Chapter 45
Chapter Forty-Five
JENSEN
THEN—TWO MONTHS AGO
JUNE
“All right, you ready? Three, two, one!” I shout, wading toward Matt in the pool with my niece, Sierra, on my shoulders—Cole, my nephew, on his.
Sierra locks hands with her brother, and they start battling it out in a chicken fight.
She’s won four of the last five rounds. She’s two years older than Cole, and I’ve gotta give Cole props—he’s not backing down without a fight.
Matt ducks under the water, then launches up fast, knocking Sierra off balance and pulling her into the pool with a splash. When she surfaces, she glares at him. “Not fair, Matt! That’s cheating!”
Matt just laughs as she scowls, and then turns to me, fire in her eyes. “C’mon, Jensen, let’s kick their ass!”
“Whoa! Language, young lady. Does your mom know you talk like that?”
She rolls her eyes. “My mom says that word all the time.”
“I bet she does,” I say, laughing as Matt and I exchange a look.
I dunk down so she can climb back onto my shoulders. She’s a sassy one. Just like Megan.
It’s Sierra’s ninth birthday, so naturally we’re having a big family party at Matt’s.
We play three more rounds before the kids are summoned for pizza. Sierra and Cole hop out of the pool and take off running. Alley sits on the edge, her feet dangling in the water, smile wide. She and Amber have been cheering the kids on.
Amber stands to go inside with the others, and I swim over to Alley, sliding between her legs in the water. “Come swim with me.”
My hands graze her thighs as I grin up at her, mischievous and playful. She presses her hands to my shoulders and slips off the edge, wrapping her legs around me as her mouth finds mine for a quick kiss.
“That was really sexy,” she says through a smile, brushing her lips against mine again. “Watching you with the kids.”
“Yeah?” I cock a brow.
“Yeah.”
Our lips meet again and again. “Keep it up, and we’re gonna get kicked out of the birthday party.”
Her head tips back as she laughs into the sky. She brings her smiling face back to mine. “I don’t even think I’d care.”
God, it’s so good seeing her laugh like that.
I chuckle against her neck. “I’ll have you on your back and naked in four minutes. We’re just two short elevator rides away from our bed.”
“Hmm. That’s tempting,” she replies. “But I think we’d be shunned by the entire family if we bail on a nine-year-old’s birthday party to have sex.”
Her expression shifts, voice softening. “I love you.” Her eyes search mine with a tenderness that makes me feel like the luckiest bastard on earth.
“I love you too, babe.” God, do I love her.
“Thank you for being here. I know I say it a lot, but—” She pauses. “I’m really proud of you.”
I never know what to say to that. Because there’s nothing to be proud of. It’s not like I deserve a medal for not being a fuck up.
“Thank you,” I say anyway, and kiss her once more.
“Ew!”
I turn to see Sierra glaring, her face scrunched with obvious disgust.
I chuckle, and Alley’s warm laugh skims my ear as her legs drop back into the water.
“Party’s over,” I whisper, leaning in. “You sure you don’t want to sneak out?”
Alley shakes her head, grinning. “How’s the pizza?” she calls.
“Good. You better hurry if you want any, it’s almost gone.”
Alley flashes me the let’s go look, and I reluctantly follow her out of the pool and into the kitchen.
Things are almost back to normal—almost. My relationship with Megan is still a little strained, but hey, I was invited to her daughter’s party. I’ll take what I can get at this point.
We’ve talked it out, but Megan’s never been one to forgive easily. You have to earn it, and I’m not mad about that. It just sucks. She and Alley are so close. And when we double with her and Kevin, which isn’t often anymore, it’s not the same. There’s still tension.
Megan told me, even though I’m her brother and she loves me, that Alley and Amber are the sisters she never had. She’ll go to bat for them, always. And she should.
Alley deserves nothing less.
She also told me if she ever loses Alley because of me, she’ll cut my balls off. And honestly? I believe her.
I’ve been clean for ten weeks now. Truly clean. It’s the longest I’ve ever gone. Before this, my record was three weeks.
It’s still tough. Every day is a challenge, and I wonder how long it’s going to feel like this. It’s nowhere near what it was two months ago, but it’s still a fight. Every goddamn day.
When Alley left for Chicago, I checked myself into detox. That place is rough. I felt insane for signing myself up for it. It’s like walking into a medieval torture chamber and asking to be strapped to one of those iron stretchers—or whatever other nightmare they used to inflict pain.
But I did it.
Every minute, I had to think of Alley. If I didn’t, I knew I’d give in—and I almost did.
On the third day, I had my discharge paperwork filled out and ready to go.
But when they handed me the phone to call for a ride, I froze.
If I walked out, that was it. No coming back.
No second shot. They don’t stop you from leaving, but they don’t make it easy either. Especially when you’re a fucking mess.
I stared at my contacts. Who the hell was I going to call? Alley? My mom? Matt?
They’d all be disappointed. And I knew if I called any of them, I’d lose everything.
Alley would be done for good.
Ripping up those forms and turning back around was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Detoxing is hell. But doing it like that? Without the comfort of your own bed? Without your wife by your side?
It was brutal.
When I got out, I came clean to my boss too. I told him everything. I even said if he needed to fire me for using on the clock, I’d understand.
I’m working the steps they teach you in AA: admitting your faults, being honest, making amends, and being ready to face the consequences. It’s all part of the process.
I know it’s hard for Alley. Hard to trust me. Hard to just flip the switch back on after spending the last year in hell.
I’ve hurt her. Plain and simple. It’s punishment enough just knowing that.
“Alley, honey, what kind of pizza do you want?” my mom asks her, like Alley can’t get her own slice.
Alley glances up, meeting my mom’s eyes for a split second. “Um… I’ll just have a pepperoni,” she says, gaze dropping.
I know she’s trying, but this thing between Alley and my mom is one of the hardest parts of being sober. I’m fully aware of the tension—the elephant in the room—and I’m the one who put it there. It’s heart wrenching.
For so long, Alley looked to my mom as her own. She was someone who filled the space her mother left behind.
My mom still loves her; I know she does. But Alley can’t seem to let it go. It’s awkward as hell for everyone. Kudos to Alley for even showing up today. She’s only seen my mom a handful of times since that night—almost a year ago.
What’s crazy to me is that she can forgive me after everything I’ve put her through. But when it comes to my mom? She’s just not ready, and I’m not going to push it. She’s been through enough.
Alley takes her pizza and sits on the couch—far from where my mom sits with her plate.
I glance around at my family. Alley’s on the couch beside Megan. My mom and dad sit at the table with the kids, Jeff, and Amber. Kevin and Matt are leaning against the bar. From the outside, it probably looks the same as it always has.
But it’s not. It’s different. We’re different, and it’s all because of me.
And I miss the way things used to be.
Megan’s laughter carries across the patio, the sound of screaming kids and splashing echoing from the pool in the distance.
My hand rests on Alley’s smooth skin, her legs draped across my lap. We’re sitting in the same spot we were the night I brought her here for Matt’s birthday party. The night we first slept together.
We’ve sat here a hundred times since, and it always feels a little nostalgic.
I remember how I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
How I couldn’t wait to get her alone and tear her clothes off.
The way I tried to hide how fucking hard I was while she sat next to me—then had to walk through a crowd of people back to my place, trying to act normal.
But tonight, it feels different. We’ve really been through some shit. We’ve earned this spot—sitting here, five years later. Still fighting like hell. Still in love. Still each other’s person.
“What do you think they’re talking about?” Alley asks, nodding toward Matt, Megan, and Kevin. They’re the last ones here. Everyone else has gone home, and Megan’s laughter is practically bouncing off the walls.
Matt and Kevin together after a few drinks? That’s a guaranteed comedy show.
“Oh, Matt’s definitely telling one of his sex stories.”
We watch them from across the room like hawks, trying to read lips from too far away. Alley leans forward, squinting like it might help her hear better.
“Her eyes rolled back into her head, and I swear to God she passed out when she came!” Matt yells, and both of us crack up.
Alley holds out her fists for bones, and I meet her halfway with mine.
“Well played,” she says grinning.
I lean in, mouth close to her ear. “Now Megan’s gonna try to one-up him with a story about how she actually did pass out once. And Kevin’ll get pissed when she says it was from some guy in college.”
Alley laughs, nudging me. “You’re so mean,” she teases. Her hand drops to mine, and our fingers thread together like it’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world.
Megan turns toward the pool, calling out to the kids. “Alright, time to go!”
Then she heads over to us. “We’re gonna head out,” she says.
Alley stands, meeting her with a hug. “Bye, Meg. Love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I stand as well, and Megan gives me a quick, half-assed hug. “Bye, little brother.”
“Bye. Love you.”
She doesn’t say it back. And I get it. But it still stings. She doesn’t linger either, just turns and disappears inside.
“She’s still so fucking mad at me.”