CHAPTER NINE
After leaving Primrose at the café, I called in to see Dad and Gran, and we had a mini tea party, the three of us.
Gran presented me with some beautiful silver earrings with a little droplet of amber hanging from each one, and Dad – ever the practical one – had bought me a gleaming red kettle because last time he’d come over to the flat, I’d told him the one I had was on its last legs.
It was so lovely, catching up around the kitchen table. Gran had baked her mouth-watering honey cake specially for my birthday and Dad was very happy to dive in at last.
The cake was basically ten layers – yes, ten!
– of soft, caramelised honey cake, sandwiched together with a delicious burnt honey cream, and it was something I looked forward to every year.
It was a link to our Eastern European heritage, the traditional birthday cake Gran had grown up enjoying ever since she was a little girl.
Conscious that I was being treated to another birthday tea at the café later, I nibbled on a small slice of the honey cake, and Gran wrapped up some for me to take away. (I made sure to leave a good chunk of it for Dad!)
Gran had managed to get tickets for the ballet and I could tell from the way her eyes danced when she told me, that she was really looking forward to our evening out together.
I decided right then that we should do things like this together more often.
I was so glad she’d suggested it. It was always a magical night, getting dressed up and going to the ballet – and going with my gran made it even more special.
Seeing them both had given me a real lift. I hardly gave Caleb a thought as we sat round that kitchen table, laughing and teasing each other in the old familiar way, and catching up on all the gossip.
We arranged for Dad to drive us to the theatre in Guildford and then collect us later. And I was feeling really happy as I waved them goodbye – calling that I’d see them both later – and then drove off to be the guest of honour at Ellie’s tea party!
She’d closed the café half an hour early, so it was just after four-thirty when I walked through the door to lots of chatter and laughter, and – when they all turned and saw me – a chorus of whoops and cheers and ‘Happy Birthday!’
Ellie came over and pushed a glass of fizz into my hand and made a toast, and then Maddy said, ‘Thank goodness you’re here at last. Let’s get this birthday tea underway. I’m absolutely starving.’
I felt quite emotional being surrounded by my best friends, who’d all shown up to help me celebrate my special day.
Of course I saw Maddy, Fen, Jaz and Ellie regularly because we worked together.
But it was great to see Kenzie, Clara and Lottie, all past employees at the café, and Annalise, who ran the Sunnybrook Pudding Club.
Anita and some of the others who worked at Ellie’s baking school next door were there, too, and I found myself feeling quite emotional at the turn-out.
The love I was feeling from them almost made up for not seeing Caleb.
Almost.
I was trying not to think about him . . . using will power (not altogether successfully) to ignore my phone. One moment I’d be determined to leave it in my bag and forget about it – then next moment, I’d be pulling it out to check it yet again. It was all quite draining.
‘I thought Caleb might be with you,’ said Ellie, who was ushering everyone over to the amazing tea party spread that had been laid out on pushed-together tables by the window.
‘Caleb?’ My eyebrows shot up. ‘Caleb’s coming?’ I glanced out of the window hopefully.
Maybe that had been his plan all along! He’d been invited in secret and he was going to show up and surprise me . . .
Ellie’s smile faded. ‘Oh. No. Sorry. I just meant if you two were spending the day together, maybe he’d have come along?’
‘Right.’ Hope tumbled to the ground. ‘No. He’s . . . well, he’s super-busy at work just now.’
‘Oh. So you’re not seeing him at all today?’ asked Maddy, subtle as ever.
I swallowed. They were all looking at me with a sad expression, as if I couldn’t possibly be happy unless my boyfriend had devoted himself to making my day special. Which of course was absolutely ridiculous!
I forced a laugh. ‘It’s fine. Seriously. I mean, a birthday is just a day like any other day, really.’
Their doubtful faces were saying, Really?
So I rushed on, ‘Actually, we’re doing something at the weekend instead.’
‘Ooh, what?’ asked Ellie.
‘Erm . . . I’m not sure, actually. Caleb wants it to be a surprise.’
‘Nice.’ Jaz stuck up her thumb up in approval. ‘I like his style.’
‘How romantic,’ breathed Fen.
‘I really like Caleb,’ said Ellie. ‘You two are made for each other.’
‘Maybe he’s booked a gorgeous hotel for the night and you’ll dine by candlelight.’ Fen smiled and looked a little starry-eyed. ‘Rob did that once for my birthday and it was utterly swoony!’
My cheeks were aching now with smiling. I gave a little shrug.
‘Well, you never know. Anyway, I’m more interested in this fabulous tea party just now.
’ I sat down at the head of the table and pulled my chair in decisively, my eyes sweeping over the array of cakes that were laid out.
‘So . . . I need to know who made all these fabulous creations!’
My insides were rolling around nervously, but I was obviously better at lying than I thought because I’d apparently fooled everyone about my forthcoming ‘romantic weekend with Caleb’. Which wasn’t even a thing . . .
And at least I’d managed to change the subject!
Ellie was refilling our glasses and saying, ‘Okay, so as you all know we’re organising a Christmas market for charity. And Lottie here will be taking a stall and offering a selection of alternative Christmas cakes, which she’s brought along for you all to taste-test today.’
There were lots of ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’ which made Ellie chuckle.
‘I thought you’d be pleased. And there’s more, girls.
Annalise has brought along some of the puddings she’s thinking of selling at her stall.
So I think we’re in for quite a feast!’ She sat down and raised her glass to Lottie and Annalise and then to me, the birthday girl, and we all joined in the toast.
Lottie had made an amazing clementine and redcurrant almond cake, which got a hearty thumbs-up from everyone, as did her deliciously melt-in-the-mouth chocolate orange cake.
She’d also made an incredible traybake in the shape of a Christmas tree, flavoured with white chocolate, cherries and mixed spice.
‘I’m definitely buying some of these,’ murmured Jaz, as she sampled one of Lottie’s mini mincemeat cakes. ‘They’re like mince pies, which I adore, but in cake form. Perfect combination.’
Annalise, our pudding queen, had also come up trumps.
She’d brought along a spiced ginger pudding with toffee sauce and a delicious Christmas crumble, which she served with double cream, filled with apples, cranberries and festive spices.
But the one that caused the most interest was her microwave Christmas-pudding-in-a-mug. ‘Just five minutes and you’ve got a Christmas pudding for one,’ she explained. ‘Perfect for if your other half doesn’t like the traditional pudding but you love it.’
I was still smiling gamely as I tried a spoonful along with everyone else. But that comment made my good cheer slip a little.
Also perfect for if you don’t actually have another half to spend Christmas with!
But now I was being paranoid.
Of course I’d be spending the festive season with Caleb. He’d put the Jingle Bell Forest in his diary, hadn’t he?
*****
The ballet was gorgeous, and I was so glad I’d said yes to Gran’s suggestion.
It was a performance of The Nutcracker, so wonderfully Christmassy, and knowing we were being collected at the door of the theatre by Dad later, I even managed to tempt Gran with a glass of sherry in the interval.
But as we stood and sipped our drinks in the cosy bar, surrounded by the throng of theatre-goers all dressed in their festive finery, she brought up a subject which so far I’d managed to steer her away from.
‘And how is the romance going?’ she asked, and I was aware of her shrewd, nut-brown eyes studying me.
‘Um . . . fine. Yes. All good,’ I said cheerily.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes!’
‘But are you telling me the absolute truth? Because I know you, Katja. I can tell when something is not quite right.’
I felt my will power leaking away . . . my shoulders sinking.
‘I think I might have ruined things with Caleb,’ I said at last.
‘Ruined things? But how?’
‘Well, I was really hurt after Richard . . . you know? And I told Caleb I thought we should take things slowly . . . not rush into anything too soon. And, well, he’s been quite distracted and distant with me lately, so I think he might have taken what I said on board and decided I’m not the one for him, after all.
’ I sighed. ‘I might be wrong. But I just get the feeling that something has changed.’
‘Have you told him how you feel about him?’
‘Yes, of course.’ I swallowed. ‘Well, maybe I’ve been holding back my affection a little.’
‘But why? You should be honest with him, my darling.’
‘But I’m scared to show him how much I care.’ I gave a hopeless shrug, feeling suddenly quite tearful. ‘What if get rejected all over again?’
She smiled. ‘Ah, yes. Rejection. Disappointment. We’ve all been there. But you must realise that love is worth taking a risk for.’
I gave her a doubtful look.
‘So what if you get rejected? That’s just life and you move on.
But the saddest thing is to have regrets.
What if you never let Caleb know how much you feel for him?
He does not know this because sadly, he does not have a crystal ball.
’ Her eyes sparkled wickedly, and I couldn’t help smiling.
‘So he decides you do not love him enough and he leaves to search for his one great love elsewhere.’
I chuckled. ‘Well, when you put it like that, Gran . . .’
‘There are not too many advantages to getting older. But one is that you have lived a long life with many experiences of the human heart. And time is too short to be afraid and hold back if you are truly in love.’ There was a sadness in her eyes as she gazed at me.
‘Do you miss him still?’ I asked, thinking of my grandfather who she lost many years ago.
She smiled. Then she nodded, her eyes shining with tears. ‘Always.’
‘Oh, Gran.’ I wanted to hug her but our drinks were in the way. So I leaned in and kissed her cheek.
‘He wasn’t my first love, you know.’ She gave me an odd look and I eyed her, surprised.
‘Tell me, tell me.’
‘Well, first there was Nikolay.’
‘Nikolay?’
‘Yes.’ She sighed. ‘I thought Nikolay was the most handsome boy I’d ever seen and I decided early on that we would get married and live happily ever after.’ She smiled fondly at the memory.
‘Oh, wow. Obviously, this was before you met Grigori. My grandad.’
‘Some time before, yes. I was eight and Nikolay was nine.’
I chuckled. ‘Oh, right.’
‘We travelled on the bus to school together and I would sit behind him, and sometimes he would turn around and talk to me. He had the most wonderful curly black hair and I thought he was heavenly. Another girl liked him and she was always coming to sit beside him. She would laugh and flirt with Nikolay and he seemed to like it. She was pretty with light hair, although her laugh was enough to make all the dogs in the neighbourhood start to howl!’
I laughed. ‘She sounds awful.’
‘No, she was all right.’
‘I was just being supportive.’
Gran smiled. ‘So anyway, although I was desperate to be Nikolay’s special girlfriend, I knew I had no chance with Miss Blondie around. But then one day, she wasn’t on the bus, so I decided to make hay while the sunshine is out! What is that expression?’
‘Make hay while the sun shines. Ooh, good. So what happened?’
‘I was very nervous. But I tapped Nikolay on the shoulder and asked him if I could sit next to him. He smiled at me with those lovely dark eyes twinkling and said yes, of course. So I did and we talked and later, I asked him if he would like to come for tea at my house one time. And guess what? He said yes!’
‘Hey, good for you!’
‘I wear my heart on my coat sleeve. Is always best to be clear about your feelings, Katja. Because you never know what the other person might be feeling.’
I grinned. ‘So . . . you and Nikolay, eh?’
‘Me and Nikolay. We sat together on the bus every day after that. He kept the seat specially for me.’
‘That’s so romantic, Gran. How long were you his “special girlfriend”?’
She laughed, her eyes twinkling. ‘Oh, just for a week. He moved with his parents and I never saw him again.’
‘Oh, no! That’s awful.’
‘It was fine. I was sad for a while. But it taught me a lesson. Imagine if I had failed to let Nikolay know that I really liked him. I would have missed out on the best week of my life!’
I smiled at her. ‘What a brilliant story.’
‘You should tell Caleb how much you care for him. Do not end up missing out on the best time of your life!’
*****
Arriving home from the ballet, I was almost too tired to clean my teeth.
My smile in the mirror as I brushed was wistful. I’d spent such a wonderful evening with Gran. It had been a happy, pampering sort of a day, and I felt blessed to have such lovely people in my life who cared enough to make a fuss of me on my birthday.
But I still hadn’t heard a thing from Caleb.
Not even a text.
I’d just got into bed and switched off the light – it was almost midnight – when I heard a car draw up and park outside.
Instantly, my mind went to Caleb.
But I dismissed this as wishful thinking. There was no way he would pitch up at this time of night. And anyway, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to see him now. Not after he’d failed to acknowledge my birthday!
Then my mobile rang and I saw his name on the screen, and – in spite of everything – my heart leaped with joy . . .