Chapter 21
Isolde had had a sleepless night. She’d spent the whole of yesterday building up her courage to return to Thaddeus’s room, reasoning to herself that if nothing else, she owed him an explanation.
And she felt that he, perhaps, owed her one in return. But when she’d finally slipped away as everyone milled about after dinner, she’d made it to Thaddeus’s room only to see Lady Bradshaw speaking to a maid outside his room and then dismissing the maid before going in herself.
All her courage had disappeared, and she’d gone back to her room dejected. She felt as though somehow Lady Bradshaw had swooped in and taken her place, and no one but her had noticed.
The thought tormented her, and she had tossed and turned all night, barely managing to sleep. She dragged herself to breakfast the next morning, feeling tired and out of sorts.
She focused on eating as quickly as she could, hoping that, as everyone divided into groups to entertain themselves after breakfast, she could sneak back to her room for a bit more sleep. The meal was just finishing, and people were starting to stand when Lady Bradshaw clapped her hands.
“Attention, everyone. If I could have your attention, please! Thank you. Now, I know we’re all devastated that our host has been injured and can no longer join the hunt. However, gracious host that he is, he would never wish to spoil everyone else’s fun.
That’s why he’s asked Lord Cassian and I, as two of his close acquaintances, to step in and help Lady Hartington make the rest of your visit a success.”
A few murmurs rose up around the room, and Isolde felt cold shock spreading through her.
Now he’s even asking her to step in on his behalf?
“Accordingly, we shall continue with all activities planned for today, starting with hunting for the men, of course, and a tour of the grounds for the ladies. We shall reconvene by the lake near the lodge for our long-overdue picnic. And then this evening after dinner, after everyone’s had the afternoon to rest, we shall have dancing. ”
The murmuring grew a little louder and took on an excited tone. People were apparently eager to return to the fun they’d been anticipating when they came.
Isolde had been sitting near Cornelia and Annora, and she could feel both their eyes boring into her, but she didn’t look at them. She was focused on Lady Bradshaw. She stood and made her way over to the woman, mustering as much boldness as she could.
“Lady Bradshaw,” she said, tempering her tone as she knew others were paying attention, “you are so kind to offer your help, but I wouldn’t want you to feel burdened. I’m sure, as Lord Hartington’s fiancée, I could be expected to –” That was as far as she got before Lady Bradshaw interrupted.
“Oh, bless you, Miss Fairchild. Of course, you would want to help because you are so sweet.” Isolde was astonished at how sincere Lady Bradshaw sounded. And yet there was a dangerous gleam in her eyes, and Isolde well remembered the way she’d spoken to her in the yard by the hunting lodge.
“I don’t want you to trouble yourself, though, my dear,” Lady Bradshaw continued. “I know you won’t really have experience in these matters, whereas I have more than enough for both of us. So please don’t worry, you needn’t do a thing. I’ll take care of everything.”
Lady Bradshaw flashed her a sharp smile before turning away to practically flounce across the hall, leaving Isolde standing alone with burning cheeks. It was clear that Lady Bradshaw felt she could dismiss her as easily as that.
Isolde glanced around, and a few people were shooting looks her way, but most seemed to be readily accepting that Lady Bradshaw had stepped in and would act as the lady of the house.
Maybe she’s right, Isolde thought. After all, I don’t have any experience in these matters. Perhaps Thaddeus asked her because he didn’t think I could handle taking care of things.
Or maybe, something deep inside her whispered, he never even thought of you at all. He’s already decided that you don’t belong here. Maybe that’s why he proposed the plan in the first place, because he knew you couldn’t ever be what he needed.
Isolde took a deep breath, feeling her sleepless night even more now. The idea of carrying on like normal, of going out with the group of women to look around the grounds, felt impossible.
Normally, she would have felt it was her duty to join, as Thaddeus’s fiancée, but apparently, Lady Bradshaw had assumed all those duties. And so she slipped out of the dining room and headed for the stairs.
She caught the eye of the butler as she went and stopped to speak to him.
“If anyone asks for me,” she said, though she doubted that anyone would, “please tell them I’m feeling unwell and will skip this morning’s tour of the grounds. I shall try to join everyone for the picnic.”
The butler nodded, giving her what she felt was a sympathetic look, and she turned to hurry upstairs, away from his pity and from everyone who would do just as well without her.
***
Isolde hadn’t actually intended to go to the picnic, either, but after she napped for most of the morning, she was feeling much less tired and a little less defeated.
Plus, one of the maids had brought her a note that Annora had written before they’d all left for the tour, saying she was sorry Isolde wasn’t feeling well, and was looking forward to seeing her at the picnic.
Isolde looked at the note for a long moment and then decided that while Lady Bradshaw seemed determined to replace her in Thaddeus’s eyes, at least she could never replace her in Annora’s.
She felt a surge of gratitude and affection for her cousin, and that warm feeling gave her the boost she needed to make her way down to the lake.
Everyone else seemed to have recently arrived as well, and as soon as Annora spotted Isolde, she rushed to her and pulled her over to a blanket by the water.
“Don’t worry about anyone else, darling – let’s just sit here and have a lovely lunch by ourselves,” Annora said, tugging Isolde to sit beside her on the blanket.
“And here I was about to ask if I could join you,” came a teasing voice.
They both looked up to see Henry smiling down at them.
“I suppose,” he said, grinning, “I shall just have to find myself a party that has not set its hearts on isolation.” Then he made an exaggeratedly sad face, eyes downcast and mouth frowning, but all the while peering up at Annora through his eyelashes.
Isolde could practically see Annora wrestling with herself, thinking she ought to refuse him but wanting to ask him to stay. She decided not to wait for her cousin to do the honorable – if misguided – thing.
“Lord Henry, I am starting to think you are quite the tease. Of course we would love to have you picnic with us. Don’t say such silly things and sit down at once.”
Henry grinned again and promptly sat down, quite close to Annora. The way he looked at her had Isolde turning away and blushing.
She suddenly remembered the way Thaddeus had looked at her, that night in his room … but then she pushed that thought away from her mind. She had come to have a nice lunch with her cousin, and that is what she would do.
It was a beautiful day and not too cool even by the lake, and soon an hour had flown by. Henry and Annora were marvelous companions, seeming to bring out one another’s wit.
They sometimes left Isolde quite behind in their quick verbal sparring, but she didn’t mind. Annora looked so happy, and Isolde was content just to bask in the warmth of her smile. Henry played waiter, popping up to fetch anything they needed.
Isolde couldn’t help wondering what it would have been like to have Thaddeus there, the four of them together. Would they have made a good quartet? Or would Henry and Annora have just been a foil that set off how mismatched she and Thaddeus actually were?
“Ah, dear me,” Henry murmured, looking around at their plates. “I don’t believe we’ve had pie yet. I hope you ladies can forgive me for the oversight. I shall fetch some at once.”
“Let me,” Isolde said, scrambling to her feet and waving away Henry’s protest. “I have eaten so much, a little walk will do me good.” Henry grumbled as he settled back onto the blanket, but as she walked away, she saw him turn to look at Annora with a soft smile and even softer eyes.
She smiled to herself, pleased to have engineered a moment alone for them.
She needed to speak to Annora again. She must convince her not to throw away this thing with Henry when it was so clearly meant to be.
“Ah, Miss Fairchild,” came Lord Crowley’s voice. He stepped into her path, blocking the sun and throwing a shadow over her. She sighed.
“I believe I made it clear I don’t wish to speak with you,” she said, trying to step around him.
“Yes, you were quite rude, but don’t worry, I don’t hold it against you.”
“I wish you would,” she muttered to herself as she again stepped around him and picked up her pace toward the table with the desserts.
“I didn’t quite catch that, Miss Fairchild,” Crowley said, hurrying to match her pace. “But no matter. I am not bothered with your manners, for I believe your sister’s will do nicely.”
Isolde reached the dessert table and busied herself with cutting slices of pie. Crowley hovered at her elbow like a gnat that wouldn’t be shooed.
“Unless, of course, you have given more thought to my offer …”
“I have not,” Isolde replied, “because as you well know, I am engaged to Lord Hartington, and therefore not free to give my hand to anyone else.”
“Ah well,” Crowley said, giving an exaggerated sigh. “That is a shame for your sister. Once we have all returned home, your father will announce our engagement.”
Isolde swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. She had promised herself not to engage with Lord Crowley anymore, for good reason.
“Excuse me, Lord Crowley,” she said. “I should return to my cousin and Lord Henry.” She took her plate of pie and practically ran back toward their blanket, hoping that Lord Henry’s name would be enough to deter Crowley from following her.
Glancing back, she saw he was watching her still but had remained at the table.
Breathing a sigh of relief, she slowed down to a more decorous speed.
She couldn’t slow her pounding heart, however. Crowley’s words clung to her, and she couldn’t help thinking that perhaps she was making the wrong choice. After all, Thaddeus did not seem to want her.
She had been grateful that he saved her from marrying Crowley, but that had been before Cornelia had been dragged into this situation – and before he had seemingly grown so close to Lady Bradshaw.
Perhaps it would solve everyone’s problems if she simply accepted Crowley’s offer. It would keep him away from Cornelia and free Thaddeus to marry whomever he liked. It would make everyone happy – except her.
As she approached their blanket, Annora looked up and smiled at her. Isolde nearly caught her breath at how happy her cousin looked, and she felt a sudden, overwhelming wave of jealousy sweep over her.
Faced with such proof that a true love match could exist, Isolde realized that she did not want to give up on the chance to find that for herself. She did not want to give up on her own happiness. Not quite yet.
***
It was late afternoon when Isolde returned to her room.
The three of them had lingered at the lake, the last ones to go in, and the longer they’d talked, the lighter Isolde had felt.
It might be foolish of her, but until she was sure there was no chance for her to marry for love, she would keep trying.
She hurried to dress for dinner, thinking if she were fast enough, there would be time to go and see Thaddeus beforehand.
She surveyed herself in the mirror and could not help wondering if Thaddeus would find her pretty in her gown. She was putting on her favorite necklace when there was a knock on the door.
“Izzy, are you in there?” came Cornelia’s voice.
“Yes, come in!” Isolde called. She wondered if Cornelia needed help with some final touch for the ball. But when her sister entered the room, she could see right away that she’d been crying.
“Cornelia, what is it?” she cried, hurrying to give her sister a hug.
“Oh Izzy,” Cornelia said, and burst into tears. She hugged Isolde tightly and sobbed, mumbling into Isolde’s shoulder. “Father’s told me it’s done. He’s promised me to Lord Crowley, and they’ll announce once we all leave here.”
Isolde tightened her arms around her sister and held her until she stopped crying. Then she guided her to the bed and helped her wash her face.
“I know it seems hopeless right now,” she said, sitting on the bed and wrapping her arms around Cornelia once more. “But nothing is done until it’s done. I haven’t given up, and you mustn’t give up, either. I won’t let Lord Crowley marry you, no matter what it takes.”
And she vowed to herself that if need be, she would accept Crowley’s offer – but she wasn’t going to do that unless she must. She was wondering if she had time still to speak to Thaddeus when the dinner gong sounded. Talking with Thaddeus would have to wait until after dinner.
“Come on,” she said, tugging Cornelia to her feet. “We’ll feel better after we eat.” She hooked her arm through Cornelia’s, giving her sister a smile.
“Thank you, Izzy,” Cornelia said, holding her tightly. “I hope it really will work out okay.”
Me too, Isolde thought desperately. Me, too.