18. Zayn
Zayn
“Well, I’m fucked, and I blame you.”
Ever since kissing Annie in the corn maze, I’ve been a mess.
We haven’t spoken about it, just decided to pretend it didn’t happen like the last kiss, and I need someone to talk to about it.
I’m pacing around my apartment, making figure eights between the living room and the kitchen.
Logan is over because he’s the only person that’s been with me for long enough to know me.
We may not be close, but I consider him a friend. Even though I think he’s an asshole.
“I didn’t suggest you two move in together,” Logan says. He’s sitting on the couch working on his computer. He doesn’t even bother looking up.
“Well, no, but you sure as hell don’t help the situation.”
Logan peers up, sighs, and closes his computer. “I’m in a tough position.”
I stop in front of him, throwing my hands up in the air. “You’re in a tough position? I’m the one falling for this fucking girl, and I’m in a goddamn fake relationship.”
“Falling, huh?”
“I... I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m confused. I’m trying to be better to get this role while everything is getting complicated. I don’t know why I thought coming to you would be a good idea when you’re half of the reason why I’m in this mess.”
Logan was there when everything happened with Marissa.
He was the one that suggested we hide all negativity around the breakup.
I trusted him. I think it was the right call, but I had to suffer and grieve in silence.
Whenever anyone saw me, instead of sympathizing with me about the situation, they mentioned that they loved how we ended things amicably.
They would tell me they thought we were endgame and I had to stand there and hear all of it.
I couldn’t say anything to anyone. Eventually, it wore on me enough that I stopped leaving the apartment.
Whenever someone brought up my past relationship, I’d either say something I shouldn’t, or I’d shut down and ignore them.
All of this has led me to this moment with Annie. If I would have just controlled my anger at that first gala, we wouldn’t be here. I’d be doing boring interviews or attending events I’d rather not be at. But I also wouldn’t be feeling like this again.
My heart has been slowly mending itself and I can already tell that if I let Annie in, fully in, and something happened, then all of my bandages would slowly unravel until I’m broken again.
I didn’t think I’d be interested in anyone ever again.
Nothing can happen. Nothing should happen between Annie and I. She would wreck me.
“Listen, Zayn. I’ve known you for a while, and I just want to comment on the fact that no one has gotten under your skin like Annie has.” Logan stands, his bag already packed and hanging over his shoulder.
“Your point?” I walk into the kitchen and lean over the island, resting my elbows in front of me, while glaring in his direction.
“I—” Logan sighs and walks backward toward the door. “Just don’t think about it too much. Let whatever it is happen. It doesn’t have to be a thing.”
“You’re the worst at giving advice, you know.”
“You’re the worst at listening to advice, you know.
” Logan counters, hand on the doorknob. “So listen when I tell you it’s okay to keep things casual, figure out what you want.
Your contract ends in a few months with Annie and this whole fake dating thing will be over, you’ll have signed this new movie deal, and then you two can go your separate ways.
I have to go, but don’t hesitate to text me if you need anything.
” Logan pauses before opening the door, waiting for me to respond.
“Bye, Logan.” I wave, standing up from the island and turning my back to him. I hear a chuckle as the door closes.
I glance at the stove. Annie will be home in a few hours, and then we have another date.
Logan wasn’t wrong when he said Annie is weaving her way under my skin.
It’s little by little, like a damn parasite.
I use bickering as a defense mechanism, but it only makes it worse; Annie seems to feed off of my grumpy moods.
She gets more vocal and flirty, which has led us into some dangerous territories.
I’ve thought about talking to Kiley about all of this, but I’m not ready to tell her it’s all fake. She was heartbroken, maybe more than me, about how my previous relationship ended. Marissa was like a big sister to Kiley, and when everything happened, Kiley lost her too.
Granted, Kiley is older now and has thicker skin, but that doesn’t mean this wouldn’t hurt her.
The fact that it’s with Annie actually makes things worse. Kiley and Annie have a relationship, even if it’s just surface level. They know each other because of Dan. Out of the billions of people in the world, I manage to fake date a girl that’s gone out with my brother. What are the odds?
I’m in the living room when I hear the front door open. Annie rushes through with the biggest smile on her face.
“Zayn, I think Greg might have a prospective client for me to interview next month.” Annie doesn’t even bother taking off her shoes before she walks into the living room, taking a seat next to me on the couch. Not that it bothers me, but she always takes her shoes off at the door.
“What does that mean?” I lean my elbow on the back of the couch, resting my head in my hand as I stare at Annie. When she’s excited, she moves her hands a mile a minute and her smile never fades. My heart stutters just taking her in.
“Well our contract ends in two months, and I’m going to need money in order to live in a new apartment.” She’s looking at me like it’s obvious. Her jaw is slightly open and she shakes her head quickly a few times. “That is, if Greg decides to hire me full time.”
“You can stay here if you need to. Longer, I mean.” Why did I offer that? And why am I feeling my chest tighten with rage over her mentioning the end of all of this? That’s still over two months away. We are barely into the month of October.
Annie purses her lips and narrows her eyebrows. “I don’t think that’d be such a great idea...” She trails off at the end.
A moment of silence washes over us. This is ending. We both know it.
“Well, are you ready for our fake date tonight?” I ask, overemphasizing the word fake.
Annie peers over at me and nods. “Mhm, we can leave whenever.” The tone of her voice is slightly lower, disappointed almost.
“Okay, I’ll go get ready, then we can head out.” I push off of the couch to stand. When I turn to face Annie, she’s already looking up at me, watching me. A small smirk plays on her lips before she nods and hops up from the couch.
“Alright, Z, let’s get ready and go get some ice cream. I’m excited.”
I roll my eyes and give Annie a playful shove. She lets out a chuckle, pushing me back. I shake my head and give her one last glance before I walk away and head toward my room.
Small moments with her remind me what it was like to have someone in my life.
I forgot what it was like to want someone to laugh at your jokes or to get excited to tell you something happened that day.
Being with someone for twelve years is a long time, and I took it for granted.
I thought I had forever, but instead it all crumbled in a single evening.
Maybe that’s the real reason, deep down, that I told Annie to move in.
It’s possible I’ve been craving more human interaction since I’ve shut myself off to the world.
It’s been different since she moved in. I figured she’d be in her room most of the time, or simply not here.
Instead, she’s in the kitchen in the morning, or lounging on the couch in the afternoon, acting as if this is her home too.
And because of that, I want it to be her home.
“I’m ready! Hurry up! If we don’t get there soon, they may sell out of our ice cream,” Annie yells through the door.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” I respond as I fasten the last button on my shirt.
When I reach the living room, Annie is leaning over the counter and my mind dreams up the ways I can make her moan like she does when taking a bite of ice cream.
She’s wearing high-waisted jeans that are tight in the ass, but taper off into a more straight leg pant paired with a light pink crop top that hugs her tight.
I resist the urge to slap her on the ass when I pass by.
Instead, I walk past her to the front door. My jacket is hanging from the hook to the left, so I lean over to grab that, in case it gets cold. I also grab Annie’s white bomber jacket, thinking she might want it.
“Annie,” I announce.
She’s busy staring at her phone, likely checking in on the latest press about us or some email from Greg.
She glances up at me and nods. Then, she leans off the island, shoving her phone in her back pocket.
In a few steps, she’s next to me, wearing a smile on her face.
If Annie was left on a desert island and could only bring one food item, it would be the ice cream that we are about to consume. She loves it that much.
When we get to the shop, it’s the same routine.
We see Liam, and he and Annie spend ten minutes catching up on his week.
Okay, maybe not ten minutes, but it’s enough time for me to get tired of smiling and nodding after everything they say.
I try my best to pretend to be engaged in the conversation when I’m actually just staring at Annie the entire time.
I’ve never been around someone who brings out joy in others like Annie does.
Whenever she starts a conversation with someone, her smile and enthusiasm is enough to cause the person she’s talking to to smile.
It’s contagious. She radiates happiness and everyone around her feeds off of it.
She cares what others have to say and goes out of her way to show them.
Annie makes them feel heard. Even if it’s Liam updating her on his coin collection.