Chapter 3
Chapter Three
ALLEY
“I say we get one more round.” Cooper tips back her martini, draining the rest in one smooth gulp.
“I really shouldn’t. Benson’s been keeping me up all night lately. I swear he’s already teething.” Vivian groans, slumping against the back of the booth.
“Why? You have to pump and dump anyway. Might as well make the most of your night out,” Cooper says.
“Valid point.” Vivian winces, pressing a hand to one of her boobs. “God, speaking of pumping… I don’t know how much longer I can go before I start leaking all over the place.”
“They’re so big, Viv. Seriously… I can’t stop staring at them. They look amazing. Every guy who’s walked by has totally side-eyed your chest.” Cooper turns to me. “Right, Al?”
“I’m sorry, what? I didn’t hear you. I was too distracted by Viv’s giant tits.”
Cooper snorts, and we both dissolve into laughter. She holds up her hand, and I smack it in a sloppy high-five.
The three of us went out for appetizers and drinks at this boujee martini lounge.
That’s actually what it’s called. The Martini Lounge.
It’s classy, with perfect mood lighting, big round booths that are ridiculously comfortable, and music that’s loud enough to give the place energy, but not so loud you can’t hear yourself think.
There’s billiards, darts, and a few other games scattered around the room.
It’s been fun—as fun as anything can be right now.
I turn to Cooper. “I’ll have another,” I say, because that’s what I do now. I drink to have fun. To laugh. To forget. To numb.
Yeah, I’m well aware that’s exactly the kind of thing I walked away from.
And I feel guilty as hell about it. But I’m not an alcoholic.
I’m not getting drunk and passing out. I’m just…
definitely over my two-drink maximum, and it’s not the first, or third, or even tenth time in the last four months.
But it works. I laugh. I forget. I fake it.
Then I go home and cry.
I never used to get it—why people drank like this. But now I do. There’s too much shit crowding the brain. It’s hard to relax. Hard to stop thinking. Hard to let go. Well, that, and it’s fun.
“Yes!” Cooper throws her arm in the air and flags down the cocktail waitress.
“Fine. Get me one too. I’ll need it if Leo has any chance of getting laid tonight.” Vivian sighs. “It’s weird, after Isla was born, I was so horny. But since Benson… I don’t know. I’m just so fucking tired, you guys.”
“That’s normal, Viv,” I say, thinking back to all the conversations I’ve had with Megan and Amber. “Both my sisters-in-law—er, ex-sisters-in-law, said the same thing after baby number two. You’re just exhausted.”
“I know. But it still sucks.”
“You’re not exactly selling the whole kid thing,” Cooper says. “The day I’m too tired to fuck Ryan—” She lets out a dramatic exhale. “—is the day I’ve died.”
Cooper reminds me so much of Megan—crass, vulgar, horny. Honestly, they’d probably be best friends.
“Don’t you dare not have kids,” Vivian says. “They’re great. They just sort of suck the life out of you and your libido… And your tits.”
“Well, I could use a little life sucked out of these.” Cooper laughs, pushing her boobs together. “I’ve always wished they were one size smaller.”
I whip my head toward her. “It’s a crime to wish for smaller boobs.”
“Whatever. Your little B’s are so perfect and perky. I’m jealous you never need a bra.”
“I’d trade you in a heartbeat,” I say. “Not that it matters. I’ve learned to love what I have. And Jensen always loved them.”
God. Why do I do that? I hate bringing him up when I’m having a good time.
“And hey,” I say to Vivian, shifting gears. “I bet you’ve had sex at least once in the last four months. That’s more than I have.” I laugh and take a sip of my drink while they both look at me with sad eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s fine. I’m fine.”
I’m not, though. Not even close.
These girls are the only reason I’ve had even a few real laughs lately. They’ve basically saved me, made this bearable. I barely knew Vivian when I left Jensen. I was only supposed to crash with her and Leo for a few weeks while I looked for my own place. But they’ve been adamant about me staying.
Vivian had just had her second baby a few weeks earlier, and she was ecstatic to have the help and extra company to keep her sane. That’s the trade-off: I help with the kids, let them sneak off for date nights, cook when I can. Of course, none of it’s expected, but it’s the least I can do.
They have their hands full. And honestly, I want to stay busy. I have to. Otherwise, I’ll go crazy.
I love the kids, too. They’re filling this hole in my chest I didn’t even realize was there.
Vivian and I clicked instantly. Not long after, she introduced me to Cooper. Cooper’s engaged to her fiancé, Ryan. She was in a real shitty relationship before him. Apparently the guy was a total dick—cheated on her for five years.
Ryan’s great, though. I’ve met him a handful of times. They’re cute and completely in love. Being around couples like them always makes me miss Jensen.
Who am I kidding? Everything makes me miss him.
Cooper’s great. Loud. Fun as hell. The kind of person who makes you feel seen, even when you’re nothing alike. She just gets me. There’s never a dull moment when she’s around.
We’re interrupted by two guys. The taller one steps forward while his friend hangs back, trying not to look awkward.
“Sorry to interrupt, ladies,” the tall one says with a smile.
“Just… couldn’t let the night end without saying you’re all absolutely stunning.
” Then he looks directly at me—and thank God, it’s at my face, because his friend’s eyes are glued to Vivian’s chest. “Mind if I borrow your friend for a drink?”
Vivian raises an eyebrow, and Cooper lets out a sharp laugh. “Seriously? I just watched you hit on some other girl five seconds ago.”
I cringe.
Here it comes—Cooper going full mama bear. She always does this when someone tries to hit on me or Viv. I get it—she’s got some trauma there. She assumes every guy in a bar is a cheating bastard, just like her ex.
“Totally fair,” he says with a grin, holding up his hands, eyes now locked on Cooper.
“That was a friend I ran into. But I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to come over here for the past twenty minutes.
Figured I’d shoot my shot before the night’s over.
” Then his gaze shifts to me again. “What do you say? Wanna grab a drink?”
A slow grin stretches across my lips. I’m impressed. And he’s cute. Really cute. Or maybe I’m just really drunk.
Still… it feels good to be wanted. It gives me hope for the future. And I’ll take any thread of hope I can get.
“I’ve gotta give you props for coming over, and for making it past this one first,” I say, nudging Cooper with my elbow.
“But I’m going through a divorce right now, and I’m just…
not really in a place to have a drink. Or even flirt, honestly.
I appreciate it, though. I really do.” I press a hand to my chest. “I’m flattered.
And if you ask me six months from now, I’m sure I’ll say yes. ”
He tilts his head slightly, eyes narrowing as a slow, sexy smirk forms. “Well then, I’ll be here in six months.”
I roll my bottom lip between my teeth as he turns to walk away, his friend trailing behind.
“He was such a Brad,” Cooper mutters, rolling her eyes.
I smack her arm. “No he wasn’t. He reminded me of…” I stop myself, the emotion rising too fast. I’m afraid if I blink, a tear will fall.
“Of…?” Cooper prompts.
“No one. Never mind.” I pick up my glass and take a long gulp. Was I really about to compare that guy to Jensen? I don’t even know that guy. “He was cute,” I say quickly, setting the glass back on the table. “How weird was his friend, though?”
“Oh my God. The friend alone was a red flag,” Vivian says, laughing.
The two of them launch into a story about being hit on during a trip together, but I’m only half-listening. I swipe up on my phone and open Instagram, letting my thumb scroll on autopilot.
I do this a lot when I’ve been drinking—scroll through photos of my people in New York. Sometimes it makes me miss them less, and other times it makes me miss them more. I haven’t figured it out yet.
I scroll past a picture of Zach and Joey at a concert and tap the heart. Scarlett’s most recent post is of her and a few friends out to dinner. I like that one too.
I scroll further and freeze when Matt’s post pops up.
It’s Matt… and Jensen. In Switzerland.
I stare at the photo, like I’m trying to memorize every inch of it. They’re bundled up in coats and beanies, the Matterhorn behind them. They’ve got their arms slung around each other in that casual, bro-ish way that doesn’t look posed.
Matt’s grinning like always.
And Jensen—
Jensen’s smile looks exactly like it did the first time I saw him. Deep dimples. Straight white teeth. The kind of smile that could melt hearts. And right now, it’s melting mine.
He looks good.
He looks really fucking good.
Tears prick my eyes, and I bite my bottom lip. He’s still in Switzerland? With Matt?
I knew he was there, but still—Switzerland’s always been on my list.
A million thoughts slam into my head at once. Is he clean? Did rehab work?
He looks clean. God, he looks so good.
I filed for divorce a few weeks after I left Jensen, but by the time the papers were ready to be served, he’d already left the country.
Matt’s kept me in the loop. He told me Jensen really spiraled after I left—hit rock bottom, came to him for help. He left for Switzerland shortly after and checked into some high-end rehab.
Which is great. It really is. But it’s delayed the divorce, and me trying to move on. And now he’s out there vacationing with Matt like nothing ever happened, while I’m over here drinking just to laugh.