the maid, “pack your mistress’s things and Miss Bennet’s.”
“But Lady Catherine. My aunt and uncle are away from London until the end of the week. I will have nowhere to stay.” Elizabeth felt she had been knocked over by the demands placed upon her, and Charlotte appeared to feel the same.
“I am grieved, Lizzy. It appears you must cut your holiday short. I cannot have you reside here alone.”
“That would be scandalous,” Lady Catherine said, jaw clenched. “No, you will deposit Mrs. Collins in London, then continue on to your father’s estate.”
With a glower, she challenged Elizabeth before demanding Charlotte prepare for their imminent departure.