14. 14 – Caterina
14 – Caterina
S ilence.
My hands are still gripping the table. I force myself to release them, to look up.
Stefano meets my eyes, his own soft. There’s too much understanding there, so I look down. Alessia looks unfazed by our harsh words, still picking at strawberries as Stefan cradles her.
I hate him. Hate him for being so fucking unsufferable, overbearing… and right .
Nobody stops me as I shove my chair back and walk out.
When will you stop believing that your life is worth the least?
Instead of going outside, I make my way upstairs, pausing outside a door.
I don’t knock. But I gently open it, and step inside.
Iliana Asante turns her head toward me. She doesn’t say anything as I lean back against the door. “ Buongiorno, signora. ”
When nothing happens, I pad further into the room. A chair has been set up next to the window, the curtains open and blowing gently in the breeze. Iliana turns her face back to it, her eyes closing.
Slowly, I settle down onto the floor next to her. We sit in silence for long minutes, peaceful silence. There are no expectations here. And the weight in my chest, the heaviness caused by Dante’s words, begins to lessen.
“I don’t know what to do,” I say into the quiet room. Iliana says nothing, her eyes still closed.
I cannot lose them.
I cannot lose anyone else.
And Dante – he was right, but he was wrong, too.
I don’t want to die. Don’t intend to. I will fight with every last breath left in my body to come home to them.
But if the choice is between me or them, then there will be no choice at all.
“Is it so bad?” I wonder aloud. “To love them more than I love myself? Isn’t that what love is supposed to be?”
I never expected this. Never expected to find this – these men, this family that I would give everything for.
And my daughter.
“I will not give her another mother to lose,” I whisper. My vision blurs.
I let my head rest against the side of Iliana’s chair and close my eyes. The only sound is my hitched breathing.
And it stops altogether, as a hand gently strokes across the top of my head. My eyes fly open, my mouth falling open before I close it. Unwilling to do anything that might make Iliana panic, that might throw her back into that still, silent state.
So we sit. And all the while, Stefan’s mother strokes my hair.
Comforting, as my tears flow freely.
Time slowly ticks away before the door opens again. Iliana’s fingers slip away from my hair as Stefan ducks in, a tray in his hands.
I offer him a half-smile. “Your mother is a good listener.”
His own lips lift, but his eyes are sad as he sets the tray down on a table close to us, leaning in to kiss Iliana’s cheek. “She is. Buongiorno, mamma .”
His hand cups my cheek, his thumb tracing my cheekbone. “V’Arezzo is an ass. But he loves you.”
I frown at him. “I need someone on my side here.”
He smiles at that. “I’ll always be on your side.”
I humph, but take his outstretched hand, letting him help me to my feet and stretching out my numb legs. “I know he does. And… he wasn’t wrong.”
“I know that too,” Stefan says quietly. “No time spent loving someone is ever wasted, Cat. And I see your face when you watch her. You want to be closer. If it was something else holding you back, that would be different. But you both deserve to have this time with each other.”
I slide my gaze to him. “He sent you in here, didn’t he?”
Stefan shakes his head. “He hasn’t come back.”
Twisting in my chest. “I’ll… I’ll think about it.”
Consider if the pain of being ripped from Alessia again is something I can take. Something I can put her through.
I wait as Stefan pulls the tray close to his mother. Her eyes flicker in my direction, just once. But she says nothing as we leave, and Stefan sighs. “She’s adjusting well, at least.”
I clear my throat. “Does she ever… instigate contact? Touch?”
He gives me a strange look. “Not that I can remember. Why?”
I stop in the middle of the hall. “She…I mean, it sounds strange, but… she stroked my hair. I was upset when I went in, and she just did it.” He stops a foot or so ahead of me, turning. “I’m sorry—,”
Stefan holds up his hand, his eyes bright. “ Don’t . Don’t apologise. You’re sure?”
I nod, my stomach flipping at the hope in his face. “She stopped, though.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he breathes. “This is… it’s a good day, Cat.”
I slip my hand into his, squeeze it as we make our way back downstairs. “Good. What are you doing now? Because I could use a sparring partner. I just need to make a call.”
We’ve sparred together over the years, but not often. He nods. “Luc has a gym. Meet you down there?”
He brushes his lips against mine at the door before he withdraws. “I haven’t thanked you yet, I realized earlier.”
“What for?”
“This.” He waves his hand around us, taking in the empty hall. “I didn’t think I would ever get out of there, Cat. I thought I would stay in that hellhole for the rest of my life – until he decided I wasn’t worth keeping alive anymore.”
“Stefan,” I whisper, but he shakes his head.
“And then you came,” he continues. “With your fire, and your steak knife—” I punch his shoulder, and he laughs, low and rough, “—and as much as I wish you had never been there… I am more than grateful to be here, Caterina Corvo. With you.”
I don’t have any words. Don’t want to imagine him still there, a hostage under Salvatore’s control. So instead, I rise up, pressing my lips to his. “I claimed you. You’re mine.”
His lips curl beneath mine. “Yes.”
After he leaves to change, I duck into the bedroom and pull out my new phone, pressing it to my ear as it rings out.
“Sì.”
My shoulders loosen at the guarded voice that answers. “Vincent. It’s me.”
A pause, and then a relieved inhale. “I’m so fucking glad to hear your voice. How are you doing?”
“Fine.” I pause. “Better. How are you?”
He snorts. “The bullet barely grazed me. Up and walking around.”
“Take it easy. Please. How are things there?”
I take a seat on the bed, my frown deepening as he speaks. “They’re still on campus?”
Vincent makes a noise of affirmation. “I think we should pull everyone out, Cat. Matteo’s men aren’t fucking around. He’s angry.”
I think it over, tapping my fingers against my knee. “Not angry. Scared . He wants us spread out, Vincent. The further apart we are, the harder it is to organise. Matteo knows the campus is a key location for us. Keeping his men stationed there is just a reminder.”
And if I walk through those gates, their guns will not hesitate to point in my direction. “I won’t abandon it. Keep your head down. Tell the others – I won’t be long. If anyone does want to leave… let them. I won’t force anyone to stay. Tell them that too.”
Even though I need every soldier I have, every scrap of manpower I can gather. I can’t afford to lose any.
Vincent clearly knows it too. “Cat…,”
“Forcing them to stay would make me tantamount to Matteo, Vincent.” I study the floor, turn the thoughts over in my mind. “Our people are not machines to die for us at will. That’s not what the hierarchy is for.”
We care for those under us – or we used to. I cannot – will not - force anyone to die for me. Honour, loyalty – those are the traits of the Cosa Nostra. Something Matteo has twisted and warped in his push for power.
“And Matteo?” Vincent sounds subdued. “He’s gathering more men. Hundreds.”
My lips curve up at that. “I’m working on it. Can you send me Alessandro’s number?”
We talk for a few minutes longer, before I broach the topic lingering in my mind. “Any news on Frankie? Tony?”
“Nothing.” Vincent’s anger is clear. “She’s vanished, Cat. Tony – he blames himself for letting her go. He’s still searching, doesn’t stop to sleep, but it doesn’t look good.”
My eyes close. “If you hear anything , I want to know straight away. Do you need anything else from me?”
“A miracle would be nice.” There’s humor there, but he sounds tired.
“It won’t be long now. The end is coming.”
I just don’t know who will be left standing.