4. Naomi
FOUR
Naomi
W e got to Magnolia just as darkness settled around us. I stared at the scenery as it passed by, taking it all in. The ocean in the northeast was different from the south. The beaches weren’t the same. The air didn’t smell the same.
This definitely wasn’t home.
I closed my eyes as anxiety washed over me. Was I ever going to feel like I belonged again? Who was I now?
A month and a half ago, I was confident in the direction of my life, but as I sat in the taxi pulling up to Jackson’s house on the beach, I sighed. I wasn’t confident about anything anymore.
“Ready?” Jackson asked as he grasped the door release.
I nodded, moving to do the same, but then stopped myself. There was no way I could climb out of the car like he was. It was ridiculous for me to even pretend that I could. So, I sat, waiting for him to get my chair from the back. As soon as I saw him approach the window, I opened my door.
My legs were stiff, and I was sore as I moved to stand on my good leg. I kept my arm wrapped around Jackson’s shoulder as I hopped to my chair. Once I was settled, he grabbed my purse and backpack from the car and plopped them in my lap.
He paid the taxi driver and then turned to face me. “Ready?” he asked.
Did it matter if I wasn’t? I nodded, but like I’d anticipated, he wasn’t waiting for me to respond. Instead, he began to wheel me across the driveway. When we rounded his house, my gaze landed on the ocean. It was beautiful, I had to give him that. I could see why he liked it here.
It was peaceful.
“Fiona made us some dinner,” Jackson said as he unlocked the front door and swung it open.
I nodded, not sure what to say until I settled on, “That’s nice of her.”
He pushed me into the house and shut the door behind us. I glanced around, taking in his house. It was huge and open, nothing like the small home I’d just left. Unlike Jackson, I wasn’t rich, and neither were our parents. I lived a modest life, so it always surprised me whenever I visited my brother.
At times, it felt as if he were on a different planet than I was.
“Thirsty?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I’m tired. I just want to lie down.” I eyed his couch and wondered if I had enough arm strength to lift myself onto it. That was one thing no one told you about when you injure yourself—how much the rest of your body has to make up for what you are lacking.
“You should drink some water,” he commanded as he made his way to the fridge.
Knowing that I wasn’t going to be able to talk him out of this, I just nodded and wheeled myself to the table. “Fine.”
He busied himself getting me a drink and heating up something that smelled Italian. My mouth watered at the fragrance. It had been a long time since I had a home-cooked meal. Back in North Carolina, Jackson served frozen TV dinners and ordered out. He took care of me the way he could, but it made me miss the taste of fresh cooked food.
“Fiona’s a good cook,” he said as if he could read my mind. Then he paused. “She’s become a good cook.”
I glanced over to see him open the microwave and set the plate down next to the glass of sparkling water he’d filled for me.
“That’s good,” I said, not sure how I was supposed to respond.
“She’s going to come over later to introduce herself.”
I winced. That was not what I wanted. I wanted to hide out here. To heal and figure out what I was going to do with this baby. Once I was able to pick up the pieces of my broken life, I was going to leave. I was going to be somebody. And maybe find Walker so he could explain himself.
Making friends in Magnolia wasn’t a high priority for me.
“She doesn’t know about…” I let my voice trail off as I made circles around my stomach.
Jackson flicked his gaze down and shook his head. “She doesn’t know about the baby.” He swallowed, his jaw muscles tensing from his emotions. I knew he wanted to talk to me about it. He wanted to know more. But I wasn’t ready to tell him. One might call it denial, but I called it survival mode.
“No one knows but me,” he added.
“Good.” I wanted to keep it that way.
The last thing I needed was the excitement of other people. I was trying to remain levelheaded about this. To make the right choice for the child. The last thing I needed was to feel hope. I had little to offer a baby. If I decided to give it up for adoption, all emotion needed to be taken out of the equation.
It was too painful to think of anything else. I was supposed to be doing this with Walker, and if he wasn’t around, I was certain I didn’t have the mental fortitude to do it myself.
Jackson set the plate of food down in front of me, followed by the glass of water. I thanked him and dived into the food. It tasted divine, and before I knew it, I’d devoured the entire plate. Jackson was just settling down with his dinner to join me when he glanced over and his gaze flicked down to my plate.
“Done already?” he asked, moving to stand as if he was going to head into the kitchen to get me more food.
“I’m okay, really,” I said as I lifted a hand to stop him.
He hovered over his chair for a moment before he settled back down. “You sure?”
I nodded. I think any further eating would be purely from wanting to eat instead of being hungry. It was hard to get comfortable with my cast, and the last thing I needed was to add a full stomach on top of that.
Not wanting to move just yet, I settled back in my chair. Jackson ate in silence, which was typical of my brother. He wasn’t one to carry a conversation if he didn’t need to.
Boredom got the better of me, so I leaned my elbows on the tabletop. “So, you are liking it here in Magnolia?” I asked.
Jackson had just scooped up some spaghetti, and the ends were hanging out of his mouth. He glanced up at me as he slurped them in. “It’s nice,” he said as he grabbed a napkin and wiped his mouth.
“Wow.”
He frowned. “What?”
“It must be special for you to give it a raving review like this,” I said.
He scoffed and took a sip of his beer. “You’re ridiculous.”
It was true though. I rarely saw my brother get excited about anything. He was a New York Times best-selling author and an international icon. But nothing seemed to get him riled up…until he met Fiona. Suddenly, things changed. I was happy for him, but there were times when his happiness felt like a dagger to the sad and pathetic state of my life.
Especially now.
“So, what’s the plan with you two?” I knew that Jackson hated talking about himself, but in all honesty, if I was focused on him, I wasn’t focused on myself. I was desperate to avoid deciding what to do, so I was going to help Jackson navigate his love life.
At least one of us was going to have our happily ever after.
“Naomi.” His voice was low and deep. I recognized his attempt at intimidation.
“What?” I scoffed. I wasn’t impacted by his voice. If anything, it only made me want to press him more. “You’re telling me that you haven’t thought about this?”
His pause said what his words wouldn’t. He had thought about it. And from the spark that flickered in his gaze—he’d thought about it a lot.
Three solid knocks on the door caused him to jump up from his spot. I glowered at him as he hurried over to the door, calling, “Someone’s here,” over his shoulder. He was obviously thankful for the distraction.
“You’re deflecting,” I called after his retreating frame. I huffed as I reached out and fiddled with the utensils I’d set on my plate. He’d left me to sit here with my own thoughts. That was a dangerous place for me to be .
“Yeah, she’s here,” Jackson’s words drew my attention over to the door.
Who would care that I was here? My brother wasn’t chatty, and besides Fiona, I doubted he’d chummed up with anyone else.
Colten Morgan filled the door frame. Right. My brother’s best friend. When Colten’s gaze fell on me, a smile crept across his lips. He was wearing a dark red t-shirt with jeans and a black ball cap. If I allowed myself to think about it, there was a part of me that was attracted to Colten…until I remembered that he was my brother’s best friend, and those feelings left.
“Well, if it isn’t Nerdy Nomie,” Colten said as he stepped into the house and Jackson shut the door behind him.
I narrowed my eyes at his use of my old nickname. Only a few people could use that, and at my age, pretty much no one called me that anymore.
Not even my brother, who’d come up with the name in the first place.
“Hey, Crying Coltie,” I responded.
He chuckled as he crossed the room and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. For a moment, my heart picked up speed—and it wasn’t because he was squeezing me so tight that he was cutting off my circulation.
This was something else.
He smelled like the salty ocean had a baby with the forest after a summer rain. It was intoxicating. Mix that with the warmth of his body as he hugged me—and my insides were flipping…until I felt like I was going to vomit.
I pushed him away and unlocked my chair as fast as I could. I tried to take off across the room, but my extended leg caught on the table, and I couldn’t wheel back fast enough.
My stomach was heaving. I could see the startled looks of Colten and Jackson as they stared at me.
“Garbage!” I managed out as I cupped my hand over my mouth.
Thankfully, Jackson understood and produced a black bowl, which I grabbed from him and proceeded to hurl my dinner into.
I knew I should have been embarrassed. I was a grown woman throwing up in front of two grown men, but I didn’t care. Pregnancy nausea was no joke, and I knew the only way I would feel better was to let it all out.
After I finished vomiting, I paused with my head hovering over the bowl. My eyes were watering, and I was fairly certain that I looked like death, but I couldn’t find the strength to care. My mouth hurt. My stomach hurt. And the baby did not like Colten’s cologne, even if I did.
I pulled away, my cheeks heating from the stares I was sure were being cast in my direction. Just as I moved to look around, a paper towel entered my line of sight.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to squeeze the dinner out of you,” Colten said sheepishly.
I shrugged as I wiped my mouth and nose. He handed me another one so I could wipe my teared-up eyes. “It’s okay,” I whispered. “I think I caught a bug.”
A bug. A baby. Just about the same thing.
He smiled. “It’s fine. Never happened before, so I can officially cross make a girl puke from a hug off of my bucket list.”
I threw an unimpressed smile his direction.
“I’ll take that,” Jackson said as he moved to take the bowl from me.
“Thanks.” I hoped he knew I meant that on many different levels. He could have said something about the baby. He could have mocked me. But instead, he decided to do the big-brother thing and help me out.
I felt a bit better as I settled back in my chair. Jackson disappeared into the bathroom. and Colten made his way to the fridge to retrieve two bottles of water. One he handed to me, and the other he cracked the top off of and took a long sip.
My stomach seized up when I took a drink, so I settled on sipping it. My mouth felt awful, and I needed to stay hydrated.
“So, how are you liking Magnolia?” Colten asked as he sat down on a nearby chair.
I shrugged. “Just getting to know it. From what I’ve seen, it’s nice.” My throat tightened around my next words. “It’s no North Carolina.”
“Hallelujah.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Don’t miss our home state? ”
He shook his head. “Too hot there. Here, you get all the perks of living on the ocean without all that heat.”
I nodded slowly. He did have a point. There were days in North Carolina that you could fry an egg on the sidewalk. Sticking to the leather seats in my car wasn’t something I would ever miss.
Still, it was home.
“So, I take it you are enjoying your time here?” I couldn’t think of home anymore. It just reminded me of Walker, and suddenly, all I wanted to do was call a taxi and demand they drive me back home.
He lifted his hat off his head and mussed his hair before plopping it back down. “Magnolia has a way of growing on you. I didn’t think I was going to like it, but now, I could never imagine going back to a bigger police force. I love the small-town feel. Everyone knows everyone here. Secrets don’t last long.”
His words caused worry to settle in my gut. That was the last thing I needed. There was no way I wanted news of my pregnancy to get out. This was a situation I wanted to deal with privately. But small towns came with gossips, and I knew the minute it got out, I was going to be the talk of the town.
A new move-in was already a hot topic. I wanted my pregnancy and love life to remain close to my heart.
Jackson made his way out of the bathroom with bowl in hand. “Taken care of,” he said as he set the bowl down in the sink and washed his hands.
I gave him a sheepish smile. “Thanks. ”
He shrugged as he dried his hands on a light-grey towel that I was certain Fiona had purchased. He had never been a kitchen towel kind of guy.
Which reminded me. “Fiona still coming over?” I was tired. After my random vomit session, my exhaustion had hit a new level. I was fairly certain my throwing up was a product of how tired I felt, and Colten’s cologne was just the ticket to tip the scales. Since I was a kid, I always got nauseous when I was overly tired.
“Let me check,” Jackson said as he went to retrieve his phone.
I silently prayed that something had come up. And from the look on Jackson’s face, my prayer was answered.
“Blake’s running a slight fever, so she said she’s going to pass. But she’ll be here tomorrow if he’s better.”
“Wonderful,” I said as I started wheeling away from the table.
“You’re not going to hang out with us?” Colten asked.
I shook my head. “I’m too tired.” I glanced at Jackson. “Can you help me into bed?”
He nodded and moved to grasp the handles of my chair. I waved at Colten, who looked a tad disappointed. I knew he wanted to spend time with me, but I just didn’t have the energy.
I was learning that growing another human had that effect on me.
Jackson helped me into the bathroom so I could brush my teeth and get into my pajamas. Once I rolled out, he helped me into bed. As soon as my body hit the mattress, I could feel my eyes starting to close.
“Good night, Naomi,” Jackson said as he flipped off the light.
“‘Night,” I whispered as darkness surrounded me and I felt my body start to slip away. I lay there, forcing my mind to clear so I could fall asleep.
I wasn’t going to worry about what I couldn’t change. Not tonight.
Reality could overtake me tomorrow. That’s when I would start facing my life.
Whatever that meant.