Chapter Twenty-Six
Gabe
The cool morning air settled over my exposed skin in the frigid room.
Exposed?
Eyes closed, I took a second or two to work out the reason why. The covers, which the previous night had been tucked around me, were gone. I forced my eyelids open and squinted, disorientated, not quite sure of my surroundings. The familiar living room fireplace I’d woken to the last few mornings was no longer there. Instead, I lay on the edge of a bed, facing an open bathroom door—the one in Mitch’s bedroom.
Lifting my head and peering behind me, I vaguely made out Mitch in the dark shadows of the early morning light. He faced away from me and slept all the way over on the other side of the king-size bed. His big body curled snugly around Leo, and the image they portrayed, of how together they were—the two of them—caused the blood to ice up and my heart to thump heavy behind my ribs.
So peaceful and comfortably entwined around each other, as if they’d been sleeping the same way for years, not just a single night. I felt like an intruder stumbling into their lives, one who had no right to witness their close intimacy.
It shouldn’t have affected me so much. After all, we were only fucking, right? Fine, I’ll admit it was the best fuck I’d ever had, and for how many times I’d been around the block, that said a whole hell of a lot. But as I stared at them, I tried and failed to rid myself of the nagging feeling that what we had went far deeper than a quick coupling, and reducing our intimacy to only sex didn’t do the connection between the three of us any sort of justice.
Flopping my head back onto the pillow, I stared blankly at the ceiling, eventually deciding on the futility of trying to analyze the situation. In the end, connection or not, I wasn’t capable of offering anything more, even if a small part of me yearned to do so.
I gave them another glance, my chest tightening as Mitch shifted closer to Leo, pulling him into the warmth and comfort of his embrace. From the way they were wrapped around each other, they appeared to have everything they needed, so what could I possibly offer that they didn’t already have? If I required any further proof I was out in the cold, I only had to look at the current distance separating us, with the two laying on one side of the bed and me on the other.
After my breakdown last night, I’d naively concluded they’d understood what I’d gone through and how I felt. Clearly, they’d only been mouthing platitudes, and the feelings of empathy I’d detected from them were nothing of the sort. Why keep so far away from me, even unconsciously while asleep, if it wasn’t the case?
Sitting up carefully, to avoid waking them, I slipped off the bed, my bare feet padding silently across the floor as I left the room. Closing the door was akin to shutting out a part of me, and I almost turned back, the need to be near to them so overwhelming, but I fought against the urge, pushing it down, burying it. They’d made their choice, and I’d made mine. For however long I had left here, we’d fuck, because hey, permanently horny, and the sex had been pretty amazing. No matter how close I might think I was getting to them, I needed to put a lid on my emotions, because sooner or later I’d be out of here and back in Manhattan.
I dug my borrowed wardrobe out from the pile of all our clothing and grabbed my phone; then, all muffled up, I clicked my fingers at the dogs, who scrambled from their beds by the fire, and the three of us headed outside. New York got freezing in winter, but the intense cold seeping into my bones here felt ten times worse. Stepping off the porch onto the hardened mud, I made my way over to one of the barns while Chuck and Norris loped off into the trees to check out the forest. I needed a bit of space between us for me to think things through to gain a better perspective on what we’d done. Plus, I should really speak to Mason to let him know I was still alive.
Dark gray clouds hung low and heavy in the sky above me as I crossed the yard, making the normally sparkly snow dull and flat. The promise of more bad weather meant I might be stranded here for even longer. If that were true, I’d have to shore up my defenses, build my walls thick and high as protection against any more delusions of what might occur if the three of us got any closer.
The barn was marginally less cold than the yard, and I sat on one of the bales of hay filling the interior, while leaning against the one behind. Pulling my phone out of my jacket pocket I dialed Mason’s number. It took a while for him to answer and after glancing at the time on my screen I registered the earliness of the hour, barely a minute after six.
“Gabe,” Mason greeted, his voice gravelly and full of sleep.
“Sorry, Mason. I didn’t realize the time.”
A sigh and a yawn sounded. “Give me a sec.”
He shuffled around, and I caught a snatch of muffled conversation. Probably Ash complaining about me calling so early in the morning, which made me smile. The man liked to be up at first light to walk along the beach, but probably not in the middle of winter, when daybreak had barely scraped away the night sky, and he’d prefer to be snuggled up in bed with his fiancé.
Next, I heard footsteps padding down the stairs and along the hallway. “What’s up?” Mason’s immediate concern provided a soothing balm to my bruised soul. No grumpiness or censure in his voice at being woken up at the ass crack of dawn. Mason was my rock, and having him fully in my life again after the horror of his assault and subsequent struggles to fight for his mental health made me extremely happy.
Thank God for Ash, as without him, I didn’t think Mason would have ever found his way back. I’d not played a big role in his recovery, but I like to think if I hadn’t offered my house in Melrose Bay for him to convalesce in, he’d never have met his future husband, who’d inherited the beach house next door, and become the happiest and most contented version of himself I’d ever known.
I wasn’t jealous at all. Well, not much anyway. Okay, a lot. I was jealous a lot .
I hesitated, trying to reassemble my thoughts, unsure where to begin answering his question, as my issues didn’t seem anywhere near as important when thinking about what he’d been through.
“Where are you anyway?” he continued. “And why aren’t you staying at your place next door?”
“I am. I mean, I was supposed to be.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
I explained what had happened, who I was with, and why I was still here.
“Is that why you hauled me out of bed, to tell me you’re stuck somewhere?”
“Well, I wouldn’t want you to worry about me, now, would I?”
He grumbled a response.
“Plus, I don’t have my laptop, so apart from checking my emails, I can’t do any actual work.”
“Fine. Message me if there’s anything urgent and I’ll take care of it.”
“Thanks, Mason.”
We were quiet for a few moments.
“So are you going to tell me what’s really going on, or do I have to play twenty questions and figure it out on my own?” he asked, his voice calm and gentle. I should have guessed he’d see right through me. But what did I say to him? I’m hooking up with two men and having the best damn sex of my life? I might well be starting to develop feelings for them, and I’m scared to death if I do, history will repeat itself?
I opened my mouth, but no words came out.
Met with a wall of silence, Mason tried to let me off the hook. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk. I won’t push you if you’re not ready to speak to me, Gabe,” he soothed.
“I’m sorry. I guess I’m unsure where to start.”
I heard him settle down, readily picturing him sinking into the sofa, his legs resting on the ottoman. “Take your time; there’s no rush.”
After dragging him from his bed, he at least deserved an explanation, so after metaphorically slapping myself around the face, I forced the words out. “Something might have happened with Leo and Mitch last night.”
“Ah, okay,” he replied. “When you say something, do you mean you hooked up with them both?”
“Yeah,” I huffed out. “I did.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“Gabe.” His voice had his “don’t give me any bullshit” tone.
“Ugh. I’ve no fucking clue, all right?” I absently picked at the hay, pulling a few stalks…fronds…whatever, from the bale and dropping them on the floor.
“About?” When I didn’t answer, he smoothly changed tactics. “Is this the first threesome you’ve had since—”
He didn’t need to say any more. “Yeah.”
“And how was it?”
I chuckled. “You want me to tell you all the dirty details, Mason? You not getting enough jerk-off fantasies from Ash?”
“You know what I mean,” he replied primly. “And for your information, I guarantee I don’t need to add any of your scenarios to my spank bank material, especially when Ash is with me twenty-four seven, and I can have the real thing.”
“Yeah, yeah, okay.”
“So, is this a one-off, or do you want it to happen again?”
I must have hesitated a fraction too long as Mason’s long aah told me he’d finally figured out the problem. “This wasn’t a quick hookup for you, was it? This goes far deeper.”
“I…I…”
“You want more from this than sex,” he stated softly.
Yes, no, yes, no. “Hell, if I know.”
“Is this you genuinely being interested in these two men, or is it because Christmas Eve is just around the corner?”
Crap . Always a problem when your best friends knew you inside out. They didn’t allow you to get away with anything.
“Shit, not sure. Maybe yes to both?”
“Okay. Christmas Eve. Start talking.”
“Jesus Mase , get right to the point, why don’t cha?”
He sighed heavily, ignoring my smart-ass comment. “It’s normal to feel the way you do, Gabe. You were in love with Karl and David. You expected to spend the rest of your life with them, and what they did to you—” His voice hardened. “— are doing to you and the relationship you had together is fucking reprehensible.” This was only the second time I’d ever heard Mason get angry about my situation. He’d never take their side but usually remained calm whenever I spoke about them, so he’d be there for me when I broke down. “Do they understand what you’re going through?”
“They?”
“The guys you’re currently marooned with.”
“I had a bit of a meltdown last night and told them.”
“How did they take it?”
“Okay. I thought they understood.”
“But you don’t now?”
“I woke up this morning to find I was on one side of the bed, while they were tangled around each other like a couple of pretzels on the other.” I tried to keep the bitterness and hurt out of my voice, but I’m sure I failed.
“So because of their sleeping arrangement, you think they don’t want you?”
Did I? It certainly hadn’t seemed the case last night when they’d been fucking me senseless over the couch. But that was probably due to how horny we all were from being in such close quarters and seeing one another nearly naked, or in my case, a lot naked, or in various stages of undress all the time, right?
“Could it possibly be you were protecting yourself?”
I frowned, wondering what he meant.
“I’m not the one keeping their distance,” I snapped.
“Aren’t you?” Mason let his comment sink in for a moment. “Are you sure you weren’t subconsciously anticipating this exact scenario, so you instinctively moved away from them, rather than the other way around?”
The man and his damn logic.
Had I deliberately moved away while asleep? Distancing myself from them both so they didn’t have the opportunity to do the same to me? It seemed a strange concept, when the last thing I’d want is to be the odd one out. But what was the point of subconsciously deciding to protect myself against the issue before it became one and then end up creating an issue anyway?
“Maybe,” I hedged.
“Maybe?” he questioned with way too much sarcasm for my liking. “Look, I’m not going to tell you what you should do, and don’t think I haven’t noticed how evasive you’re being not answering my questions, but I think you need to decide if this is something you want to pursue. If you do, talk to them, tell them how you feel, set some guidelines, and see what they say. If you think it’s a short-term fling while you’re all stuck there, which sounds idyllic by the way, go enjoy yourself and have fond memories of your time together when you leave and come home to us.”
His succinct explanation and possible way forward helped clear my head. I never sweated over a hookup or second guessed these things normally, so what the hell was wrong with me now? I normally made sure to have a good time with whoever I was with and let our dalliance run its inevitable and very short course. The fact I questioned my current liaison should have been setting off all manner of internal alarms, but for some reason they remained quiet.
“You’re right. I know you’re right.”
“So, I’m right, and you do want more?” he asked gently.
I grunted at him.
Despite my agitated mood, his chuckle made me smile. He hadn’t been happy for such a long time I assumed he’d forgotten how. I enjoyed hearing the humor in his voice again.
“Just give them a chance, okay? Maybe they’ll surprise you.”
“Hmmm, all right. I’ll think about it. Not making any promises though.”
“That’s all I ask, Gabe,” he replied. “You good?”
“I am, thank you.”
“Can I go back to bed now?”
“Yeah, yeah. Feel free to go upstairs and crawl in beside your man.”
“You don’t need to tell me twice. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will.”
“And, Gabe?”
“Yeah?”
“Take care, and I mean it, call me if you need anything, okay? Anything at all. I’ll always be here.” His low voice, so full of care and love brought a lump to my throat. I must have done something right in a former life to have as good a friend as Mason.
“I will, and you take care too.”
Ending the call, I laid my head against the hay stacked behind me, which, by the way, is nowhere near as comfortable as you’d imagine. I’d been poked by numerous sharp ends at least half a dozen times while on my call and was beginning to itch like crazy.
“Gabe?”
Leo .
“In here.”
His head popped around the corner of the barn, quickly followed by the rest of his tall frame, muffled up in Mitch’s wool-lined jacket. Both the dogs, who despite having greeted me this morning already, were inordinately happy to see me as they clambered up on my knees, their cold noses nudging my face and sniffing in my ear.
“Shouldn’t you be resting?” I asked, concerned. “Or at least staying inside in the warmth?”
“I’m fine,” he replied, though I didn’t fully believe him. He moved closer but stopped a few feet away from me, hesitance clouding his eyes. “We missed you this morning,” he said, his soft tone soothing my fraught nerves. “And what are you doing out here?” His words came out unsure and cautious, and I instantly felt bad for making him feel wary around me.
“I needed to call my business partner.”
His eyes narrowed. “So early in the morning? Wouldn’t he still be in bed?”
I sometimes forgot how smart Leo was. From his reticent demeanor to his quiet personality, I’d never have put him down as a lawyer, but like now, his razor-sharp intelligence connected the dots at lightning speed, and he was quick to pick up on anything the tiniest bit off, reminding me a lot of Ethan and his supercomputer brain.
I let out a small laugh trying to cover my little white lie. “He was, and none too happy about me waking him up. But I remembered I had an urgent issue needing a resolution before the holidays. And as I’m still likely to be here by then and don’t have my laptop with me, I needed him to take the lead.”
He nodded, but from the pinching of his brows and the slight downward turn of his mouth, he clearly didn’t believe my story. Yep, definitely a smart man. Closing the distance between us, he squeezed himself beside me on the bale. I shuffled over to give him more room, but his wide frame took up a lot of space. With us both hunched together, his left leg rested comfortably along the length of mine, the heat from his body transferring through the denim.
“So why are you really out here?”
So, not letting my lie go unchallenged, after all… “I told you. I needed to speak to Mason.”
He locked eyes with me, his face neutral, waiting me out. Looking up at the barn ceiling, my eyes followed the lines of the rough beams as I debated whether to lie again, to make something up he might consider plausible, but remembering Mason’s words about talking to them, I decided screw it.
“When I woke up this morning, I was on one side of the bed.” Fuck, why did the image get me right in the heart?
Leo frowned. “Okay.”
“You and Mitch were on the other.”
“Okay,” he repeated, a confused expression crossing his face.
I kept my eyes averted, still concentrating on the beams overhead. “You two were way over on the other side of the bed. Together.”
It only took him another second to put my implications together.
See, smart.
“Oh, Gabe.” He placed his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in. I hesitated briefly before yielding, my body molding against his side, protected in his embrace and enjoying the tingly sensation as his hand slid down to cover my heart. “It didn’t mean anything. I promise.”
I grunted but didn’t reply.
“It doesn’t mean we don’t want you.”
Another grunt from me.
He grasped my chin and carefully turned my face toward him. He lowered his head and gently kissed me, his lips reverently caressing mine, and I felt his touch all the way to my soul. His tongue slid out to glide along my lips, and I opened for him, letting him inside, a shiver rippling all down my spine when our tongues caressed.
After a few moments, he eased off, looking me in the eyes. “I want you, Gabe,” he confirmed, his voice honest, heartfelt. “We both want you.”
I tried to respond, but he kissed me again, and I lost myself in his touch, my pulse kicking up and my jeans getting tighter as arousal fired in my veins. I’d been wrong to ever contemplate this as a quick fuck. The butterflies churning in my stomach and the rapid beat of my heart made themselves loud and clear— I was in deep, way, way deeper than I’d kidded myself acceptable.
Leo sat back breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling. I followed him, needing to stay connected, and as I swayed against him, he snickered softly, pulled me tightly to his chest, and squeezed. “Let’s go inside, shall we? It’s far too cold to be out here.” He stood and offered his hand. “Mitch is waiting for us.”
Us . The word sounded good, so, linking our fingers, I let him lead as we made our way through the yard and into the warmth of the cabin. We removed our jackets and boots and went into the kitchen to find a worried-looking Mitch pacing on the hardwood floors. He stopped when he saw us, and stepping forward, immediately entering my personal space, wrapped me in his arms, reconnecting us.
“Worried about you,” he murmured in my ear. “When you weren’t in bed when we woke up, we were scared you’d gone.”
Fuck.
“Thought I’d done a Leo, huh?’
“Hey,” Leo protested, hands on his hips, a mock scowl firmly in place, making us both smile. “But yeah, something along those lines.”
“Sorry.”
Mitch dragged his hand over his face. “Why’d you leave and not say anything?”
“I didn’t think.” And I hadn’t. In my head, the way I’d been, I’d wanted to find a space out of their orbit to gain some perspective on my feelings. We were all in a pressure cooker cooped up in the cabin, and sometimes the only way to relieve the tension was to get away and be on your own. “It won’t happen again.”
Mitch considered me intently for a long time. “I’ve made breakfast” was all he said in the end, letting the matter rest. “Let’s eat before it goes cold.”
Relieved at being let off the hook, I sat at the kitchen table. At some point they’d need a more detailed explanation of why I’d disappeared, but I was grateful for the extra time they afforded me to get my head on straight before having to spill out my fears.