Chapter Thirteen
Mason
Arousal, hot and heavy, rushed through my veins as I gripped Ash’s bare cock. He trembled hard but didn’t move, letting me get used to holding him, another man’s penis, in my hand. His pupils dilated, turning his eyes darker, his lungs panting unevenly, his stomach moving rapidly in and out.
He was the most beautiful being I’d ever seen, and raw desire licked at my insides, burning me up, demanding to be set free.
No matter how insane me together with a man might be, I didn’t care anymore. Since I’d met Ash, I’d become hooked, spending my time each day trying to figure out what these wayward feelings meant—looking at the scenario from every angle, trying to figure out what about him kept reeling me in, giving a hundred reasons why he wasn’t for me and why I shouldn’t want him.
I’m straight.
I’m only attracted to women.
The gunshot wound to my head must have changed me in some way. Altered my brain patterns or whatever the fuck had happened to make me want him, need him , as much as I did.
Lies. All of it. Lies.
When out on the walk along the beach, he’d been so patient with me, taking his time to ensure my comfort and safety. Instinctively knowing when to hold my arm and when to give me the space I required to keep my anxiety in check. He continually scanned the beach for any signs of people or threats, looking out for me, protecting me.
Plus, seeing him naked in the guest bedroom, and my reaction to his body, sent a kick of lust I failed to hide.
I loved working together, having fun, enjoying his company, laughing like a teenager, for fuck’s sake. Him dressed in those indecently tight clothes, his muscles so lithe, yet defined, made me stare, daring me on, tempting me. The way his eyes twinkled when he worked out the potential of what he’d achieve on his home, in his life, filled me with such want, such craving. I couldn’t deny the truth any longer, couldn’t deny my attraction to him.
I felt .
For the first time in years, I felt .
And though I was ashamed, after him witnessing my total breakdown, he didn’t abandon me. Instead, he held me tight, giving me the security to release all the pain, all the hate, all the hurt, all the humiliating feelings of weakness I’d carried around for so many months. I’d clung to him, my lifeline, and refused to let go as unraveling emotions—feelings I’d kept locked up way down deep since the attack—bubbled up through the cracks and fissures he’d created in my towering high walls.
I’d already laid out my emotions for this man. He’d seen me at my worst, and despite all I recognized about myself, what I’d always regarded as the truth, everything had now been turned on its head. I needed him, I needed Ash, the one man able to rescue me from the darkness, to bring light into my life and make me whole.
“I do have to,” I answered him, raising my hand to caress his cheek tenderly while the other continued to grip him through his underwear. “How can I not?”
He leaned his head into my palm, and I had his confirmation.
“Take off your shorts,” I husked, needing to see all of him.
Ash stared at me for the longest time, his eyes narrowing, head tilted to the side as if trying to figure out what was going through my head, more than likely to reassure himself I did want what we were about to do together. My inner voice gave me one final warning, telling me there was time yet to call a halt to this, but I brutally pushed the negative commentary away, needing to see Ash standing in front of me—naked, open.
He bit gently into his bottom lip, his decision made.
“We can stop at any time you want,” he relayed. “If you feel uncomfortable, or what we’re doing feels weird, we stop okay?”
“Okay.” I wouldn’t stop. I’d come too far to even contemplate putting the brakes on. But Ash needed to understand I was all in. “I won’t stop. I want you too much.”
He moaned, “Fuck, Mase.” While doing as I’d asked, his hands dropped to his shorts. Giving himself room, he roughly pushed them and his briefs down his legs and kicked them aside. Once gone, he stood upright to face me.
I scanned his naked body from head to toe, my brain registering every single nuance—the broad shoulders, sculpted chest, and taut abs, continually clenching and unclenching. The neatly trimmed dark pubic hair stood out as one of the few areas on his body having any hair at all, the rest so smooth and sleek.
And his cock—hard—the first one I’d ever seen erect other than my own.
Throbbing.
For me.
The thick length, engorged flared head, a small pearlescent globe leaking from the slit, sliding down the underside of his shaft; his balls, hairless and full, pulled close to his body—all of it, for me.
Hot and heavy lust rippled along my skin, tightening my whole body with anticipation at what I was about to do next.
Slowly, teasingly, I raised my hand, my palm up, reaching for his balls, encasing them in my grip, feeling their heat, their heavy weight.
The whimper Ash emitted had my own hard cock leaking in my shorts. My eyes flashed to his lowered head, his focus on my hand touching him. He raised his eyes, meeting my gaze, the hunger and passion in his making his body shake with need. He bit his lower lip as I fondled him, his straight white teeth digging into the soft flesh, coloring it a deep ruby red as he tried to remain in control.
I didn’t want that at all.
Moving my hand up from his balls, my fingers looped firmly around the base of his cock and sliding up his thick length, I marveled at his silky soft skin under my fingers; a complete contrast to how steel hard he was.
“Mase,” he pleaded, anguish on his face as he shook harder, jerking at every touch I made.
Hands grabbed hard on my shoulders when I twisted my grip on his swollen head, knowing what turned me on, and hoping he liked the same too. Rewarded with his precum slicking my fingers, I watched, entranced as the liquid dribbled down to my wrist when I slid my hand back to the base.
“Mase,” he pleaded again, his eyes zeroing in on my mouth.
My heart rate sped up, the rushing in my ears like a freight train flying past as I stood by the tracks. He wanted me to kiss him again, and the adrenaline rush almost overpowered me.
Easing forward until my lips hovered millimeters away from his, wanting the intense ache in my chest to last a few moments longer, prolonging the sweet agony instead of taking what I’d been dying for since he’d kissed me earlier.
Ash had no such qualms as, pulling me forward, he slammed his mouth down on mine. Hot firm lips battling with my own as we each fought for control.
I groaned, long and low as he devoured me, his mouth eating mine like I was a hot meal to a starving man. My right hand kept working his cock, fiercely sliding up and down as he continually leaked all over my fingers, easing the glide. Our coming together brutal and animalistic and carnal. I wanted more.
Giving his cock a savage twist, his body stiffened, his muscles highlighted as he tensed against me, his blunt fingernails digging deep into my skin as my rapid movements pushed him right to the edge.
His kissing became manic, biting my tongue as I pushed into his mouth, before moving on to my lips and sucking on the full lower one before biting that too. I tasted blood but didn’t care, my only focus to drive him out of his mind with a desperate urge for release.
My hand moved up from the thick base to the tip, then twisted around and around his overly stimulated head, never letting up the pressure or pace, wanting, needing him to fall apart for me.
Ripping his lips from mine, his expressive eyes fixed on my own. He gasped, “I can’t… I can’t.” He swelled in my hand as my name echoed off the bathroom walls, his release shooting hard from his pulsing cock. Line after line of hot cum spurted over my hand, my arm, my T-shirt and onto my shorts. Ash shuddered against me, fingers scratching down my arms as I continued to work him, his body spasming with every glide as he rode out each wave of his climax.
“Holy fuck,” he whispered, and I managed to catch him in time as his shaky legs gave out. My arms wrapped around his waist, supporting his body. Sliding my hands down over his ass, I held firmly and lifted him up, his legs automatically wrapping around my thighs. I carried him out of the bathroom into the bedroom, and over to the bed, gently lowering him against the soft cotton sheets.
“Jesus,” he murmured as I straddled him, placing my hands on either side of his head. I hovered a few inches above his face as his chest heaved in and out, trying to regulate his breathing after his climax.
I grinned so wide my cheeks hurt. “An orgasm will also relieve tension and any lingering muscle aches, instead of a bath,” I said. “So you know for next time.”
His eyes bugged in his sockets. “N-next time?”
He was so fucking cute.
Rubbing my nose alongside his, I nodded. “Uh-huh.”
He swallowed. “You don’t do things in half measures, do you?” he whispered hoarsely.
I shook my head and dropped a kiss on his swollen lips. “Never have; never will.”
I frowned when his face grew serious. “And what you did. What we did. You’re okay with that?”
“I instigated what happened, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, of course. And I’m not complaining, but—”
“Why?”
“Yeah, why?”
“A lot of reasons.”
“Such as?”
We’d arrived at the part I wasn't 100 percent clear on. I wanted Ash, more so since I watched him come apart from only my lips and hands. My rock-hard dick jerked at the memory of his hot cum all over me, currently smeared across my clothes when I’d carried him to the bedroom. But the increasing emotions I had for him went far deeper than mere want. I had a desperate need to get close to him, to crawl beneath his skin, to truly be one with another person, with Ash.
“It’s hard to put into words,” I hedged.
An eyebrow arched at my answer. “Try.”
I chuckled at the way he had of forcing me to explain. He hadn’t let me get away with evading his questions in the past, so there should be no surprise he’d not let me get away with doing so now.
“The last few months have been tough. I came here to get away from the city, to try and reconcile what happened to me.” Looking away, I stared blankly at the padded headboard. “But my recuperation hasn't gone as well as I’d hoped. I’ve essentially succeeded in trading one prison, my apartment, for another. This beach house might have a better view, but it remains a prison, nonetheless.”
Ash stayed silent, unmoving.
“Then I met you.” Lowering my face to his, my heart skipped a beat at the sight of him under me, with his mussed hair and sated expression. “And everything changed.”
“How?” he asked, barely audible. His hands gently roamed over my body. Light fingers trailed along my skin, burning wherever he touched.
I tried to order the words in the right sequence in my head, how much Ash’s presence affected me. I needed to try to explain my reasoning to him without sounding like I was going crazy.
“It’s like there’s a tornado surrounding me. I’m getting tossed around all over the place. Never sure of my footing. Not able to think, to resolve my issues as my life swirls endlessly around and around until I’m dizzy, and everything blurs into nothing.” I struggled to breathe as the first tendrils of panic threaded their way into my consciousness. “And the noise. All the time, so much noise in my head, questioning, questioning, never ceasing for a moment.”
“Sh, you’re okay,” Ash soothed. His voice comforting, his touch reassuring. I focused on him, gulping in air and letting him bring me down.
“When I’m with you…” I struggled to continue but needed to tell him why and make him understand. “…the chaos stops. All’s calm and quiet, and I can breathe again. The absence of noise is almost deafening, but peaceful at the same time. I can process what’s in my scrambled mind, work things out, and make them clearer.” Warm fingers brushed along my cheek, and I nuzzled into him. “Then you leave, and the tornado starts all over again, louder, wilder, more intense.”
“I’m the eye of the storm,” he murmured.
“Yes,” I whispered, as that’s exactly who he’d become. “Yes.” Leaning down I placed a gentle kiss on his lips, tracing the outline of them with my tongue as I slipped inside, wanting the connection, needing it. I moaned at the slight graze of his stubble against my lips, growing used to the sensation. The feel of his slim, muscular body, the roughness of his hands, and the smell of man permeated every one of my senses, permanently imprinting Ash on my psyche.
“Can I ask you something?” he said tentatively when we came up for air.
“Of course.”
His face gained a tinge of color. “Aren’t you meant to be, well, you know, aren’t you…”
“Straight?” I chuckled. “I always thought so, yes.”
“Then?” He pointedly stared down at our bodies to where our hips aligned. Me, rock hard, despite my turbulent emotions, but considering I’d not had an erection in the months preceding meeting Ash I wasn’t going to hide it. Easing my hips forward, pushing my covered cock against his naked body, the movement sent delicious friction along my length. I loved the groan he emitted and the tremble running through him.
“Yeah, maybe not so much anymore.”
He sighed. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Why say anything? Why not accept this for what it is?”
“I’m not really sure what it is,” he said. “You’re still hiding away, still working through the trauma. You say I calm you, help you, but I don’t want to add any more confusion, become yet another complication.”
The trepidation on his face had me wanting to reassure him. He’d had a lot of people come and go from his life and he’d learned the hard way to be careful how much of himself he gave away. He’d put his faith in so few people, and I wanted to be one of them. I had to let him see where he stood with me to enable him to protect himself.
“You won’t add any more confusion,” I answered.
He remained skeptical, his worry at upsetting me further rather comforting.
“Why don’t we see what happens. I don’t think my head is in the right place to want anything too serious.” I waited for him to acknowledge me before continuing. “Plus, I’m not sure I’m the type of person you need or is able to give you what you need—not for a long while anyway. I’m simply not there yet. I have a long way to go and don’t ever want to drag you down into the hole with me.” I held his cheek, my thumb stroking over his lower lip, his tremble more apparent, his body so responsive, so needy for me. I shouldn’t enjoy his reaction to me as much as I did but seemed unable to stop. “I want more of you, Ash, and I’m not ashamed to admit that.” His shy smile utterly charmed me. “So why not let me help you with your renovation, and we can see what happens, or doesn’t, if you decide this isn’t what you want.”
“Oh, I want,” he answered without any hesitation, lifting his chin to kiss me hard, his mouth moving confidently over mine. He pulled away. Eyes bright, lips parted, he was pure temptation. “I definitely want.”
“Yeah?” With a sudden show of strength, I hadn’t been prepared for, he flipped me over until I lay underneath him, and he straddled my thighs. He had hold of my T-shirt and wiggled the material up my body. I levered up off the bed and raised my arms, allowing him to pull it over my head.
Placing his hand on my chest, he applied pressure to get me to lie down again. “Yeah.” He dropped his mouth to mine. The kiss was tentative at first, then became more assured. I opened my mouth to his seeking tongue, letting him take his fill, each lick sending darts of pleasure along my body, building heat.
Trailing down my neck, his strong fingers gripped my chin, then held me in place as he took control of the kiss, exploring every part of my mouth he connected with. His hips undulated over my crotch, making me groan as my trapped cock filled and grew harder still, pushing against the restrictive material. My hands automatically slid around his ass and cradled him, rocking him over me, trying to relieve some of the pressure.
He wrenched his face away, sitting up. “I need to taste you,” and unable to stop himself, his mouth nibbled along my jaw and down the side of my neck to my shoulder, sucking at the delicate skin. The pain, deeply erotic as he marked me, made me shiver at the feeling of possession he invoked.
“Fuck, Ash, yes.” I clamped my hands hard on his ass and pushed my cock up against him, his own hard and leaking once more. One of my fingers slipped over his crease and the rapid hiss of pleasure made me bold, dipping my finger between his cheeks and into the hot moist crevice.
“Mase,” he groaned as I tentatively brushed against his hole, the sensation unusual, different, but pleasant to touch, as the ring of muscle tightened against my pad. His molten heat enveloped me, causing my dick to jerk hard at how he’d feel surrounding me if I ever did fuck him.
Kissing and sucking his way down to my chest, he reached my nipple and licked over the area with the flat of his tongue, the slight roughness hardening it to a painful point. Flicking the nipple with the tip, he swirled his tongue around the tight nub a few times, then sucked hard.
“Jesus Christ,” I moaned as waves of pleasure radiated out all over my body. My nipples had never been particularly sensitive in the past, but they’d suddenly become my center of arousal. “Oh, fuuuuck,” I groaned long and low, as Ash’s teeth grazed the overworked skin, nibbling and pulling. Erotic pleasure-pain jolted to every corner of my body. My cock throbbed, goose bumps covering my skin, as the sensation became almost too much to bear. Ramming fingers into Ash’s short hair, I yanked his head back, and the wicked grin he aimed at me looked like nothing I’d ever seen on him before, wanton, and dirty and full of promise. His eyes glittered like diamonds, clearly liking the affect he had on me.
“Want me to stop?” he asked, his voice low and sensuous, almost daring me to say yes. I shook my head and the grin widened, making me shiver. His eyes glued to mine, he licked his way along my chest to my other nipple, hovering there. It firmed rapidly in anticipation, my back arching up to him, wanting him to take me in his mouth, to treat this one the same as the other and give it his attention. When his mouth closed over the top, his tongue flicking, lips sucking, I gripped his head in my hands, my fingers pulling at his hair, trying to stem the rising tide of emotion washing over me. The longing to be closer, the urge to have his lips sucking my cock the same way he sucked my nipples was overpowering.
Sex had never been like this for me, and only now did I realize what I’d done in the past paled into insignificance to the tumultuous feelings being with Ash crashed through me.
“Please,” I whimpered. “Please.” No other words formed to express my needs as I gave myself over to the moment, letting the wave of desire carry me along for the ride. Yet I craved more, my body coiling tighter and tighter, turning into sensation I had no hope of controlling. I needed release, but I wasn't sure how to get it.
Ash instinctively recognizing what I needed, lifted his head, and licked down my belly and abs, following the thin line of hair down from my navel to the waistband of my shorts. My cock was so fucking hard it hurt, demanding I ease the ache as my shaft throbbed in time with the pulse pounding in my veins.
Not stopping, Ash maneuvered down my legs until he squatted in front of me. I lifted my ass, and he pulled the shorts down to my thighs, releasing me from their strict confines. I clenched, pumping more blood into my already engorged cock.
“Holy fuck,” Ash moaned, his gaze fixed on my hard dick, and the sight of him glued to my length made it throb harder. His hand went to his mouth, and he spat in his palm, getting it real slick, causing a shudder to rack my body at the animalistic action of him using his own saliva as the quickest way to lubricate his movement. Wrapping his hand around the base, his thumb and fingers barely able to meet, he tightened his hold and slid up the long, thick length to the wide, flared head. “Fuck,” he said again, overawed. “So fucking big.” He tore his eyes away from my dick, zeroing in on my face. “You’re gonna feel so good inside me, filling me, stretching me, fucking me hard and deep.”
His words annihilated me as vivid images of doing exactly that filled my vision. I bucked up from the bed, fucking through his hand, wishing it were his ass. He could have sat down on my cock right then, and I wouldn’t have stopped him, no hesitation at all at how far I’d originally deemed acceptable to go.
“But not today,” he continued, and I had to take a second to shake off my thoughts. He twisted his fingers around my tip once, twice, and then slid them down to the base. “Today, I taste you.” He lowered his head, opened his mouth and swallowed me down his throat in one easy move.
Grabbing the sheets, I fought to keep my hips down, the urge to drive up into his mouth and ram my cock as deep as I could go, a visceral thing. Lifting to my crown, his fingers chasing his mouth, he sucked, pulling the precum from my slit, his tongue swirling around the head before deep-throating me once more.
“Yesss,” I hissed when he came up and repeated the process, saliva coating my length, dripping down the side, all around his mouth, making his lips glisten. So brazen, as his lips stretched wide around me, yet so right, so perfect. His mouth sucked me, taking me deep, throat massaging me. My brain checked out as everything became all too much—too much sensation and feeling and emotion all at once.
Lifting off me, he licked down my shaft to my balls, laving first one and then the other, sucking them into his mouth, rolling them along his tongue, before releasing them both and taking my cock back into the scorching heat of his mouth.
My spine tingled in warning and my balls tightened, the coil inside me so tightly drawn. “Ash,” I rasped, but my saying his name only spurred him on, intensifying the sensation, his face bobbing faster, sucking harder. My fingers gripped his hair, pulling roughly, trying to lever him off, but I was too late. My cock swelled painfully in his mouth, my body went rigid, vision dimming as I hurtled over the abyss and emptied down his throat.
Ash didn’t let up as I shot load after load. He kept swallowing me down, but I hadn’t ejaculated in so long he couldn’t keep up and thick white cum spilled out of his mouth covering my cock, slipping down into my pubic hair and over my balls.
After a lifetime of milking me dry, he released me, and I slumped on the bed, staring at the ceiling, head spinning at the best damn climax of my life.
“Holy fuck,” I said, mirroring him. They were the only words I could muster as Ash moved languidly, crawling up my body, filling my vision, an extremely smug and satisfied expression covering his face, my cum smeared on his lips and chin.
“Kiss me,” I demanded. His eyes widened for a second, his pupils dilating to the maximum. Lowering his head, he stopped, not making contact, unsure I really wanted to kiss him after what he’d done. Sliding my hand around the back of his neck I tugged gently. He sighed, and our lips connected, our tongues tangling.
He tasted of pure sex and cum and was absolutely intoxicating.
I sucked my salty essence from inside his mouth, tasting myself for the first time, disappointed to swallow my own cum and not Ash’s. Remembering contemplating about this the other day only cemented my thinking of him coming in my mouth and me swallowing him down. The act not the slightest bit unappealing; in fact my mouth watered at the prospect.
“I’ll get us a towel to clean us up,” he said, and after another kiss that left me dizzy, we parted, and he climbed off me. A couple of minutes later, he returned and carefully cleaned away the remnants of his release from my belly and his own. When he’d finished he dropped the towel on the floor, but he didn’t join me on the bed; instead, hovering uncertainly. Looking up, I caught him worrying at his lower lip, nerves clear on his face as he worked out what he should do next.
“Come here,” I ordered gruffly holding out my arms. Relieved, he lowered himself on top of me, his body covering mine, the weight heavier than I was used to but comfortable, nonetheless. Snuggling against me, he settled himself in, shifting to the side, his leg stretching over my thigh, arm wrapped around my waist, head on my shoulder.
Pulling the sheets from the empty side of the bed, I covered us both, not wanting to move. A noticeable twinge of guilt at sullying Gabe’s bedroom ran through my mind, but I’d make sure to launder the sheets tomorrow morning, so he’d never know. My arm slid around Ash as I pulled him in, guilt vanishing in an instant at the utter rightness of having him exactly where I wanted him.
Dropping a kiss on his head, I closed my eyes and drifted off, warm and comfy and more content than I ever remembered being.