Chapter 28
CRASHING OUT ABOUT HOLIDAY CRUSHES
CLAIRE
I was lost in a magical Christmas wonderland.
Like seriously, this looked like the end scene from a holiday Hallmark movie. There were twinkling lights and Christmas trees and garlands everywhere. The entire space smelled like pine needles and freshly baked cookies. If Santa walked in right now, I wouldn’t be shocked.
I changed this trip.
When I first came here, I was afraid. I didn’t like change. I felt like I was being left behind. I didn’t know how to embrace life.
Declan showed me that new isn’t always scary.
Sometimes it’s just what you need.
I pushed into the bathroom to fix my makeup before dinner.
So far, the night had been fun and light.
A few of the wives I’d met over the last few weeks pulled me aside a little earlier.
Despite Sarah being less than welcoming, that was not my experience with the rest of the women on this trip.
Most of the people I’d met had been kind.
No one particularly cared who I was or where I came from; they saw me on Declan’s arm and that was enough.
Being on man’s arm got me respect in a way I wasn’t used to. I was used to having to do everything on my own—emotionally, financially, socially.
Leaning on someone else was kind of… nice.
I pulled the tube of shiny pink gloss out of my gold clutch and swiped some on before heading into one of the stalls. Just as I closed the door, I heard two women enter the bathroom.
“You should have seen the look on her face,” one of the girls said as she snickered. “It was priceless.”
“You’re so lucky you got to see. I thought Sarah was going to confront her at the party tonight and make her cry. I’m mad I missed it,” the second girl whined.
The mention of Sarah had me squinting through the small gap in the stall door. I recognized the two women from the times I’d seen them hanging out with Sarah and Tom. I didn’t think they worked for Driscoff and Pugh, but I couldn’t be positive.
“Just wait until she tells her about the kiss.”
My fingertips started going numb.
Kiss?
“Do you think she’ll make a scene?”
“God I hope so.”
“Sarah said that Declan was practically begging for it. She said that Declan promised he’d dump the poor assistant bitch as soon as he got the promotion.”
I fell back against the toilet. I’d heard enough.
Declan lied to me.
I wasn’t stupid enough to think that Sarah was telling these girls the truth, but would she be so bold as to completely fabricate a kiss?
I wasn’t sure.
Everything around me started to spin. Sarah knew I was Declan’s assistant. Did she know the entire time? Was that why she was so awful to me?
Did Declan actually want her?
All of my past insecurities came rearing back as I attempted to take deep breaths. Air didn’t seem to fill my lungs.
Eventually the girls left the bathroom and I was blanketed in silence.
As I stepped out of the stall, I caught my reflection in the mirror. My eyes fell to the glimmering diamond that was sitting on my collar bone.
I wasn’t this girl. I didn’t fit in with these people. I’d never work so hard to tear a woman down. I thought Declan was so different, but he wasn’t. He assured me that nothing happened. I didn’t trust my gut because I was blinded by him—that couldn’t happen again.
If he lied about this, what else would he lie about?
What else had he lied about?
My breaths were shallow as tears gathered in my eyes. I let it consume me. I let myself be blinded. Even after promising myself that none of this was real, I fell for him. I fell for the lifestyle.
I needed to get out.
I needed to go home.
I couldn't be here anymore.
I squared my shoulders and swallowed down my emotions. I wouldn’t make a scene like those girls wanted. If Declan was their end goal, they could have him. My life wouldn't be defined in value based on who I was dating.
I exited the bathroom and swiftly walked through the ballroom, keeping my eyes down so no one could see the mascara stains. I made it outside without being seen when a large hand wrapped around my elbow.
“Claire? Baby, what’s wrong?” I froze at the sound of his strong voice. “Claire?”
I had no other choice than to face him. I closed my eyes and exhaled into the brisk air before turning to him.
“Did you kiss Sarah?”
He was silent. When I opened my eyes, I saw sadness in his. I nodded as the tears started to fall.
“Claire, I swear she kissed me.”
I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and bit down, welcoming the sting.
“You lied to me.” My voice was quiet and timid, like the girl I was three weeks ago.
“I just didn’t want you to get upset. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”
“You should’ve,” I agreed. “I’m gonna go, Declan.” I gestured toward town.
“I’ll go with you,” he said, stepping toward me.
I shook my head. “No. I need to be alone. Stay and have fun. Can’t get the promotion without showing your face.”
“Claire—”
“No,” I said, sharply. I held up my hands as I descended down the walkway. “I need time, Declan.”
I turned and bolted.
I ran all the way to the chalet and to my room before collapsing on my bed.
Pulling Warner’s contact up, I pressed call.
“Claire?” she said when she answered.
I broke in a sob as I attempted words that came out in an inaudible mumble.
“Slow down, babe. What happened?"
“I need you,” I cried.
“Okay. Come home.”
I stripped my dress off and tossed it on the bed before pulling out my suitcase. I emptied my drawers and squeezed in everything I could. Anything that didn’t fit would be left for Declan to deal with.
He could donate it or burn it for all I cared.
Running away was the coward's way out, I knew that, but I wanted to be home. I needed to be around people who understood me. They might make fun of who I was. They might not know why I am the way I am, but at least they accepted it.
I called the resort taxi number and waited fifteen minutes for a car to appear on the little road in front of our chalet. A driver helped me load my bags as I took one last look at my little alpine home.
I would forever be changed by this place. I wasn’t going to let small people judge me and make me feel as small as they were. I wasn’t going to let them make me doubt who I was or what I was worth.
I had the best holiday romance in this little house.
One I’d remember for as long as I needed to.
With one last deep breath, I opened the rear passenger door and slid into the car. Christmas music filtered through the radio as we took off toward town. The entire ride to the train station, I let the tears fall. I let myself mourn what I thought Declan and I had the potential to become.
The best lesson I’d learned from Warner was that it was okay to let yourself feel. It was okay to get wrapped up in emotion and give into it. It was okay to cry. You give yourself an allotted amount of time to feel it all, and then you move on.
When I stepped out of this car, I’d be leaving this all behind me.