31. THIRTY-ONE
THIRTY-ONE
Mina
“Queen Mina.” Lady Elena places a firm hand on my elbow to catch my attention. Her irritated tone suggests she called my name more than once.
“You were saying?” I smile, forcing my thoughts from our early breakfast. Darius and I spent almost two hours devising a plan. Jaime and Staefan will put feelers out in each town we visit on our tour, while our spies try to gather information everywhere else and report back.
There’s no guarantee our search will be successful, but I feel better knowing we didn’t give up. That we can at least offer these women a choice.
Lady Elena clears her throat. “We’ve already started to prepare your things. The emperor plans to leave around midday after selecting the new mayor. We’ve done all we can here.”
Lady Elena’s proverbial we leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Of course, she wants to take credit by proximity. She left her room for the first time this morning, while Kailani and Victoria faced their fears and chose to help.
I respect that not everyone mentally recovers from tragedy at the same pace, but her complaints the past few days did not go unnoticed. Nor did her meeting with Lord Duponte. Alexi’s kept me well informed.
The door to the sitting room opens, and I rise to greet our newest arrival. Natalie is out of mourning at last. I was planning to visit her in person before we leave, but she saved me a trip.
“Lady Natalie, I’m glad you could join us.” I resist the desire to pull her into a hug. Formality makes her more comfortable.
“Thank you, Queen Mina. Do you have a moment to speak in private?”
“Of course. We were just finishing up here. Have you eaten?” I usher her toward a small table of snacks. The others offer their condolences and leave us to speak alone. They all have a long list of tasks to complete anyway.
Jaime pours a fresh cup of tea and places a few scones in front of Natalie before leaving to give us privacy. Natalie leaves the spread untouched. Her forced smile falters.
“Thank you again for allowing me the time to bury my father.” She touches the silver locket around her neck. “I don’t want you to think me ungrateful. After all, you saved my life.”
“I would never think that. Nor do I expect your gratitude. Protecting you is my honor, and I would do it again without hesitation.”
Tears cling to her dark lashes without falling. “I admire that about you. Which is why my request is so difficult.”
I reach over and place my hand on hers, decorum be damned.
“There is nothing you could request in this moment that would offend me, Natalie. Please speak freely.”
Tears slide down her porcelain skin. “My home is broken. My people may have been at each other’s throats years ago, but since joining Veloria we’ve known peace. We got to know each other and built a kinship. It feels wrong for me to leave while Brastrova’s hurting.”
My chest aches. I know the feeling all too well. I had to leave Kalisham alone in the wake of tragedy and betrayal. I will not force Natalie to do the same.
“You want to retire your position as my lady-in-waiting,” I fill in for her, having considered the possibility already.
She nods, pulling out a handkerchief to dry her tears. She seems almost embarrassed to cry, but tears only make us stronger.
I am not the same woman who left Kalisham.
Natalie will not be the same woman who rode with me from the palace.
Her city needs her to be different. Stronger.
I seize the opportunity of her openness.
“I am sad to see you go, but I will accept your resignation on the condition that you consider my request.”
“Anything, Queen Mina.”
I give her hand a reassuring squeeze. “It’s obvious from my time here that your father was a wonderful mayor. Respected. Loved. Your people need someone like him to lead them past this tragedy.”
A proud smile shines through Natalie’s tears. “He was the best. It’s hard to imagine anyone else doing his job, but I know we need a leader right now.”
“Perhaps a familiar face would be best. Someone who reminds them of your father. Someone with the same passion for Brastrova and a sharp mind.”
It takes a full minute for the weight of my words to register. “You couldn’t possibly mean me?” Shock sends her out of the chair and pacing the floor. “Women aren’t mayors. I can’t be mayor.”
“Women aren’t supposed to be fighters either, but some changes are for the better.” I smile at her, knowing the battle is still fresh in her mind as it is in mine.
I continue, “The assignment can be temporary if you prefer. Act as mayor through the reconstruction, at least, then select the candidates you deem worthy to replace you. The emperor and I can pick from your suggestions when you are ready to step down.” I meet her across the room.
“The position is yours for as long as you desire.”
“I don’t know the first thing about being a leader,” she stammers out, still bewildered by my proposition.
“I’ve seen you lead the other ladies. You’ve given me guidance and handled the tasks assigned to you with grace and ease. I did not know your father, but from what I’ve learned, you are the only one worthy to take his place right now.”
Thick tears darken her black dress. I pull Natalie into a hug. She freezes for a moment before crumpling into my chest.
“You know what your father’s dreams for Brastrova were. You can help them come true and honor his memory. Would you do that for him?”
For all I know he’d be grossly opposed to the idea. My words are a gamble at best, but I believe in Natalie.
“I won’t lie to you and say this role will be easy. Your people have strong traditions, and I won’t be here to force them to listen to you. But I will support you in any way I can.”
Natalie sniffs and pulls out of the hug. She bites her lip, glancing out the window to the city she loves. This is the moment of truth. Natalie will need to be resolved in her position for this radical idea to work.
When she turns back to me, determination peeks through her sorrow. “I’ll try. For both my father and you.”
Pride warms my chest. “We will leave you with plans and soldiers, along with all the resources you need to succeed.”
She nods, patting her cheeks with her handkerchief. “I suppose I need to freshen up. I can hardly face my new position in this state.”
Natalie is radiant, even with pink, puffy eyes, but I understand the power a good outfit has on one’s confidence.
“Do whatever you need to prepare. The emperor and I will make the announcement this afternoon.”
“Thank you, Queen Mina.” She reaches out and squeezes my hand. For Natalie, that’s as intimate as initiating a hug. “For saving my life, and for caring about my home.”
I smile and walk with her to the door. “Thank you for watching over me this last month. If you need anything at all, I’m a letter away.”
As soon as Natalie is out, I shut the door and press my forehead to the cool wood. All the sympathy I kept at bay comes crashing down. Grief rips through me, stealing my ability to breathe.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, choking on a sob.
I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to save you. For leaving you.
Estere. Ramin. Fareena. Astrella. Garsif.
I suck a deep breath through my nose, repeating the motion with each name. Over and over, a promise to return. Slowly my body becomes my own again.
I rub at the sore spot in my chest, and a strange urge to see Darius washes over me. He has an uncanny ability to sense when the grief is too heavy. His silent understanding is like a shield, somehow keeping these attacks at bay.
Even the thought of seeing him brings a small wave of peace. I never expected us to be so in tune. Emotionally or physically.
My ears start to burn, and memories from last night have my heart racing all over again. He was asleep when I finished my bath, or at least pretended to be. I spent most of the night tossing and turning, wondering what would happen if I let him have full rein.
Denying our attraction is becoming impossible. Each kind gesture and peek behind Darius’s mask dissolves a bit more of my resolve. I’m starting to trust him.
His strength and passion are admirable, and his brokenness calls to my own in a way that terrifies me. Fully giving in to our desires feels like it would be anything but temporary.
I’m thankful Darius left right after our breakfast meeting. The distance helped clear my head. I wanted to figure out how I felt about last night without the temptation in question sitting next to me, his arm casually draped on the couch behind me as if nothing had changed.
Though his absence turned out to be a double-edged sword. He left to handle the other morning meetings alone. I wanted to be there to hear the candidates for mayor, but I still needed to meet with my ladies. Now I have to convince Darius that Natalie is the better choice with limited information.
My stomach knots as my thoughts turn to all the ways I might persuade him. A tempting idea that I squash immediately. I need to get a grip.
I have a war to plan and soldiers to recruit, not time to waste fantasizing about my husband or all the things I want him to do to me.
“You’ve got a weird look on your face,” Alexi says, appearing out of thin air to grab a chocolate scone. His love of sweets makes him seem so innocent. And then he opens his mouth to ruin the illusion.
“Don’t you ever take a break?” I shoot back, sliding some fruit toward him.
He pops a few grapes in his mouth. “Only when Darius is with you. I used to babysit you at night, but now that you two sleep in the same room, I get some downtime back.”
I didn’t even consider that Alexi could have been watching last night. My cheeks warm despite the relief of knowing he won’t be around for the more intimate aspects of my marriage.
I study Alexi for any hint that he witnessed the kiss, but his focus is solely on clearing the table of select items, stealing some away in his pockets for later.