Chapter Five
IT’S ONLY TWO nights later that I receive a call from Ren. I knew not to expect a call on his Sunday family day, so really the wait didn’t drive me crazy. Minimal insanity at best.
I guess I need a friend because I really missed him.
I breathe a sigh of relief, spin around, and karate kick the air when I hear his voice. I startle Mandy with my actions, and she lets out an ear-piercing howl as she scampers away.
She adores me.
I want to call Quinn so much. I want to tell her all about Ren and the way he…
No. Just no.
Besides, there’s nothing newsworthy to share, even if Quinn and I were still telling each other everything.
“Hey Bree, would you like to taste test with me?” he asks.
I’m not sure what that means. Taste his lips? Man, rebound brain is a bear. “If I say yes, will my experience be good or bad?”
“So good you won’t be able to handle it.”
Oh wow. My imagination is on overdrive. My entire body is tingling with anticipation. “What did you have in mind?”
“Every Thursday night my chef prepares several main dishes for me to try. Just small portions. Then we decide which ones to feature the following week. How’s your palate?”
“I have one.” Doesn’t everyone?
“The way you enjoyed the Peking duck the other night, I’d say you have a refined palate. Want to join me for the taste test? I could use another opinion.”
I pause for far too long.
“Are you there?”
“I’m here.” Yes, I am. So is he. Will he become a permanent fixture in my life? Regardless, his invitation is unique. I’m actually excited about it. “Sure. As long as I don’t have to eat anything gross.”
Ren scoffs. “Bite your tongue. This is a five-star restaurant, not a Survivor challenge.”
Now I’m thinking about his tongue. And his lips. And his dark eyes. His thick hair. His long legs. His gorgeous voice.
I’m in trouble.
“I’d love to.” Aw man, I sound out of breath.
“There’s just one catch. We usually do the taste test at about ten at night, after the dinner rush is over. Is that too late for you?”
It’s either the taste test or Netflix binge-watching because lately I’ve been having a hard time sleeping. Decisions, decisions. “I’ll be there.”
“Great. Don’t cook a big dinner for yourself before you come.”
Ha! Not a chance.
After we hang up, I wander into my sparse kitchen for a mug of herb tea. I open a cupboard to grab my favorite mug, but my gaze lands on the box that doesn’t belong to me hiding on the top shelf.
I found Sawyer and Quinn’s love letters stuffed in the box when I cleaned out her closet.
I set it in my room so it wouldn’t get mixed in with her other belongings that were being given away.
I’d planned to give it to Sawyer, knowing it would be a keepsake he’d want to save.
I was waiting for the right moment because I knew it would be painful for him.
Then Quinn returned home, and the right moment never came. The box was accidentally packed with my things when I left their home. I was in a rush, not thinking clearly.
I need to return it to its rightful owners.
I will, one day soon. For now, it’s hidden away from view.
When I first realized what the box contained, I stopped rifling through it and quietly closed the lid. I’ve never opened it again. I have no desire to read their private letters. The few I saw only confirmed what I already knew.
They are a match in every way, so in love with each other, it’s scary.
Now that I know it exists, I want that kind of love. I won’t settle for anything less.
Even if it means spending my life alone because I don’t deserve a happily-ever-after.
WAITING TO SEE Ren until Thursday night feels like forever. So when he texts me on Wednesday morning, I read it immediately.
Ren: Can I take your amazing palate to lunch? It will be wowed, I promise.
I’m already wowed, under his spell, and constantly reminding myself we’re standing on the sacred grounds of Friendship City.
I wait five minutes before I answer so I don’t sound too eager, even though I know he can see that I’ve already read his text.
Me: Can I come too?
Ren: Yeah, I guess so.
Me: I don’t want to intrude.
Ren: I don’t mind, really.
Me: You talked me into it.
Ren: Pick you up at 11:30? In front of your office. Please send address.
I do so, and he responds right away.
Ren: See you soon.
When I exit my office building at lunchtime, Ren is parked just outside, already impeccably dressed for his evening at the restaurant, leaning against his BMW with his arms folded.
He’s wearing a light-gray suit, a light-blue button-up, a black tie, and sunglasses.
Gulp. He looks like a model posing for a photo shoot. And he’s waiting for me.
Me.
It’s like a teenage fantasy of mine just came true.
I walk forward and stop just short of him.
He smiles. “You look beautiful.”
“Right back atcha.” I breathe in and out deeply, just because he smells so good. Whatever divine cologne he uses, I’m in love with it.
“I’m beautiful?” he asks.
“Yes, you are.”
“I haven’t heard that one before. When I get home, I’m pumping iron. Lots of it.”
“No need. You’re all man.”
Several heartbeats of silence pass between us, but it’s not awkward at all. Instead, it feels as though something is brewing in the air between us. We take each other in, letting only our eyes touch one another.
Finally, Ren says, “Ready to go?”
“Yes. I have an hour.”
“Nice. Three thousand, six hundred seconds. We’d better make them count.”
Ren takes me to a restaurant that’s only a few blocks away.
I’d passed by it a few times before, thinking it was just a used bookstore.
It’s not. It’s both a used bookstore and restaurant.
It has dining tables between the bookshelves.
You’re encouraged to browse through the old books while you eat. It’s definitely quirky.
I love it.
We dine on chopped salad featuring the freshest ingredients the chef could find at the farmers market that morning. The use of fresh herbs makes every bite an explosion of flavors in my mouth.
“You never know what the chopped salad will feature. It’s a surprise every time I come,” Ren tells me with his bedroom voice.
“It’s delicious.” On the side are homemade crackers with preserves.
We eat quickly, enjoying every bite.
“How’s your car?” Ren asks.
“Back in my possession. As suspected, it needed a new battery. An easy fix.”
“Did they check everything? Are they sure?”
I set my fork down. “Yes. My car’s in good shape. It’s only a few years old.”
His expression is a mask of worry. “I don’t want you to get stranded again.”
“I won’t. It’s good as new. Purring like a kitten.” I don’t seem to be very convincing.
“They might’ve overlooked something.”
“Ren, it’s fine.”
“I could have my mechanic take a look at it, give it a once-over. Make sure everything is really okay. He’s very thorough. With the traffic around here and the go-faster nature of the freeways, you don’t want to have anything go wrong with your car at the wrong moment.”
So sweet, but he needs to stop. “You could also watch out for logs.”
He sits back, links his hands behind his head, and chuckles. “Caught in the act.”
“I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. Been doing it for years.”
“I know you can.” He leans forward, his forearms resting on the table. “You’re not alone, Bree. Let me care about you. That’s what friends are for.”
I sort of love intense Ren. His dark eyes glitter with emotion, and it makes me wonder what he’s thinking. The mention of the F word, however, is like a splash of cold water on my soul. Even though that’s what I want. Right? Of course.
Still. I hate the F word.
Ren’s eyes never leave mine. “Do you know what they do in parts of South Africa if you commit some sort of wrongdoing?” Ren asks me, but he doesn’t wait for an answer to his unexpected question.
“They make you stand in the center of the village while the tribe stands around you for two days, constantly praising you for the good you’ve done in life.
They believe this has the power to change people for the good.
They believe it works better than shame and punishment. You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think you need your tribe to surround you and tell you how wonderful you are. Every second of every day. You need to understand your worth. Then you’ll let people in, let them care for you.”
I fold my hands in my lap to hide the tremble his words evoke.
“You’re a beautiful woman, Bree. More importantly, you have a transparent heart.
From the moment I met you I could see you were someone who feels deeply, loves deeply.
I can’t explain it. It’s as if it’s in the air around you, a feeling of need, a feeling of love that’s brimming inside of you, just waiting to be released and bestowed on someone.
You can’t hide it. It’s there. Then I heard what you’d done for your best friend, the way you sacrificed your life to care for her children, and my feelings were confirmed.
You hide your true nature behind a sarcastic tongue, but I see the real you.
The woman who loves wholly and unconditionally.
Everyone makes mistakes in life. Don’t let them become who you are.
Rise above them. There’s so much more to you. ”
Every part of me goes still. I swear, even the blood in my veins comes to a grinding halt.
I’m going to cry. Right here in this trendy little restaurant. I’m going to break down and bawl like a baby. It’ll be an ugly cry too, not dainty and sweet tears softly running down my cheeks. Nope. I’m going to sob, forcefully and violently.
But I won’t allow it to happen. No way. I’ll save it for later, in the privacy of my own home.
I lower my head, wiping away the gathering tears. I breathe in and out, taking several deep, cleansing breaths.
The truth is, I don’t have a tribe. Technically, I don’t have anyone. I’m alone in the world.
But I don’t need a tribe surrounding me, constantly telling me how good I am.