Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
"Taylor, it is you." A thread of pleasure ran through Nana’s voice, but there was a note of surprise too. "I didn’t expect to see you so soon."
Taylor stiffened over the dresser drawer, her hands gripping the fabric of the pajamas she’d come to retrieve. She hurriedly swiped at the tears on her cheeks with the tips of her fingers, willing herself to compose. She hadn’t expected anyone to be home.
“I thought you’d be at bridge.” Her voice came out too tight.
“So did I.” Nana chuckled. “I got all the way to Betty’s only to find out that Margie and Eleanor have the flu. We’re skipping this week.”
“That’s too bad,” Taylor murmured.
A gentle hand settled on her shoulder. “Honey, is something wrong?”
Wrong? Taylor let out a shaky breath. What wasn’t wrong?
Her heart ached so fiercely it felt as if it had been physically torn in two. She had finally admitted what she’d tried to deny for so long—she loved Nick. But he didn’t love her back.
She forced a laugh, but it came out cracked and uneven. “What could be wrong?”
Nana turned her gently, her knowing gaze taking in the tear-streaked face Taylor had tried to hide. She didn’t say anything—she didn’t need to.
Taylor’s chin wobbled. “Nick and I had a fight.” Her voice barely held together.
“Every couple has their disagreements.” Though filled with concern, Nana’s tone was steady. “It’s not all bad.”
How could she say that? Taylor’s head snapped up. “What’s good about fighting with someone you love?”
The last word hit her like a wrecking ball, shattering the fragile wall she had built around her feelings. There it was.
She loved Nick.
The truth crashed over her like a tidal wave, and she couldn’t stop the sob that tore free.
“Come, sit.” Nana maneuvered her to the bed, guiding her down beside her. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
Taylor shook her head quickly. How could she explain?
How could she tell her grandmother that the man she loved had wanted her body but not her heart? That he had known she’d been fired in error and still kept it from her? That everything between them had been built on a foundation of pretense, even when it had felt real?
She stared down at her hands, twisting them in her lap. “We… we had words,” she finally whispered. “I think it’s over. He’s not the man I thought he was.”
Nana’s response was quiet. “It hurts, doesn’t it?”
The ache in Taylor’s chest tightened like a vice. All she could do was nod.
But what surprised her most was that Nana didn’t try to defend Nick. She didn’t say Taylor had misunderstood him. She didn’t tell her to reconsider.
“I don’t know who’s right or who’s wrong in this situation,” Nana finally said, her voice as gentle as ever. “But I have lived long enough to know that at one time or another, those we love will disappoint us.”
Taylor’s head shot up. “You don’t know?—”
“Taylor.” Her grandmother’s voice was firmer now, steady as a rock. “Stop and think about what I just said. At one time or another, those we love will disappoint us. ” She repeated the words slowly, emphasizing each one.
Taylor’s breath hitched.
“What am I supposed to do?” She knew she sounded desperate, but she didn’t care. “Overlook it? Pretend nothing happened?”
“No.” Nana’s troubled eyes searched hers. “I’m saying you leave your pride at the door and search your heart.”
Taylor swallowed hard, her emotions a tangled mess. “I don’t know…” Her voice wavered.
“Perhaps you and Nick aren’t meant to be together.” Nana’s tone was gentle, but the sadness in it sent a fresh wave of pain through Taylor.
Two months ago, if someone had told her that her grandmother would encourage her to end things, she would have welcomed it. But everything had changed.
Nick had changed.
She had changed.
And her heart wasn’t ready to let him go.
Taylor’s lips parted, her voice barely above a whisper. “Do you believe that?”
Nana hesitated. Then, slowly, she covered Taylor’s hand with her own. “I don’t know him as well as you do.” Her grip tightened. “But what I see, I like.”
Taylor bit her lip. “I thought I did, too. But after what he said this morning… I’m not sure.”
Nana studied her carefully. “Sometimes people say things when they’re hurting. Things they don’t mean.”
Taylor looked away. “Or maybe he really is the man I saw today.”
“I doubt that.” Nana’s voice was quiet but firm. “I can’t believe you’d have agreed to marry someone who didn’t have a good heart.”
Taylor’s breath hitched. “Nick’s a good guy.”
The words slipped out before she could stop them.
“Then don’t make any quick decisions.” Nana slipped an arm around Taylor’s shoulders, giving her a squeeze. “Mull it over. Pray about it. Don’t throw it all away unless you’re sure.”
Taylor’s throat tightened. She could feel the love radiating from her grandmother—a love that had never wavered, never asked for anything in return.
The kind of love she wanted with Nick.
A tear slipped down her cheek, and she whispered, “I love you, Nana.”
“I love you too, honey.”
Taylor let herself sink into her grandmother’s embrace, pressing her face against the soft familiarity of her shoulder.
For the first time in hours, she felt warm. Safe.
She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath.
“It’s going to be okay, isn’t it?” Her voice was muffled against Nana’s chest.
Her grandmother held her tighter, the certainty in her voice soothing her aching heart. “It will be fine.”
Then, softly, “You’ll see.”
* * *
Nick waited until Bill was out of sight before rising from the bench and heading toward his car. His body felt leaden, as if all the energy had been drained from him. What the hell was he doing?
His cell phone rang just as he slid behind the wheel. “Lanagan.”
“Nick, it’s Erik. I’ve got great news.” His friend’s voice bubbled with excitement. “We’ve come to a resolution on that final snag in the merger negotiations, and I think we’re going to be ready to sign before you can say, ‘How much money will we make on this deal?’”
It was what Nick had been working toward for four years. What he’d dreamed of. What he’d sacrificed for.
So why did it suddenly feel… empty?
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got.
Well, he’d done exactly that. And this time, what he got was losing Taylor.
A tight band wrapped around his chest.
“Nick? Are you there?”
“I’m here,” he said, rubbing a weary hand across his forehead.
“Did you hear what I said?”
“I did.” He forced enthusiasm into his voice. It wasn’t Erik’s fault he didn’t feel like celebrating. “It’s great news. Good work.”
“I’ll let you know when the papers are ready,” Erik continued, clearly not picking up on his mood. “We need to get these signed as soon as possible. Henry’s too much of a powder keg. I won’t feel good until his signature is on that contract.”
An image of Claire, smiling like a cat with a canary in its mouth, flashed through his mind. She’d struck the match before—who was to say she wouldn’t do it again?
“Call or text when they’re ready,” Nick said.
“Will do,” Erik replied. “And, Nick…”
“Yeah?”
“Tell Taylor hello for me.”
Nick ended the call without replying and fired up the engine. He pulled away from the curb, but despair seeped into every pore.
He wasn’t even sure where he was going, just that he needed to go. He drove automatically, one hand on the wheel, his mind stuck in an endless loop of Taylor, Taylor, Taylor.
How had he screwed this up so badly?
“Get that piece of junk off the street!” an angry voice bellowed, jarring him from his thoughts.
Nick’s gaze jerked ahead. Traffic had slowed to a stop, but he’d barely noticed. Now he saw the reason.
An all-too-familiar Civic with its hood up blocked the right lane.
Tom. The kid from the premarital counseling class.
He stood beside the car, looking young, lost, and in over his head.
A horn blared behind Nick. Another driver leaned out their window, yelling.
Tom raked his fingers through his hair and ducked beneath the hood, clearly at a loss.
Without thinking, Nick put his car in park and stepped out.
“Put the hood down,” he called as he moved toward Tom. “I’ll help you push it off to the side.”
Relief flashed across the kid’s face. He didn’t argue. The hood slammed shut.
“Roll down the window and get in.” Nick assessed the distance to a small shoulder area up ahead. “You steer, I’ll push.”
Tom nodded and slid behind the wheel.
Nick braced himself and leaned into the car. It didn’t budge. He stifled a curse.
“Put it in neutral,” he ordered.
Slowly, the clunky old Civic crept forward. “Cramp the wheel to the right.”
With one final effort, Nick muscled the car off the road.
“Grab your keys and come with me,” he said, not even looking back as he strode toward his Jag.
Tom barely hesitated before following.
As soon as the kid was inside, Nick pulled away from the curb. “What happened? Out of gas?”
“I wish,” Tom muttered. “It just died.”
Nick gestured toward his phone. “Want me to call a tow truck? Or I can drop you somewhere.”
“Mandy’s at the church for some meeting.” Tom hesitated. “She has a car. If it’s not too much trouble…”
Nick exhaled. It was the first time today he had a reason to do something that wasn’t about himself.
“I’ll take you there.”
The church wasn’t far, and before Nick knew it, he was pulling into the lot.
“I think that’s her mom’s Buick,” Tom pointed to a navy-blue sedan.
“I don’t want to leave you without a ride. Make sure it’s hers.”
“I will.” Tom started to climb out, then hesitated. “Could you, uh, come in with me?”
Nick blinked. “Come in?”
“It’s a women’s thing,” Tom muttered. “I don’t want to be the only guy.”
Nick could have pointed out that Pastor Schmidt would probably be there. Or that there was really nothing to fear from a group of women. Instead, he got out of the car.
Inside, the foyer bustled with energy.
Nick caught snippets of conversation—Halloween decorations, bake sales, Sunday School plans. He almost smiled.
Taylor would have loved this.
His stomach twisted at the thought.
“Nick, man. Thanks so much.” Tom dug into his worn-out wallet. “What do I owe you?”
Nick shook his head. “Not a thing.”
“But—”
“What are friends for?”
The words came out before he even realized what he was saying. Friends.
The phrase settled in his chest, strangely right.
“Nick Lanagan.”
The deep voice made him turn.
Pastor Schmidt stood in the doorway of his office, looking directly at him.
Nick forced a smile. Please don’t let this be about the wedding that’s not happening.
“I thought I heard your voice,” the pastor said. “Do you have a minute?”
Nick hesitated. Then, surprising even himself, he nodded.
“I just got through reviewing the questionnaire you and Taylor completed.”
Nick’s stomach twisted. That night had been a disaster.
“Did I pass?” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.
The pastor hesitated.
Nick’s chest tightened. “Don’t tell me I failed?”
“Failed isn’t the right word.” The pastor lifted a coffee pot, stalling.
Unease settled in Nick’s gut. He remembered well the pop quiz. He’d thought the evening was over when the pastor had surprised them with the survey. Not only did each couple get no chance to discuss the questions, he’d separated the men and women while they’d filled out the form. Nick had tried his best to anticipate Taylor’s answers when he’d written his own.
“You think Taylor and I aren’t compatible.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” the minister said. “But there are areas of potential conflict.”
Nick raised a brow.
“Children, for example. You said you wanted six,” the pastor continued. “Taylor, on the other hand, isn’t sure she wants any.”
Nick sat up straighter. That had to be wrong.
“I see it is a surprise.” The pastor let out a long, audible breath. “The fact that you two haven’t discussed it adds to my concern.”
Taylor must have thought he’d answer honestly. The minister had stressed that in his instructions. “Above all, be honest,” he’d said.
Nick cleared his throat. “We have discussed it, Pastor. What surprised me is that I thought Taylor had agreed to a big family.”
“She can’t simply agree.” The minister leaned forward. “Taylor needs to really want those children, not just go along because that’s what you want.”
Nick swallowed hard.
He had been so sure of her answer. So sure he knew her.
“I think Taylor is concerned that with work and everything else, she might not have time for children,” the pastor added. “What was your response to that?”
Nick hesitated.
Then, something shifted.
He heard Taylor’s voice in his head. Isn’t coming home at night to someone who loves you what really matters?
He exhaled.
“I told her…” He met the pastor’s gaze. “That if you put God and family first, you can’t go wrong.”
The words weren’t a lie.
The real question was, was it too late for him to prove it?