Chapter 9
If I push any niggling questions to the back of my mind then it’s official, I love my job.
I mean, so far, my job description has pretty much been to go to a place and be a tourist and piss around on a dating app. What’s not to love about that?
I always thought dating apps would be really bleak – and maybe it would be, if I were actually using Matcher to find love – but I have to admit, it’s kind of fun, swiping around, seeing who is out there.
It sort of reminds me of when I was a kid, and I would flick through the Argos catalogue and circle everything I wanted.
Was I ever going to buy all of it? Of course not.
Groovy Chick bedsheets, a Furby and a clown pendant necklace – yes.
But the pages and pages of Game Boys, Laser Challenge sets, swings, slides and roundabouts – in my dreams. It’s like getting to try before you buy, but you’re not actually buying anything, so you’ve nothing to lose.
I’m here, in Canada, as instructed, waiting on a call from Paige to say if she needs me.
If! I know Matcher is a huge company, but I cannot for the life of me figure out why she would need an assistant on standby.
They say if something seems too good to be true then it probably is – but why let that ruin a good trip, eh?
There is so much to love about Nova Scotia. I’ve been exploring for a couple of days now, seeing the sights, enjoying the local cuisine.
My favourite spot so far is probably Peggy’s Cove.
I was at the Yorkshire coast only a matter of days ago – a sight I’ve seen so many times – but this is something else.
The iconic lighthouse sits atop rugged granite cliffs.
There was something almost cinematic about the way the waves crashed against the rocks.
It was so dramatic, violent even, in a way that reminded me just how brutal Mother Nature can be when she feels like it.
But then I also enjoyed exploring Halifax, visiting the Halifax Citadel National Historic Site. The views from the star-shaped fortress were so different to Peggy’s Cove, but equally as beautiful. You got the most amazing panoramic views of the city and the harbour from the ramparts.
I’m sure I say this everywhere I go, but the only thing I find more exciting than exploring the area is exploring the menus, and Canada is not disappointing when it comes to cuisine.
Personal favourites so far include the freshest lobster rolls I’ve ever eaten, blueberry grunt – which tastes a billion times better than it sounds – and of course poutine.
Everywhere I go, I swear, it’s always the cheese that gets me.
The only thing I don’t love – and this is a me thing, for sure – is the cold late November weather.
Oh my God, I’ve never felt cold like it.
I don’t think the mercury has risen above 5°C the whole time I’ve been here – and it’s definitely dropping below zero.
Luckily the locals are used to it, they’re equipped for it, so indoors I feel fine.
But then I step outside, into the icy winds, and it’s like my breath is stolen from me.
Of course, the warmth from the locals goes some way to fighting the chill – quite literally, in some ways, as a very nice lady let me borrow her extra (yes, extra) scarf on one of my trips.
And now I’m back in my hotel. I’ve eaten, I’m relaxing, I’ve checked my phone a million times to make sure Paige hasn’t asked me for anything.
I do have a message from MrLoveByte though.
We’ve been swapping a few messages, here and there.
It’s kind of nice, having some company, someone to talk to in an app other than Matcher – which I only use for work. I cannot stress that enough.
MrLoveByte
Still loving the job?
NewGirl
Still not doing much…
I know we’re in different time zones but I reply right away. He must be a night owl, because we always seem to time it right.
MrLoveByte
Best kind of job, surely?
And he’s up! Great, that gives me some company while I sit with my back to the radiator, trying to thaw myself out.
NewGirl
Maybe. Hey, I have a question for you. Have you ever actually used Matcher? Or does working on it put you off?
I wait patiently for him to reply, hoping I haven’t overstepped the mark.
MrLoveByte
Are you not even going to ask me how my day is going? Haha! Straight to the hard questions. Yeah, I’ve used it. Off and on. Mostly off.
NewGirl
Interesting…
I wonder why that is.
MrLoveByte
I go through phases where I use it. I download it, match with a few people, chat…
maybe go on a date. Then I inevitably delete it and swear I’m done and I’m never bothering with it again…
but a month later I’ll find myself downloading it again.
I tell myself it’s for research. User perspective.
UX insight. Field testing. Whatever it is I need to hear to feel better about it haha!
NewGirl
Haha! Have you figured out why that is?
MrLoveByte
I guess… everyone wants to meet someone, right? Even the people who run the app that helps people meet people.
NewGirl
That’s true. So, do you make work notes while you swipe, or can you keep the two sides of your life separate?
MrLoveByte
Very much separate. If I start looking at it through a work lens… well… that’s when I usually delete it. That or after I’ve had a crap date.
I admire his honesty.
MrLoveByte
What about you? Are you on Matcher? Have you used it before?
NewGirl
Not until I got this job. Paige has me using it for ‘research’ – I’m not really sure what I’m doing but it’s eye opening.
MrLoveByte
So you’re dating for work?
NewGirl
Basically. It’s really weird. But it’s my job, and I’m new, so I do as I’m told.
MrLoveByte
You’re talking to me though… when you told me Paige said you shouldn’t talk to anyone…
NewGirl
You told me no one will ever know!
He did. When we were chatting, while I was on the plane, I told him Paige said I shouldn’t chat to people yet, and he said it could be our little secret.
MrLoveByte
They won’t. We could always chat somewhere else… Maybe I should download it again. Who knows… maybe we’ll swipe on each other.
NewGirl
Do you think we would match? And is that allowed?
MrLoveByte
Well, Paige says no dating through work. But if we meet through the app… technically, that’s a success story. She’d have to put us in the newsletter.
NewGirl
From HR to PR haha.
MrLoveByte
Exactly. Although I do like a bit of low-level HR drama, it keeps the work day fun.
NewGirl
Sounds chaotic – maybe I wouldn’t be your type. I think you’d swipe left on me.
MrLoveByte
There’s only one way to find out – I’m downloading Matcher again…
NewGirl
Why do I feel like I owe you an apology?
MrLoveByte
Don’t owe me an apology – owe me a drink.
I stare at my phone screen, wondering how to reply. I’m not supposed to be fraternising with my coworkers and yet here I am, low-key flirting up a storm with a man whose name I don’t even know.
MrLoveByte
Right… As fun as this has been, I do actually have to work at some point, so I’d better get on with that.
NewGirl
Same. Well, I think I’m supposed to be working. But since ‘swiping’ is the only task on my agenda, there’s only one thing to do.
MrLoveByte
Swipe wisely. And if you spot me… Well. Let’s just say I hope I’ve picked a decent enough photo that you send me to the right and not the left.
NewGirl
So long as you’re not in the gym or hugging a sedated tiger…
MrLoveByte
Only a coward would sedate a tiger. I’d beat it fair and square in hand to paw combat.
I actually snort out loud.
MrLoveByte
Speak soon, NewGirl.
NewGirl
Bye!
I do really appreciate his insights into Matcher – and his light flirting. It makes the days go quicker when there’s nothing to do. Well, nothing but the only task I have left… To fire up Matcher, to see who is around, and to ‘write a report’, whatever that last part means.
I’m never sure if Paige wants to know about the functionality of the app, the general user experience or the calibre of men, so I give her a bit of everything.
Unlike when I was in Yorkshire, there are plenty of people to swipe through.
I’ve got the swiping down to a fine art now, sometimes making split-second decisions on the look of a person, not even reading the details on their profile.
I promise you, I would never be so quick to judge a book by its cover in real life, but on Matcher you have to learn how to streamline the process.
I’ve learned how to read between the lines, when looking at someone’s main photo.
First of all, it’s amazing how many men forget to take off or crop their wedding ring out of their photos, and being married is more than an ick, it’s completely repulsive.
I’m always quick to swipe away the gym bros – usually, if it’s their main photo, it means that exercise, fitness and usually appearances mean far more to them than anything else, and I’m the girl who has eaten chips not once but twice today.
Seeing people who like to travel always catches my eye…
but if I see anyone posing for a photo with a sedated tiger or similar, ickkkk, no thanks – see the tourist sights, sure, observe nature in nature, but standing with your foot on a sleeping animal that could murder you if you gave it the chance just pisses me off.
I notice a message come from a match called Logan.
He’s got short dark hair and bright blue eyes.
He’s reading a book in his profile picture which, okay, is kind of a weird photo to exist when you think about it – it had to have been posed for – but there are worse set-ups.
Reading his profile, I can see that his hobbies include sports – but sexy Canadian ones, none of the boring ones lads in the UK seem to be obsessed with – and cooking.
Take me to watch hot hockey players and make me dinner after and you might be a winner – theoretically, of course. Just for work.