Chapter Thirteen
Caelum
Just as quickly as Star came into town, he left.
Filming had wrapped up, and while there was still plenty to do on the project, he was now back in Hollywood doing voice-overs, promotional interviews, and a whole bunch of odds and ends that needed to happen before the movie was ready to go.
I’d never really paid attention to the movie-making process, but now that I had Star in my life, I was starting to see how very little I knew about the industry.
I understood all the reasons why Star needed to leave. This was his job, and he was under contract. It wasn’t like he was taking a random holiday or running away. Still, it left an ache in my heart that was getting worse by the day, not better.
Acting had been a part of Star’s life since long before I knew him.
He might have had a few months off that first semester of college, but acting still had been his purpose.
Back then, I thought it was what he wanted…
his dream. This recent time we spent together, I learned the truth.
He’d had this life laid out for him. Not something he picked.
And, sure, he found his place in it, but it was never what he’d wanted.
It made me sad, thinking of how his childhood had been stripped from him, working at such a young age. And when he wasn’t, he was being pushed to do things that would make him more employable. It was no wonder he cherished his “little” time so much.
Yes, his career was overwhelming, and taking that time to be completely off, to have somebody else take over all of the responsibility and let him just be, had a lot of value to it. But it went beyond that to recapturing a time in his life that was stolen from him.
We’d had so much fun playing together, and I loved taking care of him in the few little times we had managed to carve out for each other.
But even when he was in my town, we didn’t see each other a lot.
Now, he was halfway across the country. Our times together would be even fewer and further apart.
At the crux of it, no matter what happened in our relationship, we were never going to have a traditional, full-time life. That wasn’t in the cards for us.
My job was pretty consistent. My office hours were printed on the door. Any emergency calls went to the 800 number on their policies, not to me. It was boring in every single way—the polar opposite of Star’s. While I didn’t understand all that his job entailed, I was willing to learn.
I worried about him now that he was back in Hollywood.
Was he getting enough sleep? Enough to eat?
Was he taking the time that he needed to just be?
At least he had Davis. Davis took good care of him.
It wasn’t the care of a daddy, but it sure was a thousand times better than any care his father had given him when he entered this career.
There were times when Davis would be the one to call me, or I’d phone him to check on things, not wanting to interrupt Star during his workday. I loved how easily Davis adjusted to me being part of Star’s life. Without him in our corner, this could’ve, no would’ve been so much harder.
Star had only left a couple of days ago, but the void in my heart grew by the minute.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face during that final goodbye.
We both tried to pretend it wasn’t a big deal, that we’d figure it out, and I was sure that we would.
We weren’t college kids anymore. He had more control over his job than back then.
His father wasn’t micromanaging every second of his day.
He’d like to, but that was a different story.
And his agent was far less pushy now that the money was rolling in for him. That could’ve gone either way.
What I needed was some guy talk, someone to vent to and ask some advice from. I had daddy friends. Some really good ones, too. But I also needed to be talking to someone who could know about Star being little, and that lowered the number of daddy friends who I could turn to, to zero.
That’s how I found myself in Ms. Lily’s office.
“Ms. Lily, I need some advice. But I need some advice about Star, and I can’t ask my guy friends because it would be giving away information that isn’t mine to share.”
When I called and asked her if I could come in about something personal, it was an immediate yes from her.
“I see,” she said, leaning back in her chair. “I don’t know how much I can help you. I’m not much for guy talk, not being a guy, but I’ve got a half hour and I’m a good listener.”
“Star’s left,” I said. “He had to go back for work. The last time he left, we started off strong, and then it got less and less.” I went on to tell her the entire story about his father, about how intensely his career took off, and how we went from being each other’s everything to being nothing but a memory, and how I wanted to avoid having that happen again.
“So, any advice you could give, I’d really appreciate it. ”
“First of all, the fact that you came to me because you wanted to protect your adorable little’s privacy means so much more than you realize.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say to that.
“I know you’re looking for some magical answer on how to make all this work, and I don’t have that.
I don’t think anybody does. But what I do know is that you two have been through this before.
You saw your pitfalls, and you talked about them already.
That means a lot. It means you have a much better chance this time of making it through. ”
“A better chance, but not…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence.
“There are no guarantees in life,” she continued. “My best advice for you is for you to both keep your lines of communication open and be ready to adjust. It’s going to be rough, but you’ll figure it out if it’s meant to be.”
“And if it’s not…
“I think we both know it is.” She winked.
That last small bit of encouragement was exactly what I needed to hear.
She was right. I did know we were meant to be, and my job now was to make sure we kept our communication open.
I was going to be available for him on his timetable, because at least in this season of our lives, I was the one with the flexibility.
That might not always be the case, but for now, I was going to work with what we had.
We’d need to figure out what our long-term answers were, but for now, this was enough. It had to be. It was all that we had.