Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
ALLEY
Back at Leo and Viv’s, I take the stairs two at a time up both flights. Jensen will be here soon, and even though I told him I was leaving to get ready, I ended up staying in bed for another hour and a half.
One, I was ridiculously comfortable. Matt did not skimp on the mattress or pillows. And two, my mind wouldn’t stop racing.
I felt weird this morning. That’s the only way to describe it. Jensen’s seen me naked and disheveled a thousand times, but for some reason, I felt self-conscious.
Waking up to him already having gone to the gym and getting ready for an AA meeting that early on a Saturday… it shook me.
Don’t get me wrong. It was a good surprise. I just… couldn’t help how it made me feel. Like suddenly, I wanted to be the kind of person who got up early to work out. Not the kind who sleeps in, then wakes up looking like they just spent a month on the show, Naked And Afraid.
I should be doing things to better myself, too. Why should he be the only one doing the work?
Well, technically, he is the one who screwed it all up.
So, maybe it’s fair.
But damn, whatever the reason, I felt insecure. Like I wasn’t good enough for him.
I used to get those thoughts in the beginning, back when we first started dating. I mean, he was a rich Upper East Sider who turned every head in the room, and his best friend was a billionaire. It was intimidating. But Jensen was all in. He shut those insecurities down fast.
It was only toward the end, when the drugs took over, that something shifted. And for the first time, he wasn’t good enough for me.
Not the real him, of course. The addict version.
The one who stopped showing up. But now, seeing him show up again, every day…
It’s amazing. Just… feels like it’s too good to be true.
Like it might not last. I remember feeling like things were too good to be true before, and look how that turned out.
It could just be nerves, though. Or maybe it’s something deeper I haven’t let myself unpack yet.
I shake the thoughts away, telling myself to pull it together. I throw my hair on top of my head and take a quick shower.
After brushing my teeth, I pull off a half-assed version of getting ready: messy bun, mascara, lip gloss. Then I throw on some leggings, a long sleeve shirt, and a thick pullover. It won’t fit under a coat, and it’s definitely not warm enough for February, but I’ll only be outside a few minutes.
I enter the kitchen and practically run into Leo. “Shit. Sorry.” I brush past him to fill up my water bottle.
“Hey, Al.” He pauses what he’s doing and turns to me. “Noticed you didn’t come home last night.”
I glance over as I set my bottle under the filtration spigot. He’s leaning against the counter, arms crossed, brow raised, lip twitching with that all-knowing look.
A grin stretches across my face before I can hide it. I laugh softly. “Yeah, I’m not talking about this with you.”
“Why not? You talk to me about everything else. What, now you only share when you need something? But when it’s the fun stuff, your lips are sealed?”
I press my mouth shut, fighting a smile. “Yep. You’re like a brother. And you’re married to my friend. No sex talk with you. Sorry.”
He chuckles. “Fair enough. And you just confirmed all I needed to know. I’ll get the full Vivian version later, after you’ve had your girl talk. You seem extra chipper this morning. I take it you’re happy?”
“You’re prying.”
He lifts his hands in mock innocence. “Therapist. Guilty. Where you headed in such a hurry?”
“Jensen’s taking me to breakfast.”
“Where to?”
“Not sure, but you know I love Wildberry. Vivian got me hooked on it.”
He takes a sip of his cappuccino. “She never gets sick of it.”
Vivian walks into the kitchen with Isla. “Morning.”
“Morning,” I say as Leo adds, “Speak of the devil,” greeting her with a kiss and taking Isla from her arms. “Where’s Benson?”
“He’s still asleep if you can believe it. But he woke up at four to eat, so I’m not complaining.” She turns to me, grinning. “Did you not come home last night?”
Leo raises his brows at me, and my stupid smile gives everything away.
“Oh my God,” Vivian gasps. “You spent the night with Jensen?” She heads for the espresso machine. “Tell me everything.”
I glance at my phone. It’s 9:07, and Jensen hasn’t texted me yet, so I slide onto a barstool. Leo grins with satisfaction.
“You can leave,” I joke.
“Oh, I’m not going anywhere. Besides, Isla needs breakfast.” He sets her down and starts bustling around the kitchen while Vivian makes her coffee. She brings it over, takes a sip, and leans against the counter across from me.
“Okay. Ready.” She waves her hand. “Tell me everything.”
“I don’t have a lot of time, so here’s the condensed version.
We went out last night, had a lot of fun.
I went up to the condo with him to grab a package for Leo.
” I glance his way. “Which is still in my car, by the way.” Then I turn back to Vivian.
“Anyway, when I left, I was all conflicted. I wanted to stay but I was scared. And then I remembered the letter he gave me.”
“You still hadn’t read that?”
I shake my head. “So I did.” I pause, my voice going softer. “And then… I don’t know. Something shifted. It was like I could actually feel what he was feeling. How broken he’d been. And then how he just… wasn’t anymore.”
My eyes sting, but I keep going. “He’s really put in the work, you know? Changed. He’s like this even better version of who he was before. And, God, he just loves me so much. For a moment, I just saw everything clearly. I didn’t want one more minute wasted without him.”
I let out a breath, glancing between them. “Maybe that’s dumb. Because I know it could all be taken away at any moment. But that’s the only way I can explain it.”
“That’s not dumb at all,” Vivian says gently. “I get that.”
Yeah. I guess she would.
I let out a small laugh. “After that, I went back upstairs and basically jumped him.”
Leo chuckles with his back to us. “Sorry. I’m not listening. Carry on.”
“Anyway,” I say, narrowing my eyes at his back. “We did it. And it was maybe the best sex of my life.” My head tips back. “God, it was so good. Though, to be fair, it’s been a very long time.”
A grin spreads across Vivian’s face. “I’m so happy for you, Al. And it’s not the same, but… I remember when we”—she nods at Leo—“sort of took a break from each other.”
“Sort of?” Leo snorts. “You ran away for a whole month.” He looks at me. “Seems to be a theme with you women.”
“We just know how to make a man work for us, that’s all,” I tease. “Sometimes they need a good kick in the ass.”
His eyes sparkle with amusement, and it makes me want to throw a pillow at his face and laugh at the same time.
Vivian lifts a brow at Leo. “Did it work?”
He nods, crossing the kitchen. “It worked.” He stops in front of her, pressing a kiss to her lips. “Men are stupid creatures who need a woman to put us in our place. Thank God I have you.”
“I sense sarcasm.”
“Only a little.” He grins. “Without you, us men would probably be beating the shit out of each other and having a wank every five minutes.”
Vivian laughs. “Damn straight. Now go feed your daughter so I can drink my coffee in peace, otherwise a wank's all you'll be having later.”
We all crack up as Leo mutters something to Isla about not making Mommy mad.
Vivian turns back to me. “Anyway… when he finally came after me? Best sex ever.”
My phone dings with a text.
“Oh, just a minute. It’s him.”
Jensen
Hey, babe. Almost there. Meet you in the parking garage?
A smile pulls at my lips as I type a quick reply.
Cumming.
That’ll make him laugh. It’ll also help make up for the weirdness of this morning—bring us back to who we’ve always been.
I drop my phone in my purse and stand. “I’ve gotta go. We’ll talk later.”
I give Vivian a quick hug.
“Don’t overthink things,” she says. “Just have fun.”
“Thank you.” She just gets me. “Bye Leo. Bye Isla.”
“Bye, Al.”
With that, I head down the stairs to the parking garage, keys in hand.
“Where do you want to go?” I ask as we pull out of the parking garage.
Guns N’ Roses fills the car, and a wave of nostalgia washes over me, equal parts my dad and the early days with Jensen.
They both love eighties rock. My dad played it nonstop growing up, and it became such a trigger after I moved to New York.
One night, a little over a month into dating, Jensen had me over for dinner.
I remember it was right after we’d slept together for the first time because all we wanted to do was stay in and have sex.
We ordered takeout, and he turned on a playlist filled with the classics: Guns N’ Roses, Aerosmith, Black Sabbath.
Buried heartache came knocking, and I tried to ignore it. But when R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion” came on? I almost lost it.
I’d shoved it all down for so long, I didn’t expect the emotion to hit so hard. It came out of nowhere. I asked him to change the playlist, and when he asked why, I told him about my dad for the first time.
He was so great about it. Didn’t judge me for not speaking to him, didn’t tell me I was wrong, didn’t try to fix it. He just listened and held me, made me feel seen in a way no one ever had.
Then we had incredible sex, of course.
That night was the first time I ever had that feeling—where you wonder if you might love someone. When your heart whispers to the deepest parts of your soul that he might be the one.
I look over at him, no longer triggered by the music but comforted by it instead.
And that’s because of him. Because he encouraged me to talk to my dad after all those years.
I stare at the side of his face, overwhelmed with gratitude.
For everything he’s ever done for me. For all the ways he’s loved me.
And for the first time in a long while, the good memories outweigh the bad.
He glances at me. “You open to a change of plans?”
“Yeah. What’d you have in mind?”