8. Naomi
EIGHT
Naomi
I was getting antsy.
This whole staying in my bed routine was getting old, and it was only day two.
Jackson had brought me breakfast in bed, and I’d fallen back asleep while watching daytime television. Then I was awoken for lunch, and after I finished the peanut butter and honey sandwich he made me, I spent the afternoon surfing the web for nothing in particular.
Dusk was settling around me, and from where I sat, I could see slices of the sunset through the half-open blinds. The sun hurt Jackson’s eyes, but he let me open my blinds slightly, so I didn’t feel like a vampire.
Now that I could see the orange and purple streaks from the sky, the desire to do something other than just occupy space came over me. Realizing that there was no way I could spend my entire life cooped up in Jackson’s guest room, I sat up in the bed and pulled my wheelchair closer.
I settled in the seat and then rolled across the room and pulled open the door. I could hear voices coming from the dining room, so I took a second to smooth my hair. I’d fiddled with my makeup while in bed earlier, so at least I knew I didn’t look crazed.
After pulling my fingers through the few knots I found, I rolled out of the room. Just as I rounded the corner, I saw Fiona, Jackson, Colten, and a woman with red hair who I didn’t recognize. They were drinking and dipping bread in what looked like vinegar and oil.
When they saw me, they all stopped talking and turned to face me.
“Hey, sis,” Jackson said as he moved to stand. “We didn’t think you were going to come out of your room.”
I glanced around at all the people staring at me, and suddenly, I wanted to race back to my bed. Why did I think I could handle this? I felt like a fool.
They were friends, and I was the odd one out.
“I, um…” I swallowed. “I think I’ll just go back.”
“Wait.” Fiona was standing now. She looked desperate as she covered her expression with a smile. “Can I heat you up some food? Victoria brought some dinner for us.” She waved toward the redhead.
I looked skeptical. I wasn’t really in the mood for small talk.
“Her boyfriend is the chef at the inn here on Magnolia.” She moved toward the kitchen counter. “It’s chicken Parmesan. You’ll love it.”
My stomach growled at her words. I wanted to say no, but it did sound nice. Being around grownups instead of the soap opera playing in my room was a step up. Despite my desire to run, I nodded. “Yeah, sure. I’ll eat something.”
Everyone shuffled around until there was a spot for me at the table. Victoria offered me a glass of wine, but I waved it away. Thankfully, she didn’t push me or ask why I was saying no.
Fiona brought me my food, and I was grateful that I had an excuse not to join in on the conversation that was going on around me. Instead, I sat back and ate while listening. Apparently, Victoria just got a job at the newspaper and was assigned to do some articles about new move-ins. Fiona and Jackson were on that list.
It was fun to sit back and listen to my brother and his girlfriend talk about what brought them to Magnolia, the trials they went through when they got here, and how optimistic they were about the future.
In a way, it made me feel less alone—even though my story was completely different. I had a human growing in my stomach. I’d lost everything when I came here. And I was currently immobile and stuck.
“What about you, Naomi?”
I’d finished my food and was sipping on some ice water. I startled and glanced around as all eyes fell on me. “I’m sorry, what?” Had I missed the conversation moving in this direction?
“What brought you here to Magnolia?”
I swallowed and shook my head. “Oh, I’m pretty boring. You don’t want to write about me.” My cheeks heated. The last thing I needed was for my situation to be blasted all over this small town’s newspaper. It would only make my decision that much harder. “Plus, I’m not really a move-in. I plan on going back to North Carolina once my leg is better.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw Jackson stiffen at my words. Which angered me. I’d told him I wasn’t staying here permanently. This town was going to be just a blip on my radar once I was healed up. Why was he acting all big brother about this?
“Oh, I hadn’t realized that,” Victoria said as she clicked her pen a few times.
I gave her a sheepish smile.
“I’m here to stay,” Colten piped up. “And I’m a new move-in. Do I count for your paper?”
Victoria nodded, and they fell into conversation. It was interesting to listen to him talk about his job on the force and how moving to a small town was just what he’d needed. He was tired of murders and burglaries. He just wanted the slower pace Magnolia could provide.
I hated that everyone around me seemed to know what they wanted to do. I pushed away from the table. “I need some fresh air,” I said as I wheeled myself to the door.
“I can come with you,” Fiona said, and before I could resist, she was standing behind me with her hands wrapped around the chair’s handles.
I thought about changing my mind but decided against it. After all, I was headed out onto the deck, and I was going to need help in case I got stuck.
The air was warm and sticky but exactly what I needed. I took in a deep breath, and the salty taste tickled my taste buds. I was never going to move away from the ocean. We were one and the same.
I wheeled over to the side of the deck closest to the ocean and stared out at the blue water. I closed my eyes a moment and allowed the sound of the waves to wash over me. The sound was rhythmic and constant—a feeling that I was sorely lacking.
When I opened my eyes, movement next to me drew my attention. Fiona had moved to stand about a foot off, her elbows resting on the railing in front of her. She, too, was staring out at the ocean. I studied her for a moment, wondering why she’d asked to come out here with me.
“You know I fought it,” she finally said, catching me off guard.
I furrowed my brow. “Fought what?”
She glanced over at me. “Magnolia. Being a mom. Having a baby felt like giving up a part of myself that I was never going to get back.”
My cheeks flushed as frustration with my brother rose up inside of me. “Jackson told you?” I asked as I pressed my thumbnail into the cuticle of my other thumb.
“He didn’t tell me anything.” She shrugged. “I kind of figured it out myself. The sickness. The sleeping.” She sighed. “I spent most of my time in bed when I was pregnant with Blake.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about this conversation. On the one hand, I wanted to deny everything. I wanted to push her away. I was determined to keep my life a secret. I feared what would happen to me if I allowed people into my mess. I didn’t want to be beholden to relationships that I might not be able to maintain.
On the other hand, I wanted to tell her. I’d felt so alone after the accident, and moving here only made that loneliness come to a head. I was aching to feel close to someone. Jackson was about as prickly as a cactus. He wasn’t the cuddly type. When I’d attempted to talk to him about my feelings in the past, he’d just brushed me off.
Plus, he hated Walker. If I told him Walker was the father and I couldn’t get ahold of him, Jackson would tell me it was fate intervening and I shouldn’t push to get him back. I was better off without a lowlife like Walker Hughes—words he’d actually said to me once.
So, having someone in my corner who knew what I was going through? It was tempting. I was willing to test the waters.
“How long did it take before you started feeling normal?” My voice was quiet, and I was afraid that the wind took my words away before she could hear them. I was trying to be more open, but I didn’t want to have to shout to do it.
Fiona laughed. It wasn’t mocking but soft and sympathetic. “Once they are born?” She glanced over at me. “But even then, you deal with crying, colic, and toddlerhood.”
She wasn’t making me want to keep this baby. I was trying to distance myself from what was growing inside of me until I knew what I was going to do, but it was hard to ignore. Especially when it made me so sick to my stomach.
She must have sensed my stress because she quickly turned to face me while waving her hand. “But all of that is to say that it’s the best thing in the world. Blake is everything I didn’t know I wanted.” She sighed. “Being a mom is exhausting, and most times there’s no reward, but those small moments where he holds your cheeks and tells you that you are beautiful…” She sighed. “It makes it all worth it.”
I hugged my chest as I turned my attention back to the water. Her words rolled around in my mind. If I’d already made my decision about the baby, I think her words would calm me. But I felt confused. Like a boat on the ocean with no lighthouse to guide me.
So instead of giving me comfort, they only made me more unsure of what I wanted. I still had dreams. Not to mention the fact that Walker wasn’t around, and I was losing faith that he would want to be.
I knew it was better to have no parent instead of an abusive one, and I wanted to give my child the best life.
Even if the best life meant without me.
“I’ve talked too much,” Fiona whispered, bringing my attention back to her .
I gave her a soft smile. I knew she was trying to help, and I was grateful for it. She just couldn’t solve my problems for me. I needed to make a decision and stick to it. Coming to that decision was something I was going to have to do alone.
Right now, my focus was on healing. I’d address the other issues later.
“Thanks,” I said.
She glanced over at me. “For what?”
Emotions rose up inside of me, causing tears to gather on my eyelids. “For not giving up on me. For sticking around. And for being my friend.”
She pursed her lips as she nodded. “Of course. I care about you, and I want you to be happy.”
Not sure what else to say and not wanting to break down, I returned my focus to the ocean. We stood in silence for a few moments before Fiona spoke again.
“Not trying to push you or anything, but can I take you out tomorrow? We can get some coffee, and I can show you the island. I think if you saw it in all its glory, you might change your mind about staying here.”
My first inclination was to say no. But the memory of spending the entire day in bed washed over me, and my muscles itched for me to move. I nodded. “That would be fun.”
Her eyebrows went up as if she hadn’t expected me to say that, but then she nodded. “Cool. I’ll come get you around nine?” She frowned. “I might have Blake with me. If Shari can’t take him. ”
“I’m cool with that.” I was interested to see the kid for myself.
“Perfect.”
Fifteen minutes passed. We made small talk, which mostly consisted of Fiona asking me what North Carolina was like. We steered clear of the topic of my pregnancy, which I was grateful for, and stuck to topics that didn’t take too much brain power to sift through.
The front door opened, halting our conversation. We both turned to see Victoria standing in the doorway. She was talking to Colten as she walked out.
“Leaving already?” Fiona asked.
Victoria nodded. “Yeah, I’ve got to get back. Brett has us watching some medical drama, and if I’m not there on time, he starts without me.” The soft smile that emerged at the mention of Brett made me jealous.
Victoria was so obviously in love, and that made an ache form in my heart. Was that ever going to happen to me? What if Walker didn’t come back? What kind of man wants to take on a broken woman? And what kind of man would want to take on a broken woman with a child?
“Well, thanks for coming over. It was good to see you.” Fiona gave Victoria a hug, and she stiffened. I giggled.
I was fairly certain I was going to like Victoria. She was driven and not touchy-feely at all. I could completely relate.
When they pulled apart, Victoria glanced down at me. “I know you think you’re not a Magnolia move-in, but if you decide to become permanent, I would love to interview you. I’m sure everyone here would love to learn a little bit more about you.”
Her comment was so strange. I’d lived in a small town, sure, but it hadn’t been as welcoming or nosy as this. There was certainly something strange about this place.
It wasn’t bad. It was just…different.
Not wanting to say no to a potential new friend, I just nodded. “Sure,” I said.
She clapped her hands together and then said, “Well, I’m off.” Her heels clicked on the deck. But then she stopped and turned. “I expect all of my friends to purchase a subscription to the paper.” She narrowed her eyes at us. “Is that understood?”
We all nodded, which seemed to appease her. She turned back around and disappeared from sight.
Silence fell around Fiona and I until she asked if I was ready to go inside. Exhaustion took over, and I nodded. I was surprised that I felt so tired. After all, my sleep bank was pretty full. But I was emotionally exhausted as well, which was taking a larger toll on my body than I’d expected.
Fiona and Colten didn’t hang around much longer. After Fiona kissed Jackson goodbye and Colten gave me a quick wave, they left us alone. Jackson moved to start cleaning up the dishes, and I remained in my chair, right next to the table.
I wasn’t ready to go back to my room just yet. Plus, it was nice just sitting here in the presence of another human being .
“So, you’re going out with Fiona tomorrow?”
I furrowed my brow. “Did she tell you that?”
Jackson nodded as he loaded a bowl into the dishwasher. “Yep.”
“Yeah,” I whispered, hoping that I wasn’t going to regret it. “She knows about the baby.”
Jackson paused before he looked up to meet my gaze. “I didn’t tell her.”
“I know. She figured it out.” Worry filled my gut. If it was obvious to Fiona, how long was it going to take until the entire town knew? With the articles that Victoria was writing about the new move-ins, secrets weren’t easily kept here.
The last thing I needed was for people to want to talk to me about this. Or give their opinions.
Jackson looked thoughtful as he loaded another cup. “Well, she has had a baby in the past. I guess maybe women just know?”
I picked at my cuticle again. He wasn’t making me feel better. I had secrets that I wanted to keep close to the chest. Going out with a group of women worried me. If one woman could figure it out, would they all?
Jackson seemed to pick up on my anxiety. He closed the dishwasher and made his way over to where I sat. He stood there for a moment before he reached out and rested his hand on my shoulder.
“I think you will be fine. You need to stop stressing.”
His words brought me a bit of comfort, even though my emotions were a knot in my stomach. All I could do was nod, and he responded by giving my shoulder a good squeeze.
“Fiona will keep your secret close, and since she knows you don’t want people talking, she’ll shut it down.” He dropped down, so he could meet my gaze. “You have to trust us.”
Not wanting to cry in front of my brother, I nodded and grabbed onto my wheels. I pushed back on them so I could retreat to my room. “I get it,” I said over my shoulder.
Jackson didn’t follow me as I slipped into my room and shut the door. I locked my wheels and disappeared under the covers of my bed. Once I was tucked safely in the dark, I let the tears flow.
I knew people cared about me; I did. But I felt so lost. My body was broken and so was my soul. I wanted to disappear into my bed and never come out, but I knew that wasn’t a possibility. I wanted Walker to come back. I wanted to forgive him and pretend that none of this happened.
I wanted to feel confident in the people in my corner.
But it wasn’t going to happen right away. So, for tonight, I was going to cry. Tomorrow, I’d come up with a plan.
Because one thing was for sure, I couldn’t live my life like this. I was going to need to survive.
By any means possible.