Chapter 23
After having a cup of tea and some cake, Caroline was feeling a little better. She did feel a bit light-headed from having some sustenance after not eating for a long time, but the wave soon faded, and she knew it was what she needed.
Eleanor had been looking after her this morning.
She had managed to run interference between her and Caroline’s parents while Caroline was looking after herself.
She said she wouldn’t say anything until Caroline was ready to say it, but it wouldn’t be long.
Caroline would have to tell her parents why she was back.
She didn’t know how they would feel when she admitted the real reason.
Would they be surprised or disappointed?
Or upset that she had ruined her first job opportunity?
Caroline was too scared to think about it.
It gave her anxiety, making eating feel like she was shoving paper into her mouth after a while.
She needed to take a moment to calm down, but it wasn’t easy.
Things were getting too intense for her, and Caroline felt her head was in a mess.
Was she going to stay here and look after her parents with David so close?
Or was she going to look further afield for work?
Would she be able to find work if Lady Mary hadn’t said anything?
These were questions that kept coming back, and Caroline didn’t know how to answer them.
Maybe a few days to herself would help her figure out what she should do. There was no need to rush into anything. Then again, if David was going to pursue her and try to talk her out of it …
She couldn’t allow herself to be swayed. He had a duty to follow and would look out for his family. Having her around but not being able to do anything about it would make her feel sad. It would be unfair to both of them.
It would be best to keep her distance.
“I think I’m going to take a walk,” she said when Eleanor came back into the room.
“Really?” Eleanor looked dubious. “Are you sure about that?”
“Do you think I’m going to do something stupid?”
“Well, your regular walking route goes by David’s estate. You might just take a detour, and you really don’t need that when you’re in this current state.”
Caroline sighed and got to her feet.
“I’m not completely stupid, Eleanor. And I need to do something to clear my head. Staring at four walls is rather stifling.”
“Nice to know what you think about my company.”
“Forgive me, Eleanor …”
“Don’t worry. I know what you mean.” Eleanor smiled and took Caroline’s hands. “Go on your walk. Just make sure you don’t do anything stupid. You won’t clear your head if you keep going back to the root of the issue.”
“I understand.” Caroline squeezed her friend’s hands before releasing them. “And thank you for keeping an eye out for my parents.”
“They are concerned, and they do want to talk to you.”
“Once I’m back from my walk. I promise.”
Eleanor nodded.
“Alright, I can tell them that. Just make sure you leave before they see you; otherwise, they won’t let you leave.”
“I plan to.” Caroline headed towards the door. “I won’t be long. Hopefully, things will be clearer once I return.”
If they weren’t, then she would have to rethink things. Maybe her parents could give her an idea of what she needed to do. They would be able to think more clearly than her right now.
Finding her hat, Caroline managed to slip out of the house and onto the drive without her parents seeing her.
She did feel a little guilty avoiding them, but it was for the best. Caroline wanted to be sure she had all the answers, and they sounded convincing.
If her parents found out that she had fallen for David and ran away because of him, they would tell her she was stupid for doing something so daft.
She had been chastising herself a lot since leaving the Bayntree estate. She didn’t want it from her parents as well.
Taking her favourite route through the fields, Caroline made her way along the path until she reached the hill that dropped sharply in front of her.
Further down the hill was David’s estate.
Looking at it from this angle, it was remarkable how small it appeared.
The gardens felt enormous when she was in them, and they seemed to go on for miles. Up here, it was tiny in comparison.
Part of Caroline wanted to run down the hill, not caring if she fell and tumbled down head-over-heels, and see David again.
To see how Henrietta and Gwen were; Jennifer would have told them that Caroline had left, and they would be upset.
But that would defeat the object of leaving in the first place.
Why couldn’t life be so simple? Why did Caroline have to fall for the one person she knew she could never have?
Even when they were children and Caroline spent a lot of time with David, she knew they couldn’t have anything romantic due to their social standings.
While the old duke might not have cared, other people would.
Maybe that was why she had never been able to find herself a husband.
She had been devastated when David left and heard nothing from him.
Caroline believed David had forgotten about her.
Every time she looked at another gentleman, she compared them all to her first love.
Despite Joseph and Eleanor’s presence, she couldn’t be sociable and invigorated, so she faded into the background.
All because of David. Caroline didn’t want to blame it on him, but she wondered if her feelings, which hadn’t gone away, were part of how things went once she became a grown woman. She had a person in her head who she wanted to marry, and he wasn’t there.
Now he was, and their positions were vastly different. There was no hope for them, even if they did have feelings for each other.
Caroline knew living this close, aware that David and his wife were living just on the next estate, would be painful. Perhaps she should think about moving away as a serious option. Maybe even going abroad. She had always wondered what it would be like in Europe. Perhaps the Americas …
Stop it. You don’t need to run away that far. Distance will help, and then these feelings will go away.
They’ve been here all this time. I don’t think they’re going to leave anytime soon.
“Caroline!”
Caroline turned and did a double-take. David was hurrying along the path, coming down the slight incline towards her. Caroline stared. What was going on?
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.” David was slightly out of breath as he drew up beside her. “Eleanor said you had gone for a walk. I didn’t realise how far along you were, though.”
Caroline looked around. She had been fine being alone with David before, but now she was painfully aware of it.
“We shouldn’t be out here on our own, David. And I thought I said I was resigning my position.”
“Do you think I would accept it? Especially when I want you to stay?”
He looked like he hadn’t slept, his hair windswept and a beard starting to grow on his jaw. Caroline wanted to run a hand along his cheek and see if it was soft or rough. She put her hands behind her back, forcing herself to think about the conversation, not his beard.
“You know it’s the right thing to do. We can’t be around each other. It’s not fair on your wife to have feelings for someone else and have them in the same house. I had to leave.”
“Even if the person I have feelings for and my wife are the same person?”
“What?” Caroline frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Then maybe you’ll understand this.”
David drew her to him and kissed her. Caroline squeaked in surprise, pressing her hands against his chest. But despite knowing she should push him away, she found herself kissing him back. She sank into his arms as he held her, kissing her until Caroline felt like she would melt.
Both of them were panting when they broke the kiss. David rested his forehead against hers.
“Do you understand now?”
“I’m not sure that I do.”
“I told Lady Mary that I would not continue anything between us. She’s not going to become my wife.”
Caroline drew back and stared at him.
“Why would you do that? She would be the perfect wife for you.”
“In name only.Personally, not so much. I’m not about to have her take my family away from me because of something she has in her head about having me and my money to herself.
” David cupped her face in his hands. “I wouldn’t be happy, and my sisters would be just as miserable.
And not having you in my life would make things very bleak. ”
“I … I’m not sure …”
“Caroline, I love you. I think I’ve always loved you, and not having you around is not an option for me.
It took almost losing you for me to realise that duty is not something I can ever follow.
I don’t care about it anymore. I’m tired of doing what everyone believes is right.
This time, it’s all about me and what I truly want to do, and that is to do with you. ”
Caroline was still stuck on the first sentence. He said he loved her. And why did that impact her more than David saying he had feelings for her.
“Remember when I said that I didn’t want to marry Lady Mary, that there was someone I would rather be with?
That’s not changed. I don’t care what people say.
If it’s what my heart wants, then I’m going to listen to it.
No more ignoring it for society’s sake. If people want to gossip about it, they can do what they want.
It won’t matter to me because I’ve got what I want. ”
“You … you love me?”
David laughed.
“I’m surprised you haven’t listened to the rest of my little speech. And I took forever to think what I would say to you on the way over.”
“I … right.” Caroline licked her lips. “I honestly don’t know what to say.”
“The only thing I want to hear from you is ‘yes’.”
“Yes to what?”
David kissed her forehead.
“To becoming my wife. Be my love, the mother of my children, the woman I want.”
“What?” Caroline jumped back in stunned amazement. “You’re serious about this?”
“Didn’t I just say that I was?”
“I … I don’t …”
David reached for her and took her hand. Caroline didn’t pull away as he tugged her closer.
“Caroline, I’ve been ignoring what I want, and it’s been detrimental to me.
We both have feelings for each other, so what are we worried about?
Society can’t tell us what to do. Sure, they can gossip about what we did, but they won’t dictate what we do with our lives.
And I don’t want to lose the woman I love because of them.
” He hesitated. “So, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”
This was really happening. This wasn’t a dream; David was actually proposing to her.
Caroline was surprised she hadn’t collapsed to the ground after that.
She pressed a hand to her chest, feeling her heart racing.
This shouldn’t happen. Society was going to be in an uproar about their marriage.
It would cause a scandal for both their families.
But from the way David was looking at her, and how he spoke, he didn’t care. And, deep down, Caroline didn’t care, either.
She flung herself at him, hugging him tightly. David chuckled as he clasped her to him.
“So, am I to guess that this is your answer? It’s a yes?”
Caroline laughed as she pulled back.
“Why would I throw myself into your arms if I was saying no?”
“Well, I haven’t heard it yet, so I’m not …”
Caroline grabbed his head and kissed him, smiling when she eased back.
“It’s a yes. Are you satisfied now?”
David groaned and hugged her to him, kissing her head.
“You have no idea.”