Chapter 31
Lauren
This is the second time I’ve woken up in Caleb’s arms, and I’m afraid I’m becoming addicted.
By the time we’d actually gotten some Speculoos cookies out of our endeavor, it was almost midnight. We gave up on the wooden form and ultimately used regular cookie cutters. They tasted amazing, and that’s the most important part.
A yawn interrupted each and every of my sentences, and he totally offered to sleep on the couch again.
But after spending the night on it myself, waking up with aches in muscles I wasn’t even aware I had, there was no way I’d make him go through that again.
Now he’s in my bed, his arm under my head, the other one snaking around my hip, his breath brushing against the top of my head.
Carefully, I turn around and watch him sleep.
There's no perpetual scowl on his face. He looks peaceful. Relaxed. I could watch him sleeping for hours if it wouldn’t make me feel like such a creep. Carefully, I swipe a curl away from his face.
I can hear the soft pitter-patter of cat paws on the wooden floor, growing louder as they approach. Apparently, it’s time for breakfast. Carefully, I lift his arm and slip out of his hold, careful not to wake him as I pull the blanket back over him.
“Where are you going?” he mumbles, voice hoarse from sleep, blinking one eye open. God, the way he’s lying there, his bare arm over the blanket, watching me with tired eyes hooded from sleep—that’s just illegally sexy.
“Feeding the beasts,” I whisper, scooping up Taytay as she tries to climb onto the bed. “Go back to sleep.”
“Give me a moment to wake up and I’ll be right there,” he whispers, then buries his face in my pillow and lets out a deep, content sigh.
I can’t tear my eyes away from him. My heart is full, a gently warmth spreading in my chest as I watch him drift off again.
He’s adorable when he’s still half asleep.
Carrying both cats so they can’t sprint back to wake Caleb by climbing all over him, I trudge downstairs.
Right. The Christmas tree.
My whole face lights up, and giddiness buzzes in my stomach like a swarm of bees. It might not be Christmas morning yet, but seeing the tree up is enough to ignite my anticipation.
By the time I have the cat food prepared and set down, I hear Caleb slowly coming down the stairs.
Without a word, I pull another mug out of my cupboard and get a coffee going for him too. His face lights up with a sleepy smile as I hand him his mug.
I pull him with me to sit down by the window. It has stopped snowing. A few scattered cotton candy clouds are in the sky, and the first rays of sun are reflecting on snow crystals, sparkling as the world slowly wakes up.
“What a view,” he mumbles, and I can only nod as I take a sip of my coffee. Then I meet his eyes in the reflection and realize he’s not even looking outside. Heat rushes to my cheeks, and I giggle into my mug.
“You’re such a charmer,” I say sheepishly, leaning my head against his shoulder. “How long do you think we’ll be snowed in?”
“It depends,” he mumbles, putting his arm around my shoulder and lifting his mug to drink. “Walter, the guy who clears the roads, lives one town over. It depends on how quickly he gets here. If I had to guess, I’d say probably this evening.”
“Boo,” I pout, exhaling a deep sigh. “I could stay snowed in for another few days.”
Being snowed in is almost as if time stopped. There are no expectations, no need to go anywhere, days that feel as if they’re outside the realm of time.
“That would make the Christmas market tricky, though.” He chuckles, and my eyes widen. Fuck. I completely forgot that was this weekend already. I was too wrapped up in the prospect of staying snowed in with him.
“Right. I hadn’t thought of that,” I admit with a disappointed sigh. “But anyway—” I get up and set my empty cup on the coffee table, before extending my hand for him.
“I’m not sure how to feel about that grin of yours,” he mumbles, but lets me pull him up. “What are you planning?”
“We’re going to decorate the Christmas tree,” I say like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “Come on.”
“I’m not sure what’s—”
“Hey,” I interrupt him softly and take his mug, set it down next to mine and lace my fingers with his.
Lifting my chin to look at him, I step so close that not a sheet of paper would fit between us.
“We will hang plastic decorations on a tree. Are you objecting because it’s your brand?
Or because you really, really don’t want to?
” Before he can answer, I quickly add, “Snickerdoodles.”
He holds my gaze for one breath. Two.
“It’s my brand, I guess.” He lets out a deep sigh and softly shakes his head.
“Then it’s a good thing I don’t give a fuck about your brand.” I grin and pull him after me to my home library.
Relief floods his voice when he says, “You’ve unpacked?”
“I told you I would if I had the space.” I shrug, then lift one of the boxes that has ‘Tree’ written in bold letters on the side and thrust it into his hands. “You take this one. I’ll take the second.”
“Two boxes just for your tree?” His eyes widen. “Why am I even surprised?”
“Yeah, why are you?” I giggle and brush past him.
Our first obstacle is the string lights. Over the course of packing and moving, even though I wrapped them up tightly, they’ve gotten completely tangled.
“No, Jenna!” I curse when my orange cat swats at the cable.
“I’ll take them,” Caleb offers, scoops up both cats, not without loud protest from them, and holds them to his chest while I untangle the string of lights.
“Finally,” I say, wholly annoyed by the time it’s ready to go on the tree. “I swear to Santa Claus, if they don’t work now, I’m going to scream.”
“Let’s find out. Here, take them.”
He hands both cats back to me. Taytay curls up on top of my folded legs while Jenna jumps up on my shoulder, all three of us watching Caleb as he expertly wraps the lights around the Christmas tree.
“A little higher over there, pretty please,” I ask him, and even though there’s a silent ‘are you for real?’ in his narrow eyes, he adjusts it. “Thank you. That’s perfect.”
He plugs them in, and I light up along with the room, my chest so full of warmth and joy tingling through my veins.
The light-yellow glow of the lights engulfs the entire room, and I bet it’s going to be beautiful at night.
I can’t wait to curl up with a book, reading in the light coming only from my Christmas tree and the tons of fairy lights and Christmas decorations.
Carefully, I set the cats down. They’re not even remotely interested in the tree.
I can only hope they won’t decide to play wrecking ball with it when I’m not looking.
They barely shoot the lights a mildly curious glance before they wander off.
“Phew. Thank God.” I let out a deep sigh. “Now, let’s get the rest on there.”
We spend the rest of the morning putting up the red baubles and golden ornaments. And by that, I mean me. Apparently, I’m very particular about two ornaments of the same color hanging next to each other. We settle on Caleb handing me the ornaments and me finding their place on the tree.
“Have you decided what you’re going to do about your mom?” I ask him as he hands me a white ceramic bell ornament with blue snowflakes painted on it, topped off with a tiny red bow.
“I’m not sure yet,” he admits dejectedly, carefully pulling the last ornament out of the box.
“A part of me doesn’t want to forgive her.
And if I don’t, there’s no reason to stay in touch with her either.
” I take the ornament from him, a simple red bauble.
“The other part of me would love to have a mom, even if it means letting go of the grudge.”
“And which part is winning?”
He lifts his gaze from the empty box, meeting my eyes. “It’s a tie.”
“That certainly doesn’t make things easy.” I reach out, swiping a curl behind his ear and resting my hand on the side of his face. “Which part do you want to win?”
“Honestly, I don’t know.” He takes a deep breath, nudging his cheek against my palm. “It’s been a long time since I had a mother. In comparison, and considering the years I can’t remember, she was a part of my life for only such a short time, I barely remember what I’m missing out on.”
“Okay,” I nod, my thumb softly brushing over his skin. “But think about the future too. Imagine how long your life is still going to be and how many years of that she could be there for you.”
He freezes, eyes widening slowly as he lets my words linger. “Right.”
“And you have a sister,” I point out. “I mean, it’s a little late for ding-dong-ditch shenanigans, but still.”
“I’m trying to look at these two separately, but it’s hard.” He lets out a deep sigh. “Whatever decision I make, it’s going to take longer than the week they’re here to bring any meaningful changes. The fact that they’re leaving…” He lets the end of the sentence hang in the air.
“Yeah,” I agree in a whisper. “I know.” I get on my tiptoes for a short, soft kiss. “Forget the timeline. If you need more time to talk to your therapist in January, take it. I’m sure they’d also rather learn of your decision later than cause you more pain.”
I lower my hand and instead slide my arms around his middle, eyes darting to the almost finished Christmas tree. “What do you think?”
“I love it,” he whispers, putting a hand over mine.
“We only have to put up the star.” I point at the final ornament sitting on the table. “You do the honors.”
“Bold of you to assume I can reach that high,” he mumbles, gaze darting between the star and the top of the tree. He might be able to reach the sideways-facing branches close to the top, but even for those, he has to go on his tiptoes.
“How about I hoist you up?” Before I can reply, he steps out of the hug, hands me the star, leans down to wrap his arms around my middle, and lifts me up facing away from him, as if I weigh nothing.
"Caleb!" I squeal, almost dropping the damn thing. He quickly strides closer to the tree so that I can place the star on top.
“I’m afraid that means you have to help me out when it’s time to take this thing down, too,” I tell him once my feet are on the ground again.
“Oh, the horror,” he says deadpan.