Chapter 15
“I must say,” Joseph said as he and David settled in the library, “I’m surprised you’ve fallen into this routine really well. I thought you would have a nervous breakdown and head off to a sanatorium in the middle of nowhere.”
David laughed.
“Not a chance. I might have gone mad, but I wouldn’t be committing myself somewhere. And once you get used to something, it’s not that bad. In fact, it’s actually been refreshing.”
“Much as I adore your sisters, I wouldn’t call looking after them refreshing.”
“I couldn’t think of a more appropriate word.” David sipped his drink. “But I’m sure you understand what I mean.”
“Somehow, I actually do.”
David looked out the window. Darkness had fallen a short while ago, and from where he sat, he could see the stars twinkling high in the sky, dotted across the blackness. It was very pretty, something David had come to appreciate.
He certainly enjoyed sitting in the library, in his father’s old chair with a perfect view of the garden. With the moonlight, the garden had a silvery, ethereal glow about it. There was something hypnotic about it. David could understand why his father liked sitting here with his favourite sherry.
It was beautiful in the Lake District, but nothing beat this sight.
David raised his glass at Joseph.
“Thank you again for looking after things while I was away. I know I have an estate manager, but I wanted to be sure …”
“Don’t worry about it. Your estate manager is very good. He doesn’t need anyone to keep an eye on him.”
“I’m sure you understand why, though.”
Joseph smiled.
“I do understand. But there are times when you don’t need to be so over the top with your management of everyone else.”
“I don’t do that!”
“You do, so don’t deny it.”
David wished that Joseph weren’t right. He sighed.
“Well, when this is something you’ve never done before, and you want to make sure things don’t fall apart after your father’s death, wouldn’t you do the same?”
“I understand that part. But I wouldn’t do as much as you.” Joseph gestured at his friend with his glass. “Although I wouldn’t have the problem of two young sisters to look after. Being their guardian has to be exhausting.”
“There are times when I wonder if you’re telling the truth about being fond of them.”
“I am. But if I had to be under the same roof as them all the time, I would go mad. I’m surprised you haven’t.” Joseph gave David a sly wink. “Then again, you do have a certain Caroline Fairfax looking after them. She’s very good at doing things like that.”
David felt a tightness in his chest, which he tried to ignore. Since that day in the Lake District, when Caroline sprained her ankle, something had shifted. It was subtle, but David could sense it. And it was a little unnerving. Caroline didn’t seem to have noticed, which seemed to make it worse.
He shifted in his chair.
“Caroline’s good at most things,” he mumbled.
Joseph grinned.
“She’s really getting under your skin, isn’t she?”
“What makes you say that?”
“Come on, David. How long have we known each other? I don’t need to guess too much, just be looking at you when you and Caroline are together. There’s something hovering around the two of you like a cloud.” Joseph sipped his drink. “You’re sweet on her, aren’t you?”
Sweet on her. That almost felt like an understatement. David could admit that Caroline was beautiful, and he could appreciate it, but sweet on her? No, that couldn’t be happening. Something was wrong with that comment.
“No.”
“No? Are you going to deny that you’re attracted to Caroline?”
David frowned at his friend.
“Stop talking like that, Joseph. It’s not helpful.”
“It wasn’t meant to be helpful.” Joseph uncrossed his legs and sat forwards. “Look, both of you are my friends, and there is clearly something between you two. Anyone who sees you in the same room together will spot it. Why would you ignore or deny it?”
“There is no attraction. We’re just friends, and I’m her employer now.”
“Who said you couldn’t be attracted to her because of that? It’s human nature. Not exactly something we can control.” Joseph pointed at himself. “I certainly can’t, and I thought you knew that by now.”
David couldn’t argue with Joseph. Human nature and feelings were meant to be controlled, but that just made them unwind even faster when things got too much. He had witnessed it many times, both with acquaintances and relatives.
It had happened with his father before; he had broken down on Gwen’s first birthday. He spent the time locked up in his room, and it had taken David and the servants the best part of a week to get him to come out. Then it was like nothing had happened.
But those emotions of grief and loss were far more intense than what he felt for Caroline. At least, David believed that. He rubbed a hand over his face.
“If you want me to be honest, I’ll be honest. I do think Caroline is attractive, and it does catch my attention. But nothing can happen beyond that.”
“Because she’s now your sisters’ governess?”
“And because of …” God, this would make him sound like a complete and utter cad. “She’s not wealthy.”
Joseph raised his eyebrows, and he whistled.
“Ouch. I never thought I’d hear you say that about any woman, especially Caroline.”
“Look, she’s beautiful, and I won’t deny it. But if you put aside the fact she now works for me, I’m expected to marry well. It’s all about status, and I have to marry someone appropriate.”
“And Caroline can’t be appropriate?”
David knew he was digging himself a hole and struggling to get out of it. Putting his glass on the table, he ran his fingers through his hair.
“She can, and if I was simply the heir, then me considering Caroline for anything beyond friendship might not have raised many eyebrows. Well, it would, but less so than it would for me now. I’m a duke, and if I marry someone I hired as a governess …”
Why on earth was he discussing marriage with Joseph? It made it sound like he’d had this in mind for a while.
But he hadn’t. Had he?
“I get it,” Joseph said, although his expression and tone said he didn’t really understand. “You don’t want the scandal of marrying someone below your station.”
David winced.
“Would you not make it sound that bad?”
“Bad? You’ve just insulted Caroline! If she were here now, she would be slapping you, and she would be justified.”
“It’s not just our reputation we would have to think about,” David went on.
“It affects Henrietta and Gwen as well. They are innocent in everything, but the whispers won’t stop.
That will be there when they enter Society, and I don’t want them to deal with that because I married someone who’s not appropriate to be a duchess. ”
Although David wouldn’t care about that if it were just him.
If the only person he needed to worry about were himself, he wouldn’t care about anything.
But Henrietta and Gwen needed a pristine family reputation, and David was the one who needed to keep it like that.
Much as he didn’t want to follow Society’s etiquette and rules, there wasn’t much he could do about it.
Having an attraction for Caroline was something he could admit in private, even to Joseph.
But he couldn’t declare it to anyone. Not without making it awful in the process for everyone involved.
If Caroline knew about his attraction, she would give him a wide berth.
She might even leave her employment, and David didn’t want her to go.
“That just sounds incredibly selfish, David,” Joseph said quietly.
“It’s not something I can have any control over.”
“I understand, but you don’t need to make it sound so sordid. Having an attraction is perfectly healthy.”
David glared at his friend.
“You’re the one who is attracted to a different woman every week.”
“You can appreciate a good-looking woman. What’s wrong with that?
” Joseph shook his head and sat back, bringing his drink to his lips.
“Anyway, you’d better hope this attraction for your governess disappears before you marry.
Because if your potential wife suspects that something is going on between you and someone who works for you, no matter what your past, you will end up in a bad situation anyway. ”
David was aware of it. And he was sure it would fade away. This was just meeting Caroline again, and they were spending a lot of time together. It was perfectly normal.
And yet, there was a part of David that felt like this wouldn’t disappear anytime soon, which was going to make looking for a wife even harder.
Maybe hiring Caroline wasn’t such a good idea. But David didn’t have the heart to tell her to leave. She needed this, and David realised he needed her.
He was intertwined with his governess and didn’t know how to feel about it.
#
Caroline heard a shout and looked up to see Joseph sprawled on the ground with Gwen on top of him. She giggled and put her arms around Joseph’s neck.
“I’ve got you now!” she declared. “Let’s see you get out of this!”
Joseph rolled, squashing Gwen so that she squealed and let go. Joseph scrambled onto his hands and knees and began to tickle her. Gwen’s squeals got louder, and she tried to get away.
“Let’s see you get away from this!” Joseph cried, cackling as he chased Gwen once she got out from under him. They ran across the grass, Gwen reaching the pond and putting it between them so they were at a stand-off.
Caroline pressed a hand to her chest, waiting for her heart to slow down. The shout had come out of nowhere, and it felt like she was coming down from the shock. Sitting across from her, Henrietta laughed.
“They are noisy, aren’t they?”
“You could say that.” Caroline sighed as she looked at her sketch. Her pencil had skidded across the page and left a nasty mark. “I just wish I would have some sort of warning.”