Chapter 22
Caroline almost burst into tears when she saw Eleanor’s carriage coming into view. She moved away from the window and left her bedroom. If she could get to the front door before her parents managed to corner her, she might be able to keep her composure a little longer.
She would just end up in tears if she told her parents the real reason she was back. They hadn’t appeared to take her excuse when she turned up a few hours ago. Caroline had hidden away from them for now, which was just building all the questions they would have.
She couldn’t admit to them that she had left because she had fallen in love with her employer.
That was embarrassing to admit, even to herself.
Caroline saw herself as a failure for having ended up in such a predicament.
This was meant to be an opportunity to do something worthwhile, something she could be comfortable with, and she had developed feelings for David instead.
You didn’t just develop feelings for him. They were already there. Being around him just made it very clear.
Tiptoeing past the morning room – her parents often had breakfast in there instead of the dining room – Caroline slipped out of the front door.
The carriage had pulled up already, and Baxter was helping Eleanor out.
She looked like she had got ready in a hurry, her hair curled but not pinned up so her locks were flowing down her back.
Caroline had never seen such a welcoming sight.
She hurried over and hugged her friend. Eleanor stiffened in surprise, but then she returned the embrace.
“This is a nice way to be greeted,” she commented, pulling back to frown at Caroline. “But what’s going on? Why are you here instead of with your charges?”
“I can’t be there anymore, Eleanor.”
“Why on earth not? I thought things were going well. You said so the last time we saw each other.” Eleanor raised her eyebrows. “Did you and David have a squabble? I can’t see that happening, though, seeing as how close you two are.”
Caroline glanced towards the window. Her mother was standing there, peering out into the drive. She gave Caroline a questioning look, but Caroline just smiled in return and waved. Then she took Eleanor’s arm.
“Let’s go for a walk. I don’t want my parents to hear about this yet.”
“Why not? What’s happened?”
“Not yet.” Caroline nodded at Baxter. “Thank you, Baxter. Lady Eleanor and I will be coming inside shortly.”
“Very good, My Lady.”
Baxter bowed, although he gave Caroline a curious look before heading inside. Caroline sighed; she would have to explain herself shortly and wasn’t looking forward to it.
As she and Eleanor walked around the side of the house and into the garden, Caroline told her friend everything. She debated holding certain things back but decided not to. Eleanor was her friend and confidant; she needed someone to talk to about it. And once she started, it all came out.
When she finished, Eleanor was quiet for a moment. Then she regarded Caroline with a tilt of her head.
“I see. So you’ve finally realised you’re in love with David and panicking.”
“I wouldn’t say it was panicking …” Caroline stopped. “Wait, what do you mean that I’ve finally realised?”
“You’ve been in love with David for years. Ten years away hasn’t changed anything. He’s had your heart all this time.”
“No …”
Eleanor scoffed.
“Honestly, Caroline, you like to think you’re aware of everything but don’t pay attention to yourself. Joseph and I have noticed that you’ve had feelings for David since we were children. You spent more time together than all of us as a group …”
“We are neighbours …” Caroline reminded her.
“When we played games where we had to be in pairs, you were always with David …”
“We worked well together …”
“And when he asks you to become his governess, you decide before he’s even finished because you want to be close to him.”
Caroline frowned.
“I asked to think about it. I didn’t immediately agree. You know that.”
“You say that, but I saw the look in your eyes when you told me about it. You had decided already, but you didn’t want to seem too eager.
” Eleanor sighed. “You love him, and you want to be around him. Now David’s finally admitting his feelings for you, and you’re running away?
Really? I didn’t see you as someone so scared of finally getting what you’ve desired for years. ”
Caroline was beginning to regret asking Eleanor to come over to confide in. She pulled away from her friend and sat on a nearby bench, the stone cold through her gown.
“I thought I could handle it,” she said finally, staring at the grass. “I wanted experience, and having my first job with a friend would have been helpful. I thought I could keep myself objective. Apparently, I can’t.”
“But you loved the job, didn’t you?”
“I did. Henrietta and Gwen are great girls, and I adore them. It made my days better knowing I could spend time with them.”
“And you still left.” Eleanor folded her arms. “Because of Lady Mary Chadwick.”
“I can’t stay there if she’s going to become the Duchess of Bayntree, Eleanor. She’ll ensure I’m dismissed and can’t get a job elsewhere.”
“David won’t let you be dismissed like that.”
“She’ll find a way. She doesn’t need her husband’s permission to dismiss the servants.” Caroline didn’t like describing David as Lady Mary’s husband. “I’m sure she’ll make sure the household is to her liking. That includes getting rid of her husband’s sisters.”
“You make it sound like it’s a done deal. That David’s going to marry her.”
“He needs to. His family’s future is important to him.”
“It might not be as important as you think.”
Caroline looked up.
“What do you mean?”
“I saw Joseph when Richard and I were out for a walk in town.” Eleanor frowned. “He had just been with David and was concerned about what was happening. David has been acting differently lately, and Joseph thinks it’s because he’s conflicted.”
“Conflicted?”
“Because he wants something that the ton won’t accept, and he has a duty to fulfil.” Eleanor shook her head. “Honestly, the pair of you are just pathetic.”
Caroline sat up.
“Now that’s not fair! True, I know I’m pathetic, but David isn’t.”
“Even after he refuses to do what his heart wants, you’re still defending him?”
“There’s nothing to defend. It’s all my fault. I fell in love with my employer, something I know can’t ever happen. His future wife will not want my presence, and I know she will make things difficult for me. I had to get out of there before it got too bad.”
Eleanor barked out a harsh laugh.
“I can’t believe you’re still blaming yourself for something out of your control. Both of you are in love, and you are both squandering it. You just sound like absolute fools.”
“David is not a fool.”
“Stop defending him, Caroline. He’s a fool for not doing what his heart desires, and you’re a fool for walking away instead of standing up for him.”
Caroline didn’t know what to say to that. She was now a governess; she couldn’t stand up for what she wanted. Not against Lady Mary. Eleanor sighed and took Caroline’s hand, tugging her to her feet.
“Let’s go. You are looking pale. I take it you haven’t had any breakfast yet?”
“I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning.” Caroline swallowed. “I couldn’t.”
“Then you need to get some tea and food into you. Then you might feel better.” Eleanor squeezed her hand before leading her towards the side door. “Come along. Let me look after you.”
Hearing her friend say this made Caroline want to cry again.
#
“Are you really going to do this?” Joseph asked as the carriage turned into the Chadwick driveway. “This is going to be an awkward conversation.”
“For Lady Mary or me?”
“Both. More you than her, I’m sure, seeing as you’re going to say that you’re not courting her anymore.”
David grunted as he rubbed his sweaty palms on his thighs.
“You make it sound like gentlemen don’t end a courtship with a lady. It happens.”
“I know it does, but you won’t have it easy. Lady Mary will not be happy, and what about her parents? I thought you were getting along with her father.”
“I do get along with him and feel guilty for doing this. But I’m sure he’ll understand. The earl is a reasonable man.”
“I don’t know if he’s going to understand turning his daughter down for another woman, though,” Joseph grunted.
David frowned at his friend.
“I asked you to come along with me because I wanted someone to give me the confidence to do this, not to chastise me for my actions.”
“Someone needs to do it.”
“My sisters have already done that.”
Joseph smiled.
“Now those two are going to grow up to be fiery ladies. I’m keen to see how that’s going to be for them in the future.”
David didn’t want to talk about his sisters.
He was still uncomfortable after what occurred with Henrietta and Gwen.
He knew he had been stupid with his behaviour.
Admitting that he had feelings for Caroline but being unable to do anything about it just days before bringing another woman to the house to court her was pretty much the worst thing he could have done to her.
By attempting to follow his duty, he had made both of them miserable.
Being married to Lady Mary might be the right thing to do when it was in line with what society’s rules dictated, but it wouldn’t be good.
Especially if Lady Mary would make sure David lost his remaining family members.
He would have turned her down for wanting to send his sisters away without his feelings for Caroline.
This needed to be done now. It wouldn’t be fair for anyone if this carried on.
The carriage pulled up outside the house, and the door opened as one of the footmen came out into the warm sunshine. David looked at Joseph.
“Are you going to wait here for me?”
“I’d rather be inside the house to see the reaction unfold, but that might be a bit too much.” Joseph sat back and crossed his legs. “I’m going to wait here instead. Just don’t take too long.”