Chapter 38
Elizabeth did not wish to leave Willowmere without letting Darcy know of the circumstances but had no desire to beg her aunt for indulgence.
Mrs. Hardwicke had been unreasonably stern in her strictures and Elizabeth was adamant of having done nothing wrong, but she did not wish to antagonise her any further.
Thus, she did the only thing she could and wrote a letter to her beloved which was then enclosed inside a note to Mrs. Ashcombe.
Her maid discreetly put it in the older lady’s bedchamber for her to find, as Mrs. Ashcombe was visiting the dower house blissfully unaware of all that had transpired.
Elizabeth dedicated herself to packing and by late afternoon she left Willowmere.
Her father’s carriage with the coachman and maid had remained at her disposal since her arrival.
Elizabeth stared outside, hoping to catch a glimpse of Darcy but it was a futile attempt.
The gentleman was unlikely to be out and about at this time.
The carriage slowly made its way along the drive and down the lane, and soon Willowmere was out of sight.
A single tear made its way across Elizabeth’s cheek as she considered the increasing distance between her and Darcy.
It was as she contemplated their separation that she understood the depth of her own feelings.
She was deeply and irrevocably in love, and could only wish that the gentleman would make his way to Hertfordshire expeditiously.
“The weather seems to be cooling down,” her maid commented, bringing Elizabeth back to the present.
She responded absently, but was grateful for the interruption.
There was no use lamenting what could not be.
She trusted Darcy with all her heart and believed that he would soon come to Hertfordshire.
She would in any case insist that her father write to him and tell him of the circumstances once she was back at Longbourn.
Thinking of her father reminded her of the letters in her reticule.
She had written to both him and Jane about the last couple of months and had planned to post it after speaking to Mr. Darcy but with her aunt’s unreasonable behaviour she had not left it in the parlour to be posted, and instead decided to send it herself from the first coaching inn.
“Where is Lizzy? She had promised to read with me in the afternoon?” Margaret asked her mother when Elizabeth did not appear for the promised reading.
“Elizabeth has left,” Mrs. Hardwicke replied in a clipped tone.
“Left? Where did she go? Has she gone to the dower house with Mrs. Ashcombe? I can go there too,” Margaret innocently said.
“Nobody is going to the dower house. It would be best if you went back upstairs to your chambers,” her mother snapped.
“I am not going anywhere till you tell me where Lizzy is.” Margaret stamped her foot.
“Elizabeth has gone back to her home, Longbourn.” Mrs. Hardwicke finally answered.
“Whatever do you mean? Why did she leave so abruptly without even saying goodbye?”
“Margaret, I do not want any more questions, go upstairs now.”
“I am sure you have sent Lizzy away, you do not want anyone to be happy. Papa was the only one who loved me,” Margaret shouted as she ran out of the house and collided with Mrs. Ashcombe in the entrance foyer.
“You should not be running in the house, my dear. Your mother will not be happy,” Mrs. Ashcombe caught the girl before she fell.
“Mama does not care about me,” Margaret responded petulantly as she made to leave.
“I am sure that is not true. Whyever would you think that?”
“She sent Lizzy away and would not let me meet Mr. Darcy,” the girl replied as she ran away.
Mrs. Ashcombe frowned at the child’s words, but deciding to question Mrs. Hardwicke once Margaret was out of earshot, she encouraged the young girl to join her governess.
Margaret was too distraught to listen and ran out in the garden.
Mrs. Ashcombe thought it better not to follow the girl until she had calmed down.
She made her way to the parlour to find a forlorn Sarah sitting at the window, staring outside.
“Whatever is the matter?” Mrs. Ashcombe questioned as she pressed a hand to Mrs. Hardwicke’s shoulder, bringing her back to reality.
“I know you hold your nephew in high regard and he may pursue Elizabeth if he so wishes, but I would not have them behave so brazenly under my roof,” Mrs. Hardwicke straightened her shoulders and replied.
“Darcy and Elizabeth have hardly ever behaved brazenly; if you are still displeased at me for leaving them alone yesterday, it was only to help them clear their lingering misunderstanding. I was in the house and would have joined soon enough.”
“As I said, if Mr. Darcy is genuinely interested in marrying Elizabeth, he should travel to Longbourn and speak to her father.”
“I am sure he will do just that, but I would very much like to understand what has you so bothered. Hardwicke was dear to me and it is regrettable that you have never met the family before. I do not intend to abandon you to wallow in your own bitterness.”
“My husband had nothing but praise for his family, but I have seen enough of the world to trust the haut ton.”
Mrs. Ashcombe sat down next to Mrs. Hardwicke, and took her hand in her own.
“My dear Sarah, I entreat you to speak, not for Darcy or Elizabeth, for they will surely find their own way, but for yourself and for your daughter. You are too young to become embittered. Tell me truthfully, was Hardwicke not a good husband?”
Tears flowed freely from Mrs. Hardwicke’s eyes as she tried to regulate her emotions, “Frederick was godsent, he saved me when even my family failed. I was married before I met Frederick to a Mr. Stephen Harcourt. He was the second son of a baronet and my brother’s friend from university.
Mr. Harcourt had visited Longbourn after making some fortune in the navy and I was immediately attracted to him.
He was just what a young girl dreams of, cheerful, and amiable and his conversation was well informed.
I believed myself in love only after a week of knowing him and was happy to accept his proposal when he prepared to leave Longbourn.
My brother trusted him and had nothing to complain about. ”
Mrs. Hardwicke closed her eyes tightly, as if talking about that life brought it forth. Her fists were clenched so tight they trembled. Mrs. Ashcombe quietly prepared her a cup of tea and handed it to her and silently held her hand. They drank in silence as the lady gathered her thoughts.
“The first couple of months after our marriage everything was good, we visited his brother’s estate and met his family.
They were all polite, if a little distant and I was made to understand that the brothers were not close.
Then we came back to town and soon everything changed.
Mr. Harcourt was busy chasing one amusement after another every night.
He had amassed a decent fortune but not enough to support his habits and was always on the hunt for invitations.
I was initially silent, hoping that soon he would settle, but it was to no avail.
When I questioned he was more than a little agitated, calling me a country bumpkin with no knowledge of town manners. ”
Mrs. Hardwicke took a deep breath and placed her cup on the table as she got up to pace.
After a few minutes she sat down again and continued, “The worst happened when six months into our marriage I questioned him on his expenses and how we were to live if he continued spending more than he ought, and then I realised the real reason for his family’s coldness.
He expected his brother to fund his excess and had married only to appease his family and show them that he had turned a new leaf.
When I threatened to expose him, he threw the nearest object, a vase, at me and left home. ”
Mrs. Ashcombe’s eyes grew wide. “My dear Sarah, I am so shocked. Were you badly injured?”
“I injured my arms when the heavy vase struck me. At least I had not broken any bones, but had severely sprained it. My husband returned in the evening having haggled some invitation for a fortnight at a house party. I was in great pain and in no condition to travel, which further angered him, declaring me insensible to the benefits of polished society he decided to leave without me.”
“Did you stay all by yourself for the fortnight? Did you not inform your brother?” Mrs. Ashcombe asked incensed on her behalf.
“My housekeeper was devoted to me and stayed at my beck and call. I did consider sending for my brother, but he could have hardly helped. My husband would not have countenanced me leaving him and Mrs. Bennet would not have welcomed me at Longbourn. Thomas, my brother, would have been guilt ridden but without any means to help me.”
“To feel such hopelessness at such a young age, you have great strength to rise from that,” Mrs. Ashcombe said with obvious feeling.
“Frederick had been introduced to my husband by a mutual acquaintance,” Mrs. Hardwicke continued.
“He was quick to understand my husband’s dissipated behaviour.
He had visited our home a few times and it was by chance that he called the day after our argument.
Mr. Harcourt had already left home for the party.
I was desperate and in great pain and thus confided in him.
He arranged for the physician to look at me and visited daily to take care of any needs of the household.
Stephen returned a little after three weeks and I was much recovered by then. ”
Mrs. Hardwicke took a deep breath and stared ahead, remembering those days had opened up old wounds but now that she had started talking she could not stop, “I reconciled myself to my husband’s habits and slowly stopped questioning him, but he was never satisfied.
Then it became apparent I was with child and I was having a difficult time of it.
Most days I had no energy to even get up from my bed.
Stephen was incensed and declared me a liar and pretender since I could no longer accommodate him.
He then left the house and did not return for two days.
I was scared and in my desperation sent a note to Frederick.
He did succeed in finding my husband, but it took him another two days which my dear husband had spent in the company of an actress. ”
Mrs. Ashcombe was completely still, hardly able to understand the deep agony of a young, friendless Sarah.
Mrs. Hardwicke was quiet for a few minutes, it was clear that recounting the memories was deeply disturbing.
She got up and went to the side board to pour herself a glass of water, then pressed on.
“I was shocked by this and this time did write to my brother, thinking that he might intercede with his friend on my behalf, but my husband intercepted that letter and was incensed. It was the first time he raised his hand to me, and it was like he had lost all control. I lost my child soon after that and scarcely survived myself. He sent me to his brother’s estate to recover, spinning a tale of a fall from the stairs and my weak constitution.
While they took care of me none of them were friendly, and hence I maintained my silence.
I considered writing to my brother multiple times but refrained, for there was not much he could have done and the guilt would do him no good,” Mrs. Hardwicke closed her eyes, took another deep breath and opened them.
“My husband lost his life three months later in a carriage accident when he was coming to fetch me. I did not shed a single tear at his death, just packed my things and left. Frederick helped me to deal with everything in town. I soon realised that I did not have anything left of my dowry; he took care of everything, but never claimed any intimacy beyond what was needed. He even arranged for my return to Longbourn. I had not even told my brother about my husband’s death till I appeared at his doorstep.
Exactly a year after my husband’s death, Frederick came to Longbourn and asked for my hand.
I knew I had finally found a true husband.
He was truly the best of men and if we stayed in the country after our marriage it was mostly for my sake. ”
Mrs. Ashcombe was speechless when the sordid tale was finished. “Does your brother still not know what you went through?”
“Thomas has been a caring brother and looked after me like a guardian, but he is not without his own faults. He is of a more scholarly bent and avoids conflict, Mrs. Bennet is of a nervous temperament with no care for improving her mind. With no sons and an entailed estate, he has become jaded, I had no wish to add to his list of failures. He would have tried to compensate for all that I went through by making sure I had all the comforts at Longbourn. It would have been a futile attempt, for Mrs. Bennet cannot abide my presence and I did not mind being useful; it kept me from reliving the past months.”
The confession had drained Mrs. Hardwicke of all her energy and she shortly retired, leaving Mrs. Ashcombe in deep thought who stayed in the parlour for some time after Mrs. Hardwicke had retired to her rooms.