Chapter 23 That Punch You In The Face, Makes You Stupid Kind Of Love
THAT PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE, MAKES YOU STUPID KIND OF LOVE
CLAIRE
I walked through the front door, feeling completely refreshed. I wasn’t one to ever indulge in more self care than an occasional manicure, but I wouldn’t act like today wasn’t luxurious.
Declan went out of his way to schedule a massage, facial, and mani-pedi, all on his tab. I didn’t know there was so much tension in my shoulders until Helga worked me like a ball of dough. Now, I was loose, my pores were clear, and I had a gorgeous shade of holiday red on my fingers and toes.
As I walked up the stairs, I was hit with the smell of snickerdoodles and the faint sound of Christmas music.
When I reached the top floor, my jaw was on the floor.
Declan was standing at the island, cutting vegetables as something boiled on the stove.
His usual meticulously styled hair was perfectly messy.
He was wearing a Texas Rangers shirt and joggers with a dish rag tossed over his shoulder.
His forearm veins flexed as he cut the vegetables and I found myself unable to look away.
“You’re back,” he said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“I am,” I said in a daze.
“How was the spa?”
“It was amazing. Thank you.” I offered him a shy smile as I tucked my hair behind my ear, moving further into the space.
“Come, sit.” He gestured toward a barstool as he poured a glass of red wine.
As I slid onto one of the open stools, he placed the drink in front of me and dropped a soft kiss on my cheek before turning back to his vegetables.
I was slightly stunned, words escaping me as I took in the scene. I’d never come home to a man cooking me dinner. I’d never really come home to a man, period.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, not looking up from his work.
“I’m just assessing.” I took a sip of my wine as I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Assessing what?”
“Declan, I have been your assistant for three years. In that time, I have ordered all of your groceries and made all of your meal plans. Now, you show me this side of you?” I gestured toward the kitchen. “Did you like assigning me busy work or were you just lazy?”
He barked out a laugh. “I work too late to cook most days. But cooking is something I enjoy.”
“Did you cook for Emeline?”
I wasn’t sure why I asked the question. We hadn’t talked about Declan’s sudden break-up at all. He took her name off of the plane ticket and never talked about her again. If that was how he treated his women, what did that mean for me?
“No,” he said. He looked up, meeting my eyes. “That’s probably one of the many reasons we broke up.”
“Were there other reasons?” I kept my eyes on the counter so he couldn't tell that I actually cared. Caring felt pathetic.
This wasn’t real. He wasn’t my fiancé. His love life was none of my business.
He sighed, placing down the knife. “Yeah, Bear. There were a lot of reasons.”
I nodded and sipped my wine. He clearly didn’t want to go further into detail and I had to accept that.
Declan finished chopping the vegetables before adding them to a frying pan. Watching a hot man cook could seriously be a form of porn for women. I was enamored, fully lost in his movements.
By the time he plated the food, I was drooling for more than just dinner.
He placed two plates down on the dining table before grabbing the bottle of wine and pulling my chair out. I followed him, sinking into the chair he was standing behind as he took the one next to me.
Declan made pan seared filet over mashed potatoes and charred broccolini. I cut into the buttery soft steak and watched Declan’s eyes track my fork as I put it in my mouth. I made a show of closing my lips around the metal prongs and humming as the flavors exploded on my tongue.
“Oh my god,” I said, completely forgetting I was in the middle of an act of seduction. “You can cook?”
Declan snorted. “Don’t act so surprised.”
“I’m never ordering your food ever again,” I said with my mouth completely full.
I don’t think I even breathed, I ate my meal so fast. It was fantastic and the last thing I expected from him.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” he laughed.
“Uh huh,” I mumbled.
By the time we finished, I was stuffed and ready to collapse onto the couch. Declan took my plate to the sink and nodded toward the living room.
“Go lay down, little monster.”
I stood, grabbing my wine glass. “It’s not my fault you stuffed me full of meat and made my brain melt.”
He snorted. “You’re something else.”
“I know,” I said before flopping onto the couch.
I was propped against the armrest of the couch with my knees bent in front of me as I sipped my wine.
I was grateful to past me for wearing leggings and only an oversized crewneck to the spa because right now I was so comfy that you couldn’t pay me to go change.
Declan grabbed another bottle of wine before joining me. I offered him a sweet smile as he refilled my glass and set the bottle on the coffee table. The low Christmas music was filling the air as the chalet was lit in a soft glow from the fireplace.
It wasn’t intentional, but this was one of the most romantic nights of my life.
Something about that was innately sad to think about.
No one had ever curated a night like this for me until my boss did.
The man who did not actually want to be with me.
I swallowed down those sad feelings and tucked them away.
For now, I was going to just enjoy this. I could be sad when it was over.
He lifted my feet and sat on the couch, placing my feet back on his lap. His thumb brushed my ankle softly as he looked over at me.
“Have you ever been in love?”
I blinked in surprise. “Uh,” I stammered. “That’s a hard question.”
He nodded, continuing his calm touch on my skin.
“I haven’t.” When he lifted his head, his eyes had a sadness to them that was foreign for him.
Gone was the cocky and sure of himself man that I was used to.
This was him being vulnerable—him letting me in.
“You asked me earlier if there were more reasons that Emeline and I broke up. There were a lot, but I think I was blind to most of them.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Women like me for very specific reasons. They like my lifestyle. They like what I can provide to them. But, that leaves little room for me to be myself. I think she was fed up that I never really her see me.”
I hated to admit that I understood what he meant. For three years, I didn’t know his personality. It wasn’t until we got here that he started to open up and show me who he was.
“Why did you let me see you?”
He shrugged, his finger tracing soft circles on my skin. “I felt like I could. I felt like you weren’t going to judge me.”
I laughed. “I’m completely judging you, Boss Man.”
He laughed alongside me. “Seriously, you’re different.”
I could feel the blush creeping up my cheeks. “Tell me about you then.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
He sank back, taking a sip from his glass before settling in.
“I’m sure you have this perception of me, and I don’t want to burst your bubble.”
“I don’t care,” I insisted. “Show me who you are.”
“Well, I grew up outside of Chicago. My parents weren’t wealthy by any means.
My father was a school teacher and my mother owned a small café.
They pinched pennies to send me to private school after I got a partial scholarship for lacrosse.
I worked hard in high school and got involved enough to go to Yale for free.
That was when I met Sarah. She introduced me to a whole new world that I shouldn’t have been part of.
By that point, I was used to wearing a mask and acting like I was as wealthy as my peers. But, it always felt wrong.”
“Did you always work in Austin with Driscoff and Pugh?” I asked.
“No.” He shook his head. “I was hired to work out of Boston. When they needed a new VP in Austin, Paul presented it to me as a stepping stone to Denver. Sarah wanted me in Denver so she encouraged the move, but we fell apart once I was in Texas.”
“Why didn’t you want to marry her?”
It was something I’d wondered about for a while. He and Sarah dated for a long time, it would’ve only made sense for them to take the next step.
Declan looked directly at me. “She was the only person who really knew who I was. She knew I wasn’t rich.
She knew I worked hard for what I had. She’d met my parents and seen my childhood home.
But, she pushed me to keep on my mask. When it came to the ultimatum of proposing or she was going to find someone who would, I broke up with her. ”
I growled into my wine glass. “I already didn’t like her. But that makes me not like her even more.”
Declan laughed. “She makes it sound like we had this great relationship but we didn’t.”
“So when she mentioned your Mom…”
He threw his head back with a smile. “My Mom hated her. And Trisha Alexander doesn’t hate anybody.”
“Do you think she’d like me?”
“I think she’ll love you.”
I picked at a piece of lint on my leggings.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been in love,” I admitted.
“There was a boy in college, Patrick. I loved him with everything that I had, but he never really reciprocated it. I thought that was just how it went. At the time, I didn’t realize it was wrong.
So, no. I don’t think I’ve ever actually been loved. It sounds sad to say out loud.”
The way Declan was looking at me was dangerous. It wasn’t in my head and it wasn’t a fantasy. I wasn’t supposed to ever actually fall for the man, but the more I learned about him, the more likely that was becoming.
“You deserve love, Bear. You deserve the kind of love they write books about.”
An incredulous laugh bubbled out of me. “That love is a fantasy.”
“Maybe,” he said softly. “But maybe it’s not.”
His gaze met mine and something passed between us. A tension that made me feel things I shouldn’t feel.
“That punches you in the face, makes you stupid kind of love doesn’t really exist.”
But if it did, I imagine it felt exactly like this.