Chapter 32 #2
She shrieks with laughter. “Oh my God, stop! This is not sexy. Nothing about gloved groping and puffy coats is sexy!”
“I’m not trying to be sexy. I’m trying to torture you.” I shift, settling my hips lower, letting more of my weight lock her down.
“Do you have a boner? ’Cause I can’t feel it through all the padding.”
“Why? You horny?”
“Right now?” She shakes her head in the snow, her beanie sliding up past her ears. She grins, little laughs puffing out. “This is anything but turning me on. Lola’s dry as the Sahara Desert.”
I lift a brow. “The Sahara, huh?” I smother my grin and lean closer, pressing firmly against her. “You’re telling me”—my voice drops low at her ear—“that if I took these gloves off and slid my fingers into your pussy, it wouldn’t be wet? You wouldn’t like that?”
Jesus. The thought of her warm pussy against my cold fingers right now…
My cock throbs against her, agreeing with every word. I kiss her ear, then trail down, leaving heat along her jaw before brushing her mouth. My padded thumb swipes across her cheek.
She bursts out laughing.
Let me tell you what you don’t want when you’re trying to turn someone on.
Laughing.
“Oh my God, the glove against my skin is like nails on a chalkboard.” Her stomach tightens beneath me with giggles.
“Fuck. I give up.” Grinning, I roll off her and onto my back beside her, staring up at the blue sky and the towering pines. Each breath leaves a puff of white that vanishes into the air.
She turns her head toward me, and I meet her gaze. “You almost had me. But then that glove…” She winces. “It was like my brother walking in on us in the middle of sex. Cringe.”
That makes me laugh. “Jesus. That’s not something anyone ever wants to hear.”
Her laugh softens, fading into a smile. “I love you for trying, though.” Her eyes search mine. “And for bringing me here.”
It slams into my chest, knocking the air right out of me. I freeze, my whole body locking. “Say it again. Please. Just once.”
She rolls onto her side, glove reaching for mine. She fits her hand into my palm as best she can, and I shift onto my side too.
“I love you, Jensen. Always have.” Her eyes roam over my face. “Never didn’t,” she adds in a whisper.
A grin tugs at my mouth, and I don’t think about anything except her as our lips collide.
There’s weight in those words—more than I expected. They hit deep, and it feels incredible to hear them. To be loved by her. It feels earned. She means it. It’s undeniable, the love she has for me.
We kiss in the snow for several minutes. I couldn’t tell you how long. Time slows. Everything around us stills until it’s just us.
Me and my wife.
The words spread through me like a stiff drink. Burns at first, emotion thick in my throat. Then it warms, spreading through my veins, settling in every limb. Comfort. Confidence. Relief. More relief than any drug or drink ever gave me.
And an overwhelming truth hits me—
Alley’s all I’ll ever need to be happy.
Could I be happy without her? Sure. But I’d always want more. Always be searching for the next best thing, the next high. Money. Sex. A woman. A thrill.
But with her? Nothing else matters. I could be living in a van down by the river and I’d still be happy. Strip the clothes off my back, I’d only want her. I’d still choose her. Every day.
That’s where I was lost before. Yeah, I was in pain. It hurt like hell, but I was chasing some bullshit ideal of being the perfect man. I didn’t want Alley to see me as weak, hear me complain, or have to take care of me. That was supposed to be my job.
I grin against her lips, deepening our kiss.
I was wrong. I didn’t get it.
She loves me. She’d do the same for me that I’d do for her.
I still want to be strong and healthy as I get older, we all do. But what a fucking privilege it would be to have her take care of me. To be in the kind of marriage where in sickness and in health isn’t just a vow, it’s the proof of love itself.
We already have that. She’s already proved it.
I was just too fucking blind to see it before.
I pull back, somber, my eyes locking on hers. Eyes on me. I told her that the night before we got married. God, she was so nervous. It was me that got her through—my love, my eyes, her trust in me. “I love you, baby. More than life itself. I’m so sorry. For everything.”
Her eyes fill with tears, and I take my time memorizing her and every detail of this moment. The soft crease by her eyes from years of laughing. The smile that’s almost there but caught on emotion. Her gaze, steady on me.
Fuck. She trusts me.
She presses her lips together, shaking her head with conviction. “I never stopped loving you, Jensen. Not for one second.”
“I know, and I took advantage of that. I questioned it. I didn’t trust you to love me when I couldn’t be strong. I didn’t trust you with my weaknesses.”
Her voice softens, almost breaking. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know. You’re allowed to be human.”
“I know.” Then, because it’s long overdue, I add, “Thank you. For loving me. For sticking by me when I was at my worst.” The words scrape out of me, heavy but freeing.
“And thank you for leaving my sorry ass when you did.” I shake my head, regret stinging my eyes.
“I don’t know where I’d be if you hadn’t.
Passed out somewhere, jobless… maybe dead.
You saved me, Alley. I’ll never forget it. ”
Her eyes glisten, and she gives me a soft smile. “You saved yourself.” She leans in, pressing her lips to mine. “And I’m really proud of you.” A tear slides down her cheek, and I swipe it away with my thumb. She winces, laugh-crying. “God, not the glove!”
I chuckle, kiss her once more, then push up to my feet. “Come on. Let’s get you out of the snow and down this hill before ski patrol actually comes looking for us.”
I brush the snow from my gear and extend a hand. She takes it, and I pull her up. I help her clip back into her skis, and eventually, we make it down the hill, but not without a dozen more falls and even more laughs.