Chapter 13
Why was it so damn hard?
Okay... pun totally not intended, but that was more than a smidge hard too.
It really wasn't what I was talking about, though. What I meant was that I wanted to relax. I needed to relax. Be little. Let Colter be the Doctor Daddy I knew he could be.
But my brain didn't want to switch off. He'd somehow known that the perfect Christmas movie to spoil me with would be Polar Express. It was one I adored and had watched on repeat on more than one occasion over the holidays.
But not even the magnificence of Tom Hanks could keep my attention focused or bring out the little deep inside me that was begging to be let free.
And I had no freaking clue why!
Colter was everything I'd ever thought I wanted as a Daddy.
More than that, he was so much more than any of my exes had ever been.
And me not being able to be in the moment with him was starting to freak me out.
Was I broken? Had all my previous relationships messed me up so much that I had forgotten how to be in one?
Fuck. My. Life.
Colter reached for the remote and paused the movie and my large eyes shot to him in fear. Dammit, he was going to take me home. I knew it!
"Hey buddy," he started, tipping my chin up, so I was forced to make eye contact. "What's going on in that head of yours?"
I shrugged. What was I supposed to say? Admit I was broken? I think not, kind sir!
"Jericho," he tried again, his voice much more serious. "I know if things work out with us, there will come a time when I know you well enough so I won't need you to tell me your every trouble. But we're not there yet. You're going to need to speak up, baby boy. What's going on?"
Freaking hell.
I was going to cave, wasn't I?
Colter continued to stare at me, waiting patiently.
"I don't know, okay!" I cried out, frustrated. "I have not the first fucking clue. I want this to work. I wanted tonight to be perfect, but I've done nothing but fuck it up, over and over again. I'm a terrible little. You should just take me home so you can be rid of me."
My hand moved to my mouth in shock as I realised what I'd just said. Not just the admission, but the curse words.
"Hmmm," Colter hummed as he kept me from dropping my face.
"I wonder..." he paused, wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me across his lap so I was straddling him, our chests and other delicious parts pressed against each other.
"If you're such a terrible little boy, then I must be the worst Daddy in the world. "
"No!" I cried out in shock. "You're amazing. You've been nothing but amazing all night long, and I've messed up every step!"
He shook his head at me. "I must be a terrible Daddy if that's what you think, because, buddy, I don't want a perfect boy.
I've never had any interest in a boy who does nothing but agree and does as he's told.
" He leaned closer and kissed the tip of my nose.
"What I want is a real boy. One who brats when he's feeling confident enough, one who pushes boundaries, and makes me work for it. "
My heart stuttered at his words. They weren't flowery or super romantic, but they meant so much to me. If he could be so open with me, then maybe I could be a bit vulnerable with him.
"But what about when I can't find my little?" I whispered.
Colter shrugged. "Then it means it isn't time for him to come out to play.
Or that I haven't done enough to earn his trust yet.
And that's okay, baby." His hands rested on my waist, his face so close to me, his lips hovered a breath away from mine.
"Plus, I can think of quite a few things I could do with a Jericho who wasn't a little boy. .. don't you?"
He hasn't earned my little's trust.
As easy as that.
He took the blame.
Or more accurately, he admitted that the problem might be with him, and not with me.
"You're sure?" I asked.
He smiled. "Am I sure that I still need to earn my boy's trust? Or am I sure I want to do some grown-up things with the big Jericho? Because a yes on both." He thrust his hips up, letting me feel just how sure he was about the second half of that statement.
An involuntary moan slipped from my lips at the feel of his hardness pressed up against mine. My heart sped up, and my breathing turned ragged as I dug my hands into his hair and pulled his lips down to mine for a hungry kiss.
His mouth was warm and firm against mine, his hands sliding up my back in slow, grounding strokes that made my mind finally go quiet.
There were no expectations. No pressure. He'd made that perfectly clear.
All I had to focus on was his steady heartbeat against my chest and the feel of his lips against mine.
When he pulled back, his forehead rested against mine.
"Now, I'm gonna say this, and I'll repeat it as often as you need me to, but you need to listen. There’s nothing wrong with you, Jericho.
" His words were whispered and rough. "You're scared, you're gun shy, and you're being careful with the most important part of yourself. That's okay."
My eyes burned a little, but I blinked the tears back. "You really mean that?"
He nodded. "I've never meant anything more," he murmured. "We'll go at your pace. Little or not. I don't care if we do nothing but make out again all night. As long as I end the night with you in my arms, I'm happy."
Something inside me unclenched at those words. I felt my body sag against his, my fingers curling in the soft cotton of his shirt.
"Okay," I whispered. "Now take me to bed, Daddy. I think it's time to show you what a good big boy I can be."
Colter's smile spread even wider, but his gaze was just as warm and sweet as before. "Only if you're sure, baby."
I thrust against him.
"Oh, I'm sure."
Colter wrapped his hands around me backside, and stood up with me still wrapped around him as he made his way to his bedroom.