Chapter 11 #3
And that annoyed the hell out of him. He’d always been an ally and a champion of the queer community. He’d played more than one queer character and owed his fame to the community. It felt like a personal failing that he was struggling with his identity instead of embracing it without question.
“Yes, I’ve always known,” Abby said kindly after a long silence. “I knew when we were in high school.”
The unexpected relief of someone understanding something so core about him was more than Drew could have hoped for. “Then why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded with a burst of humor.
Abby laughed. “You weren’t ready,” he said. “You’ve got way too much going on in your life right now. And I always assumed that you just knew you were bi on some level.”
There it was. The secret he hadn’t known he was keeping, out in the open.
He flopped back to lie on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
“I really don’t know what to do,” he confessed, both horrified at how vulnerable he felt and excited that he could be so open with someone.
“All I know is that I really like Lee and—” He paused, but figured if he was in by a tip, he might as well just thrust all the way in.
“We got each other off the other night.”
“Brilliant!” Abby exclaimed, then burst into laughter. “I had a sense that you two would be good together.”
“You’re not at all weirded out about this?” Drew asked. “About me wanting to be with a guy?”
“Are you weirded out?” Abby asked in turn.
“Actually, yeah,” Drew said honestly. “I never thought I’d find myself here.”
“Where is here?” Abby asked frankly.
Drew rubbed a hand over his face. “Crushing on a guy when I’m supposed to be fueling an epic rise to fame while technically still dating Jessica. And with everything one hundred percent certain to blow up in my face at some point.”
“The only thing you should worry about blowing up in your face is your boyfriend,” Abby said in her shit-eating voice.
“Very funny,” Drew said, going hot at the brief fantasy of Lee giving him a facial. He wasn’t sure if he would like that…or if he would like it the other way around. “Shit,” he said. “I have to figure out if I’m a top or a bottom now, don’t I.”
Abby laughed so loudly Drew had to hold the phone away from his face. “No, you do not,” she told him. “There is such a thing as being vers. And it’s not like a one-time decision. And just in case you’re trying to get hung up on it, you’re not gay, you’re bi. You still like women, right?”
“Right,” Drew answered slowly. He hadn’t actually been with any women other than Jessica for years.
He’d been faithful to her. But the idea of having sex with her now kind of made him feel like he’d be cheating on Lee.
Which was also fucked up, because it was Jessica he was actually dating, not Lee.
His swirling thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening, which could only mean one thing.
“Jessica is back,” he told Abby, sitting up.
“You’d better go deal with her, then,” Abby said. “But you know where to find me when you need me. And I’ll be back in the UK as soon as I get a few things sorted here.”
“Thank god,” Drew said.
They said their goodbyes, then ended the call. Drew got up and headed into the main part of the apartment, nearly running into Jessica in the doorway.
“No coffee?” he asked, backing into the room again and feeling way more awkward around someone he’d been practically living with for the past several years.
“Can you believe the place was closed?” Jessica asked.
Actually, given the hour, Drew could believe it. “Sorry. Looks like you’ll have to settle for the coffee we have here.”
“I can think of something else that will cure my jetlag,” she said, putting her hands on Drew’s chest and backing him toward the bed with a glimmer in her eyes.
There was no way that was happening. Not when his head was in a thousand different places and when what he really needed to do was break up with her.
He needed to, but he couldn’t handle that conversation right then. He was starting to feel like he needed to really plan for that conversation.
“Not tonight, Jess,” he said with a sigh, falling back on the exhaustion card. And in all honesty, he really was so exhausted that he probably wouldn’t have been able to get it up. Unless, maybe, Lee was the one he was getting it up for.
“Oh,” Jessica pouted, dropping her arms to her sides. “But I miss you.”
“I have an early call tomorrow.” It wasn’t a lie, but it felt like a lame excuse.
“Okay,” Jessica sighed, flopping onto the bed. “I’ll admit I’m pretty tired myself.”
“Sounds like we both just really need to sleep.” Drew crossed to the bureau to grab his pajamas. “We’ll talk in the morning.”
“Sure,” Jessica said, already crawling up to the pillows like she would fall asleep without bothering to change into her PJs.
Drew took his pajamas to the bathroom to change and to brush his teeth before going to bed. The fact that Jessica didn’t push things with him to have sex might have been telling. She might even react okay to breaking up.
Drew didn’t think he would get out of the whole thing that easily, but he could always hope.