6. Naomi
SIX
Naomi
T he next day, I woke up sore, but my nausea had subsided, so I was counting that as a win. I used all of my strength to lift my body off my bed and settle into my chair. Even though Jackson wanted to help me, I was determined to learn how to do things by myself.
Plus, I was going to get better. And when I did, I was going to take charge of my life. Until then, I was just trying to survive.
After I brushed my teeth and hair, I made my way to the door.
The house was quiet. I wheeled from the room and glanced around, wondering where Jackson had gone. From what I knew of my brother, he wasn’t the kind of guy who left his house much.
Especially with his eyesight issues. He hated sunlight of any kind. Which was why his blinds were currently closed.
My mouth felt dry, and I was desperate for a drink. So, I wheeled into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Just as I moved to close it, I caught movement from the corner of my eye and startled, slamming the fridge closed.
A woman with a short pixie cut and wide eyes stared back at me. She had a spray bottle and rag in her hand. “Naomi?” she asked in a soft breath.
I nodded. “Fiona?”
She smiled, set down the cleaning supplies on the counter, and hurried over to me. Before I could stop her, she wrapped her arms around me. The smell of lemon assaulted my senses, and I hugged her back as quickly as I could before I pulled away.
When she stepped back, she looked startled. “Sorry. I know I should ask, but I am a hugger.”
I was taking slow breaths through my nose and out my mouth, trying to still the desire to puke. I’d already thrown up yesterday, and I didn’t want to do it again today.
I was tired of feeling sick.
“It’s okay. I just hurt,” I said, hoping that my vague response would throw her off the scent. The last thing I needed was for anyone to know that I was pregnant.
She covered her hand with her mouth. “Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t even thinking. I just…” Her voice trailed off as she reached out her hand. “Do you need anything? Can I get you some pain meds?”
She looked genuinely upset with herself, so I offered her a small smile. “Some water would be great.”
She nodded as she hurried to wash her hands. “How about some breakfast?” Her gaze flicked up to the loft behind me. “Jackson is still asleep, but he likes me to make him omelets. Does that sound good for you?”
The baby hated eggs. Every time I was around them, my stomach churned.
“I’ll be just fine with a banana,” I said as I motioned to the bunch on the counter.
Fiona glanced from me to the fruit. “Are you sure?”
I nodded as I began to roll over to the table. “I’m not a big breakfast eater.” Well, I had been before this pregnancy. Now, all I ever wanted to do was throw up.
“Got it. Water and a banana coming up,” Fiona said as she bustled around the kitchen. Seconds later, she set down a glass of water and a banana in front of me. Then she stood about a foot off, waiting.
Not sure what she was doing, I waved toward the chair next to me. “Want to sit down?”
She hesitated. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother.”
I cracked the top of the banana and pulled the peel down. “No bother.” I wasn’t in a chatty mood, but I did want a relationship with the woman my brother cared about. Eventually, I wasn’t going to be pregnant. Eventually, I wasn’t going to feel sick. Eventually, I was going to be a halfway decent person to be around.
When that happened, I didn’t want to have alienated Fiona.
She sat down, resting her hands on the table in front of her. She glanced around, seeming to look everywhere but at me .
I took a bite of the food and chewed thoughtfully as I watched her. I hated that she appeared uncomfortable. That was not how I wanted my first interaction with my brother’s girlfriend to go.
“How long have you lived—”
“Do you re—”
We both stopped talking and pinched our lips in unison. I gave her a sheepish smile, and she did the same.
“You go first,” she said at the same time I said, “Go ahead.”
An awkward silence fell between us as I paused and raised my eyebrows. She laughed softly. “Do you read?”
I took another bite. “Can you be the sister of an author and not read?”
“Touché.”
I smiled. “Is there something you want me to read?”
She fiddled with the napkin dispenser on the table. “Well, sort of. I’m part of a book club—just a few of us on the island—and we’d love to have you be a part of it.” She looked cautiously up at me. “If you want.”
My heart swelled. I’d always wanted a sister, and this was my first chance at it. I wanted to say yes, I did, but I couldn’t find the words. Part of me wanted to reach out and take the olive branch that she was extending to me, but there was a part of me—a small part that was growing larger every day—that made me pull back.
Magnolia wasn’t my home. This was just a stop on my way to trying to figure out what my future held. It was a block in the road that was keeping me from Walker .
“That’s so sweet, but it’s hard to get around.” I motioned toward my chair. “I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”
Her eyes widened as she shook her head. “It wouldn’t be a bother. The ladies would love it if you were there, and I think…” She paused. “I think it would be good for you.”
I knew she was trying to be nice, but I hated being pushed. Especially when I already felt incredibly vulnerable. But, not wanting to offend, I gave her a quick smile. “I’ll think about it.”
That seemed to appease her. She nodded. “Our next meeting is this weekend.” She stood and crossed the room to her bag. A moment later, she returned to where I was sitting with a book in hand. “This is what we are reading,” she said as she held it out to me.
Just as I went to take it, she added, “We don’t really talk a lot about the book we are reading. I mean, it starts out that way, but then we get to talking about other things.” She sighed, a soft smile emerging. “There’s not a lot of secrets between us anymore.”
I swallowed. There was no way I wanted to go there. I was struggling with the direction of my life right now. The last thing I needed was a group of women pulling my secrets from me. Especially when I didn’t know how I felt about my secrets. I didn’t want to expose myself to anyone else’s judgment.
I nodded and thanked her as I took the book. I didn’t want to be rude, and I figured that appeasing her was the best way to handle this situation. I tucked the book next to my leg and armrest, and then unlocked my wheels. “I think I’m going to lie down for a bit,” I said with a soft smile as I started to wheel myself back to my room.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded over my shoulder. “Yeah. I’m just beat.”
I wasn’t lying. This pregnancy plus trying to heal broken bones was exhausting. If I could, I would spend my whole life in bed. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with the current state of my life. Or the fact that Walker had yet to text me. It was depressing every time I opened my message app to find my text to him was the last message. A plea of desperation stared back at me.
I felt pathetic.
I didn’t emerge from my room until the sun had begun to set. I could tell it was evening from the direction of the light seeping through the closed blinds. Not wanting to turn into that person—the one who stayed in bed all day—I pulled myself off my mattress and into my chair. I blew out my breath as my hands found the wheels.
I couldn’t wait to get the go-ahead from the doctors to remove the dumb cast I was wearing. I wanted to feel like normal.
I pushed open my bedroom door and wheeled out into the living room. The only sound I could hear was from the TV. Jackson was sitting on the couch, occasionally jumping out of his seat to yell at the screen. He looked like a crazy person, sitting a foot away from the TV. And I wanted to laugh, if it didn’t break my heart. His eyesight was getting worse, and I feared he would lose it forever .
My previous response would have been to tease him, but I bit back the words. He was going through so much; it would be mean of me to make fun of him—even if I was certain that he craved some normalcy.
I wheeled over to the couch and locked my wheels before I pulled myself out of my chair and settled onto the couch next to him.
“You’re finally up,” he said with his eyes still glued on the screen.
I squinted, hating that I was this close to his massive TV. “Yeah, figured I couldn’t stay in bed forever.” My stomach growled, and I pressed my hand against it. “Plus, I’m starving.”
That seemed to draw his attention over. “Want me to make you something?”
I raised an eyebrow. “You. You are willing to make me dinner?” I pointed my finger at him just to make sure we were talking about the same person.
He scoffed. “I can make dinner.”
“Mm, okay.” I shook my head. “I remember the crab stick debacle of ’92. I don’t think I can even trust you to get me an apple.”
He scrunched up his nose. “It only made sense that if it takes an entire day for a crab stick to defrost in your lunch, it would take ten minutes to defrost in the microwave on high.” He glared at me. “I was a genius if you think about it.”
I snorted. “A genius who set off the fire alarm and brought out the entire fire department for a charred piece of imitation crab.”
He folded his arms. “Well, I won’t be making the food. I’ll be heating up what Fiona made for you. But if you are saying you aren’t hungry, I’ll just forget about it and get back to my game.” He moved to grab the remote, but I wrapped my fingers around it.
“No, I’ll trust you to heat it up.” I ran my gaze over him. “I mean, you don’t look like you are starving, so you seem to have a handle on at least the microwave.”
He glowered at me. “Har har,” he said as he stood.
I settled back in my seat as I watched him move around the kitchen. First to the fridge to grab the container, then to the cupboard that held the plates. Finally, the smell of beef and broccoli with rice filled the air and made my mouth water.
I was starving.
He brought me the plate with a bottle of water and a fork. I didn’t even wait to say thank you before I started shoveling in the food. Once I was satiated, I would thank him. But for now, I was hungry, so I was going to eat.
Jackson settled back on the couch and moved to unpause the TV. He stopped. I could see him peering over at me through his peripheral vision. I swallowed so I could tell him to spit it out, but thankfully, he didn’t need prodding.
“Fiona said that she invited you to the book club.” I could tell that he was trying to sound nonchalant about this. But I could read my brother like an open book .
“And?”
He swallowed. “Are you going to take her up on that offer?”
I sighed as my stomach soured around the food I’d just inhaled. I wanted to say no, but at the look on Jackson’s face and the hope in his voice, I just nodded. “I can try.”
His shoulders relaxed as he looked over at me. “That would be nice. Fiona really wants to get to know you.”
“And I want to get to know her, too.”
He frowned.
“What?” I asked.
“She said you seemed distant earlier.”
“You two talked about me?”
He shrugged. “She was just worried that she’d upset you. Said you ran from her after she suggested the book club.”
So, they had discussed me. I didn’t like it, but I understood it. After all, I knew that they talked, and they were a couple. It made sense.
I sighed. “I don’t really want to talk about it, Jackson.” I fiddled with my empty plate. I was tired even though I’d spent most of my day in my room.
I already had a lot on my mind, and the last thing I needed was to feel guilty about rejecting an invitation from my brother’s girlfriend.
He scrubbed his face. Then he nodded. “I get it. I’ll tell Fiona to let it go.”
My heart ached as I watched my brother stand up and gather my dishes. I ran through what I wanted to say, but nothing seemed sane. I sounded irrational in my own mind, and that wasn’t who I wanted to be—even if I wasn’t sure I had the strength to be anything different.
“It won’t be forever,” I whispered, not sure if I wanted him to hear me. After all, was that a promise that I could keep? My life was so uncertain. I needed to be careful that I didn’t commit to something and then renege on it.
“Really? Promise?” he asked. He straightened up from the dishwasher with a fork in his hand. His gaze landed on me, and I could see the pain in his eyes.
I was failing my brother.
“Yes.” I swallowed, emotions rising up inside of me despite my desire to keep them locked away. “Just let me figure out where I’m at right now. I promise I will make it up to Fiona.”
He nodded as he bent back down and slipped the fork into the utensil box. “I would like that,” he said, his voice low with emotion.
I smiled at him. I liked seeing my big brother in love. It was a good look on him. “I know.” I wished in that moment that I could stand, cross the room, and wrap my arms around Jackson. I wanted to be able to show him that I cared—without being a burden on him.
Right now, I was broken, and I wasn’t sure I would ever be whole again.
I feigned a yawn and stretched. “I should get back to bed,” I lied. I was neither tired nor ready for bed. But I knew if I stayed here, I would just put my foot further into my mouth. I wasn’t ready to talk, and I knew that Jackson wanted answers.
The best thing for our relationship was for me to stay away until I figured out my own path. Then I would let him know what my plans were, and I would be able to listen to his suggestions without wanting to scream.
Once I knew what I was going to do with the baby and my life, I would open up. Until then, everything needed to be locked down. I needed to be alone.
I was hurting, but there was no need to make anyone else feel the same.
I wouldn’t allow it.