Chapter 4
Wendy calls just as Bryan’s getting ready for bed. He does not want to answer.
“You called him,” he says, and rubs his hand across his face.
He rubs over his eyebrow a few times. He’s got a headache.
It’s always worse on the right side of his forehead because his nose was broken playing water polo in high school and didn’t get set completely straight. At least, that’s his theory.
“You need to talk to him about this Ballbuster he’s trying to meet up with. He deserves better than some middle-aged loser who lives in his mother’s basement.”
“There are very few basements in California,” he says. He is not going to ask about the rest of that statement. But he very much hopes it isn’t true. A beautiful boy like Samuel should not be disgracing himself for a loser.
She growls at him. “You are on my last nerve tonight, Bryan. He’s a lonely young man, and we’re his family. You don’t fire family.”
He’s tempted to argue with her, but this is Wendy’s superpower. She and Ryan have been together since high school, and the one thing Wendy is best at in the entire world is connecting people. She makes everyone feel like family, and she means it.
But.
“I don’t think it’s appropriate to call him family, Wendy. Not after what he’s been through and not when he is my subordinate.”
“Bryan,” she says, voice crisp. “Have you ever considered the possibility that your emotional invulnerability is a weakness? Not everyone is Kathy. Samuel has no one, and he practically lives at the office. His only desire seems to be making your life better. You should be pleased he was trying to get a personal life because his devotion to you isn’t all that healthy.
He worships you because you gave him a chance and believed in him.
If you fire him, you will regret it for the rest of your life, and you will hurt him in a way I don’t think he’ll recover from.
He’s devastated, Bryan. He couldn’t stop crying. ”
“I’m not going to fire him,” he says. He’s been agonizing about it for hours, and even though letting him go is the right thing to do, he just can’t. “I’m going to pretend it didn’t happen and tomorrow will be a normal day.”
“Good! That’s a relief. Maybe I should tell him.”
“I’ll tell him tomorrow,” he snaps.
“Fine. I’m sorry for overstepping,” she says primly. “I’m glad you’ve made the right decision.”
“Goodnight, Wendy. I’ll see you at Christmas.”
“Um… before you go. I’m glad that’s resolved, but what are we going to do about Ballbuster? Someone should know what Samuel is up to and where he is going with this strange man.”
“His friends can ensure his safety.”
“I don’t think he’s going to tell any of his friends. Does he have a lot of friends?”
Bryan winces. “I don’t know if he has any friends. I haven’t asked because he’s my employee and it would be inappropriate.”
Wendy’s deep inhale feels like a rebuke.
“This man he’s planning on meeting up with sounds awful, and Samuel deserves someone better.
It isn’t safe. He’s planning on letting that strange man hurt him.
He said he would need a day to recover. But it isn’t just sex because he wants a Daddy.
Can you please try to be a little understanding and just think about how easy it would be for some man to take advantage of him?
To hurt him? And Samuel will let it happen because he is a good boy who has been alone for a long time, and the only person he views as a father figure is his emotionally unavailable boss. ”
It’s like being emotionally stabbed with a hot poker.
“Goodnight, Wendy. Please meddle in someone else’s life from now on. Maybe you can find someone in your own time zone? Just a thought.” He hangs up the phone and goes to take two Advil.
He trudges back up the stairs of his three-bedroom house, and, not for the first time, thinks that it’s too big, too empty.
It’s a house that’s meant for a family, and that isn’t something Bryan is ever going to have.
He’d tried with his ex-wife, and she’d left him for the tennis pro down at the club.
So cliche.
He wasn’t even sad to see the relationship end. He was sad that the road to a future of 2.5 kids and normalcy closed, but he wasn’t in love with her. She deserved more. She deserved passion and someone who wanted to be with her.
Bryan had wanted to work. He’d enjoyed his work, he understood it.
She was his first girlfriend and the woman he married, and he isn’t sure he ever knew what love was or how to love her.
It’s an incredibly depressing realization. She’s getting remarried soon.
Bryan hasn’t been on a date since the divorce.
He hasn’t even tried to go out on a date.
His love life is non-existent, and his sex drive is manageable.
He masturbates every morning in the shower and that’s it.
And despite what Wendy thinks, he doesn’t imagine Chris Evans’ heavy pecs or pale nipples while he does it.
He doesn’t think of anyone or anything while he’s doing it.
Truly.
He lies down on his bed with a cool washcloth over his eyes, and of course, his mind drifts to Samuel.
The poor boy, he thinks, not for the first time.
He’s so young. He’s eager and steady, competent and smart.
Samuel has a future at the company, and Bryan wants to keep Samuel with him for as long as he can.
Soon enough, the day will come when the boy will be offered another job at a company that will give him more opportunities.
Bryan has been dreading it. Samuel makes everything bearable.
So.
He can’t fire Samuel. Plus, it would be so much work to hire someone new and train them. Too many things would go wrong, and that would be even worse for the company. Best to pretend nothing happened.
Samuel has to stay.
Bryan is in the office early the next day, early enough that he goes down to get a coffee from the shop on the corner right as it opens. He gets one for Samuel, too. An eggnog latte with 2% milk. Samuel loves Pumpkin Spice for fall and eggnog after Thanksgiving.
Samuel’s bag is at his desk, and his computer is on when Bryan returns. The door to Bryan’s office is open, and he stops in the entryway, curious to know what his assistant is up to this time.
He’s standing next to Bryan’s desk, staring down at it, his back to Bryan. He reaches out a hand and touches Bryan’s blazer, which is on the back of his chair. This is…odd. He lifts the sleeve to his face and starts to take a breath in.
No.
Bryan takes a step back, moving out of sight. His heart is pounding, and there’s a sensation that’s almost nausea churning in his stomach. What in the hell does that mean? Why would Samuel do such a thing? How can that be anything but sexual?
And then Samuel is coming out of his office, cheeks pink, brow furrowed, and gaze on the papers he’s bringing out of the office.
Bryan looks him up and down, he can’t help it. Is that an erection? Is that the shape of his penis in his pants? Is he aroused? Did he go into Bryan’s office and get turned on from sniffing his jacket?
“Oh. There you are,” Samuel says, and his chin jerks up with false bravado. A blush spreads up his pale skin, above the collar of his shirt, and settles into his lean, pale cheeks. Something lurches inside Bryan. It isn’t nausea. He isn’t sure it’s a bad sensation, but it is odd.
“I have some things for you to sign if you have a minute.” Samuel’s smile is tight. He blinks twice and then drops his gaze, looking to the side.
What does Bryan’s jacket even smell like?
Samuel always smells clean. His soap, his minty toothpaste, his cologne, the product he puts on his hair to keep it orderly and proper.
Samuel’s hair is thick and has a natural wave to it that requires him to keep it short or else it’s unmanageable and falls onto his forehead.
It makes Samuel look very young if he goes too long without a haircut.
Bryan supposes, objectively, that he also likes the way Samuel smells. But he doesn’t go sniffing his employee’s clothes like an addict who needs a hit. Who does such a thing?
“Sir?” Samuel whispers.
Bryan clears his throat, realizes he’d completely zoned out with inappropriate thoughts. “I do. Have a minute. I got in early and got us coffee.”
Samuel’s mouth opens and then closes in shock. “What?”
“Eggnog latte with low-fat milk. That’s your order. Here,” he says, and sets it down on the desk.
Samuel chews on his bottom lip. He has lips that would make any woman jealous. And his skin is so smooth. It’s surprising to him that Samuel doesn’t have a lot of freckles.
“You got this for me? You, um… You know I like eggnog lattes?”
“I did. I do. Let’s get through the forms,” he says, and moves past Samuel and back into his office. There is nothing to give away that his jacket has just been sniffed. Has it happened before?
He didn’t even know the boy was gay before this. It’s never come up.
“Well….Thank you,” he says, and closes the door to Bryan’s office.
Which is something that has happened hundreds of times before but now feels charged. Even dangerous. As if something inappropriate could happen now that they’re alone. Something from the email, perhaps? Samuel on his knees, choking on Bryan’s penis.
Well, his cock.
Neither Samuel nor Ballbuster would use the word penis.
Surely, he isn’t that much of a prude? In the safety of his own mind, he can think the word cock. Imagine Samuel on the ground and those plump lips—
“Sit down,” Bryan commands, harsher than he intended. He gestures at the seat across from him and forces a smile in hopes of taking the sting out of his words.
Samuel pales and sits down hard. “Oh god. You got me this because you’re firing me, after all.”
“Wendy called you again?”
Samuel shrugs.