Chapter 21
Chapter
Twenty-One
It is dawn before I finally recognise the trees around me. The encounter with the shields and the impromptu knife lesson with Rylan left me so entirely disoriented that I found myself wandering the forest all night. Every slight movement or noise sent my heart galloping like the shield's horses.
This forest had always been mine, but tonight, it swallowed me whole.
That feeling of panic still lingers because when I hear the snort of a horse, I nearly fall backwards.
My hand flies to my chest as I recognise Merlin, but my relief doesn’t last long. He was tied up on the other side of the cabin, so what is he doing out here, and with his lead rope torn short?
“Hey boy.” I move towards him, but he rears up on his hind legs almost instantly.
I instinctively step back, my pulse jumping when his big hooves hit the ground once more. My breath comes quickly. He’s never been spooked so easily.
“Alright,” I whisper, raising my hand out in front of me. “It’s alright.” Merlin tosses his head, snorting and avoiding my gaze as he stomps his foot.
“Who spooked you?” I wonder out loud as I take a cautious step forward. His ears twist back, and I slow my movements. “It’s all right, Merlin.”
I wish more often than not that they could understand us, that he could know I have no intention of hurting him. I try to portray it in my eyes and in my body language, and hope that he can decipher it.
He lets out a short sigh before looking in the direction I know leads to my cabin. “I can take you back to your field if you let me,” I say, my voice quiet but steady. “I could even get you a nice, sweet apple, huh?”
His ears jump forward at the words, and I can’t help but smile as I approach him, my hand falling delicately on his neck.
“Hi,” I whisper, and his demeanour completely changes, his large muscles relaxing as I touch him. “That’s a good boy.”
He leans into my touch, and I give him a good rub before I reach for the short lead rope. The edge is cut clean, as if it were sliced with a knife. Who would cut him free?
I clear my throat as I lead Merlin through the trees, my mind racing with questions. But when I step into the clearing, every thought disappears.
Merlin snorts, as if reminding me to keep moving, but I can’t. I can’t move as I try to process what is in front of me.
My apothecary windows are shattered, the glass shimmering in the early morning light where it landed in the grass. The door to the shop is hanging off its hinges, and the flowers that were hanging from the roof mere hours ago are strewn across the dirt.
My knees feel as if they might give way if I stand here a moment longer, so I take careful steps forward.
A bumblebee buzzes past my ear, its round form flying through the clearing. On a normal day, I would marvel at the tiny creature’s beauty. But today, it is flying through the wreckage of everything I have worked for.
I drop Merlin’s rope, forgetting fixing him a new lead as I step through the door of my shop, glass crunching underfoot right away.
My eyes glaze over with tears as I look at my near empty shelves. Every bottle or jar is now on the floor, the brick covered in glass and a muddle of every loose herb I've collected, every medicine I’ve ever perfected. Everything is ruined.
My knees finally give out, and I fall against my worktable—the only thing that remains in one piece. My breath comes out in shaky bursts, my cheeks saturating with tears.
Everything is ruined.
The tall cabinet in the corner is without a door, and papers from my handwritten notebooks are littered across the small room. Some are crumpled on my desk while others lie trampled into the brick by dirty boots. All of my records—everything—is now nothing more than shreds.
A sob breaks from my throat, and I cover my mouth with my palm as I sink to the ground, glass pulling at my skirts as I do. But I can't bring myself to care, not as I sit amongst the remains of years’ worth of knowledge and meticulous work.
I’ve spent hours in this room, sometimes days, perfecting my craft and letting my instincts guide me into finding cures or at the very least, aids for a variety of injuries and ailments.
Now there is nothing left.
This was my safe space—the place I hoped others might feel safe in too. But maybe it hasn’t been that for a while. It's definitely not that now.
It was them, the shields.
My chest threatens to cave in as I imagine it, imagine them in my space. When they couldn’t find me, they came here in the dead of night searching for something—anything—they might be able to use against me.
If I weren’t so caught up with Rylan, maybe I would have been able to do something.
I have to think that they wouldn’t murder someone in cold blood, but as soon as the thought enters my mind, another follows—I don’t actually know what they would or wouldn’t do.
They couldn’t have found anything. They would be waiting for me here otherwise, but what they did was enough. Enough to leave me with nothing but pain and an aching need for revenge.
And the three delicate vials that still sit in my pocket.
I reach for them, needing proof they’re still there. My fingers brush the glass hidden deep in my pocket, sliding across each vial—one, two, three. For a heartbeat, relief steadies me.
I followed my instincts in bringing the vials to the equinox with me, and they were right. If I had left them here, who knows what would have been waiting for me when I stepped into the clearing. Or maybe not what, but who.