Chapter 42 Can I Go Where You Go?
Tom takes us to the airport with a huge smile on his face like he knows what we spent the night doing. Taylor Swift’s “Lover” plays on the Bluetooth and Issac tucks me under his arm. He sighs. I sigh. We meld into each other. I’m thankful we’re in the back seat and there’s no console between us, but as we get closer, dread coils in my stomach. What if this is the last time we’re ever like this? I don’t want to leave him or face decisions or address this heavy yearning in my chest. I’m not ready. I close my eyes, cuddle him, smell the scent that is all pheromones and gentle soap after we spent a weekend loving on each other. Just in case.
When we arrive, Issac asks Tom to get the bags and to give us privacy. I think he’ll steal some kisses, touch me, but he only lifts my chin, a frown on his face. “Hi, my love.”
My heart races, thinking he’s going to end things with me right now. Say we don’t even need a week to think about how we feel. Say it was fun, but it isn’t right. It’s only lust.
But he opens his mouth, speaks sure and steady. “Laniah. I’m so in love with you.”
The words don’t float above us, they land with precision, right over my tender heart.
“I’ve been in love with you since thirteen,” he says. “I don’t know if you remember the day you found me on the bleachers at Uni park. We never talk about it, but I was so mad you saw me that way. And you, stubborn from the beginning, told me it’s okay to cry.” He strokes my jaw with his thumb, brushes back the curls from in front of my face with a shaky hand. “You were wearing your hair wild, and I remember thinking it was beautiful in the wind. You had on yellow overalls, and on the way home, you bought us Starbursts with pocket change.”
He wipes my wet eyes; his are wet with tears too.
“You let me take all the pink ones, even though they were your favorite. That’s when I knew I was a goner,” he says. “I fell in love with you that day, and it’s been that way ever since.”
Words get caught in my throat. I can barely breathe, but Issac exhales like he’s been waiting his whole life to say it. And I believe him. He kisses my forehead and, with his mouth against my skin, says, “Spend the week deciding how you feel, just like we said. But I had to tell you because I’ve had years to process the feeling, recently therapy to come to terms with it. Not because I didn’t want to love you, but because I wasn’t in the place to do it like you deserved, not when I was needing to find ways to better love myself. And you’re my family, Laniah. I couldn’t chance losing you, I’m still terrified. But a special man used to tell me to be brave enough to trust my instincts.” Issac takes a shaky breath, and at the mention of my father I start to sob. “And my instincts told me not to leave here without you knowing the truth of my heart. This past year, I’ve wondered if there’s a chance you feel the same, but if there’s a part of you that’s been scared of love for yourself. I’m not going to assume you’re ready or even how you feel about me at all, but you should know before you leave this car that you’ve never only felt like my best friend. And I’m ready now. If you do love me too, I’m ready to be right for you.”
He pulls back with a sigh, squeezes my hand, then lets me go.
But when I see him reaching for the door handle, ready to give me space, I tug on his sleeve. “Wait.”
His deep brown eyes meet mine again, and the memory floods my mind.