Chapter 11
Rivi
The light through my window came in white and bright, waking me. I’d left the curtains open so I could see the moonlight reflecting off the distant snowy mountaintops as I fell asleep.
As my head cleared of sleep, I remembered.
I jumped out of bed. It was Christmas Eve!
The best day. Christmas was a great day, too, because of all the gifts.
But I liked the day before when I would be so excited and filled with wonder.
As an adult, I still thought about the myth of Santa Claus flying his reindeer powered sleigh through the skies.
It filled me with all good feelings. As a little, I believed in that myth.
I wanted to leave cookies and milk out. I wanted to see my stocking hung over the fireplace and bulging with treats.
I wanted to imagine reindeer hooves stomping on my rooftop.
I texted a Merry Christmas Eve to Mama. I expected her to get it later. She liked to sleep in on holidays.
Then I got dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved Christmas t-shirt. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I hesitated. Was I supposed to dress as a little for the party today?
No. First, breakfast. Then, little time.
I had it all laid out on my bed. My pink onesie pajamas with feet. Big blue buttons fastened the flap at the back. I kept running my fingers over the roundness, pressing them down.
I looked at my Santa plushie still asleep amid the covers of my unmade bed. Should I take him with me to the party? Yes. It seemed appropriate.
I knew this was a safe space. Everyone here expected littles to behave like, well, littles. But an inner fear kept popping up that I’d be laughed at. That I was going too far.
In my mind, I could hear Briar speaking right now. “You can never go too far with this crowd.”
I trusted his voice.
I wanted to hear it again, so I rushed downstairs to the breakfast buffet I knew would be waiting.
When I ran into the room, Briar was already there loading up his plate. There was only one other guy at the buffet. I didn’t yet know his name.
Briar had on a plaid, flannel shirt, his sleeves rolled up to reveal his muscular, tanned forearms.
“Mornin’.”
“Hi, Briar. Can I sit next to you again?”
“I welcome it.”
I loaded my plate and went to the table. “It’s Christmas Eve.”
“It sure is.”
“I love this day. It’s exciting.”
“Me, too.”
Uncle Trent and Ozzy entered next. Uncle Trent saw me sitting next to Briar and one of his dark eyebrows rose in a way that made me shiver.
I had noticed the tension. He tried to hide it, but I could see and read body language pretty well.
I knew they were friends, so why did he have a problem with me and Briar spending time together?
It was a little bothersome, but I could deal with it. I decided I was going to talk to him about it. But not right now.
Uncle Trent sat beside me with Ozzy on his other side. I liked the attention of sitting between two burly daddies.
More people traipsed in.
Breakfast was a fun time. The tree in the corner was all lit up, the many-colored lights twinkling. The table decorations for today were pinecones and silver metal trees, all very tasteful.
This was the private time, now, with no more outsiders coming, only close friends staying the week, so people talked openly about kink and the upcoming kink party. There would be outsiders at the party, I learned, but none would be unknowns.
When breakfast was finished, Uncle Trent stood up and said, “All right. Presents and treats in the main lounge for those who want to come. We’ll spend a leisurely day today and tomorrow. You can explore the area all you want. And my gym on the north side is open.”
Some of the guys said they had plans for outdoors, like cross country skiing. But others were going to join us littles and daddies. Maybe they were littles and daddies, too. I had not yet found out.
We all spread out to get ready.
I told Briar I had to change but would be back down soon.
He smiled. “The onesie, I hope?”
I nodded and ran away.
It was both weird and exhilarating to change into pajamas I’d never worn before to parade myself in front of others.
I was pleased to note they fit perfectly.
I loved how they looked on me. The insides of the feet were so soft.
I wanted to just sit in them all the time and color and play cars and puzzles and watch Christmas movies.
To be this way with others who felt like me was a dream.
I grabbed my Santa doll and ran back downstairs. I hurried down a long hall to two tall double wooden doors. I heard voices from within but not what they were saying. I looked around me to see if any of the other littles we're coming late like me, but I was alone.
With one shaking hand, I turned the golden doorknob. The door clicked and swung inward. Slowly, I stepped in and quietly shut the door behind me.
I took in the entire room. It was beautiful like I remembered from childhood. A big hearth with a real log fire crackling within. Soft couches. Big easy chairs. A huge screen TV just above the mantle. On it the movie Elf was playing.
Uncle Trent, Colin, and Briar we're all sitting on one long couch. They were holding drinks and talking. Two other men who looked like daddy types were at the bar. Ozzy and Maddy knelt before a low table, coloring.
No one looked up. No one had heard me come in.
When I saw the other littles wearing Christmas t-shirts and plaid pants, I almost turned around and left. No one was wearing pajamas.
In my moment of indecision, Briar looked up and caught my eye. He gave me a huge smile with that dimple that fascinated me.
He stood. “Merry Christmas Eve, Rivi.”
Everyone else in the room turned to look my way. My heart pounded in my chest.
“Come on in.” Uncle Trent waved me over. “We've got snacks and drinks. What will you have?”
I squeezed Santa to my chest and took slow steps to stand in front of him. Briar was at the other end of the couch, still standing.
When I reached Uncle Trent, I said softly, “Shirley Temple?”
“I'll grab one for him.” That was Briar moving past me with a quick pat to my shoulder.
Uncle Trent frowned. It only lasted about one second and then he was all smiles again, but I saw it and I knew it had something to do with Briar. Correction. He and Briar we're good friends. This had to do with me.
“I hope it's okay that I'm wearing this.” My voice came out rough, soft. “I bought these special.”
Uncle Trent took my hand. “Of course. You look wonderful. Today is a leisure day. Specifically for eating and drinking everything that is bad for you and relaxing. You look perfect. I predict the other littles will want to run upstairs and change into their new Christmas pajamas, too.”
“Really? You're not just saying that to make me not feel out of place?”
“You'll learn, sweetheart, that no one is out of place here at my private residence. We have few rules. By the way, Ozzy is going to want me to get him a plushie Santa just like yours. It's perfect.”
I held Santa out for a better look. “It’s a real Squishmallow.”
“Good to know.”
Briar returned and handed me my drink. It had a skinny straw in it, which I loved. I took a quick sip and the sugary 7UP and cherry flavor exploded all over my tongue.
“Good?” he asked.
“Yes, thank you.” I stared up at him, pushing my glasses back. My body felt all glowy inside when I looked at him. It didn't seem fair that Uncle Trent had a problem with that. But this was Christmas Eve and I wasn't going to say anything. Not yet.
“Hey, Rivi.” It was Ozzy. “Do you want to come over here and color with us?”
I nodded, then glanced back at Briar.
“There are Christmas coloring books over there and new crayons,” Briar said. “Go on and check it out.”
“It's really okay?” I directed that question at Uncle Trent.
“Of course. Play and have fun. That's what we're about here.”
Slowly, I walked over to the other boys and knelt before the table. There was a stack of brand-new shiny coloring books. The top one had Christmas trees all over the front cover. I slid it in front of me and opened it to the first page.
“Here.” Maddy shoved an unopened box of crayons toward me.
I picked it up and opened it, squealing to see they were glitter crayons. Perfect to color Christmas trees.
“Thank you.”
“We are watching Elf.” Ozzy pointed a green crayon toward the TV. “I've seen it more than ten times. I can recite the lines before they come.”
I laughed. “Me, too.”
“Me, two,” Maddy echoed.
We all broke out into giggles, then immediately started to say the lines of the movie as we colored.
I had set my drink and my Santa doll on the table in front of my coloring book. Ozzy kept staring at the Santa.
“You can hold him.”
He picked up the toy reverently, then rocked him against his chest. “I love it. So soft.”
At that moment, Maddy stood up and ran to Colin. In a loud high-pitched voice he said, “Daddy, can I go change into my pajamas too? Please?”
Ozzy turned. “Me, too, Daddy.”
Colin spread his legs and hugged Maddy to him, placing a kiss on his forehead. “Go on, then. You should be comfortable on Christmas Eve, don't you think?”
“Thank you,”
Uncle Trent spoke. “That's fine, Ozzy.”
Both boys cried out “Hooray!” And together they ran from the room.
Quietly, I smiled to myself. Now I wouldn't feel so alone. Maybe they had pajamas with feet in them, too. We could all three lie side by side on the hearth watching movies and wiggling our covered feet and laughing.
I put my Santa doll back in place in front of my book and continued to color. I hoped Briar was watching me. I had my side to him, so I didn't want to be obvious and look to see if he was. But a boy could dream.