20. Amy
Amy
My eyes immediately find Kerry at the altar.
The historic stone chapel is bathed in a golden glow, the warm light causing Kerry’s gray eyes to stand out.
His eyebrows are raised, lips parted like he’s holding his breath.
The sunlight highlights his sharp jaw and strong brow, and I’m reminded of the first time I laid eyes on him, back in the hotel’s pool.
I thought that he could be a model or an actor, and now that I know him, he’s still just as beautiful.
It feels like years since I first laid eyes on him, but in reality, it’s only been a handful of months.
And now I’m walking down the aisle towards him .
I barely register Marjorie helping me up the steps, or the harpist playing in the corner.
I probably would’ve tripped if it wasn’t for her, or my dress would’ve gotten caught on something.
It takes a moment for me to realize that Kerry is holding out his hands to me, and I’m puzzled to see my own hands are shaking as I slide them into his.
I can barely register the priest talking over the buzzing in my head.
Focus, Amy. You need to pay attention so you don’t miss when something is expected of you.
I’m frustrated my brain is impeding on such a special, exciting moment. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself so I can be present in the moment.
My eyes flicker back to Lily and the giant man next to her.
He’s glaring at everything, like he’s ready to beat up anyone who even looks at him funny.
But Lily looks as lovely as ever in a pale blue dress that matches her eyes, which are locked on me, an excited smile on her face.
My chest feels so much lighter now that I’ve seen her, like I’ve been holding my breath until I was really sure she was okay.
I can’t wait to talk to my best friend and give her the flower that I crocheted for her.
I snap my attention back to the priest, trying to pinpoint where we are in the ceremony.
I’m focusing with all my might, but my brain is still having a hard time processing what’s happening.
I’m really glad we had a thorough rehearsal yesterday, because I had no idea what an Irish Catholic wedding entailed until last night.
I’m not religious, but it was important to Kerry, so it was important to me.
There’s a lot of steps. Thankfully Father O’Donnell is a kind and patient man.
He was happy to answer all of my weird, nuanced questions about the order of things.
I needed to make sure I didn’t get anything wrong.
The last thing I want is to accidentally blaspheme something and offend my groom or the entire Catholic church on our wedding day.
But if Kerry trying not to laugh as I made the poor priest painstakingly explain things over and over was any indication, I may have been worried about nothing.
But still. Just to be on the safe side.
I repeat the order of things in my head over and over to help me stay on track and not panic. Prayer. Lighting of candles. Prayer. Singing of the Celtic Alleluia. Prayer. Exchanging Rings. Lighting the Marriage Unity Candles. Rites. Communion.
I repeat the checklist in my head as we go through each step.
I feel like I’m in a daze, but Kerry’s eyes are a bit wild, his hands shaking even more than mine as he slides the ring onto my finger.
It’s a beautiful sapphire ring with a gold band.
Kerry’s ring is a thick matching gold band.
The intensity in his gaze both makes me want to step back and hold my breath, but also draw near to him and breathe him in.
My brain still doesn’t know how to handle the force of his personality.
Once I’m finished putting the ring on his finger, Kerry’s hold on my hand tightens. A lot of weddings would have the classic you may kiss the bride moment now, but thankfully I’m prepared after last night. Instead, we move onto lighting the Marriage Unity candle.
Three white candles sit on a table, surrounded by a floral arrangement of white roses and dark green foliage.
Two of the candles are long and thin, while the middle candle is shorter and thick with gold engravings on it.
I take a deep breath as Kerry and I approach them from either side of the table.
The two outer candles are already lit, while the one at the center is not, the whole purpose of why we’re here.
The flames are reflected in Kerry’s eyes as he searches my face, a soft smile on his lips.
I’ve never seen him look so…content. A calm settles over my mind as I look at him, drinking in the adoration in his eyes.
A warm and aching feeling blooms in my chest, sweet and bright, a longing for him that I can’t quite put into words.
The rest of the world falls away as I focus on just him, on this raw feeling in my heart, on this moment and what it means to us.
My hands don’t shake as I reach for the candle closest to me. But Kerry’s hands do, his knuckles white as he wraps his long fingers around the candle and lifts it. We bring our candles to the wick of the middle one in unison, a symbol of our union and drawing together.
The middle candle’s flame flickers to life, but neither of us are quite looking at it. Instead, we’re looking at each other, soft smiles shared as the meaning of this moment soaks in for both of us.
As we return the candles to their holders, polite claps echo throughout the chapel before quieting down as Father O’Donnell begins the next rites.
My mind finally isn’t buzzing with nerves or overstimulation, but instead floats with hazy reverence.
My eyes keep looking over at Kerry, only to find his eyes already on me, that same smile on his face like his face doesn’t know how to do anything else at the moment.
Kerry’s not a man that shows his emotions well. He keeps them locked away, hidden and secure, for a plethora of reasons. So to see his eyes shine, his entire face lifted with joy, it’s… monumental.
The tension in the air makes me think that everyone else here knows it, too, like they’re all holding their breath as they look on in awe at the miracle that’s unfolding before them.
Marjorie is a puddle of tears in the front row, a miracle all on its own.
Lily’s eyes are shining. The big man beside her has his eyebrows raised, and I get the feeling that’s a big reaction coming from him.
Alessandro keeps dabbing at his eyes with a handkerchief.
O’Neil holds his wife close to his chest, both of them smiling brightly. Their daughter has a soft, dreamy look on her face.
Jack bites his lip to keep it from wobbling as tears leak from his eyes, while Liam just outright sobs on Jack’s shoulder, making me smile.
But my eyes keep coming back to Kerry, right where they’re meant to be.
We sing another song, have another prayer, and then go through the steps of communion. I’m mindful of my motions, but less anxious than I was before. The magnitude of emotion I’m seeing reflected back at me in Kerry’s eyes has washed away all of those feelings, if just for a brief moment in time.
Finally, the vows come. I admit, I wish we could’ve done personal ones, but they aren’t really a thing in this type of wedding.
I try to say them with my whole heart nonetheless.
The way that Kerry says them sticks with me; how his voice is deep but wobbles, how his eyes glisten, how his tone gets tense as he says the vows like a declaration instead of casual speech.
I wish I could live in this moment forever.
It feels…so peaceful. So grand, but not in a materialistic way.
My emotions are swirling in my chest in a way unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.
He’s captured my heart, and I know he’ll never return it.
It’s not in his nature. Not that I’d ever want him to; I know he’ll take good care of it.
Finally, after so many prayers, songs, and communion, Father O’Donnell addresses the audience. “Mr. and Mrs. Kerry Michael Alasdair!”
Kerry turns to the elderly man, and the priest smiles and nods. It’s finally time.
Kerry doesn’t hesitate. He pulls me in by the hand, leaning down and sealing his lips on mine.
Something about this kiss feels different.
A claim, a promise for the future and his devotion to me.
His tongue runs along my bottom lip, as if teasing me with what will come later.
A soft groan leaves his mouth as if he’s tasting the finest of delicacies, and I inhale sharply, body flushing with heat as I realize the extent of his desire.
He’s dreamt of this for years. He’s put in so much time and effort to get here, to be mine. He’s fought for me, for us, and now it’s finally paying off.
His eyes swirl with desire as I pull away from him, not wanting the kiss to get too heated in front of everyone, especially an elderly priest, in a church.
I doubt Kerry cares, but I do. Thankfully, he seems to recognize this, chuckling as if my thoughtfulness for others amuses him, even on our wedding day.
Yeah, well, that’s something he’s going to have to learn to deal with, because it’s not going away anytime soon. There’s people-pleasing, and then there’s just being a good person.
Kerry looks like he’s been given the heavens when he looks at me. I have no idea how one person could make me feel so special, so treasured. A giddy feeling bubbles in my chest. As we descend the stairs, I can’t help but squeeze my hands into tight fists, shaking them as I stim with joy.
I wince as the guests stand and clap loudly. Kerry takes my hand as we walk down the aisle of the church, and I put on my best smile as we leave, nodding to the guests and saying polite hellos as we pass.
Kerry’s hand squeezes mine, bringing me back down to earth. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding as we get into the car.