Epilogue
REMY
When my life flashed before my eyes as I lay bleeding on the back of the bus, it was only Claire that I saw, a beautiful highlight reel of her smile, her touch. But if I were to die now, it would be with this single image stuck in my head like static. I thought I knew beauty because I love a woman who is a masterpiece, but I’ve never seen her more beautiful than when she holds our daughter.
The light in her eyes is unlike anything I’ve seen from her—brighter than when she waltzed into my life wearing that sexy lingerie. I watch her come together right in front of me, bits of her that I never realized weren’t there, and the minute she holds our daughter, they fill in.
Elena Lauren Boudreaux.
It’s a big name for such a little girl, but it suits her. Those bright eyes of her mother’s take us all in without a worry in the world, as if she has all the trust in us not to screw this up. And to be fair, we probably won’t. There’s too many of us to screw it up.
Claire sighs, soaking in the last minutes of quiet we may have the rest of our lives. Rhea handled things on the home front, but she’ll storm in here in the next ten minutes and then all bets are off.
“You’re astounding.” I say, rubbing a knuckle across the smooth expanse of Elena’s tiny cheek. Her lips are pulled into something like a pout, but otherwise, she’s sleeping peacefully now.
“She’s incredible.” Claire agrees, pride oozing in every syllable.
When she senses my eyes on her, she glances up at me, recognizing I have something to say. “She is, but I was talking about you.”
Her laugh is dismissive, and she turns her attention back to our daughter, so I give her a minute before trying again. “ You are astounding. You amaze me.”
I’ve seen a lot of shit but watching her birth a little human was probably the most intense thing of all. Being completely helpless was new to me, and it was a special sort of agony to not be able to take away her pain. We’ve both taken lives, watched a soul exit the world, and now we’ve both seen a new one come into it. There aren’t words other than the ones I’ve already given her.
And yet, as she glances back up at me, her eyes are filled with tears that are too heavy to be the tears of joy she first shed when the doctor placed Elena against her chest. They strike terror through me, and I glance her over, looking for the call button.
“Are you in pain? Do you need something?”
She shakes her head, but as fat tears roll down her cheeks, it’s obvious that something is wrong.
“Claire,” I say gently, setting my hand atop hers that’s splayed across the blanket bundling our baby. “Talk to me?”
“It’s stupid.” She sniffs, shaking her head like that will clear the tears. But her arms are full, so I wipe them away for her, slowly, stroking her cheek until she draws in a shaky breath. “I’m scared.”
I only blink at her. “That’s not stupid at all, Claire. That’s completely normal. We’re in charge of a human. I’m fucking terrified.”
She shakes her head again, and I wonder if maybe I should have pretended I’m not scared.
“It’s not just that,” she sighs, nipping at her lower lip as she tries to decide the words she needs. “It’s just… we both got fucked up by the adults in our life. Who’s to say we won’t do the same to her?”
“Claire…” I sigh, moving onto the bed and taking the space next to her so that I can tuck her head against my chest. “We won’t fuck this up because we’re different than our parents. Her story isn’t ours. ”
“We don’t know that. We don’t know what the future holds.”
“We know that she has thirteen brothers and sisters so far who would do anything to protect her, a father that would kill for her, a mother that would die for her, aunts and uncles who will dote on her every breath. This child will want for nothing, Claire, I promise you.”
“I’ve just been thinking about my mother…” Claire ventures, her breath hitching with a sob she suppresses.
My stomach twists, because of course she has. It got lost on me in all the joy, but how can she not be aching for her own mother in a moment like this? “She grew up without parents, and at one point, she probably thought she was going to have it all with my father. And then…” She shakes her head and then burrows against my chest. “I mean, Violet and I grew up completely separate, and yet we both suffered. What if it’s in our DNA? What if we passed that down to her?”
I stroke the top of her head, pressing my lips against her and breathing her in. “It doesn’t matter where any of us came from. We’ve all broken the generational curses of our parentage, Claire. You, me, Rhea.”
She nods, recognizing that as real as the fear is, we are not our parents. The circumstances are entirely different. And honestly, given how fantastic her father has been since he pulled himself out of the spiral, I don’t doubt that if Lauren’s story had ended differently, if Claire’s had started differently, that he’d have been a fantastic father. And Lauren, from everything Victor and his sister have told us about her, would be the world’s best mom.
“Even on the days where it’s too much, our network is too big to fail. Dimitri, Kent, Elaine, Taissa. This baby in your arms? This beautiful, innocent little thing? She’s the light that will keep us on the right path. No one can dim her light, baby. And no one will take her from us. I promise you that.”
I expect her to argue that I can’t promise that, and I’ve already been preparing my counterargument. Our house, as chaotic as it can get, has practically become Fort Knox as I’ve taken the process of babyproofing quite seriously. But Claire doesn’t offer me any further discourse, simply holding Elena a little tighter.
There’s a faint knock on the door, and then a moment later, my sister is creeping in. I expect to see Dimitri follow her in as she holds the door open, but instead, a blonde head pokes tentatively around the space.
“I don’t have to stay, if you want me to go.” Violet says, looking at me first, and then Claire.
“I told you,” Rhea says, ushering her inside, “You’re family.”
“Of course you can stay.” Claire says, mustering a smile that’s only a little hesitant. I’m not sure yet how much I trust my sister-in-law… or my half-brother. He saved my life apparently, but I’ll never forget that he nearly took Claire from me. And his wife? Well, I’ve encouraged Claire to kill, but something about the way Violet did it sticks with me.
Claire killed to silence her demons, but I almost get the feeling her sister kills to feed hers.
Despite the invitation, Violet hesitates until Rhea drags her forward. When her eyes fall on Elena, my sister stills entirely, her mouth falling open as if she forgot the whole reason she was even here.
“Oh my God,” she whispers, closing the distance to where we are. I can see the tears shining in her eyes, the little quiver of her lips. “You did it.”
“Didn’t really have a choice.” Claire teases, her lips curling into a grin. “She had to come out one way or another.”
Spurred on by Rhea’s gushing, Violet creeps closer until she stands at the edge of the bed, her eyes wide with awe.
“She’s beautiful.” Violet breathes.
Claire tears her eyes from our daughter to smile at her sister, more genuinely this time. “She is.” She agrees. “Would you like to hold her? ”
I bite my tongue, not bothering to remind Claire that she hasn’t even given the baby up to me yet. Something about the way the sisters look at each other tells me that this is something they both need, and I decided long ago that I will always put Claire’s needs above my own. Besides, when all is said and done, there is plenty of time to familiarize my daughter with the comfort of her father’s arms.
Violet opens her mouth and closes it, nervous. “I don’t… I’ve never held one before.”
“Perfect time to start.” Claire assures her.
“Go wash your hands,” Rhea instructs her. I’m impressed that she’s not jealous at the fact Claire offered her up to Violet first. “And then come sit down.”
Violet does as she’s instructed, a little bit of a skip in her step as she goes. I glance at Claire as her sister scrubs her hands like a surgeon and find that she’s closed her eyes for a moment, but her smile abates any of the anxiety I can feel over her exhaustion. When Violet sits, Claire opens her eyes and sits up, prepared to pass our daughter off. I take her instead, letting her relax a moment longer.
Elena wiggles just a little as I disturb her from her deep slumber, irritation obvious on her tiny little face.
I can’t explain it but holding her in my arms even for a moment feels like the last piece of a puzzle sliding into place. It feels like the world and all of its problems folding for once, bowing aside to grant us this moment of perfect peace.
“Oh my God,” Claire gasps softly as I hand my daughter off to Violet, as Rhea instructs her how to old her arms and support Elena’s head. When I turn back to her, Claire’s eyes are shining, but she isn’t crying this time. “I forgot you haven’t even held her yet. I’ve had her this whole time.”
Rhea’s head snaps up, but she only laughs when she sees me shake my head. I sit on the edge of the bed with her, close enough that I can snatch my daughter back at a moment’s notice if I need to. But as I watch the light flicker on in Violet’s eyes, I’m sure that I won’t have to.
I don’t know much about twins, except I’m glad we didn’t have them. There was a moment where the doctor thought she heard a second heartbeat, which was enough to strike terror into both of us. Though, in hindsight, when you go from zero kids to fourteen in a single year, what’s one more?
Watching Violet, and watching Claire watch Violet, I start to wonder what sort of effect something like this has on healing… If she had any doubts about how she looks like she was made for this, they must be erased when Claire literally watches herself with Elena.
It’s perfect in every way I never could have imagined. It’s unusual and chaotic, particularly when another knock on the door signifies Wes, Dimitri, and Michael’s arrival. As they join us in the room and Rhea calls next on my daughter, as if any of the others were going to fight for the chance, I thread my fingers through Claire’s and press a kiss to them, smiling as she sighs contentedly.
“See?” I tell her, gesturing to the visitors in the room. It’s just a small sample of the people in our life—just a small part of our family. “She’ll be the most protected girl in the whole world.”
Claire laughs, and I’m not sure she even understands how seriously I mean it.
But of course, I do.
Claire’s whole life, she’s longed for a family. And while I’m sure it looked different in her mind, I think the reality probably played out better.
I know it did for me.