Chapter Forty
Analleia
Go home.
Valeris’s words reverberated in my head over and over, his voice rough enough to scrape against stone.
Home.
If only I had such a place.
My hands trembled from the flashback, from having the past played out before me so vividly.
I don’t know what I would have done without Valeris there.
Anger curled within me as I tried to push thoughts of him away, but I couldn’t forget the gentleness of him pulling me out of the darkness, telling me that it was over.
That I was safe. I had forgotten what it was like to feel like someone cared.
Even if that care had vanished the moment he left the throne room.
But he’d lost more than the competition tonight. It had cost him something he hadn’t named.
Maybe our alliance truly was over now.
My mind drifted to before the flashback, before he’d seen the blood on my dress and bandaged my wound.
The moment when we’d both lost our senses, leaned in for, what?
One shouldn’t be drawn to their enemy. He’d discarded me after the ball when he’d lost. He’d no longer needed me.
That was all I was to him—a tool. A means to an end.
“Nice of you to finally grace us with your presence.” Anger infused Desmond’s voice as I slipped inside the suite.
I hadn’t bothered to look for Desmond in the palace. Athello’s meeting was long over, and we had lost our window to strike at him. I’d dreaded returning here. Desmond sat on the couch, body rigid, arms crossed.
“He knew I was up to something, Desmond,” I said. “I had to go with him.”
He stood to his feet. “But did you have to spend that much time with him? Surely you could have managed to sneak away.”
Anger bubbled within my chest. “We were trapped in a—”
“I don’t care what happened!” he roared.
Nadiyah and I flinched.
He jammed his finger down for emphasis. “We had a mission, Analleia. I don’t know if you realize this or not, but you are not the only person with something to lose here!
Both Nadiyah and I have been putting our lives on the line for you.
Risking everything we’ve worked for to get you here, to complete this mission.
And you’ve spent half the time traipsing around with the son of the man who murdered our parents and siblings and destroyed our entire kingdom! ”
Heat rushed to my cheeks. “And if it wasn’t for that prince Nadiyah would be rotting in a cell pending an execution right now!
I did what I had to do to keep us here, Desmond, to continue to make our mission possible.
Our lives are on the line if we don’t get this ring, but if I give Valeris another reason to be suspicious he’ll kill us before the Enchantress ever has a chance to.
And where is this judgment coming from? You know full well the son does not pay for the sins of the father.
Everyone makes their own choices on how they live their life and on what path they choose to walk down. ”
Desmond stepped closer, his gaze like that of a bullying sergeant as he stared down at me. “Why are you here? Because it doesn’t feel like you’re focused on the king. Do you even want to assassinate him?”
“You think I don’t want to destroy the man who murdered our family?
It’s not like I joined a guild of assassins and trained for five years, crafted a meticulous plan, made a dangerous bargain with an Enchantress and risked my life every time I’ve entered a ball!
Do you think I wanted to spend all seven balls trying to steal a ring from the brother of the king?
Or tied up in bargains with the son of the man who murdered our parents that I am now trying to assassinate?
Everything I have done has been to protect the three of us and protect this mission—to bring Donnovar back to glory. ”
“Then why do your actions say otherwise, and why haven’t you been here for us?”
“I’m the one who mapped out this plan. My actions say exactly what they need to,” I said. “Why haven’t I been there for you? That’s a rich question. Where were you the night King Zaricor murdered your family and burned your kingdom to the ground?”
Shame washed over Desmond’s face.
Regret overcame mine.
That was too far.
“Desmond ...” I began, but he was already moving to the door.
It slammed closed behind him, the sound echoing in the silence.
Nadiyah refused to meet my gaze, her body angled away from mine. I had jeopardized her objective as well. I slipped inside my room, leaning against the door and shoving my fists into my eyes.
Desmond never talked about that night.
Ever.
But shame and regret over not being there to defend his kingdom or protect his family haunted him.
I had seen it in his eyes every day since.
In his willingness to follow me to the assassin’s tower, his dedication alongside me in the training, his commitment to our plan of vengeance.
He always went above and beyond what was needed, sacrificed whatever he had to in order to make it happen.
I didn’t understand the depth of his guilt, but I always knew it was there.
And tonight I had made it so much worse.