Chapter Three #2
Agreeing to be with him in the van means we’ll see each other again.
This is not a one-off. Maybe I shouldn’t have been quite so honest with him earlier.
He knows my horrible story, me in all my imperfect glory.
Apparently, he still likes me anyway. Even if he friend-zoned me right off the bat.
Now that I think about it, that says a lot right there.
I still think this is good for me. I need to meet new people, start a new life. It doesn’t mean anything. We’re just friends, and that’s all I want anyway. No overthinking. “All right. I’d love to drive in the van with you. You have room?”
“We have two vans. Teams can have as many as twelve runners, but you need a minimum of six. We have ten. We could use your help.”
A rush of warmth washes over me. I love feeling needed. It makes me feel important. Josie and Jordyn relied on me for everything. I loved every minute of caring for them.
The waitress brings our food, and my mouth waters in anticipation. Good food and good conversation. This is nice. I needn’t have worried we’d have nothing to talk about.
Ren drizzles blueberry syrup on his pancakes. “Tell me about you, Bree. Not about your heartache. About you, the real you.”
The real me.
He’s right. What happened with Sawyer and Quinn does not define me. There’s so much more to me.
This type of question makes me nervous, though. It always leads to “What are your hopes and dreams?” I can’t provide the typical American dream I assume most men want, and I dread the conversation. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything. Anything. Whatever you’re willing to divulge.”
“Okay.” Here goes nothing. “Bree is short for Breanna. My last name is Kingston. I’m thirty-two. I have a master’s in business management. I’m the financial manager for a successful advertising agency. My job is to help them meet their long-term financial goals. Are you bored yet?”
He chuckles, letting me know he’s listening. “Not at all. Can I hire you to work for my restaurant?”
“Your restaurant is extremely successful.”
“Only after a whole lot of hard work, very long hours, and no life.” He smirks. “Seriously, who needs sleep?”
“You do.” I take a bite of buttery pancake with crisp edges, and it practically melts in my mouth. I’m going to visit this place again, guaranteed. “Not sure I could help any. You clearly have a good business model, but I’ll give you my two cents if you’d like.”
“I might take you up on that. Another opinion is always helpful. Do you have family in Portland?”
Bedroom voice. That’s what he has. He always sounds like he just woke up, except he speaks succinctly. I’ve finally nailed it. It’s been niggling at me all night.
Okay, family in Portland. This is safe territory.
“No, I was raised by a single mom who ventured out to the West Coast all on her own. She taught me how to be tough, tenacious, strong, and independent. She taught me to never be a shrinking violet, but to voice my opinion and never back down. She said if I ever found myself in a fight-or-flight situation to always fight. Never back down. She always said my red hair was a warning to the world to look out. She didn’t need a man, didn’t even want one.
My father skipped out on her just after I was born.
It was me and her against the world. She passed five years ago, and I miss her like crazy. She was amazing.”
“Hmm,” Ren says between bites of pancake. “That explains your Scarlett characteristics. You were raised to be the way you are. You shouldn’t apologize for being a strong woman.”
“I’m not, and I never will.” I hadn’t thought of it quite like that. “But sometimes I’m too much. Sometimes I go overboard. I like to be in control, and I’m too bossy.” Wow. All of my defenses have come crumbling down. This man knows my worst faults.
“Where does your extended family live?” Ren asks.
“I have a few distant relatives back East. Never met them. We don’t communicate.”
Ren hesitates. “So you’re alone here?”
I look down at the table trying to hide the pain that must be evident in my eyes. Why did I think this subject was safe? “Yeah, I guess I am. My job keeps me busy and active, though. It’s not so bad.” Such a lie.
You know what? I might as well get it all out in the open from the get-go. He’ll know the good, the bad, and the ugly. “I can’t have children,” I blurt. “At least, the odds are very low. I have severe endometriosis.” I look him straight in the eyes. “The door’s behind me and to the right.”
He stills, but his face doesn’t register shock the way I thought it would. “Is that usually a deal-breaker?”
I let my breath out. “Yes, all the time.” I pause. “Is it for you? I’m not insinuating that anything will ever happen between us or that I see us married or anything. I just want to have this conversation up front, get it out of the way. Before our friendship goes any further.”
“No, it’s not a deal-breaker for me.”
That’s either wonderful or a huge red flag. “May I ask why not?”
“I already have two children. A girl and a boy. They’re seven and nine. Jack and Jill.”
“Seriously?”
He releases a pleasant laugh. “No. Kate and Ethan.”
“You live up to your sticky label.”
He laughs again, this time deep and throaty. The sound makes me feel tingly. Tingling is forbidden right now.
So he’s divorced and has two kids. He’s satisfied with what he has. Not being able to have children hadn’t been an issue for Sawyer either. He was content with his twin girls.
“So you’re okay with it?” I ask. I admit, I’m grateful he lightened the moment.
But I need to know how he feels about the subject.
I refuse to set myself up for heartbreak again.
Even though we’ve set the friendship boundary in place, a man and a woman spending time together is bound to go places they never intended.
I want to be prepared for that possibility.
Ren studies me. “The question is, are you okay with it?”
My face flashes with heat. “No one’s ever asked me that before.”
“Seems like your feelings are paramount in this situation. That’s a hard thing for a woman to face.”
My eyes fill with unshed tears, but I don’t let them fall. It takes a lot of self-control to not collapse onto the floor, curl into a ball, and weep. It’s the response I’ve longed for but never found. It touches my heart in ways I can’t verbalize.
“Thank you for saying that, Ren.”
He nods in response.
“No, I’m not okay with it. I’ve always wanted a family of my own.” I miss Josie and Jordyn something fierce. They filled an ache in my heart. Without them, the ache is back in full force. I bought myself a cat, hoping it would help. She merely puts a bandage on my pain.
Ren sets his fork down slowly, as though he’s thinking about what he wants to say. “I think adoption is a beautiful thing. My mother was adopted, and it totally changed her life for the better. She had a very happy childhood. I’m a fan.”
He’s been touched by adoption and understands it. Caring for Josie and Jordyn gave me the understanding I needed. Now I know that I can easily give my heart to a child who is not my own biologically.
“So hypothetically, if you married a woman who couldn’t have children, you’d be happy with adoption?”
His direct gaze hits me with force. “I would be thrilled to adopt several more children.”
Speechless. Again.
I don’t know him well enough. He must have faults. Many of them. I just can’t see a single one right now.
It’s the middle of the night. I’m tired, weak, disclosing things I wouldn’t normally share. The cloak of darkness is working strange magic around us.
I’m not ready for a new relationship, but my thoughts are all over the place. I sort of want to tackle him in this vinyl booth and kiss his full lips until neither of us can breathe. Maybe never come up for air.
This is crazy.